June 24, 2014

"In a post-speedo world of increasingly European beachwear..."

"... the mankini... the side-bikini... the c-string...."

The link goes to text only, but it contains links that, if you click on them, you will see things that you cannot unsee. But you might get a laugh. I clicked on "side-bikini" and laughed but also said "oh, no!" covered my eyes and walked across the room to avoid.

18 comments:

tim in vermont said...

Not interested in seeing banana hammocks, thank you very much.

Anonymous said...

Okay, okay. I posted this earlier this morning in the"I was alive during the Mad Men era..." post:

"The internet teems with stranded insights. Little diamonds of light on the water that sparkle briefly then are replaced by those of the next ripple. Sometimes that ripple is overcome by the splash of a fat guy in a Speedo. The internet also teems with fat guys in Speedos."

I caught the successive waves of Althouse's next two posts that followed. I can be unnerving that way.

EDH said...

"...you will see things that you cannot unsee."

Seared, seared into Althouse's memory.

Anonymous said...

Commenting on the Wrong Post Drunk Guy says:

When I walk down the street dressed as a woman I feel that my ambitions are limitless and the future is as colorful as the array of plastic penises I carry in my purse. Some days are yellow penises, other days can be baby blue or orange or green. I pretend that I am a secretary for an executive at a prestigious law firm, and he can't help but stare at my ass when I bend over to adjust the strap of my shoe. He will one day ask what exactly do I carry in such a large purse and I will -- behind closed doors -- show him, a plastic penis prism of pride. He will awkwardly adjust himself in his leather executive seat; his world will become different then.

SMGalbraith said...

What's the difference between a banana hammock and a side bikini?

And do they take into account the, er, "shrinkage factor"? Going in and out of that cold water has to reduce the leverage on that hammock.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEnKLhi83J8

rhhardin said...

The point of the microkini for women is that naked women look ridiculous, but the microkini gives the illusion of being clothed while highlighting what you should be imagining.

Otherwise you take in the whole naked woman and imagine her trying to run or something with that geometry.

KLDAVIS said...

These are not items that are meant to be purchased or used, this is an industry built on the concept of gag gifts.

Just spent a week on the beaches of SW France and Northern Spain, and males in anything less than board shorts were exceedingly rare. In those few instances it was elderly gentlemen in the traditional Speedo.

However, plenty of ladies were exercising their right to [NSFW] monokini, in the original meaning of the word (topless bikini), not that thing with the sides cut out at the metafilter link.

Thorley Winston said...

I guess men in shorts doesn’t seem quite so bad now do they . . .

MadisonMan said...

Pass. You'd have to swim competitively, or bike competitively, to have a body appropriate for those items.

The Crack Emcee said...

I spent so much time in Europe - laughing.

If the white man ever wanted to make blacks lose all respect for him, the creation of the Speedo was a milestone,...

Russ said...

>What's the difference between a banana hammock and a side bikini?

About 50%.

Surely the side-bikini is functionally useless. Surely.

SMGalbraith said...

Bet when you flip out of that hammock it'll hurt like hell.

Men laugh at our things. Women take them so seriously.

No man would think of the "Penis Monologues."

Although we do often have conversations with them. As in, "Why can't you control yourself??" and "What did you do last night??"

That sort of thing.

I'm turning into Jerry Seinfeld.

Chuck said...

Europe is working hard, trying to undo all of the human advancement seen in the Renaissance.

Eric the Fruit Bat said...

(1) Back in the 80s they used to send me some men's clothing catalog that was pretty obviously aimed at gay guys. I forget the name.

But I remember that they sold a banana sling that let the sun in so you could get a full-body tan without ending up in the pokey.

Now retailers like L.L. Bean sell shirts with SPF ratings.

I don't know if that's progress or what.

(2) Okay, curiosity got the better of me so I took a stroll on the intertubes to do a little window shopping. Gay!

(3) Well, in all fairness: Breeders!

Just Mike said...

oh hell no

ALP said...

The first sidekini photo is hilarious! Apparently, if you make the sidekini in camouflage, and cross your arms and glare when you are wearing it, NO ONE will dare make fun of you.

Oso Negro said...

I grew up in competitive swimming so Speedo's are totally normal. If they freak you out, you will definitely not want to Google PENIS GOURDS. Just saying.

rsbsail said...

What did people expect? This is the logical conclusion of the swimsuit style going from total coverage to, well, not much.