June 23, 2014

"My wife and I have always made our whole lives a part of the discourse in the family."

"So if something one of my boyfriends once told me makes me laugh, I'll say that -- 'Oh god that reminds me of something my boyfriend once said.' Or if wife says, 'Oh my god that woman looks like my ex-girlfriend' -- we just don't edit ourselves. And I don't think any bisexual, gay person, lesbian person -- they should not edit themselves in front of their children. Because if you edit yourself your children will grow up to edit themselves and the problem perpetuates."

From a HuffPo article about a married couple discussing "the ways they navigate the ins an outs of an open relationship and information-sharing with their children."

So no editing, that's the goal? I wonder what will happen when these children who have grown up learning not to edit the discourse become teenagers and speak without repression. It's delusional to imagine that teenagers will not get sick of hearing their parents gush about their other sexual partners and — I hope — hearing "Oh God" or "Oh my God" at the beginning of each gush.

Couldn't you at least edit out the part where you gratuitously and inanely take the Lord's name in vain?

And HuffPo, couldn't you edit a capital "G" on "God"? Maybe it's a way not to take the Lord's name in vain, to write "God" as "god," to it look as though these people are continually evoking some minor deity nobody even believes in....

39 comments:

Anonymous said...

Stop crying! I'm trying to have sex with my boyfriend. Let Mama's girlfriend sing you a lullaby if you're sad.

The Drill SGT said...

Wrong on sooo many levels :)

Moose said...

...hell in a handbasket.

madAsHell said...

The HuffPo is a lot like Mr. Klein's book.

etbass said...

"Couldn't you at least edit out the part where you gratuitously and inanely take the Lord's name in vain?"

Amen, Professor.

Mike Lang said...

Such self-absorbed knuckleheads.

MaxedOutMama said...

The occasions on which kids, especially adolescents, really want to know ANYTHING about their parents' sex past-present-future sex lives are pretty rare.

If you think about it, the kids are struggling with becoming sexual beings themselves and a changing relationship to their parents, and throwing another complication into it really isn't fair.

I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

It's so easy to ignore silly people because out here in not-silly-land people who behave like that would be politely tolerated and then avoided by normal people with common sense.

See, while we are nice to everyone, my kids don't really need to play with the kids of weirdos who have these eye-rollingly masturbatory agendas.

MaxedOutMama said...

PS: The funniest part about the "no-editing" thing is that younger children blurt out absolutely everything in school. So you are not just sharing those details with your kids - you are sharing them with their entire second-grade classroom.

There seems to be a lack of pragmatism in their approach.

SJ said...

About the editing of "Oh my God": I'm not sure what the usual practice is. Nor am I sure whether it is better to treat the name as a proper name (upper-case 'G') or as a generic category (lower-case 'g').

About Eros:

I do suspect that American (and Western European) civilization has spent most of the last century turning towards worship of sex.

Not of Eros, but of the forces and passions that were personified as Eros.

I don't think that this is a good thing, but the culture I live in very judgemental towards me if I speak of it too much.

paul a'barge said...

Call Child Protective Services and report them.

LarsPorsena said...

All those anecdotes stored for rumination then resentment, then jealousy, and then future retribution.

AntiBathos said...

Is there an FDA or NIMH limit on toxic childhood exposure to narcissism?

ALP said...

I wonder what will happen when these children who have grown up learning not to edit the discourse become teenagers and speak without repression.
***********
No SHIT...talk about poetic justice. I am no prude - been around the block, and some very interesting blocks, myself. But once you have kids...your relationship doesn't belong to just you anymore. I object to open relationships when kids are in the picture on simple, pragmatic grounds: long term relationships and raising kids is complicated enough - WHY invite further complications and open the unit up to possible destabilization by other people? Its very, very risky behavior that is self indulgent. Its hard enough to pick ONE good, sane, stable partner. To take that further and pick sane, stable sex partners on top of that?

carrie said...

Why do outliers have to always try to make themselves the new norm?

pduggie said...

I'm always amazed, but I suppose I should not be, when 'suppressing the truth in unrighteousness' (romans 1) rears its head in the biosphere

"And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done."

They don't even know they're acknowledging G[g]od.

Also, to paraphrase the simpsons: "Althouse changed into a hard-core talmudic discussion forum so slowly I never even noticed"

Levi Starks said...

