"It doesn't scare me, like I guess it scares some people. And I knew that if I didn't get back on stage that I may never get back on stage."
Marie Osmond goes on "Oprah" to talk about her son's suicide and the "calculated decision" she made to go back to work 2 weeks later. It's not that the death didn't have a big impact on her. Please understand. She's "unique," she tells us, and that suicide was "probably the hardest thing I've been through."
USA Today, reporting these quotes, uses that last quote in its headline and sensitively omits the word "probably."
65 comments:
I understand.
I continued to work through and after my wife's death, because I would have gone raving mad and probably committed suicide if I just sat on my ass at home.
And, when she says it's "probably" the worst thing she's ever gone through, you've got to acknowledge that you don't know everything she's been through in this life.
I do understand what she said. And why she said it.
But I am surprised that there is no mention of Veterans Day here today.
I find that rather sad too.
Makes perfect sense. You have to keep busy or the grief can overpower you. It might come across as cold, to some, but we can't know what's happening in her mind or heart, nor what she's doing in her private moments when she's not in front of the camera. It sounds like performing his her therapy.
I don't think she's "unique" at all in this respect. Many people find a prompt return to work a necessary coping mechanism in the aftermath of a tragedy or loss. At home or surrounded by family all focused on the same loss, you have to talk about it, deal with it constantly, for hours on end, or mask grief with silly small talk, or transform your grief into family strife. Work becomes a safe haven, a place where you can put the awfulness out of your mind and focus on something else entirely.
And judging a person's reaction to death is a pretty unfair test.
We buried my father after a ten year bout of Alzheimer's. His death was a relief for us all. He had been living without the tiniest shred of dignity in his last years.
People criticized me for not openly crying at his funeral!
I had been crying for ten years, and all my tears were used up.
Getting back to work can be the measure of sanity in a person's life after a deep personal loss. The Blonde had a similar experience, and work (and, eventually, school) was her way back.
Ann Althouse said...
She's "unique," she tells us
I think she meant that in the sense she pretty much grew up on stage and it isn't quite as intimidating a place as it is for most performers.
After all, she is one of those Osmonds and they were put on stage early.
Have a little compassion on Marie. She has been a Mormon woman all of her life, and that would confuse anyone.
I am very fortunate in that I don't have any personal experiences with losing someone that close to me yet.
However, I agree with everyone on this thread so far.
Hey Traditional Guy, take your bigotry elsewhere.
shoutingthomas: "And judging a person's reaction to death is a pretty unfair test....We buried my father after a ten year bout of Alzheimer's. ...People criticized me for not openly crying at his funeral!"
I hear you. An immediate relative turned to me right after we buried my mom and said "Nice to see you finally opening up a little bit right there at the end."
It must have been divine intervention that prevented me from socking him, as it had been a rather long day.
I don't know if there is any "right" or "correct" way to deal with this kind of thing. Some people never get over the loss of child. Who can judge that? Not me. Can't imagine losing one of my kids like that. If this helps her deal, do it.
What she, and st, said makes sense to me.
Shit:
Seeing the words "Oprah" and "suicide" that close together got my hopes up. But that's just The Macho Response.
Hey, if you really wanna make me happy, do one with "Oprah" and "murder".
ST,
Yea, everyone else sucks during this kind of shit. So many told me how I should handle the incident that I finally just said, "Fuck it", and decided to go my own way. Some of the suggestions:
Get my astrological chart done.
Will myself to "forget" my 20-year marriage ever happened.
Have my ex killed.
Throw myself a Divorce Party.
Hey - I can finally get laid by someone else!
Hey - I can viciously lay someone else, thus getting back at ALL WOMEN!
Come to Jesus.
Forget Jesus, just "become spiritual".
Drink.
I finally settled on moving as far away as possible from any culture that produces people who think/say such immature things.
It's getting better. Though libs are everywhere, and still insisting on being the biggest drag on my life, at present. (I'm looking for another job, now, because working underneath one got to be too weird and abusive.) I figure, at this rate, I'll be myself again in another year or so. But, with my luck, that'll be just when the cops and lawyers get their heads out of their asses and I'll be dragged back into by having to testify or some shit. That'll be insane.
You stay up.
