Althouse: "But a marriage is between two people and – this is going to come as a shock to some women..."

June 17, 2011

"But a marriage is between two people and – this is going to come as a shock to some women..."

" ... you’re not in it."

61 comments:

tim maguire said...: Yes because they're both public figures (Weiner more so than Abedin, obviously, but they are both highly placed government officials) so how they conduct their lives is within the public interest.

Particularly in this case because Weiner has made himself vulnerable to blackmail while holding powerful committee assignments.; 6/17/11, 8:32 AM
Scott M said...: It depends. Look at it from an extended family perspective. I have a couple of inlaws, my wife's oldest sister and her husband, that, I maintain, should be institutionalized based on their unbelievably bad (and constant) decision-making. When their problems spill over to the extended family and start affecting others' time and resources, I'd say their marriage is fair game to talk about.; 6/17/11, 8:34 AM
Henry said...: No. Talking about other people's marriages is really boring.; 6/17/11, 8:35 AM
Anonymous said...: I've always argued that things like gossip serve really important, often overlooked social needs- by analyzing others, including speculations about others, we're defining our own limitations and social norms.

Also, if you want to keep your marriage between just the 2 of you, don't put nudey pictures of yourself on the internet. I mean, come on. (If the question was, "should a married person talk about intimate details of their marriage with others?", I would go with the sacred closed circle of 2 answer- but the burden's on the married couple, not the public, to keep it private.)

- Lyssa; 6/17/11, 8:38 AM
Shouting Thomas said...: Should people who don't know Anthony Weiner and Huma Abedin talk about their marriage?

Can't make heads or tails out of this question.

It's essentially asking: "Should people gossip?"

This is not a question at all.

There is no way to stop people from gossiping. Does the gossiping serve any purpose? Yes and no.

Gossiping is a method for enforcing community sexual morals. Some people pay attention to it, some people don't.

Do I care about what the Weiners do or think? No.; 6/17/11, 8:38 AM
Leo said...: If it's just some private thing then why do people care about gay marriage on both sides?; 6/17/11, 8:38 AM
rhhardin said...: It's soap opera until some other soap opera displaces it.; 6/17/11, 8:38 AM
Joe said...: (The Crypto Jew)

I agree that Ms. Granju was presumptuous, in giving unsolicited advice, but here’s my question to this rebuttal, but tell me Crack don’t you tell me and others how to live OUR lives every day? My advice, unsolicited, is keep your nose out of the Wieners and Ms. Granju’s lives, OR expect people to give you AND THEM, advice…can’t have it both ways.

I think Katie gave good advice, personally. Anthony Weiner is a dolt and boorish man, and IF you stick around the odds are on that you aren’t going to get any better treatment. My FURTHER advice, unsolicited, is that you claim ½ of his campaign war chest as “community property” and that you move on; he’s just going to be like your boss’ husband, and unless you want to end up like “Cankles” get out now, and see if you can’t take the money, too…also don’t forget he has 20 years of government service, NYC and Federal, he’s, no doubt, “rolled that over” into the Federal or NY Civil Service Retirement, you are eligible for a “taste” of his pension, too. If you’re lucky, he’s rolled himself into the FEDERAL system.

Sorry Crack you’re just wrong and I have no problem offering advice to Huma, unsolicited, about how to take her worthless husband, further, to the cleaners. I’m sure that will stick in your craw, too…in fact, I suspect that’s the reason you’re so upset, ANOTHER womon intervening in a man’s life….so let me set the stick further, Huma, needs to claim “abuse” from Weiner and REALLY stick it to him, in the divorce. I hope she contacts Gloria Allred, and that they “discuss their feelings of hurt, anger and betrayal, openly, 24/7……UNTIL they get some of the war chest and a taste of the pension, PLUS Child Support.; 6/17/11, 8:41 AM
Shanna said...: We know very little about the marriage itself, but we know a great deal about one of the participants character.; 6/17/11, 8:42 AM
Fred4Pres said...: I liked the article.

I did not care for your poll.; 6/17/11, 8:42 AM
Shouting Thomas said...: Well, I read Crack's bit, and I agree with him.

The Weiners should do everything they can do to hold their marriage together and provide their child with a home in which Mom and Dad both live.

Joe, you're confusing your personal distaste for Anthony Weiner with the real issue here. Weiner seems like an asshole to me too. But, even assholes get married and have children.

