Today's page puts side-by-side two drawings that observe couples in restaurants. One is a general observation about the way men and women relate to each other in restaurant conversation, which, traveling alone, I overheard constantly. The second depicts a particular woman, who deviated from the norm and gave her partner hell about every little thing.
I was feeling lonely on this trip, but I often thought about whether I would be happier if I were this particular woman or that, sitting with that man, experiencing that conversation. The answer was usually no. I put a lot of effort into trying to reshape my loneliness into a profound, spiritual solitude. That worked some of the time, and the drawings are the direct record of this effort.
Throughout this trip I was always aware of the vacations that other people had that were denied to me. They could pursue fun and relaxation, but had the threat of interpersonal friction. I was on an art pilgrimmage, far from any of these things.
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Are we really that boring? I find myself quite fascinating. But then, I suspect that most men are in a similar position.
I used to wonder why women did this, but didn't realize that they did it with me, until a couple of years ago when my erstwhile girlfriend started telling me that I was giving too much information. Then she taught my daughter to do it to me. And, then I realize that I had been pandered to for 35 years.
Bruce, it's a dance. The contre-pas, if that's a word, is the parrot-cracker question.
"What should I do about my investments?"
(A week of research passes.)
"You should do A. If that is uncomfortable, B. A third possibility is C, but that is undesireable for the following reasons...."
"O, I could never do that. What else could I do?"
(A week of research passes.)
"You could do D. Alternatives are E and F."
"O, I could never do that...."
After going through this I recognized that the woman was activating me just as she'd offer a cracker to a parrot: "Polly want a cracker?" It doesn't matter what the parrot responds, as long as the parrot does respond. It doesn't matter what the question is and what the response is; there was never any intention to utilize the research and expertise. There is some need to be thought expert on our part that leads us into being activated again and again as parrots, some need to maintain conversation or social harmony on theirs.
The system crashes when there is actual need for the expertise. I resigned as insurance advisor for a woman, telling her, "I suggest you go to yet more cocktail parties and base your decisions about your daughter's welfare on whatever wisps you pick up there." The system crashes when the parrot tires of being the parrot.
After a while you both need to move beyond that dance, to other dances.
Sometimes your sketches remind me of Spielgelman/Maus....
-and i should add that for a while i thought you were just trying to torture us with your sketches but there is something very subtle, hard to describe, in some of them that latches onto a viewer, like the eyes/cheekbones of that woman
This is was my generalized observation in 1993. Possibly too harsh. I do think the writing shows I blame the woman as much as the man -- at least!
Jack: The phrasing is not an accident.
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