Althouse: Breaking up is hard to do... with friends.

March 27, 2010

Breaking up is hard to do... with friends.

It's not quite the same as breaking up with a lover, but it can be tough.

49 comments:

rhhardin said...: The Women's weekend edition was a reason to drop the WSJ subscription.; 3/27/10, 2:33 PM
traditionalguy said...: Define the term Friend. If it is no different from a"self centered user" that is waiting on a better offer, then you have not had a friend in the relationship. However kindness and civility is still owed to everyone. The true friend will also level with you when you cross their boundaries so that you can learn where those boundaries are.; 3/27/10, 2:37 PM
mesquito said...: "Rob Wilson, 53, a writer in Atlanta, saw a 12-year friendship abruptly end after he mentioned he was voting for George W. Bush in the 2004 presidential election."

Chortle.; 3/27/10, 2:45 PM
kentuckyliz said...: ^ shallow friendship indeed.

You don't break up with friends...you just let them fade away.

Not sure what the BFD is.; 3/27/10, 2:48 PM
joewxman said...: its no surprise that some one from the left worships his politics far more then treasures a friendship. Good riddance as far as im concerned.; 3/27/10, 2:48 PM
Anonymous said...: The left has taken a page from history and are keeping blacklists. People understandably don't want to be on their lists. Some people will be defiant, but most of them will be cowards.

The marching orders have been handed down. If you're a friend of a conservative, you will be outed and they will excommunicate you from their church.; 3/27/10, 3:01 PM
Anonymous said...: In Islam, this is known as "shunning."

If you don't toe the line, you are shunned.

If you are raped, you are shunned.

An Indian Muslim woman recently was forced to marry her rapist (who was in jail) to avoid the shunning.

The Democrat Party is a religion. Barack Obama is their God. And anyone who questions this orthodoxy will be excommunicted, shunned in employment and friendships, denied advancement at work, and destroyedby government officials if they speak out (Joe The Plumber).

The Democrat Party is - in almost all respects - not a political party at all.

It is a cult.; 3/27/10, 3:07 PM
kentuckyliz said...: Like my new hajib?

A bit hot, but I can't afford the dhimmi tithe.; 3/27/10, 3:16 PM
Anonymous said...: Hijab (not hajib).

Nice. Except, I can see some skin around your eyes ... you dirty, dirty whore!

Forty lashes for you - infidel!; 3/27/10, 3:21 PM
kentuckyliz said...: Sorry, got my spelling backwards.

Ahhhh...this is a little cooler.; 3/27/10, 3:24 PM
Joe said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 3/27/10, 3:25 PM
kentuckyliz said...: Makes me think of the saying, "They're all the same with a bag over their heads."; 3/27/10, 3:25 PM
Joe said...: What about the flip side; reconnecting with a friend or acquaintance from the past and become good friends again? Or simply gaining a new friend?; 3/27/10, 3:26 PM
Anonymous said...: OMG, I just ran across that hijab perusing them on Google images.

Lovely.

80 lashes for you now ... bend over baby!; 3/27/10, 3:27 PM
Fen said...: "Rob Wilson, 53, a writer in Atlanta, saw a 12-year friendship abruptly end after he mentioned he was voting for George W. Bush in the 2004 presidential election."

This happens alot, and is 99% of the time a Lefty ditching a friend once they discover he is "Stupid and/or Evil"

It also explains why so many people are Democrats. They espouse Lefty principles they don't really believe in because they want to sit at the "cool kids" table in the cafetaria. The more things change...

And of course, they socially ostracize anyone with a different viewpoint. Its a mental disease that affects work, play, family, friends.

I suspect alot of our Libtards here are such. Alpha, FLS, Garage, et al. Its why its so easy to out them as hypocrites.

Its not really that they have situational ethics, its because the Left doesn't really believe in the things they lecture us about

First time his city is under WMD attack, Freder & Co will be begging people like me to waterboard the perp and save their parasitic asses.

Don't bother me. I'll have ringside seats and a bottle of Schadenfreude. Because I'm tired of standing in between Islam and the West while the Left stabs in the back.; 3/27/10, 3:53 PM
Unknown said...: A lot of friendships can't survive distance, as well as time. The getting together face to face is a little like sex in a marriage - the glue that holds the thing together. I think the exception is the military. It seems that's a bond nothing breaks.