If Weiner's an asshole, there is a very good possibility that his wife's an asshole, too. Usually, that's the way it works. But, even this is irrelevant.

The Weiners are married. They should do their damnedest to stay married for the sake of their child and for the sake of obeying their marital vows.

Anthony Weiner is a sinner, no doubt. Sinners can repent and reform themselves. It's part of the job description of a wife to help a husband who is a sinner to repent and reform.

Don't let personal hatred for the Weiner distort your vision. Sure he's a sinner and an asshole. That's why God created confession and redemption. Forgiving nice people is easy.; 6/17/11, 8:48 AM
X said...: No. If you don't know them, it's none of your business. If you do know them, it's unwise and still not your business.; 6/17/11, 8:51 AM
Shouting Thomas said...: And, to you other Weiner haters out there (and I am partially in your ranks)...

Maintaining an ongoing vendetta against this man is not the Christian or humane thing to do. Laughing at him is fine. I hope he doesn't return to politics.

But, I hope he finds his way to a decent life. No sinner is so vile that he cannot redeem himself. That is the message of Christ.; 6/17/11, 8:51 AM
deborah said...: He's resigned, this story is pretty much over.

What was the last big story before this one? Really, refresh my memory, I'm drawing a blank.; 6/17/11, 8:52 AM
deborah said...: I think it was a political marriage, but wouldn't it be romantic if, in his great distress, they fell in love?

Is his 'problem' a real problem? Is he just a horndog, or is it something more psychologically disturbing?; 6/17/11, 8:56 AM
AllenS said...: If something weird and kinky is going on, then yes, let's talk about it.; 6/17/11, 8:57 AM
deborah said...: Give us the next installment of your novel, Allen :); 6/17/11, 9:00 AM
Shouting Thomas said...: Is his 'problem' a real problem? Is he just a horndog, or is it something more psychologically disturbing?

I think that Weiner has a very serious psychological problem that goes far beyond being a horndog.

He's self-destructed in the pursuit of the most trivial pleasure I can imagine. He had everything going, and he flushed it down the toilet... for what? For a few moments of titillation with a porn actress?

Weiner really does need to get some help, from his wife, from a competent professional, and from his spiritual advisor to find out why he was driven to destroy himself. I hope he does.; 6/17/11, 9:02 AM
Skyler said...: Yes, because some behavior is proper to ridicule and discourage. She is an adult and can make up her own mind if it's worth being associated with a pervert pencil neck, but we should make it very clear to her, as society, that we will associate her with that judgment should she stand by her man.

If he is redeemable and worth standing by, then she must bear in the cost of redemption.; 6/17/11, 9:05 AM
Scott M said...: She is an adult and can make up her own mind if it's worth being associated with a pervert pencil neck

Lets be fair. His pervert and pencil neck problems are unrelated.; 6/17/11, 9:07 AM
Joe said...: (The Crypto Jew)

Maintaining an ongoing vendetta against this man is not the Christian or humane thing to do. Laughing at him is fine. I hope he doesn't return to politics.
Jesus said, “Love your enemies” and the belief is “Forgive” but Jesus never said, “Forget.” Christians can have enemies, Jesus never said you forget that they are enemies, or that they have done wrong. UNTIL your enemy “repents” and makes good their wrong, to you, they are STILL YOUR ENEMY, Shouting….It’s the height of foolishness to forget that. So for Huma, UNTIL, Weiner makes amends, there is no need or requirement, Christian or humane to forget,…And UNLESS he’s humiliated and accepts the humiliation, he WILL get back into politics. Watch Spitzer, he’s angling to get back into “public life.” No, shaming, and shunning are the necessities in this case. It’s NOT “OK” to sext and send unsolicited pRonography….and if we just say, “OK, we forgive and forget” he’ll be back to his same nasty ways….Look at the lives of many saints, and you’ll see a moment of despair. It is that moment, the “bottom of their lives” that they found G*d, and became better men/womon. Until Weiner hits that bottom, there’s no change…
To sound like Crack Emcee, it is this “therapeutic”/New Age/Christian belief that it is our duty, to forget transgressions or act as IF they haven’t happened, that we get taken so much. So yes, Huma can FORGIVE Weiner, but she shouldn’t forget what he did, and absent any real progress she SHOULD divorce him, and move on…it’s called “Loving Yourself”, remember Jesus said, “Love others, as you love yourself”. Too often people see that as “Love others MORE than yourself”, but Jesus says, Love YOURSELF and Love Others, and unless you love yourself, you cannot love OTHERS. And part of loving yourself is saving yourself from bad and abusive situations. If Weiner, in a number of years, manages to redeem himself, then sure, Huma, might re-open a relationship, but ONLY THEN!; 6/17/11, 9:07 AM
Shanna said...: Better to show “the team” is made up of two people who can’t keep their word and, thus, have little-to-no character, right?

