November 23, 2014

Obama will walk your dog.

Even if you don't have a dog.

He will walk your metaphorical dog. He'll do whatever it is you need done.

"I told John Boehner, you know, I'll wash your car. I'll walk your dog, whatever you need to do."

Feel free to make that the first line of a comic monologue, Obama's Offer.

66 comments:

furious_a said...

We certaily know President Grubered would *eat* your dog.

Birches said...

I'm surprised you didn't blog about this SNL skit from last night. (link corrected)

It's gold, Jerry!

pm317 said...

Obama will want to eat your waffle!

madAsHell said...

He's lying.
He's the abusive boyfriend.

Hagar said...

Once again, there is no Executive Order, there is not going to be one, and no illegal alien with any sense is going to come in and register him/herself based on that speech.

So there is very little to protest and certainly nothing to "overturn."

rhhardin said...

Start with cat's cradle and go on to walking the dog youtube

Ann Althouse said...

"I'm surprised you didn't blog about this SNL skit from last night."

I thought the one labeled "Bill" would eventually turn out to be Bill Cosby.

RAH said...

Typical Obama . He will make and offer that is a lie. He will try to con you to get what he wants. But he does not even research his mark.

Ann Althouse said...

Rufus Thomas, "Walking the Dog."

By The Rolling Stones here.

Paul said...

All I hear from Obama is just another Grupber.

He has lied so many times before in public, told everyone he was a 'community organizer', a 'healer', a 'uniter' but his actions have never ever coincided with his words.

And then there are his blatant lies he has said to the nation time and time again. Just strait out falsehoods.

So it's just another LIE. Another Gruber to add to his long list of Grubers.

He can say he will work with Congress, but his actions have shown for SIX YEARS he won't.

BDNYC said...

Another empty promise?

Michael K said...

The Hispanics who can read English have just about figured out that the "amnesty" is another "If you like your doctor..."

The Republicans have an almost clean slate and can write something that actually works. Will they ?

Laslo Spatula said...

"I told John Boehner, you know, I'll wash your car. I'll walk your dog, whatever you need to do."

"Mr. President, I appreciate the offer, but it is the American People that need help, not me."

"John, that is what is so typical of you Republicans: If I made An Executive Action that gave free dog walks and car washes to all of the American people you would publicly slam me for being careless with the Government's money."

"With all due respect, Sir, it is not the Government's money, it comes from the People."

"You really believe that, John?

(mutual laughter)

"Of course not, Mr. President, us Republicans can have a sense of humor too, you know."

"See, look at us: we are making Progress."

"Ebony and Ivory, Sir."

"Oh yeah -- Stevie Wonder did that."

"And Paul McCartney, sir."

"Sure, sure: when a black man achieves something you have to bring up a white man to take it away."

"Mr. President, that is not what I meant. I meant that if we work together --"

"I'm the blind guy in this now, right?"

"Sir, how about we pretend that you are Stevie Wonder, but a Stevie Wonder that can see..."

"Look John, if I could make Stevie Wonder see by Executive Order don't you think I would've done it by now?"

"That is something all of America can agree on, sir."

"Truth be told, John, I'm kind of a Lionel Richie man, myself."

"Really? I thought you preferred Al Green."

"That's just for the ladies, John. In private I'm a 'Dancin' on the Ceiling' guy."

"Lionel Richie: wasn't he originally in 'Earth, Wind & Fire'?

"John: Lionel Richie was originally in 'The Commodores', not 'Earth, Wind & Fire'. Do all black music groups look alike to you?"

"Sir, I thinking we are getting away from the point..."

"Okay, okay. So what do I have to do to work with you: spring for some pork for your constituents? Show you that secret George Clooney sex-tape video?"

"George Clooney sex-tape video, Mr. President?"

"I knew that would catch your ear, John. All you Republicans talk about homosexuality being a sin, but -- when it comes down to it -- you'd all watch a film of George Clooney getting banged in the ass by Samuel L. Jackson. In a heartbeat."

"Sir I don't believe that is fair..."

"Who's talking about fair? You should see what Samuel L. Jackson does to George Clooney: he breaks him, man, he BREAKS him. Is that fair?