Air head celebrity + Air Head B grade celebrity= Who cares?
People have to be able to deal with their own grief in their own way. I think we can all respect that. As for her 'uniqueness' comment, it's the details of coping with that personal grief. She's allowed that space.
"...probably the hardest thing I've been through."
Going through her own depression might in fact have been harder.
I try to steer clear of judgement on the things people say about their loved ones recently dead. Stupid things come out all the time. It don't mean nothin'.
I think going on Oprah to talk about your son's suicide is just a terrible idea. There isn't anything you can say that isn't horribly banal. Who watches that and why?
Those who are talking about the death of elderly, ill parents are making a bizarre comparison. Reactions to death, yes. There is that similarity. But the death of one's child. Death by suicide. These things are far different.
"I try to steer clear of judgement on the things people say about their loved ones recently dead. "
What if they go on Oprah and say them for a giant audience of people who are sitting at home watching TV? Are we not allowed to talk about the sickness in our culture? You're talking about people you see in real life who are enduring the death of a loved one. Of course, endless tolerance and sympathy is in order. But when they go on television, it's a whole different scenario and they do not deserve a pass.
"She's allowed that space."
That space on Oprah's couch?
I think going on Oprah to talk about your son's suicide is just a terrible idea. There isn't anything you can say that isn't horribly banal. Who watches that and why?
It's part of showbiz PR bullshit.
It's a job requirement that cannot be escaped. Osmond's audience demands it.
I don't see any difference between this and the Dylan devotee's obsession with Dylan as the second coming of the Prophet.
Don't you do horrible shit you'd prefer not to do because it's your job? I do, every day. If you don't, you're very lucky.
"Are we not allowed to talk about the sickness in our culture?"
Point taken. Knee jerk reaction by me.
But that's why I never watch Oprah in the first place. She debases every subject she addresses.
It's the nature of the medium to degrade. With the reality shows, we can watch vomiting, sex, defecation, and petty viciousness.
So the 'therapeutic' chit chat about your son's death is old hat. Grief as a talent, the heart -shaped sleeve waving to the crowd. It's been done so many times, you could write the dialogue quite easily.
Our culture, at least the culture you refer to that should be repulsed by this bereavement burlesque, is long dead. This is what the world looks like when shame is removed.
So yes, we can talk about the sickness that is our culture, but in whispers and in the hall, because the patient does not know he is dying, and wouldn't believe us if we told him anyway.
Dylan fled Woodstock because his devotees wouldn't stop knocking on his door and asking him for the secret code to life.
Morons dug through his garbage to try to find clues to Dylan's innermost secrets.
So, I suspect that you are being disingenuous here.
Ann, you've got tenure and you work in an incredibly soft environment.
Most people have to eat a lot of shit. I eat shit every day. Osmond is eating shit here. Give her a break.
Dylan's shtick is the crusty intellectual boho. He can tell people to fuck off and still sell stuff.
Osmond shtick is to be pretty and accessible and girl-next door. She can't do that.
It's hard to know. He had addiction problems and, as a teenager, lived away from his parents in an LA apartment.
There seemed to be a difficult relationship there.
There is something wrong about talking to Oprah about it, especially if she's going to be banal.
It's a peek inside her head that she shouldn't have given us.
Osmond is doing this to sell CDs and performances. That's what she does for a living.
Old Jewish saying: Never criticize a man (woman) for what he (she) does for a living.
Crack, just like you to politicize everything. I have worked for liberals, conservatives and everyone in-between. It is the job you do, not the person you work for that is important. I and millions of others have had to work for people we don't care for. We just grit our teeth and go on. That's life. Deal with it.
I was going to say something pejorative about you but thought better of it.
Honor our veterans today and every day. I may not agree with the wars they fight but I respect them and their service to this country.
Vicki from Pasadena
And to go on with Dylan,
Haven't several of his albums been about his romances and breakups with a woman?
Shouldn't he keep his mouth shut about this?
Why do you see this as a legitimate concern for artistic expression.
Or, is your complaint that Osmond's methods are just too plain vanilla and not boho enough?
Marie Osmond is a good example of a "product" in my opinion - she exists as a concept in my brain, right alongside Oprah, in fact.
Pogo said a lot - Veteran's Day - I hope everyone honors it.