Ok, so question. If one partner betrays their vows, are you saying that means the other partner has “little to no character” if they do end the marriage?

The Weiners should do everything they can do to hold their marriage together and provide their child with a home in which Mom and Dad both live.

With his behavior in the first year of marriage, do you honestly think that’s going to work? One partner can’t make a marriage work on their own. The only way I see this thing working long term is if Weiner is actually seriously regretful and makes amends or if it's a political marriage, period. Although if his career is over, so probably goes the marriage, in that case.; 6/17/11, 9:11 AM
Skyler said...: It seems the theme for today is shame, at least for climatologists and perverts.; 6/17/11, 9:16 AM
Shanna said...: seriously regretful and makes amends

Makes amends and quits every bit of this bad behavior. It will take a long time to re-establish trust in that relationship, if it can ever be done.; 6/17/11, 9:16 AM
Shouting Thomas said...: With his behavior in the first year of marriage, do you honestly think that’s going to work?

I'm a sinner. About as bad as you can get.

Weiner has to make an honest attempt at confession and redemption. His wife is going to have to go deep inside herself to find forgiveness for his sins.

Can people do this? Yes? Will they? That's up to them.; 6/17/11, 9:18 AM
Skyler said...: Scott M pointed out, "Lets be fair. His pervert and pencil neck problems are unrelated."

Perhaps. But it's likely a contributing factor that being a pencil neck caused him to compensate with faux macho, juvenile behavior.

And to be more fair, being a pervert is not the worst thing about a congressman. If he were open about his perversity, like Barney Frank, then there would be no real problem. It's his failure of honesty and his tendency to scream at those pointing out his failures that make him more susceptible to control by others.

And in the end, it's that he is vulnerable to blackmail and control that makes him most despicable.; 6/17/11, 9:20 AM
TMink said...: He has resigned. That is the end of our concern as Americans. His marriage is none of our business. I actually sent him an email and wished him well and God's blessings. Dude needs help, I hope he asks for and gets it. Now let's move on to more important matters.

Trey; 6/17/11, 9:21 AM
kjbe said...: Makes amends and quits every bit of this bad behavior. It will take a long time to re-establish trust in that relationship, if it can ever be done.

To me, "quits" is part of the amends - some call it a living amends. As for if it can ever be done., Yes, trust takes time, but forgiveness has been given for acts far worse than this.; 6/17/11, 9:29 AM
Scott M said...: It's his failure of honesty and his tendency to scream at those pointing out his failures that make him more susceptible to control by others.

I've been making that case since day one, but we, as a blog community, keep coming back to the actual acts online.; 6/17/11, 9:30 AM
Dust Bunny Queen said...: "No one knows what goes on behind closed doors."

Offering advice about a marriage to people who you don't even know is presumptuous at best.

Interfering the in the marriage relationship of people that you DO know is evil.

You have no idea what the dynamics of the marriage are, even IF you know the people. You don't really know what is happening. All you get is one side or the other of the story, and it really isn't your business.

All we can do with a situation like the Weiner's is to try to take lessons for our own relationships. Learn from the mistakes of others.

We recently had a male friend who was going through a divorce. We were close to him and not so much with the wife who was having an affair. All we could do was:

1. NOT take sides. Not taking sides is very important. They may have reconciled and then we would lose him as a friend.

2. Continue to be a friend and support him in whatever decisions he ultimately makes. Even if it meant reconciling with the bitch.

3.Invite him for dinner occasionally since his wife was busy elsewhere and determinedly discuss things other than his failing marriage to keep him from wallowing and focus on positive and entertaining topics.; 6/17/11, 9:35 AM
Joaquin said...: I was never in Vietnam or walked on the moon, does that mean I can't have an opinion or talk about them?; 6/17/11, 9:39 AM
deborah said...: "I actually sent him an email and wished him well and God's blessings."

