October 26, 2014

ESPN's sports-writing metaphor makes it impossible to understand the incident it is writing about.

"MSU irked by Wolverines' slight... extinguish the flames... dumping gasoline... on the ropes... parting shot... Throwing the stake down in our backyard... Michigan players planted a stake on the Spartan Stadium turf... 'It just felt like we needed to put a stake in them at that point'... defeating Michigan State was like beating his 'little brother'... 'The little brother stuff, all the disrespect...'... 'Throwing the stake down in our backyard out here and coming out there like they're all that. That got shoved up... It got shoved in the last minute and a half'... Michigan coach Brady Hoke said he was aware that something might have happened with his players before the game... Cook said seeing Michigan players plant a 'dagger' on the field fueled him early in the game...."

What the hell happened? Was an actual stake or dagger involved at some point? "Put a stake in them" seems to refer to the method of killing a vampire, but "throwing the stake down" sounds like a failed attempt to say "throwing down the gauntlet." As for "planting a 'dagger,'" I googled "how to kill a vampire" to see if a dagger was an alternative approach — as if that would help me understand the article — and I was amused — as I tried to understand the sports talk in terms of vampires — an effort to explain vampire-slaying in terms of sports:
If you think of monsters in terms of sports, vampires are those great offensive players who can always score, but are pretty crappy defenders. Sure, their speed and strength give them a big advantage, but the truth about vampires is they are too used to overpowering their opponent with their offensive capabilities that very few have spent much time learning to defend themselves.

Knowing this, the key to killing a vampire using a wooden stake is to strike first. Yes, that means playing offense against the offensive powerhouse, but in this game of life and death, you only need to score once.

Okay, enough with the sports analogy....
Yeah, stick a fork or knife in that analogy, it's done.

ADDED: This article makes it clear:
Right before the opening kickoff, U-M junior linebacker Joe Bolden stabbed a tent spike into the field of Spartan Stadium. U-M head coach Brady Hoke issued a statement on the incident on Sunday, stating the stake was used during a Friday night meeting as a motivational tool and a team leader elected to bring it on the field.

The stake ultimately turned into a motivational tool for MSU, instead of U-M.

“Everyone saw when they ran out and stuck the dagger on our grass and disrespected us right out of the gate,” junior quarterback Connor Cook said. “We weren’t having that.”

MSU certainly was fired up immediately after the incident, driving down the field on the opening possession to take a lead they would never surrender.

42 comments:

rhhardin said...

Stephen Potter recommends keeping the visiting team's locker room in filthy condition with a sign "Please leave this locker room as you would like to find it."

MikeR said...

Of course using a dagger works. That is how it was done to the original Bram Stoker's Dracula
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dracula#Plot_summary

Fernandinande said...

What the hell happened?

A buncha guys played a game and someone is trying to make it sound interesting and important.

MadisonMan said...

This phrase should be banned from College Athletes' mouths:

We felt disrepected

So? Are you expecting a team that you're playing to show love? You don't expect some kind of mind gaming? What a bunch of crybabies.

I would love love love for a Sports "Journalist" to ask a player who says "We felt Disrespected" to ask that very obvious followup question: So? Were you expecting anything different?

Left Bank of the Charles said...

There was an actual stake.

Original Mike said...

Who won?

Original Mike said...

Oh, Sparty.

mccullough said...

Wait until Ohio State disrespects them.

Sam L. said...

Some folks just put their mouths on "Automatic" and their brains in "Neutral". Stream of unconsciousness, I calls it.

Sam L. said...

Some folks just put their mouths on "Automatic" and their brains in "Neutral". Stream of unconsciousness, I calls it.

Anonymous said...

Society has disrespected Thunder Monkey.

Carol said...

in journalism school sports writing was held up as the ideal because of all the active verbs and color.

Anonymous said...

Just do not disrespect the cheerleaders. They are vibrant and cheerful and taut, not taunt.

dix said...

MSU has an outside shot of making it to the final four for the national championship if they win all their remaining games. Margin of victory, i.e. running up the score could be a factor. This enables them to run up the score without looking like they did so

Anonymous said...

