2. At the Children's Zoo at Central Park Zoo, I turned away from a turtle aquarium and, blinded by harsh late afternoon sun, cracked my head on a concrete tree branch. There are concrete trees everywhere, configured at child-friendly heights. I managed to navigate the rest of the Children's Zoo without further collision. I fed a couple alpacas, and they did not bite or spit at me.
3. In an effort to enter FAO Schwartz, we walked 2 blocks in search of the end of the line. Rounding the corner at Madison Avenue, I walked past a woman — an Upper East Side middle-aged blonde — who punched me in the back. I have no idea what punchworthy offense she believed me to have committed, but it seems to have been nothing more than occupying space on the sidewalk that she wanted a straight shot at. I was relieved that no one wanted to wait in the line, and we hailed a cab back to Brooklyn.
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60 comments:
Bad things come in threes. Now you are due for good luck.
The blonde was probably a regular reader of Feministing.
You need to wear a helmet and pack heat.
Avoid operating heavy machinery.
Drink some peppermint tea.
How the heck do you know she was from the Upper east side?
"How the heck do you know she was from the Upper east side?"
I don't know, but I recognize the type. She could be from elsewhere, but she was the type. Something about the hard-edged haircolor job. Something about the all-over impression that makes me want to say "rich bitch." If I'd had more presence of mind, I'd have whipped out my camera, caught up with her, and displayed her photo on this blogpost. Then I wouldn't have had to rely on a characterization. Suffice it to say, some damned bitch punched me today!
The City gets more vicious around the holidays...I have every confidence you would've laid that skank out right on the sidewalk. Inside FAO Schwartz, you should have brought a chain!
Ah, I wish I could skate near the Gold Guy...
You must tap your Madison psyche for a better holiday mood.
I toast a hot toddy in your direction, Dr. A... recover!
some damned bitch punched me today
1) There goes your feminist membership card. (Or is it OK for women to call other women a "damned bitch", kind of like it's OK for one Black man to call another Black man "nigger"?)
2) I feel a vortex coming on......
I used to ice skate in high school, so a number of years later when my friends threw an office-party at the skating rink I put on my skates in a hurry and rushed out onto the ice to get some fun time on the empty rink. I started to turn around to skate backward and in instant I felt my face bouncing off the ice. Dang that stuff is hard. I broke my nose... and I never skated again.
There is definitely an "upper east side type". Perhaps she wasn't from the upper east side, but anybody who has spent any time in NYC knows the type. Just walk down Madison Ave at noon and observe the "ladies who lunch".
Somewhere in the blogosphere, a Blonde is writing a blog post about this clueless hillbilly who cut her off in the city today.....
Purchase a four-leaf clover from Bob and Ray Four Leaf Clover Farm (after the most beautiful face bit).
Sometimes trouble can find a person even if it has to look under their bed. I never want to believe it's happening at first but when I catch on I reluctantly switch from carefree to careful.
Hillary's blonde.
But it couldn't have been Hillary; she's in Iowa reminiscing about tall corn with her mom and Chelsea.
Hmm... some other rich... blonde.
I think Madison is exerting its influence on the universe.
It wants you home where people don't punch you and where you can ice skate. It promises real trees.
She's a damned bitch because she punched me. If you can't call strange women who punch you bitches....
The city had it out for you. I find that holing up with some Single Malt and a fire is an excellent finish to a day like that. And read a book...for fun.
Here in redneck country, we have carry and conceal laws that discourage bitches from attacking strangers on the sidewalks (where we can find sidewalks). In the unlikely event that you get attacked, "He/She needed killin'" is a valid defense here. It'd be more effective and self-fulfilling to have hit her with the camera, rather than taking her pic and displaying it for the world to see.
Ouch. You have my sympathies; I've had days like that and there's nothing like the relief that washes over you when you get home and don't have to go out again.
Gee, do people in New York regularly assault others on the street? I read a while back about a lady who went outside to light up a cigarette and someone came up and punched her.
"I find that holing up with some Single Malt..."
We ordered some good Brooklyn pizza, poured some wine, and watched football, including the announcement of the Heisman Trophy. The Floridians in the room were pleased. And what a fine young man that Tim Tebow is.
Especially bitchy was her landing her shot while your back was turned. Nothing more disgusting than a sucker punch.
I hope all your vortex victims have their alibis ready.
The UESRB gave you that shot on principle, for being an effing tourist. By smiting you three times, Manhattan has obviously rejected you, even if Brooklyn with its Midwest-like down-to-earthiness has accepted you. (Mailer saw Chicago as Brooklyn writ large, in Miami and the Siege of Chicago.)
Gee, do people in New York regularly assault others on the street?
No. Ann had some bad luck today.
[expletive deleted] happens.
Ahh, Brooklyn pizza. Sigh.
"And what a fine young man that Tim Tebow is."
Mmm, Oh yes. Yes he is.
"I hope all your vortex victims have their alibis ready."
They're all too pathetic and talentless and poor to live anywhere in New York, let alone the UES.
What did you ever do to Martha Stewart?
Hope your knocks, especially the fall, leave no lasting effects. You have my complete sympathy. Seems a lot of us here have taken skating spills. Mine was a hard whack on my lower back 20 years ago ice skating on a pond, and I've felt it ever since. Please, take care of yourself.