Good for you. For a guy who does blanket diagnoses for entire political parties, that's a big step.; 6/17/11, 9:39 AM
jimbino said...: Let's make a deal: you get the gummint to relieve me from all responsibility to subsidize your marriage and your breeding and I'll refrain from commenting on your marriage and your brood.; 6/17/11, 9:45 AM
Scott M said...: “If you're not a liberal at twenty you have no heart, if you're not a conservative at forty you have no brain.”

Prior to last year, I could never have envisioned a situation in which I would actually want to go to Vietnam. But...damn...did you see that cave system they found?; 6/17/11, 9:53 AM
Shanna said...: Will they? That's up to them.

It’s mostly up to him right now. I repeat, First Year of Marriage. There was never any faithfulness in that marriage on his part. I don’t see much reason to expect better behavior now, but of course that’s up to him. (and he’s in his 40’s, not a kid who made a mistake. His character is more fixed and he will have to work hard to change it).

Offering advice about a marriage to people who you don't even know is presumptuous at best.

I don’t even consider Katie’s advice real, because what are the odds Huma’s going to actually read it? I’d say very low. It’s more like talking into the air.; 6/17/11, 10:00 AM
edutcher said...: Whether it's right or not, he inflicted his marriage - or whatever it is - on the rest of us.

Fair game.

deborah said...

I think it was a political marriage, but wouldn't it be romantic if, in his great distress, they fell in love?

deborah, while I hope there's somebody with whom you can discuss your big decisions, you are a sweet lady and a class act.

WV "grolatio" I don't know what it is, either, but I'll bet The Weiner does.; 6/17/11, 10:11 AM
deborah said...: "Weiner really does need to get some help, from his wife, from a competent professional, and from his spiritual advisor to find out why he was driven to destroy himself. I hope he does."

It just seems that the marriage was based on false pretenses, and I think Prof was right the day she said 'annulment.'

(Thanks, ed, that is kind.); 6/17/11, 10:22 AM
Paddy O said...: What's the point of the internet if we can't have, or express, opinions on things that we know very little about?; 6/17/11, 10:25 AM
Scott M said...: It just seems that the marriage was based on false pretenses, and I think Prof was right the day she said 'annulment.'

They were married by Bill Clinton. Let me repeat that. They were married by Bill Clinton. What do you think the definition of "I do" is?; 6/17/11, 10:27 AM
Paddy O said...: Or is the rule that people aren't supposed to have opinions on things I, or some other duly self-nominated authority, don't care about?; 6/17/11, 10:27 AM
MayBee said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 6/17/11, 10:35 AM
MayBee said...: Once again, we hear about a public figure having an affair and people want to jump on the idea that maybe it was ok with her. We just don't know their relationship!

Which seems like a violation of her, to me. I would be mortified and heartbroken to find out my husband was sending naked pictures of himself to random women, and for people to then speculate that maybe I'm fine with that would just be more heartbreak.

It's just a few steps away from hearing a woman kills her husband and everybody thinking "what did he do to her to deserve that?".

It's a way to blame the victim while finding yourself compassionate.; 6/17/11, 10:36 AM
The Crack Emcee said...: Fred4Pres,

I liked the article.

I did not care for your poll.

That's because they're about two different things:

My post is about offering Huma "unsolicited advice" about her marriage, not gossiping about her and Anthony's situation - which we're all doing.; 6/17/11, 10:42 AM
Scott M said...: not gossiping about her and Anthony's situation - which we're all doing

Well, all this knitting won't knit itself...; 6/17/11, 10:45 AM
Anonymous said...: Huma Abedin and Anthony Weiner work for the government. The government wants to know and control all sorts of things about me, including my income, my bank transactions, who I work for, what chemicals I put into my body, and what I eat. When the government loses interest in my life, then they can tell me I should lose interest in theirs.; 6/17/11, 11:03 AM
Meade said...: "But a marriage is between two people..."

Three people, we were told, a week ago last Wednesday.

Five people, if you count Bill and Hillary.; 6/17/11, 11:08 AM
Meade said...: By the way, I wonder whose idea it was to announce Huma's pregnancy. Something tells me it wasn't Huma's idea. What if she miscarries? What if she chooses to abort. So much for her right to privacy that Democrats, in particular, seem to care so much about.; 6/17/11, 11:14 AM
Scott M said...: By the way, I wonder whose idea it was to announce Huma's pregnancy.