"Well... What people do in the privacy of their own homes--"

"It was filmed at a public bathroom in a park in Los Angeles. Rumor is George Michael was the one who filmed it. Real Hollywood decadent stuff."

"Sir. don't you have a problem from some of these decadent people donating money to you?"

"A problem at where the money comes from? I don't understand the question..."

(mutual laughter)

"Sir, how about we think small, and then go from there.."

"Something for The Children, John?

"That's as good a place to start as any, Mr. President..."

I am Laslo.

chickelit said...

Ann Althouse said...
Rufus Thomas, "Walking the Dog."

By The Rolling Stones here.


Lots of dog whistles in both versions.

Did you notice that the Stones changed the lyrics, doffing the reference to July 4th?

MrCharlie2 said...

Figures that Boehner does not have a dog

Scott said...

Obama is being glib in the way we all expect progressives to be glib. It's a calculated insincerity intended to shut down serious probing into what concessions he would be willing to make -- because, of course, he isn't willing to make any.

Bob Boyd said...

Urban Dictionary

Walking the Dog
2. v. To fuck your friend or coworkers wife on the down low while he sits at his desk doing your work for you

buwaya puti said...

What's going to happen is that the relevant agencies will now issue new regs, particularly about issue of work permits. That all is already probably in the pipeline. There will then be a big push among Latino political organizations to recruit applicants for the work permits. They will probably get funding for this effort. This will be VERY popular and will cement their position in that community.
They intend to be the essential gatekeepers for this benefit.
Latino political organization has been very loose and spotty till now as relatively speaking they have had little to offer. Unlike African-Americans there is no unifying anti-white resentment among Latinos, they are far more pragmatic. That is one thing this measure is intended to change, that's why there is so much eagerness among those people, which you all should have picked up on if you had been listening. Its their ride on a gravy train, and they hope, a permanent foundation for political power.

pm317 said...

"Obama will walk your dog."

For a split second, I read that as 'Obama will eat your dog.'

Popville said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Popville said...

(2nd try - helps to have link href'd)

Re: Rufus Thomas singing his Walking the Dog. Surprised you didn't link to this superior 60s teen TV dance show video.

David said...

Take him up on the car wash, Boerner.

chillblaine said...

But will he eat a bug?

John Burgess said...

"I'll wash your car. I'll walk your dog. But follow your Constitution, I won't do that."

Sebastian said...

"I'll even smoke a cigarette with you."

Of course, Barry is so phony, he can't even fake sincerity.

David said...

Prez:"Boehner, you know, I'll wash your car. I'll walk your dog, whatever you need to do."

Speaker: "(Whispering) Mr. President, I don't have a dog."

Prez: "You don't have a dong?"

Speaker: "Dog."

Prez: "Oh. So what about the car?"

Speaker: "They give me a limo, just like you."

Prez: "Surely you have a car."

Speaker: "I do. But it's home in Ohio. A nice American car."

Prez: "I could go to Ohio and wash the car."

Speaker: "That trip would cost the taxpayers $1.5 million dollars, Mr. President."

Prez: "So?"

Speaker: "I don't think we should spend $1.5 million of taxpayer money to wash my car."

Prez: "It won't have any impact on taxes. We just borrow it anyway."

Speaker: "Part of my point, Mr. President."

Prez: "You aren't working with me, are you Mr. Speaker."

Speaker: "How about I wash your car."

Prez: "You know I don't have a car. Not even in Illinois."

Speaker: "With respect, you are out of touch with the American people."

Prez: "With respect, your skin is all yellow from the cigarettes and your golf and your bottle tan."

Speaker: "Let's leave skin color out of this."

Prez: "Sorry. I don't know what got into me. We need to get along."

Speaker: "How about a cigarette, Mr. President."

Prez: "Usually I roll my own."

Speaker: "I buy them in little boxes. Twenty smokes to a box."

Prez: "I know, Speaker. Don't lecture me."

Speaker: "The price is mostly taxes."

Prez: "Just like oil."

Speaker: "Here. Light up."

Prez: "Ahhhhhh."

Speaker: "Where were we?"

Prez: "Ahhhhhhhh."

David said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
robinintn said...

More than likely this is two lies for the price of one: 1. "I told John Boehner...". 2. "I'll walk your dog...". I suppose it could depend on what he thinks the meaning of "told" is, but making a speech about what you told someone is not actually the same as telling someone. Even if you make the same speech repeatedly.

kcom said...