As for the moron who cut the other guy off because he voted for Dubya, that was never a friend. They simply had some common interests. Note mesquito thinks it's cool.

New "Hussein" Ham said...

The Democrat Party is a religion. Barack Obama is their God. And anyone who questions this orthodoxy will be excommunicted, shunned in employment and friendships, denied advancement at work, and destroyedby government officials if they speak out (Joe The Plumber).

The Democrat Party is - in almost all respects - not a political party at all.

It is a cult.

Not the Democrats; to paraphrase the guy who holds the record as history's greatest mass murderer, but still makes a tingle run up the Lefties' legs, the Democrat Party is the ocean in which the little fish swim. The religion is that which worships Karl Marx, although nowadays they're taking more than a few leaves from the book of National Socialism.

In Islam, this is known as "shunning."

No, among the Amish, it's shunning. Whatever the Arabic word for it might translate to be, I can't say, but, among the plain people, that's the specific word and the practice is very elaborate.

PS You two are getting a little weird. Could be the name. I've seen a couple of diabolical guys named Hussein recently.; 3/27/10, 4:04 PM
Anonymous said...: Even my friends don't like me, so it's not a problem.; 3/27/10, 4:09 PM
themightypuck said...: I have two friends I kind of cut off for different reasons. Now that I think about it, it was kind of shitty of me to do what I did. You always owe people an explanation.; 3/27/10, 4:11 PM
mesquito said...: Note mesquito thinks it's cool.

Actually, mesquito thinks it was so typical of liberal perversity that it cracked him up a little.; 3/27/10, 4:12 PM
Anonymous said...: You always owe people an explanation.

What do you mean?; 3/27/10, 4:16 PM
prairie wind said...: That's what happened to Nelson De Sousa. Last spring, he repeatedly got into heated arguments with his two best friends from high school, whom he been close to for more than 20 years. He felt they were too sympathetic to his wife's point of view after his divorce. In one day, he screamed at them both on the phone. Each of them hung up on him.

For months after that, Mr. De Sousa says there was a "cold war atmosphere" in the friendship. When he called his friends, they often refused to pick up the phone. When they did, they were icy to him.

Finally, he'd had enough. So he left a message for each one of them on their home phones: "Tag, you're it. I'm not playing this game anymore. The ball is in your court." That was last August. He hasn't heard from them since.

This one made me laugh. The guy screams at his friends and they stop talking to him. He tells the story so that he's the one who cut off the friendship, though.

Would I be a bad person if I stopped being friends with someone because she voted for Obama and she still supports him? Maybe if she didn't have the "yes we did" bumper sticker on her car...; 3/27/10, 4:32 PM
traditionalguy said...: Windbag...The care and feeding of friends includes sharing your anger and irritations with them too. It is such honesty that tells them that they have a friend because that trusts them. Maybe you are a good time superficial guy and others don't know why you will not give them trust. Friends are not perfect people, but they do not give trust to people who do not trust them.; 3/27/10, 4:38 PM
Trooper York said...: "Breaking up is hard to do... with friends."

No it's not. Everybody seems to dump that Rachel bitch.

She just can't keep a man.

Must be a lousy lay; 3/27/10, 4:58 PM
Methadras said...: Friends are there to share things with. Sometimes they stop wanting to share. They get other priorities that don't involve you. You have arguments, or you disagree on things, and you get to see the underbelly of the inner workings of who they are or vice versa and that can be a turn off. I've had any number of friends come and go, but I can safely say that they are still friends. If they aren't then I didn't or don't know about and that's their misfortune. People who become de-friended for whatever reason can have a hard time with it. My wife was/is going through that with a woman and her family we've known for over 20 years. She and her family simply stopped interacting with ours. Even on an individual level, my wife and her friend haven't spoken in a couple of years. It pains my wife, but I tell her that her friend just may not be interested in having a friendship anymore. My wife finds that hard to believe because the concept of being becoming a friend should be, in her mind, a life long affair. It isn't and she has a hard time with that concept.

In any event, this is life, it's sometimes ugly, dirty, and as adults we have to make hard choices in life that will absolutely suck, but that's life.; 3/27/10, 4:59 PM
Trooper York said...: Or maybe she has a Mariah Carey problem.

