Althouse: Here comes the story of Elmer McGuirt...

April 29, 2011

Here comes the story of Elmer McGuirt...

Seems like a poem should be written about Elmer McGuirt.

30 comments:

john said...: 27 years old and named "Elmer"? Jeesh. He has obviously had a hard life, beginning right out of the womb.

Click on this to see why Mr. McGuirt has faced an uphill battle all his life.; 4/29/11, 7:11 PM
traditionalguy said...: A re-distribution demonstration. Great job Elmer. President Obama will introduce you at the State Of The Union as an example to us all.; 4/29/11, 7:13 PM
john said...: That, and having 3 eyes.; 4/29/11, 7:14 PM
Tyrone Slothrop said...: This is the story of Elmer McGuirt,
He hadn't the moolah to buy a new shirt.
His lack of folding cash certainly hurt
Elmer McGuirt

“I have a solution,” did Elmer assert,
“I'll rob me a bank,” said Elmer McGuirt
Alas, though, the coppers were that day alert
To Elmer McGuirt

On a bus did the cops arrest Elmer McGuirt
Handing out swag like it was common dirt.
Hillsborough County Jail was his dessert.
Elmer McGuirt; 4/29/11, 7:20 PM
The Dude said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 4/29/11, 7:34 PM
Lem Vibe Bandit said...: Although he had just robed the bank, Elmer was not completely broke.

Unless he asked the teller not to spare the change. Elmer had exact change for the bus.; 4/29/11, 7:34 PM
Lem Vibe Bandit said...: A theory about names.; 4/29/11, 7:38 PM
RightWingNutter said...: Sounds like an episode of "Firefly"; 4/29/11, 8:02 PM
edutcher said...: Either a little loopy or shrewd - hand out some of the money so he has a Robin Hood vibe and media sympathy going into court.; 4/29/11, 8:22 PM
Rialby said...: There once was a man from Tampa
Year 'round an itinerant camper
Twas a bank he did rob
A Robin Hood job
And now he'll end up in the slammer; 4/29/11, 8:46 PM
Rialby said...: Remember ole Elmer McGuirt
Covered in rags and in dirt
He robbed him some cash
Gave away his whole stash
And to jail will he now revert; 4/29/11, 8:52 PM
Synova said...: A fellow in my brother's class by the name of Emit turned himself in for growing pot, apparently so he'd have a roof over his head through a Minnesota winter.

That's the story anyhow.

This guy makes me wonder if his story is the same.; 4/29/11, 9:06 PM
Synova said...: Emmit might have two "m"s.; 4/29/11, 9:19 PM
Sal said...: I'm going to have a few beers and take a crack at this poem. Or fall asleep.; 4/29/11, 9:48 PM
Penny said...: Robin' da Hood.; 4/29/11, 10:33 PM
Penny said...: "27 years old and named "Elmer"?"

What? He should buy a computer and call himself "Anonymous"?; 4/29/11, 10:39 PM
Penny said...: Did you read this news story?

"Witnesses" watched him rob the bank and then got on the bus with him to "witness" him handing out the stolen money?

Naw, that can't be right.

Could it?; 4/29/11, 10:52 PM
AST said...: He's the new messiah. Send him to Columbia and Harvard law and we'll elect him as President. If Obama isn't an odd name, Elmer shouldn't prevent this guy from promising hope and change. We can show our freedom from bigotry by electing a man with a silly name . . ., like Elmer McQuirt or Mitt Huckabee. Or with a strange religion like Paganism, Islam or Mormonism.

So he took money by force and redistributed it. How is that different from the programs the Democratic Party endorses? Or big unions, for that matter?; 4/29/11, 11:26 PM
Freeman Hunt said...: Elmer McGuirt was down on his luck, but he tried it anyway.
He took the bank and he took the bus,
launched his giveaway.
They cheered and cried even said where to?
"I can't go home man.
It's not anywhere, my bus stops here,
But there'll be beds in the can.
Yes, there'll be beds in the can."; 4/29/11, 11:33 PM
mc said...: THEY SHOULD LET HIM GO!!

THEY NEED TO LET HIM GO!!

-------------------------------------

Ahh Rats...

I don't really think that, I just kinda wanna play real crazy ole Western cowpoke for a moment.

I'd thank you for indulging me but, well, no one did.

Elmer, I think that makes a fine name, especially for a tattoo. You ladies ought to get one and make up a former dalliance with an Elmer, invent a new story every time someone asks, fun fun!

uhh, none of the above is structured thought through or rhyme, so I will merely claim prose poem?; 4/30/11, 12:29 AM
John Enright said...: Elmer was hopelessly homeless,
Penniless, shirtless, and combless.
He stole cash one day
Then gave it away.
Now he's in jail so he'll roam less.; 4/30/11, 12:36 AM
The Bard of Murdock said...: Bypassing Bureaucrats

Why should we fault poor Elmer,
Who's living on the street,
For taking bits of money
Without a bank receipt?

He bypassed welfare hassles
And bureaucratic rot;
He went straight for the bankers,
Who have what he ain’t got.

I’d call his self-help system
Both practical and sound:
He garnished from the richest
And spread the wealth around.

And now that he is famous,
If he can stay alert,
He may just have a future
As Congressman McGuirt.; 4/30/11, 12:50 AM
Quaestor said...: Rialby's limerick with a few edits for scan and rhyme:

There was a young man from Tampa
Year 'round an itinerant campah
Twas a bank he did rob
A Robin Hood job
And now he'll end up in da slammah

Actually, a figure of crime and rebellion named Elmer McGuirt needs a poet like Robert W. Service. Let's see...

A bunch of the staff were whooping up in the downtown Tampra branch

Yeah, yeah... I'm working on it, I'm working on it! BTW, what rhymes with branch?; 4/30/11, 1:24 AM
Quaestor said...: Wonderful, Bard!

wv: resslys - how I feel if I drink coffee after 10 PM; 4/30/11, 1:27 AM
Clyde said...: His name doesn't scan as well as Pretty Boy Floyd, which made for a pretty good Woody Guthrie song lyric. If you're going to be a bank robber, you need a good nickname.; 4/30/11, 7:55 AM
Michael said...: And there it was
an oasis
wandering those years in borrowed rooms
living with step brothers and men he called uncle
playing video games and smoking in the parching heat
dust on the empty shelves
long walks to the welfare
trading the milk for cigarettes
and then it was there
an oasis

on the back of a receipt
he printed his request
and presented it shaking slightly
an apologetic thirsty grin

blinking into the heating light
his pockets stuffed
he lightly mounted the steps and passing down the aisle
he shook loose his pockets and let
float into the laps of his fellows
the cooling evaporating fruit of the oasis; 4/30/11, 8:32 AM
John Enright said...: He was sort of a private Fed,
With a stimulus to spread.
He deserves a big thank-ye
Just like Bernanke,
But he's off to jail instead.; 4/30/11, 9:40 AM
Bayoneteer said...: Very noble of him. Now he's in jail.; 4/30/11, 9:55 AM
R.L. Hunter said...: I'm waiting for the "Free Elmer" bumper stickers.; 4/30/11, 3:02 PM
abeer ahmed said...: visit us on lifeandstylemag.com
http://whois.domaintasks.com/lifeandstylemag.com; 6/27/11, 11:04 AM