I'm going to try again.
Dylan does little else except to expose his private life in his music. He carries on about it without shame.
He's an intellectual boho.
Osmond's doing the same thing within the world that she inhabits.
She's the all-American girl who's family is everybody's ideal.
I gather you like the intellectual boho thing more than the all-American girl bit.
The tactics look much the same to me.
If it works for her to talk about this on Oprah, so be it. It's the last thing I would do, but I have not lived my entire life "on stage" in the way she has. Maybe this feels natural for her.
You don't have to watch (frankly, can't imagine watching, but that's a whole nother pathology, ie. what we people "watch").
Getting active after a death of a loved one is a very good thing to do. Spewing your private experiences on Oprah is tacky as hell.
Getting active after a death of a loved one is a very good thing to do. Spewing your private experiences on Oprah is tacky as hell.
So, then, you would condemn Eric Clapton for "Tears in Heaven?"
I have always found it easier to imitate a sane adult in a work environment than in a family one. At work, I knew the cues and the lines and could play my role with aplomb and authority and so did my co performers. At home, not so much. An O'Neill drama performed by Bozo and tumbling midgets, Swan Lake as a pratfall....On the Oprah set, Marie knew where the applause lines were, knew how to play against Oprah's sympathetic nods, and could feel herself to be in charge of the drama. At home, at three in the morning, staring at a ceiling lost in darkness, there is no drama, and she is not the star.
Pogo,
That's why I never watch Oprah in the first place. She debases every subject she addresses.
I was thinking about this as I read Ann's comments:
She blames the grieving Marie when it's Oprah who's sick.
For some reason, no matter what she does - selling The Secret, promoting quackery, or Obama, getting people's faces destroyed with a 30-minute face lift, getting a girl raped because Oprah was "more focused on picking the drapes" for her S. African school, anything at all - nothing sticks to the bitch.
I don't get it (I grew up thinking our country was different) but I know - when the dam finally breaks - it's going to get really, really ugly.
She said it clearly. She regards her stage as her safe place.
She has been presenting herself to the public for their entertainment and scrutiny for 48 years. In return she has received fame, notoriety, affirmation, and criticism in quantities few others experience. Some of it fair and in proportion to her talent and character and much of it not.
Open,honest relationship is hard. Marie has been presenting a persona for 30 years more than she had opportunity to relate to her son as a mother, with much of that time spent battling her own depression.
She is only in the beginning stages of processing this loss, and is using the means most familiar to her. She was right to use the word probably. Death of a loved one marks in ways that are not immediately visible. Traumatic death even more so.
Did it ever occur to you that Osmond isn't a sophisticate who calculates every move she makes or every word she speaks? Have a little rachmanis for an ordinary person coping with extreme grief, no matter how inappropriate her methods may seem to you.
Victoria,
Crack, just like you to politicize everything. I have worked for liberals, conservatives and everyone in-between. It is the job you do, not the person you work for that is important. I and millions of others have had to work for people we don't care for. We just grit our teeth and go on. That's life. Deal with it.
I was going to say something pejorative about you but thought better of it.
In in honor of that, I'll refrain as well, but what you say is insanely short-sighted in this environment. I could go into details but, instead, I'll merely say go here and watch this, and then tell me about how wonderful liberals are now. I've experienced worse just because I was discovered to be a conservative (you have heard black conservatives catch it worse than others, haven't you?)
One group of co-workers even went to far as putting flyers up in the front windows of the business announcing my political affiliation. Nice, huh?
I've been falsely accused of sexual harassment 3 times - it's always proven to be false, but then I've got to go because, right or wrong, it's I who don't "fit in" with today's corporate culture.
Vickie, I was the top salesman in my last office. Even though that's the case, my boss, an older hispanic gentleman, has fired me three times because I told him - no matter how much pressure he's under from his boss - he can't scream at me for nothing. The last time he re-hired me, he insisted I agree with him that white people are racist to us at work - which I never experienced - in order to keep my job. It's maddening. He called me yesterday, asking if I was going to ask him for my job back, but I'm not groveling to him just to save his ass from his boss.