You know a cootch that smells like the Gowanus Canal on a hot humid summer day.

That could be a deal breaker.; 3/27/10, 5:03 PM
Fen said...: As for the moron who cut the other guy off because he voted for Dubya, that was never a friend

I don't know, I've seen it alot and once held the same view as you: good riddance, they were never true friends, etc.

But I think its more like a prejudice - bigotry over your skin colour, your religion, your political beliefs.

I have a few Lefty friends. I've made it clear we can remain friends as long as they don't proselytize. So far, so good.; 3/27/10, 5:04 PM
Methadras said...: What is annoying about one section of the article is how the first woman mentioned is married but is referred to as Ms. not Mrs. I mean, the woman has a husband, she has a status as a married woman, respect that will you please?; 3/27/10, 5:04 PM
Anonymous said...: "No, among the Amish, it's shunning. Whatever the Arabic word for it might translate to be, I can't say, but, among the plain people, that's the specific word and the practice is very elaborate. PS: You two are getting a little weird."

Look dude, just because you're uneducated about the practice of Islamic shunning does not make me "a little weird." I've traveled extensively in Islamic countries all over the world and have witnessed shunning first-hand. It is a highly effective practice to keep people in line and to enforce an orthodoxy.

The Democrat Party has figured that out and are using that strategy with great success.

I'd suggest you go educate yourself, since your country is slowly being turned into an Islamic caliphate by Barack Hussein Obama.; 3/27/10, 5:09 PM
Anonymous said...: A friendship is a two way street, as traditionalguy said. I will stay in contact until such time as I feel I'm the only one extending. Then I just drop it. Do I owe them an explanation? No. They don't call or write, there's no explanation warranted. Same goes for relatives. The time in my life is slated for those who reciprocate.; 3/27/10, 5:10 PM
Trooper York said...: Now I bet that Phoebe chick would be a lot of fun. I mean she seems like a real dirty hippie chick…… You know you go up to her place… She lights a soy candle that smells like a summer meadow…. Her cootch smells like patchouli oil and garlic……but when you get to the moment of truth…and you are ready to make the beast with two backs……you look down at her in the flickering candle light…and this is what you see.; 3/27/10, 5:19 PM
Trooper York said...: It's enough to break up a friendship because of Bush.

So to speak.; 3/27/10, 5:21 PM
1775OGG said...: Wait a Gol Darned Minute! Where's the PSA on this subject? How are we Hoi Polloi supposed to know how to deal with this subject unless there's a PSA made by one of Society's elites? Jeez, what darned good is Obama's Big Government unless it tells us how to act in every situation?

Thought Obama was going to remake America?; 3/27/10, 5:21 PM
Fred4Pres said...: My guess is the shunned friend slighted the other in some way that she cannot talk about it. Either that or she was hitting on her friend's husband. Real or imagined. It is a shame if it is imagined, but a friend like that probably isn't worth a lot.

Of course a friend who hits on your friend's husband is not worth a lot either.; 3/27/10, 5:29 PM
Rose said...: Funny! Life goes on.; 3/27/10, 5:34 PM
LoafingOaf said...: It sucks when someone you're avoiding uses that *67 shit before calling you.; 3/27/10, 5:36 PM
rhhardin said...: Metaphor drives its point home on a two-way street.

- Erving Goffman, probably. Might have been Richard Harvey Brown, though.; 3/27/10, 5:45 PM
Marissa said...: Breaking up with friends used to be a whole lot easier before social networking sites. It used to be easier to avoid going places, to turn down invites, and just fade away from the frienship.

Now they can follow your tweet or your facebook status, or see tagged photos of you at parties or see what event you are attending.

It's harder to be passive about it. Almost impossible to separate from people who don't get the hint.; 3/27/10, 6:28 PM
Anonymous said...: I had a friend who I, well, I guess you could say split with right after Sept. 11. He sent a long email to virtually everyone he knew that boiled down to "The US has been asking for this." (He's always been anti-American; I have no idea why; he's had a good life.)

We got in a huge fight and stopped speaking for a while. I wouldn't say that I stopped being friends with him because of this, but I wasn't really sorry that we fell out of touch, either.