Q: What did Obama offer to Harry Reid when Reid wouldn't let numerous House-passed bills come up for a vote?

A: Congratulations.

Jason said...



YOU CAN ACT LIKE A MAN!!!!

Larry J said...

He can resign.

Skeptical Voter said...

There are those who might suggest that Obama take a long walk off a short pier.

OTOH Obama has assured us that he can walk on water, so I doubt that would solve our problem. He'd simply turn around and head for shore and we'd all scream, "He's baaaaccckkkk!"

Only time will cure the tsuris that afflicts us while The Lightworker is in charge.

bgates said...

I told John Boehner, you know, I'll wash your car. I'll walk your dog

or anyway I'll get a Mexican to do it, because if there are two things Hispanics like doing as much as mowing laws and cleaning bedpans....

Achilles said...

Does Obama have the proper license to walk someone else's dog? Does he have a building with the proper zoning and business licenses to wash a car? What about the federal landscaper/housekeeper union? He is stealing their jobs!

Scott said...

Obama: "I told John Boehner, you know, I'll wash your car. I'll walk your dog, whatever you need to do."

Boehner: "Suck on this, Barry."

(Don't we wish.)

paminwi said...

Buwaya puti: yes, this order was put in a while ago (October 3rd)

https://www.fbo.gov/index?s=opportunity&mode=form&tab=core&id=20bc202b0a49bbe9f2a705782dba0090&_cview=0



Freeman Hunt said...

I bet he wouldn't really walk Boehner's dog.

(Shouldn't Google spell check know Boehner's name by now?)

jr565 said...

Obama will walk your dog even if its not his job to walk your dog. Even if you don't want him to. He'll break into your house and walk your damn dog.

Hagar said...

Watched the noon re-run of Fox News Sunday again.
#1. Chris Wallace hammering Ted Cruz about the terrible consequences for the Republicans the last time they "shut down the government."
Cruz' responses very weak, even discounting for their bad connection, but for myself:
Huh? What consequences? There was a large hubbub in the MSM echo chamber, but otherwise?
That Jeanne Shaheen won her race against Scotty Brown carpetbagging from Massachusetts?

#2. Rep. Becerra gives a bad impression, and while it is true that the president has some leeway in choosing how to execute the laws, he must execute them. He can't just jump the fence and strike out on his own.

#3. Wallace mentioned to Texas' AG Abbott that he has filed more than 30 lawsuits against the president, and Abbott shot back, yeah, and he had won more than half of those suits.
I did not know that, and I bet neither did you. Why is that?
Abbott made a very good impression by the way.

#4. Ron Founier makes the most devastating comments about this administration of anyone on the FNC panel, and Fournier is a Democrat.

garage mahal said...

Obama should have offered Boehner a bottle of gin, a pack of smokes, and some tissues.

AJ Lynch said...

You don't want a man who has never had a real job to walk your dog or wash your car.

jacksonjay said...

YOU CAN ACT LIKE A MAN!!!!

I beg to differ. Swaggy is a petulant child.

I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't!

Now I can, just because! You can't stop me!

Fritz said...

But will he spank your monkey?

toby said...

I see many similarities between Meade and Barry

Tom Gallagher said...

You can tell from the pics that the dog leads him; not the other way around. On the other hand, it might look good on his resume to have some real life skills.

chickelit said...

toby wrote...I see many similarities between Meade and Barry

Willing to walk others' dogs?
Married up?
Beleaguered?
Turns leaves?
BMI-challenged?

n.n said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
n.n said...

Obama will fleece your capital.

Obama will watch the video.

Obama will wag the dog.

Obama will walk your children...

Original Mike said...

"The president has been using the same joke-plea for compromise for years."

What an ass. And yet, people will tell you that Obama is likable.

Achilles said...

"If you like your dog walker, you can keep your dog walker."

Some Child

avwh said...

Yeah, NOW he makes that joking offer. AFTER he does the scorched earth bit of an EO on immigration, KNOWING full well it poisons the well with the Republican House.

I wouldn't trust him with my dog. Period.

Carter Wood said...

