July 26, 2014

Stop talking about my heart.

Does Buzzfeed have a rule about the frequency of appealing to our heart? I was curious, after writing the last post and highlighting a Buzzfeed post-with-plagiarism called "7 Miracle Babies To Warm Your Heart Today."

Searching the Buzzfeed site for "heartbreaking," I'm guessed there is a rule against more than one usage per day. How many times can reader be expected to jump at the promise of a metaphorical collapse of a most vital organ?

I happened to click on "28 Men With Eating Disorders Confess Their Heartbreaking Secrets" and was pleased to see the author's name was Althouse... Spencer Althouse. Anyway, there was really only one secret: These men were anorexic and male.

Is your heart broken because these males had the additional pain of a problem usually associated with females? Maybe men should feel some special pain when they stoop to using a metaphor associated with females. Eh, Mr. Althouse?

Searching Buzzfeed for "heartwarming," I can see more than one on a single day, e.g., "Get Ready To Wipe Your Tears After You Watch This Heartwarming Short Film." I refused to get ready. Or to watch the short film. Leave my heart alone. And leave my eyes alone.

Can we get a moratorium on heart metaphors? It's not just Buzzfeed. It's everywhere. In a single short article at the NYT this month, I'm seeing: "That scene where the black girls were all talking just like old times in the bunk was heartwarming... 'My Taystee girl, you break my heart'... It’s heartbreaking, but having finally realized that Vee can’t be her mommy, she also looks more sane...." That's not sane.

16 comments:

surfed said...

Heartbreak(ing) is a woman pull. No man is clicking "heartbreak(ing)" to see what's under the page turn.

surfed said...

Addendum - unless of course Stevie Nicks is personally asking me to.

St. George said...

There is no indication in Buzzfeed's online apology that it has fact-checkers.

Once upon a time, fact-checking was a standard practice.

It keeps both editors and writers honest, as fact-checkers report to someone other than the person who made the assignment.

Buzzfeed's owners either don't have the money to pay such people or don't want to. Simpler to fire the frazzled freelancer, weather the mini-PR storm, and publish more junk.

Of the editors whose names appear in the online apology, Hilton and Coppin are about 25 years old; a third is a Harvard grad, also under 30; and the last is an old man of 38 who actually has serious political reporting experience.

The name of the editor-in-chief, interestingly, does not appear in the apology. That speaks for itself.

Anonymous said...

1985. Day 53. Phoebe Cates tells me that she is up for a role in a movie, and that the movie is "heartwarming." She would also have to be topless in it. She is topless when she tells me this. Of course.

Anonymous said...

1985. Day 54. Phoebe Cates is sitting on the couch, topless, reading her script. The script is about a young girl who overcomes all odds to achieve her dreams. Part of her achieving her dreams requires her to be topless: Phoebe is ready.

Anonymous said...

1985. Day 55. Phoebe Cates says she is having difficulty finding the core of her character's heartbreak; as she says this she is topless and is distractedly rubbing her breasts in slow circles. She also ate the last of the breakfast cereal. I'll get a maple donut on the way to work.

Anonymous said...

1985. Day 56. At work people ask me if Phoebe Cates is still in my apartment. I say Yes. They ask if she is still walking around topless. I say Yes. No, you can't come over.

Anonymous said...

1985. Day 57. Phoebe Cates surprises me with a birthday cake when I get home from work. It is not my birthday. She says her character bakes cakes, and she is practicing baking cakes topless. She really wants to do a good job in the role. The cake is actually quite good; I particularly like the lemon frosting. She still has bits of lemon frosting on her breasts. Practice.

Anonymous said...

1985. Day 58. Phoebe Cates likes to sing along to Stevie Nicks on the new cassette player. Phoebe Cates is singing along, topless; I don't think Stevie Nicks was topless when she recorded it. Maybe she was, I don't know. Maybe in Hollywood all the women walk around topless. Could be.

Anonymous said...

Stevie Nicks and Harvey Keitel.
Click on the Althouse link at the end to see the bigger picture.

Fred Drinkwater said...

Beta: OK, OK, stop!
I have to go to a funeral this morning, and you are putting an ENTIRELY INAPPROPRIATE smile on my face.
However: If you ever come to silicon valley for a standup gig, I want a personal invitation.

Anonymous said...

@Fred Drinkwater:

A one-shot at stand-up is on my bucket list. Maybe it should happen in Madison, Wisconsin.

David said...

Really bad lip.syncing in the video.

damikesc said...

I'll save him the time:

CRACK EMCEE: WHITES HAVE NO HEARTS!! READ ABOUT SLAVERY!!!

Hopefully, he will be satisfied with the homage to his posting.

As far as "heart" metaphors, they are actively seeking women to read it, sadly.

ken in sc said...

So, has 'this one weird trick' jumped the shark already?

Sam L. said...

Ah! A new word for adding click-bait to a post.