My cynic's radar is still pinging on this one. When I first heard it, it just smacked of "too convenient". My thought was that their plan was to have it end the pressure and let the media frenzy die, then mention later that she had miscarried quietly.

Assuming I'm right, now that he's been forced to resign, they are going to have to stick to their plan of letting a miscarry story leak in a month or so, or they're going to have to get pregnant.; 6/17/11, 11:18 AM
AllenS said...: Maybe Huma will announce that Tony isn't the father, but Hillary is.

WV: outgreck; 6/17/11, 11:19 AM
Titus said...: I don't give a fuck about their marriage or anyone elses.; 6/17/11, 11:45 AM
Almost Ali said...: To reiterate:

IMO, Huma married for access. But Weiner is now out of the loop, rendering the anticipated pillow talk useless.

No payoff, no marriage.; 6/17/11, 11:51 AM
Anonymous said...: Meade said...

"By the way, I wonder whose idea it was to announce Huma's pregnancy. Something tells me it wasn't Huma's idea. What if she miscarries? What if she chooses to abort. So much for her right to privacy that Democrats, in particular, seem to care so much about."

What if it's a lie-

A PR tactic to garner sympathy by the very experienced and effective Clinton propagandists?

What if talking about this "marriage" as if it were a normal marriage bugs the hell out of some people?

What if her family, being devout muslims with concrete ties to fundraising for the Muslim Brotherhood forbid her to marry outside of islam, especially to a Jew?; 6/17/11, 12:10 PM
Mark said...: His behavior (at least before he resigned) deserved exposure. I wish the poll had a choice for No, it's none of my business when it comes to the marriage. This goes for all these political sex scandals. It's been widely noted she wasn't at his side during the "apology" and I don't see how or why she gets dragged into this.; 6/17/11, 1:07 PM
The Crack Emcee said...: They may survive.; 6/17/11, 1:33 PM
Almost Ali said...: The Huma/Weiner "marriage" (i.e., arrangement) is a matter of national security.; 6/17/11, 1:40 PM
AllenS said...: I don't think that there's any global warming going on in Weiner's undies. I know for sure, that there is global cooling occuring in Huma's panties.

The question is, will there be climate change?; 6/17/11, 3:22 PM
Roy Lofquist said...: Ann,

You left out a choice in your poll. Who cares?

Roy; 6/17/11, 3:51 PM
Cedarford said...: Observations:

All too many nosy gossips justify their butting in on grounds of being "champions" of the "oppressed party" be it Huma, the Jena 6, Hillary, Crystal Gayle Mangum, etc.

Gossip sells in media and politics - so they justify their National Enquirer emulation by staking the moral high ground in shoveling trash to the paying yokels as "taking the moral high ground."

Huma now is in the select ranks of women of celebrity that the masses of bovine women in the herd accord Full Noble Victimhood status to. And will suck up any book or bioptic movie product Poor Noble Huma markets.

Weiner resigning doesn't necessarily mean "it is all over". He has a million-dollar Fed pension, perqs of power of a former member of Congress - and could resurrect himself with the aid of wealthy and powerful friends to another position of influence and power-brokerage in the near future.; 6/17/11, 3:54 PM
ampersand said...: Huma,Weiner,Bubba,Hillary.

Pregnancies real or imagined.

Hidden secrets, recriminations.

It's like "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf II' but with a laugh track.; 6/17/11, 5:27 PM
jamboree said...: Sure.

Oh wait, I see, the "public" who support both their salaries, are supposed to be so saintly that they do not even engage in idle chatter, meanwhile, 46 yr old pencil neck over there thinks hawt college girls actually think getting his pencil dick in their inbox is attractive.

I see.; 6/17/11, 8:36 PM
Peter said...: I will stop kicking Weiner in the wiener after I have kicked him as long as he has screamed lies and filth about me and mine. And if it's tough on Huma, well, she should not have married a maggot.; 6/18/11, 7:14 AM

Should people who don't know Anthony Weiner and Huma Abedin talk about their marriage?
	No. A marriage exists within a sacred closed circle of 2.
	No. We don't know enough to have an intelligent opinion.
	No. Leaving them alone will help them avoid divorce and divorce is bad for society.
	Yes. It's an interesting subject to speculate about even without full information.
	Yes. A spouse needs to hear from others in order to make good decisions.
	Yes. A marriage is intermeshed with society and that makes a high-profile marriage a public issue.

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