There should be a cheerleader channel, going from game to game, showing nothing but the cheerleaders.
Cheering cheerleaders, pensive cheerleaders, ponytails, no ponytails, slow motion instant replay. At halftimes they could ask the cheerleaders what they look to do in the second half to help their team.

Phil 314 said...

Michigan, playing as poorly as Wisconsin.

Sad

Original Mike said...

"Michigan, playing as poorly as Wisconsin."

Huh?

MSU 35 Michigan 11
Wisconsin 52 Maryland 7

Original Mike said...

"What unfolded at times Saturday was simply stunning. On a day it was outgained 527 yards to 175 , Maryland had three rushing yards at halftime. It went two hours of real time without a first down, ranging from the middle of the second quarter to its final drive late in the fourth quarter, and allowed the Badgers 7.3 yards per play. It was the third-worst loss for the Terrapins since 2000."

I was at the game. Sure, I wish we had a quarterback that could hit the broad side of a barn, and I wish we had a coach who understood that we don't have a quarterback that can hit the broad side of a barn, but Wisconsin did not play poorly yesterday.

campy said...

All discussion of sports is dumb. This is why the soundtrack to all my TV sports viewing is classical music on my iPod.

madAsHell said...

Why are you blogging about click bait???

MayBee said...

It was a stake, as in "We stake our claim on this territory". But it was Spartan Stadium, so the Spartans used that act to motivate themselves to really put a fork in Michigan.

Wince said...

I say change the name of the Washington Redskins to the "Crazed, Islamic Extremist, Hatchet-Wielding Lone Wolf Domestic Terrorists".

Quaestor said...

A buncha guys played a game and someone is trying to make it sound interesting and important.

And using the terms of a 14 year-old's fantasy life to do it.

Nail. Head. Enough said.

rhhardin said...

The radio turns on at noon, to catch Rush. A Drake R8B, not smart enough to distinguish weekends.

The sports show was inviting people to get a beer and talk sports.

Gak.

Why do sports even exist.

I suspect band enthusiasts created it to get a venue.

rhhardin said...

John Phillip Tuba, probably.

Skeptical Voter said...

So okay Althouse. What was the score?

All of this macho disrespect testosterone fueled stuff runs through brains with I.Q.s ranging from 135--probably the quarterback to 85--the frothing at the mouth substitute linebacker who is vicious, but too dumb to learn the playbook.

At the end of the day, it's all sound and fury signifying nothing.

rhhardin said...

A dog can distinguish various things being unwrapped in the kitchen.

She comes in quietly like a referee when it's something she traditionally gets a sample of.

You turn around and she's there.

rhhardin said...

Dogs participate in sports and yet never experience lines at the ladies' room.

rhhardin said...

Dogs tailgate when they get together.

rhhardin said...

Tailgate was an Air Force carrier pilot scandal.

traditionalguy said...

Michigan is not the big bully team anymore that it once was, and MSU is much better at football.

Sad.

PB said...

MSU? That cow college? At least that's how my mother always joked about it. BTW, she grew up in Michigan, went to U of M, and had many high school friends who went to MSU. They weren't offended as they had plenty of things to say about U of M. Some people need to get a life.

chillblaine said...

"Why do sports even exist."

To give the degenerates something to gamble on.

Quaestor said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

Sportswriters...Fork 'em

Anthony said...

Ah, Sparty whups Michigan. Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of arrogant, overcredentialed mindless twits.

Quaestor said...

Tailgate was an Air Force carrier pilot scandal.

The "scandal" involved Navy personnel, not Air Force. and the Navy term is aviator. In naval parlance a pilot is someone who steers your ship into and out of a tricky harbor.

(edit)

Unknown said...

Not to mention that the naval aviator scandal was tailhook...

Phil 314 said...

I stand corrected, Wisconsin is not as bad as Michigan.

Humperdink said...

Big Ten referees planted a stake in University Park last night.

Big Ten conference referees maintain their status as the worst of any major football conference.

BTW, Ann Arbor is a slut.

Original Mike said...

"I stand corrected, Wisconsin is not as bad as Michigan."

Ouch.

Jane the Actuary said...

Where's the Michigan State tag? Once again, slighting the Spartans.