May 24, 2008
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29 comments:
What you are supposed to do is at the end of reading your fortune cookie you should add the words:
In bed.
Works every time.
I don't need that kind of pressure, cookie!!!!!
That cookie's watched too much Oprah!
Is that confidence, or merely an expression of disappointment and failure? "You should be able to undertake and complete anything you desire--but you can't."
Here you go, Trooper.
Hey Joe what can I say. I am an optimist.
Kroger on Thursday introduces a line of patriotic cookies for the red states.
Don't look for them in Madison.
Well Madison does have very good Cheese Doodles.
from The Comments That Time Forgot:
Hitler faced the upcoming Russian Campaign, buoyed by the confidence his fortune cookie gave him.
Harry Hinkle: Of course he's upset. He's a lawyer - he's paid to be upset.
(The Fortune Cookie, 1966)
It takes much grinding to turn an iron bar into a needle.
Man is finite; the cookie is lying.
NPR interviewed a woman who wrote about the history of the fortune cookie: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=19200355
The fortune cookie producers were pressured by restaurant managers to print upbeat messages after patrons complained about ambiguous or potentially negative messages. . . .
I think negative fortune cookies would be hilarious.
I'm resisting an urge to brush those crumbs away.
Heh. I first heard that "in bed" add-on from Ruth Anne here. Works like a gem every time.
BTW, does anyone else collect fortune cookies? I have a bag of them, from every delivery I've had since 2002.
Because of the Lotto Numbers, you see.
Cheers,
Victoria
That fortune is for funeral directors only.
*You are soon to be audited
*A lock is recommended for your fuel tank
*That wasn't pork.
*Did you see the kitchen in this place?
*Your faith in polls is ill-founded.
*Dry weather and high winds create fire hazard
*Be mindful of your emergency brake, and turn your tires inward. There's a lot of hills around here.
*Enjoy yourself, it doesn't get any better than this.
*Your education doesn't suit you.
*Neglect your food taster at your own hazard
*Ignore those vermin, they're not important
*This restaurant scored poorly on its inspection.
*Your chef is experiencing personal difficulties
*Your waiter has herpes.
*If you must, use the bathroom next door.
*Your daughter will run an escort business.
*Your son will open a shop on Castro St.
*Your boss finds your wife attractive.
*The stock you felt compelled to sell will soon split.
*The city will soon seize your property under eminent domain.
*Fortune cookie writers are on drugs.
*You should have had an Oreo. ®
*Your youngest is growing pot in the basement.
*Your office is relocating.
*Please make Chip stop.
Chip, how about some blogger fortune cookie suggestions?
- You will be Instalanched
- Your faith in Ace of Spades shall be rewarded
- Your banning from Kos for referring to Armando will be swift
- You don't know Jac
...any others?
Omigosh. Was Hillary Clinton seen eating Chinese food?
funniest thread evah
I remember one of the iterations of "The Twilight Zone" (not the original) had a guy in some sort of Chinese Restaurant of the Damned (aren't they all), and he had a fortune cookie that read:
You are going to die.
Which sounds scary until you realize it's pretty much the only guaranteed true fortune there is.
Was Hillary Clinton seen eating Chinese food?
Don't be silly, Michael. Only Bill Clinton eats out.
Best fortune I ever got from a cookie: "Beware of worthless wisdom."
Yeah. My internal irony-o-meter was painfully sore for a week. I couldn't even stand minor amusing hypocrisies without having to sit down . . . .
Adding "in bed" is funny but I think this suggestion is even better...
And now I see Joe already posted this link. Oops.
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