Althouse: Struggling not to laugh so much I wake up everyone in the house.

January 3, 2010

Struggling not to laugh so much I wake up everyone in the house.

And I'm partly laughing out of shame for finding this so funny.

24 comments:

Factory Yoyo said...: Anyone who is a man will wonder how this could possibly be true.

Happy New Year to all.; 1/3/10, 7:13 AM
Unknown said...: Something only a woman would find amusing. You have a cruel streak, Ann.

Why do I get the feeling you rang in the New Year wearing the leather bodystocking and cracking the whip?

WV "painith" (no kidding) What the Croatian guy said right before, "TERRIBLE".; 1/3/10, 7:25 AM
alan markus said...: Reminds me of a popular colloquialism that I heard from an elderly neighbor lady many years ago: "She really got her tit caught in the wringer this time"; 1/3/10, 7:31 AM
David said...: "sent a member of the staff . . . "

Haha.; 1/3/10, 8:30 AM
Anonymous said...: My trusty Urban Legend Detector is a solid yellow. Not red, mind you, but caution is nevertheless warranted.

Peter; 1/3/10, 8:46 AM
Photog714 said...: You and your friends can have a good laugh tomorrow morning in the girls bathroom at your middle school.; 1/3/10, 8:53 AM
Meade said...: First thing Adam realized after eating from the Tree of Knowledge? Protect the boys. Put on some pants!.; 1/3/10, 9:05 AM
EnigmatiCore said...: This reminds me of a classic Fark thread, subsequently named "The Ballsack Conundrum".

At first, the Farkers were suspicious that someone was pulling their legs- but there...was...proof.

One of the funniest forum threads I have ever read.; 1/3/10, 9:11 AM
EnigmatiCore said...: "My trusty Urban Legend Detector is a solid yellow. "

Peter-- read the Fark thread I linked above. Different time, same basic situation. And there is (yes, you have to read the thread to find it) proof.; 1/3/10, 9:12 AM
Dad Bones said...: When I was a kid Jimmy Knudsen got his balls frozen in the snow while playing hide'n seek. He was hiding face down and had to pee, then he waited too long for someone to find him....We all called him 'Snowballs' after that.

Well it probably happened to some kid somewhere.; 1/3/10, 9:21 AM
d-day said...: If this kind of thing interests you, you can always check out the famous "Balls Stuck in Chair" liveblog. It even has pictures!; 1/3/10, 9:27 AM
d-day said...: Disregard - EC beat me to it.

Glad to know there's such lively interest in balls this Sunday morning.

wv: "bamo" - you hope not, if we're still talking balls.; 1/3/10, 9:30 AM
EnigmatiCore said...: Oops- apparently the photos no longer are online! But you can tell from the comments that they did exist.; 1/3/10, 9:41 AM
Fred4Pres said...: Ouch. That is not funny.; 1/3/10, 9:54 AM
Ann Althouse said...: @Meade I have long wondered why the big knowledge from the tree was just oh, I'm naked. Now, I understand.; 1/3/10, 10:01 AM
Unknown said...: Ann Althouse said...

@Meade I have long wondered why the big knowledge from the tree was just oh, I'm naked. Now, I understand.

And keep in mind, the girls (in both senses, we presume) learned the lesson first.

I wonder where Eve found the wringer...; 1/3/10, 10:39 AM
Wince said...: I Triple Dog Dare you to sit naked on a Wisconsin porch!; 1/3/10, 11:15 AM
Ignorance is Bliss said...: While I can believe that a person got their balls stuck in a chair, the explanation is clearly wrong.

Cold does not shrink testicles, it shrinks the scrotum, drawing the testicles closer to the body, further from the danger.

If I had to guess, I'd say that while positioning himself on the chair, he distributed his weight unevenly on two adjacent slats, bending one further than the other, increasing the size of the gap. Delicate bits enter, his weight shifts, and the gap shrinks back to its normal size.; 1/3/10, 11:40 AM
Big Mike said...: Ignorance is almost certainly correct.

Did I just type that?

Anyway, sperm are only viable at at temperature just below normal body temperature and die at body temperature (which is fortunate, otherwise one act of copulation could get a female pregnant every time she ovulated thereafter). At cold temperatures the scrotum shrinks to keep the sperm warmer by pulling them closer to the body. At warm temperatures it loosens.

I thought everybody knew that. Did you all sleep through sex ed class? Or did you just look at the pictures?; 1/3/10, 1:11 PM
Peter Hoh said...: Good manners would have prevented this. Out of consideration for others, when one is nude, he ought to use a towel to cover the surface upon which he sits.; 1/3/10, 1:14 PM
JAL said...: You posted this at 6:51 a.m?

And laughed so hard you were afraid you'd wake Meade up?; 1/3/10, 3:07 PM
Synova said...: "If I had to guess, I'd say that while positioning himself on the chair, he distributed his weight unevenly on two adjacent slats, bending one further than the other, increasing the size of the gap. Delicate bits enter, his weight shifts, and the gap shrinks back to its normal size."

Yes.

Like one of those paper finger traps. You pull your fingers out and they tighten (lift your weight from the chair and the gap shrinks) but push your fingers in and the trap loosens.

Completely unrelated... my daughter got stuck on a slatted bench at Red Lobster when a chain on her trip pants slipped through.

We twisted the links and got her unstuck, but the funniest thing was that the lady working there said it wasn't the first time the same thing had happened.; 1/3/10, 3:47 PM
el polacko said...: total b.s. testicles don't shrink and expand according to temperatures.. penises do. if he was in cold water, his scrotum would have tightened up and been far less likely to slip through any slats. 'everyone' loves to laugh at male genital haplessness, but this story is pure fiction.; 1/4/10, 2:10 AM
J. Cricket said...: Of course it is pure fiction.

Like most of Althouse's "factual" claims.; 1/4/10, 7:14 PM