I understand what you're saying but you're a woman, probably white, and a liberal. What you are describing is an ideal. This is one of the most partisan periods in peace time America ever, and it's multifaceted, so take your pick of what to avoid:
Politics, race, spirituality - you name it - it's all a danger zone to me. At the end of the day, I go home and close my door - even from my roommates - because (as your uninformed attack on me shows) people will attack for anything now and I'm trying my best to stay out of prison. I see you all as crazy and I want nothing to do with you. But you're all so fucking sure of your own assumptions, that will never be an option because, somehow, you missed that whole ASS-U-ME lesson in school.
Your dangerous - and how well I do my job is no defense against how much liberals are determined to punish anyone who doesn't join in them in their madness.
My stage is my safe place
Imus occasionally remarks that all women are actresses; the joke being his hair-trigger-temper wife might hear it.
ST,
So, then, you would condemn Eric Clapton for "Tears in Heaven?"
No, but I will for "Wonderful Tonight".
Trying to glorify stealing another man's wife is disgusting, no matter what pretty chords he put around it.
Most of us would probably be back at work within 2-3 weeks of a death in the family, including suicide. Just because her work is more visible, it doens't change this.
Crack
You got the right buy, but the wrong song.
Hey, if Harrison got over, you can too.
There isn't anything you can say that isn't horribly banal.
If so then I would suggest that any blog post about such an interview can be described as such:
There isn't anything you can write that isn't horrible.
Oops. guy, not buy.
If I could only spell, I'd be dangerous.
with all due respect, Ann, going public, especially when you've lived your whole life in public, about suicide may indeed be part of how Marie is coping.
People can be utterly cruel and hateful towards the parents of suicides. Indeed, I saw/heard any number of comments on articles covering the tragedy that blamed Marie for her son's suicide (bad mom, Mormon religion, etc).
Many parents want and need to talk about their sons/daughters and the worst thing one can do is try to shame 'em into silence.
One of my cousins committed suicide years ago ... his mom, my aunt, discovered the body. She grew so frustrated with people trying to change the subject every time his name came up she wanted to scream.
Seriously, Marie has too much on her to make good decisions. She fought severe depression for many years. Then her son, with no drugs involved, and suffering from severe depression jumped off an 8 story building to end it all. Whatever she does to cope with her life now is better than giving up. She was once a star on a family show with one of her older brothers in the 1970s. She apparently had two bad marriages with abusive men in a culture that made marriage to and serving of a man the basic sacrament for a godly woman's salvation, but offered no way to help her out.
Hey, if Harrison got over [it], you can too.
Fuck that, Mr. Relativism (God, I hate people like you):
As a divorced person, who went through the pain of adultery, I want nothing to do with it. There's nothing worse than trying to go about my day, just putting one foot in front of another, only to have that sleazy asshole's ode to cheating come on the radio and start the shit all over again.
If only for interrupting my day with those emotions, I get glad his kid died, and hope the sting lasts for the rest of his days. How dare he subject me to his affair. Fuck him.
And fuck you, too. People who don't know right from wrong don't deserve to be treated right.
Veteran's Day - I hope everyone honors it.
Link repost:
Veterans Day Montage - American Anthem
That space on Oprah's couch?
Why not? Like someone else has said, it's not what I would do, but she feels safe there and it's what she knows.
I've come to believe that the less we talk about what haunts us and what shames us, the more power it has over us. So, she chose to tell her story to a very large audience...and I guess this tells me something very different than what it tells you. It tells me that she can begin to lay some of this down and that someone needed to hear it, who normally wouldn't have.
I am not going to judge this woman, I ma just glad I never had to live through something like this. It seems to be the need to be snarky under these circumstances is kind of cold, not to mention self righteous.
Crack.
You need more help than I can give you. I didn't say what he did was right; he was my guitar guy and always thought that was a heroin addicted f'd up thing to do.
I wonder why your wife committed adultery? You think you're easy to live with? Ha. You're a guy who is glad someone's kid died because he wrote a song you don't like. Asshole.
Wow.
Oh, and fuck you too.
Crack, you need some serious help.
Wow, anger that bad needs to be treated before you blow a gasket.
I guess that what I said hit a little too close to home. Don't blame the liberals for everything. That is the cowards way out.
Get help, now
Vicki
So, then, you would condemn Eric Clapton for "Tears in Heaven?"