We've reconnected a couple times since, including just recently (Facebook, of course), and we're OK, I guess (he lives in a different state, so we wouldn't see each other anyway), but his overall opinions haven't changed, and, while I can get along with him and enjoy chatting with him, I have a hard time having any respect for him (for the anti-americanism, but also the crying over the Scott Brown election and the life-long liberals arts academia path he's chosen).

It doesn't make sense not to respect your friends.
- Lyssa; 3/27/10, 7:26 PM
Anonymous said...: Methadras said: "how the first woman mentioned is married but is referred to as Ms. not Mrs ..."

You know, I universally use "Ms." and prefer it. I'm a long way from a feminazi, and love my role as a wife to my husband, but, if men don't have "status" changes when they get married, why should women? In most cases, the story has nothing to do with her status as a wife, so why should we have to specify? The change in title harkens back to a time when women were defined by their husbands, which is hardly the case now.

It's not something I get up in arms about, but I'm all for phasing out "Mrs." altogether.
- Lyssa; 3/27/10, 7:31 PM
Debra J.M. Smith said...: I just wish that there were songs for falling out of friendships.

When I suffer the loss of the a friend, I go around singing break-up songs. Like:

"Please release me, let me go. For, I don't want you, anymore."

or

"Got along without ya, before I met ya, gonna get along without ya now."

or

"Set me free, why don't ya babe. Get out of my life, why don't ya babe. --You don't give a darn about me. You just keep me hanging on... Let me get over you, the way you've gotten over me."

or

"I hear ya been talking about me, to some of our friends. Well, ya better believe, I'm not going, through that again. Your the kind of [friend] a woman thinks she can change. Well the only thing changing is my way of thinking. And I thinking that maybe some day, somebody's gonna give you a lesson in leaving, somebody's gonna do to you what you been doing, and I hope that I'm around. To watch 'em knock you down. Well, it's like you to love 'em and leave 'em just like you loved me and left me, it's like you to do that sort of thing... Baby there ain't no doubt. You're a fool hearted [friend.]

lol... And try explaining to your husband, why you are singing these songs. haha...; 3/27/10, 7:40 PM
kjbe said...: Miscommunication and expectations, I think, are the biggest culprits. I've learned, though, that time and forgiveness are a wonderful balm.; 3/27/10, 7:58 PM
Jason said...: I don't think I've ever deliberately cut off contact with a friend.

Well, there's one guy... a liberal, who was always on my facebook page calling me a Nazi and a crook. He calls me 'Nazi Boy' at every opportunity. Only on facebook, though... it never translated to real life. I just unfacebooked him.

Another 'friend' cut me off, abruptly. Not sure why. I found out a year later she had been writing really shitty things about me on her blog for months before cutting me off, and had been planning it for months.

I haven't seen her since I found out. When I do run into her at random, I'm going to tell her what I thought of that shit.

I love my liberal friends, and I like it when they try to engage me. I don't like it when they take it personally when I don't agree with them, though.

Liberal friends. Not libtard friends. Libtards I have no use for.; 3/27/10, 8:32 PM
bagoh20 said...: I've never seen this happen. Friends drift apart, but I've never seen one get officially fired.

I do have a friend, who when she told her best friend that she was voting for G. W. Bush, the Kerry supporter (actually Bush hater) friend bit her and drew blood. They are still best friends though.

BDS was and continues to be a serious national mental health problem. I hope Obamacare covers muzzle prescriptions.; 3/27/10, 8:44 PM
bagoh20 said...: I consider the regular commenters here to be friends, but I have a very simple vetting process: If I see your avatar twice, I feel like we've been fishing together and drained a 12 pack.; 3/27/10, 8:51 PM
bagoh20 said...: "I universally use "Ms." and prefer it."

I agree, except for the exceptional Mrs. Mead.; 3/27/10, 8:56 PM
frum single female said...: i hear ya.its much harder to break up with friends.; 3/27/10, 10:41 PM
Irene said...: If I see your avatar twice, I feel like we've been fishing together and drained a 12 pack.

But bagoh20, you just changed your avatar!; 3/27/10, 10:47 PM
bagoh20 said...: "But bagoh20, you just changed your avatar!"

Shhhhh, I'm under cover.; 3/27/10, 11:12 PM
bagoh20 said...: Friends are like jobs: there is always a lot of competition for the ones with benefits.; 3/27/10, 11:31 PM

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)