"Perpetuate the problem"
The problem being that society judges people on a set of accepted societal norms which we reject. To hide our activities from our children, or society at large would be an admission of guilt, or if you will - shame. Of which we have none. It makes perfect sense.
They are the "ideal" result of the post modern society in which we live.
A hundred years they will be view as the heros of our age.
Maybe.

FullMoon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Its all about them. These two are so hopelessly immature.

The Godfather said...

Your right to an "open relationship" ends when you have a child. You can get it back when the youngest child goes off to college.

Freeman Hunt said...

No kid likes being around unedited adults. Adults don't even like being around unedited adults.

MayBee said...

When narcissists think they've created a new parenting style.

MadisonMan said...

The strange thing is that the people are referred to as 'my boyfriend' or as 'my ex-girlfriend' -- not by their given names. I presume these lovers have names. What's the problem with using them? Bizarre.

And yes, a million times, to having your kids over share. Teachers hear it all. If that's your goal, have at it. Cease all editing because, you know, it's so very important for the world to know all about the lives of such Very Important People as yourself.

SJ said...

On a more pragmatic level, what is the problem with "editing" ourselves?

Is it a bad thing to limit discussions of the interactions in adult/intimate relationships only to those involved?

Are children still developing their understanding of simple relationships, and not capable of learning about the more complex parts of relationships until after they are familiar with the simple parts?

If one part of the culture has one rule for "appropriate for children", and another part of the culture has a different rule...can to the parts coexist peacefully?

Anonymous said...

Will they edit out the break up? The name calling and anger towards their other parent?

One supposes not. Be careful what you wish for. But when mommy and daddy are no longer a couple, expect mommy and daddy to say lot's of rotten things about each other in front of the kids.

Then see what you think about self editing.

Birches said...

Is there an FDA or NIMH limit on toxic childhood exposure to narcissism?

Thread winner.

HoodlumDoodlum said...

Lord I hope you're not Othering anyone here, Professor A--people lose their jobs for that!

Moynihan's phrase defining deviancy down may not be enough to capture the speed of this stuff, but it sure springs to mind.

Fred Drinkwater said...

I believe a large part of maturation is internalizing this: "You never have to unsay anything you did not say in the first place." Or, more succinctly: "Knowing when to keep your mouth shut."

phx said...

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well, really, what's it to you?

- L. Cohen

tim maguire said...

"God" is the one true god of Christianity. "god" is just any old god, could be him, but could also be Ganesh, Baal, Mother Earth, or just the tree in my backyard that I feel good when I sit under.

Rox G said...

"But if I did, well, really, what's it to you?"

I was wondering the same thing.

David said...

god will Punish them.

Anonymous said...

I finally viewed the clip and this fellow strikes me as a very mixed up, poorly adjusted, & dysfuntional person, who really shouldn't have children in the first place. And its absurd that HuffPo gives him a podium from which to preach about how to raise children properly- it calls into question everything they publish.

pduggie said...

Are bisexual people the most prone to seek open relationships?

Is that because their identity, unlike a straight or gay person, is defined in terms of equal attraction to both sexes? To be fulfilled as to the expression of their sexual desire that HAVE to have more than 1 partner?

or are they as frequently 'open' as any other gay person would be, or less frequently open?

Bobby said...

I don't think I would ever want be in an open relationship and, in the unlikely event that I was, I can't imagine that I'd want to share it with the children and I certainly wouldn't broadcast it to the world... But if they're not breaking any laws- and it doesn't appear that they are- I think the parental right to raise their children transcends society's demands that it be in a manner and a lifestyle that the rest of us deem "correct."

Just my opinion.

Carol said...

My parent had a very moderne theory that kids needed to hear why their parent is unhappy so they'll understand what's happening.

Also known as burdening your children with your own neuroses.

DanTheMan said...

They are just bragging.

I bet they never say something like "She reminds me of the supermodel I was thinking of while jerking off in the bathroom."

But, then again... maybe they do.

ken in sc said...

Just for the record, God's name is not God. Haven't you ever listened to the Jehovah's Witnesses who show up from time to time? I tell them it is Yahweh when they show up,and ask. It disconcerts them.

Ann Althouse said...

When I hear little kids saying "oh my God" compulsively, I think ill of their parents. Even if you don't believe in God, you should have some respect for people who do. Plus, it's inane and inarticulate. Speak in front of children in a way that gets them speaking naturally in a way that will be beneficial to them as they go through life