I would condemn it on the ground that it is a lousy song. If people didn't know it was linked to a real tragedy I doubt it would have sold much.
Trying to glorify stealing another man's wife is disgusting, no matter what pretty chords he put around it.
Clapton wrote that song while he and Boyd were dating, two years after she divorced Harrison.
Ha!
You people are all pathetic:
rdkraus,
I wonder why your wife committed adultery?
It's called having a lack of character (something I suspect you suffer from as well.) She also killed three people with the guy she cheated with. I know, like all the assholes on this blog eventually do, you're going to take your uninformed bullshit and try to use a painful event - like my divorce - and try to lay it all at my feet, right? Riiight.
You're a guy who is glad someone's kid died because he wrote a song you don't like.
No, you dummy, it's because he got me involved in his sleazy bullshit when I want nothing to with it. You go through adultery, and a triple murder, and then have to suffer the stupid attitudes of unethical wonders like you, and then you tell me how much compassion you have left for anybody like your guitar guy. Sorry, bitch, but all out of fucking compassion.
Now, shit for brains, crawl away on your belly and get back to licking ankles.
Victoria,
Crack, you need some serious help. Wow, anger that bad needs to be treated before you blow a gasket. I guess that what I said hit a little too close to home. Don't blame the liberals for everything. That is the cowards way out. Get help, now.
Jesus, Vickie, you're not dead yet? What is your problem with me? In case you haven't noticed, I'm not alone in despising liberals and what they've done and still do. Face it: You suck. When you finally accept that, I will have received all the "help" I need, thank you very much.
Revenant,
Clapton wrote that song while he and Boyd were dating, two years after she divorced Harrison.
Fuck, you libs will twist reality to justify anything:
Who gives a shit when he wrote the song?
He stole the man's wife! He cheated with her behind George's back. They lied to George, warping his sense of reality until it was convenient - for their selfish asses - to tell him. Making a person think your lie is reality is one of the worst things you can do to another human being.
I want nothing to do with such scum. You guys, attempting to justify such bullshit, especially.
Fuck all y'all who feel differently, you morally-challenged and unethical bastards.
I'm watching it right now. It's painful to watch. Oprah asks her if it's too soon, and clearly it is too soon. This mom is still obviously broken up about her son.
I think show people are just different than you and me. Marie has had some tough situations, the post partum depression, the bad marriages. She is a mother in pain.
Marie is still a beautiful woman, I wish she hadn't used lip collagen. It's distracting.
"I think going on Oprah to talk about your son's suicide is just a terrible idea."
I think there's a chance that by using her celebrity to go on Oprah and talk about her son's suicide, she felt like she might be able to keep other people's kids from committing suicide.
I don't have any personal affection for Marie Osmand, and quite the opposite for Oprah, but "I beseech you, in the bowels of Christ, think it possible you may be mistaken."
So, then, you would condemn Eric Clapton for "Tears in Heaven?"
Eric Clapton was on Oprah?
Fuck, you libs will twist reality to justify anything
I should start a checklist. Of the right-wing posters here who happen to be half-wits, I think around 70% of them have, within the last week, accused me of being a leftie.
Who gives a shit when he wrote the song? He stole the man's wife! He cheated with her behind George's back.
Yes, I'll try to pretend that I care about that.
You said the song glorified stealing another man's wife. Setting aside the fact that wives aren't property and can't be "stolen", the simple fact of the matter is that she wasn't Harrison's wife anymore when he wrote that song about her. So, no, it doesn't "glorify stealing another man's wife". It's a song about how much he loved a then-unmarried woman.
Now, if you wanted to say that "Layla" was about wanting to steal another man's wife, you'd be on much firmer ground.
Revenant,
Dude, as you can probably tell, I'm really not in the mood for your hair-splitting. You know the man cheated on his best friend with his wife. A wife may not be property but she also ain't somebody that someone else fucks - and your friend shouldn't even be a consideration.
I don't care if you're a liberal or Sean Hannity, you're a relativist - a person who's ethically challenged. A person with no character. A scumbag. As you said, you can't even pretend to care about right or wrong. My hope for people like you:
That wrong pays a visit and wrings your stupid ass out.