With security cameras everywhere, I'm wondering if that punch is on a hard drive somewhere.
I won't stand in line to get into any store.
I can't imagine you just taking a punch and not saying, or doing something. Did she wind you? Were you just too stunned to say anything? Wasn't there someone in your throng who could put her in her place? I'm missing something.
Yeah Ann, where was the posse?
Palladian said...
"They're all too pathetic and talentless and poor to live anywhere in New York, let alone the UES."
Who was that fat fuck who got dressed up in drag to do a parody vlog? I thought he was a New Yorker for some reason. Ought to be thrown into the Hudson, IMO. Preferably off something tall.
Weighing in on the feminist question: Yes, if a woman sucker punches you on the street, you can call her a bitch. Forever, as in "remember when that damned bitch just hauled off and punched me???" For what it's worth, she's not only a bitch, but an asshole. Sneaky punches are thrown by assholes.
Might have been a hair color statement.
Maybe the blonde is a friend of the concrete tree you viciously head-butted.
Had to be Maxine, reentful of the absence of holiday posts.
"Were you just too stunned to say anything? Wasn't there someone in your throng who could put her in her place? I'm missing something."
First, you have to understand that this was an extremely crowded corner, where people were put out by the line for the toy store and she was strongly motivated to get to the corner while I was going in the other direction (and holding hands with a child). There was another adult, but that person was not right next to me at the time. Second, I said something. I said "That woman punched me" about 5 times and said it in a way that drew everyone's attention to her — as she was stopped at the street corner about 8 feet away from her. I would say about 25 people were made aware that that particular woman had just punched a woman. Frankly, I'd much rather be punched than have that happen. So I had my revenge. As they say in kindergarten, I used words. They hurt!
According to other witnesses, after being assaulted, Professor Althouse exclaimed,
"Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Madison anymore."
I think most New Yorkers know to stay away from that area of town on a December Saturday. It was a bit crazy to be there. So I don't think it really represents what New York City is.
Ann:
If this post was a play for sympathy (or even if it wasn't), you have mine.
It does seem that we get "on a roll," taking multiple injuries as you did.
Still, the punch is in a different category from the other two. I guess that one could chalk it up as "holiday rudeness," which ought to read like an oxymoron, but unfortunately isn't.
The rudest shoppers as a class that I've encountered are the Germans. In Germany, you can be standing, looking at merchandise in a store and if you happen to be in the preferred path of a shopper, they'll just run over you. After this happened to me several times, my German acquaintances assured me I wasn't imagining things.
Mark
Thanks. I don't really need any sympathy. The post is just an oblique look at one of those "off blog" days that I make a point of not writing about. The 3 injuries are just a matter of structure for the writing.
I like that you confronted the puncher and got some satisfaction in that.
I'll go out on a limb here and guess that she's someone who is not in control when she becomes angry. She's probably cold and feels isolated in her life. Her aggression and quick anger, justified or not, result from a basic mistrust of others and from a deep shame that largely informs her basic character. She has an excessive need for control and she lacks emotional flexibility - the sort of person who, if feeling blocked or cut off, could bite, or punch a woman - any woman, ALL women - in their backs.
Let me double-check. Yy-yup... Hillary was in Iowa all day yesterday. Weird.
The rudest shoppers as a class that I've encountered are the Germans.
Uh, yeah. I used to work at a gourmet food store, and we had a lot of German customers. They were demanding, rude, AND cheap.
You shoulda just decked her, Toots. A couple shorts jabs and then a haymaker...
Just three reminders that you're not in Madison any more.
Stay safe in the big city.
Get a helmet! And a Kevlar vest. If they can make Manolo Blahnik shoes for men, they should be able to make a nice feminine Kevlar vest for the ladies. Next time, let the biatch bruise her knuckles!
if you happen to be in the preferred path of a shopper, they'll just run over you
History says this trait isn't just limited to shopping.
Meade: I continue to cyber-love you. LOLing on that last comment!
Professor A: Thanks for fleshing that out. I suspected there was more.
I don't really need any sympathy.
But you should take it if offered freely. Sort of cancels out the punching.
Hooray! We can call bitches bitches.
What goes through someone's mind to make her punch a stranger on the street?
http://www.pitbullarmory.com/womens.html
perhaps some body armor would be a memorable present!
Ruth Anne: Thanks. I continue to cyber-feel like the luckiest man in the world.
I agree, I think was Maxine!
I wonder what your Google horoscope said about your day yesterday...
At least you did not get beat up on the train.
What you need is an "I'm a LAWYER" t-shirt.
And what she did is assault. She's lucky you didn't get a picture of her, because if you did and she could be identified then you could in fact press charges.
Of course around here stuff like that doesn't happen. For one thing, we have CCW laws here.
Which incidentally, did you read the story about the gunman who tried to mow down people in the church today? He killed one person. Then the security team at the church, who were armed, made sure the second fatality was the gunman.
As they say in kindergarten, I used words. They hurt!
If you say so.
6 more months, Ann. Six more months.
Eli Blake said...
"what she did is assault."
Criminal assault, presumably - I know they say teachers have eyes in the backs of their heads, but punching someone in the back couldn't possibly put someone in anticipation of imminent battery? (See Glannon 3d Ed. 24 (2005)).
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