He don't know how to do it, but he'll show you how to walk the dog.

LarsPorsena said...

Walk the dog? Isn't that a yoyo trick?

Clyde said...

It's gone this far and nobody has grabbed the low-hanging fruit of "he'll wok your dog"? Or did I just miss it?

HoodlumDoodlum said...

Boehner knows the territory, he's been around
It'll all turn to dust and the Constitution'll fall down
Sooner or later the Court'll be screwin' around

khesanh0802 said...

@ Birches Enjoyed the SNL skit. Thanks.

Achilles said...

And look at that weekend document dump!

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/11/23/world/middleeast/thousands-of-iraq-chemical-weapons-destroyed-in-open-air-watchdog-says-.html?mabReward=RI%3A7&action=click&contentCollection=Energy%20%26%20Environment%20&region=Footer&module=Recommendation&src=recg&pgtype=article

The prog lies keep on dying one by one.

Howard said...

Achilles:

Thee were old, mothballed weapons. There was no active Iraqi NBC program, that's why W, Dick and Mr Unknown Unknowns didn't make a big deal of this junk when they found it. They did unnecessarily expose our troops and Iraqis to these toxins when they destroyed them by Open-Air detonation.

It's douche-bags all the way down.

Howard said...

Of course, we all know "I'll walk your dog" is code for "I'm banging your wife".

Gotta Luv Ozero. Even in defeat, he manages to punk the repub leadership and make them flinch.

richard mcenroe said...

Boehner has been flinching since Newt Gingrich was Speaker...

furious_a said...

There was a large hubbub in the MSM echo chamber, but otherwise?

Republicans polled so badly over the shutdown that they held their House majority in '12 and added to that majority just now and re-took the Senate besides..is "consequences".

Whirred Whacks said...

Speaking ROFL, this weekend's 3-minute cold opening of Saturday Night Live featuring the childhood favorite "Schoolhouse Rock" did that for me!

Joe Schmoe said...

Obama is so insincere about stuff like this that there isn't much comedy to mine.

He's like one of those friends who's willing to do anything to help you out, but when you try to pin them down to actually, you know, help, then he's all like "Well, I'm busy that day" and "I got something else going on" another day, and so on. His initial offer sounds good and makes him feel better, but when push comes to shove he has absolutely no intention of helping.

Brando said...

"#1. Chris Wallace hammering Ted Cruz about the terrible consequences for the Republicans the last time they "shut down the government."
Cruz' responses very weak, even discounting for their bad connection, but for myself:
Huh? What consequences? There was a large hubbub in the MSM echo chamber, but otherwise?
That Jeanne Shaheen won her race against Scotty Brown carpetbagging from Massachusetts?"

This argument has been tossed around a lot lately--that the GOP didn't have significant negative consequences when they shut down the government in 2013 or 1996, so of course they should go ahead and do it again. There's a few problems with that thinking:

1) What did either shutdown actually accomplish for the GOP? Did Clinton or Obama cave on anything? Did the shutdown actually help them win any subsequent elections?

2) If the answer is "no, they didn't accomplish anything but only because the GOP stopped the shutdown before it could pay dividends" then perhaps the fact that the shutdown was stopped before it began to really affect people also explains why the GOP wasn't "punished" for the shutdowns.

3) If the shutdown is no big deal because all it means are little things like national parks being closed and government workers staying home, then why would it be expected to accomplish anything?

4) I don't think I'd agree that there was "no consequence" for the GOP shutting down the government--true, they only lost a few seats in '96 in the House (and gained two in the Senate) but Clinton was able to tie Dole to the shutdown and while that wasn't the key reason Clinton got reelected, it didn't help Dole. And the more recent shutdown meant missing three extra weeks of news about Obamacare incompetence. If that could have calcified public opinion a little more against Obamacare, there's a better chance of overturning it eventually.

Not that a shutdown CAN'T be a good move for the GOP--when there's a genuine dispute over funding a shutdown may be a better strategy than a CR. But the GOP is at a natural disadvantage, as they will more often be blamed for it and most of the public doesn't like shutdowns.

dbp said...

I will give you fish, offered Mr. Obama

I will give you candy...

I will give you--

Everything I have in my hand!

Unknown said...

urban dictionary: "walk the dog" masturbate