Like I said, I'm all out of compassion, or "understanding", for your position.
It's bullshit.
I don't care if you're a liberal or Sean Hannity, you're a relativist - a person who's ethically challenged. A person with no character. A scumbag.
What a sad, angry little man you are.
The amusing thing is that Harrison himself wasn't even as angry over this as you are.
If we only listened to music written by saints, we wouldn't listen to music at all.
I'm not sure if a purely evil person could write decent music, but it is surely the case that some pretty bad people made some pretty good music.
I heard Wonderful Tonight long before I knew anything about Eric Clapton. It is a fine love song. While my view of Clapton has changed as I know more about him, my view of the song is unchanged--because the song is still the same.
Or in other words: Dude, art and artist are not identical.
Throughout my adult life my way of handling personal loss has been to bury myself in work. Those have been exceptionally productive times both in terms of output and personal growth. There is solace to be found in work.
I lost a girlfriend to brain cancer while I was traveling and performing. On stage, I could cope. When I was off stage was when it was hell.
Revenant,
What a sad, angry little man you are.
The amusing thing is that Harrison himself wasn't even as angry over this as you are.
Here - one more time, but slowly for the retards:
Lying. Adultery. A triple murder. Am I pissed?
YOU'RE GODDAMNED RIGHT I'M PISSED!
Because the casual relativism you display is at the core of the whole damned thing. You think I devoted my life to someone else for your "I'll try to pretend that I care" bullshit?
Don't you get it, you moron, that if you don't have to care then I don't either? So yes, faced with your attitude, I can want you all dead in the most disgusting ways because I don't have "to pretend that I care", do I? You - and everyone who thinks like you - have given me permission to be Hitler if I want. Shit, you created Hitler, you're so damned sophisticated.
And Maharishi-following George, with his Hari Krishna donations, wouldn't have enough sense to be pissed about anything, considering all the lives he single-handedly ruined by promoting such nonsense. What are you going to say to the women who traveled to India, following George's example, who got there and went mad? Nothing. Because you, in all your wisdom and compassion, can only "try to pretend" that you care - genuine compassion or understanding being beyond you. Don't forget: it wasn't George who identified the Maharishi as a fraud, but John - the "angry Beatle".
All of your kind remind me of that old joke:
We are all put here to help others.
Fine - what are the others here for?
My answer, when faced with dipshits like you:
Target practice.
Now fuck off.
dbp,
I heard Wonderful Tonight long before I knew anything about Eric Clapton. It is a fine love song. While my view of Clapton has changed as I know more about him, my view of the song is unchanged--because the song is still the same.
Or in other words: Dude, art and artist are not identical.
My step father is Charles Mingus. My sister was a singer with Steeely Dan and Earth Wind and Fire. Eubie Blake and Ike and Tina Turner were visitors to our house. Roy Ayers was my old man's best friend. I've personally recorded with Public Enemy and made about 30 CDs.
My point is, I'm not just some dickhead listening to the radio. I'm connected to this shit in a way you will never know. I've had bands break up because someone slept with someone else's girlfriend and it's devastating - multiple people's livelihoods destroyed and careers derailed over what? Revenant - with some bitches smegma on his face - saying, "I'll try to pretend that I care about that."
The biggest problem this country has to deal with is the short-sightedness, and lack of empathy, the hippies introduced into our society under the guise of NewAge beliefs. They made it so no one has to care. Now, you're so brain dead, you can be sitting in your own shit and you'll be declaring it gold:
Sexy Sadie, what have you done? You made a fool of everyone.
Get it?
You're all a bunch of fucking fools.
You - and everyone who thinks like you - have given me permission to be Hitler if I want.
Well, you've got the "batshit crazy" part down. Now you just need to round up a few million followers, lose a war and poison yourself.
Skip the middle steps. Save everyone time and effort.
Anger is often the lid used to keep feelings of sadness, fear and vulnerability protected and under control.
Beyond the F' yous, hurt, anger and truth vibrating through Crack's comments and those responding, is something deep and intense awaiting creative expression.
Crack, you may dismiss me as someone crazy or new age, but I'm not either. In my experience, the type of strong emotional energy I hear you expressing in recent posts often precedes a breakthrough in artistic expression. May you be so blessed.
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