August 10, 2026
"Hobbies have helped Kimura feel more secure and find her voice, partly because many of her hobbies end with a finished product..."
"... giving her a feeling of accomplishment. Unlike the women in previous generations in her family, whose lives were centered on marriage and raising children, she feels empowered to pursue the activities that bring her happiness. 'I feel like I can design my future,' she said. As for romantic relationships, Kimura said she’s not closed off to dating indefinitely. 'I just don’t feel like I’m in such a rush anymore.'"
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67 comments:
Were the women of previous generation not happy having families and raising children?
Evolutionary Dysfunction... Syndrome #NoJudgment #NoLabels #LoveLoses
When reproduction was unavoidable, happiness was beside the point. Now that it is elective, people judge it by whether it improves or diminishes their lives.
Most women can love, work, and live. She cannot. That said, life is not so short nor dense.
BTW, when I say people I really do mean both men and women.
“ In the U.S., vasectomy use has risen, and the growth has been especially notable among younger men, men without children, and single men. Private-insurance data found the annual rate increased 26% from 2014 to 2021, with some of the largest relative increases among men ages 18–24 and men without children.”
Incel, volcel, prophylactic (is anything meant to prevent disease, infection, or pregnancy before it happens), or... Abortion! What is it good for? Social, clinical, criminal, political, and climate progress.
As childhood mortality has fallen to nil, a very large percentage of people reach adulthood. We have several generations of people lucky to be alive, and a whole lot of new ways to live peacefully when one isn't suited (psychologically or medically) for parenthood.
Modern medicine and agriculture sparked a population boom, but it has been self-correcting for a long time.
Weren’t men of previous generations not happy having families and raising children?
When potatoes are all you have, you invent a thousand potato recipes and are happy to eat them. When potatoes stop being your main source of sustenance, you stop eating the damn potatoes.
An idiotic trade.
I know of a 36 year old single, NYC woman whose hobby is opera. Her biological clock is ticking, so when she becomes pregnant after a weekend fling, she decides to keep the baby rather than the hobby.
That woman is Glenn Close in “Fatal Attraction.”
DemocRAATism?
It's all about HER.
Keep finding ways to delay having children ladies.
You seem to be replacing them with SSRIs.
Eva Marie said...
When reproduction was unavoidable, happiness was beside the point. Now that it is elective, people judge it by whether it improves or diminishes their lives.
If only this were true.
If they weren't making hedonistic choices whenever possible we might agree with you. But short term decision making leads to long term SSRI prescriptions.
I love the "But men are badder" stuff too. Women are just repelled by responsibility.
"..I just don’t feel like I’m in such a rush anymore..."
hmmm, does the article mention how old this hobbiest is?
Kimura Kan and the Laos Toys is an equitable and inclusive tale of the girl who never grew up.
"In the U.S., vasectomy use has risen, and the growth has been especially notable among younger men, men without children, and single men."
the future Belongs, to those who show up.
It sounds like summer camp where the campers go from activity to activity. What they learn they take with them into adult years.
Or a rehab hospital. Or a retirement home. In short, if you are seriously young, seriously injured or seriously old, you can enjoy these things. But I'm surprised to hear that an able-bodied adult is filling her life doing minor crafts for herself. Seemingly, able-bodied, but then, I suppose there are many types of injuries. There's occupational hazards, we know, and perhaps we should grasp the concept of social hazards, in which society itself becomes a danger. A society that tells women they will be expected to kill their worthless baby daughters in the womb is such a society.
I don’t know about previous generations. This man has come to realize that none of my hobbies were or are as rewarding as my family and children. The joy and happiness of my life is the time I spent with my family and the future when I will spend time with them again.
Fuck!! You people are miserable petty yentas. Am I the only one here that sees this as a healthy response to the modern society that these people were born into. They are getting away from the online life and doing things in the flesh with other people. You act like you think young people made this hyper-techno rapidly evolving world the way it is. Your arrogance and lack of humility is noted.
It must suck getting old even for you 40-somerhing millennials you're acting like old curmudgeons jealous of the youth today. That's what it is you've lost that spark and you don't want anyone else to ever have it because it's gone inside you forever you're dead inside and you're only hope for redemption is to see others wallowing in their own self-pity and failure.
Keep pulling them crabs back into the pot that'll save you
“the future Belongs, to those who show up.”
You’d be surprised (or maybe not) how many young people are unimpressed by that argument.
I dunno. I'm old enough to remember when among the advice given "to find a mate," was pursuing hobbies and activities so that you didn't appear desperate and, more, to either meet someone to date OR someone who might know someone looking and, upon getting to know you, introduced you.
I'm also old to remember when everyone was tut-tutting about young people (and others) were spending too much time online rather than focusing on IRL pursuits. And all that swiping! For many, that was something met with disapproval or even mocking.
On net, I think this is a positive trend, not a negative one. Don't people find people with interests and passions more interesting? Or is that not true anymore?
After Methodist services, a few parishioners (mostly old women) gather around the piano, and I play a popular tune, usually from the 30s or 40s. Everybody sings along. Those tunes are intensely romantic, a stark contrast to the turn toward anti-romance that began with the hippies. This post, and the now common female feminist era attitude that it represents seems incredibly dismal and depressing to me. But, then, again, real feminism has never been tried. Right?
“Empowered” is one of those buzzwords that appear commonly in corp presentations and academic BS. I haven’t got a clue what it means. But, it looks impressive in a slide show.
That's a good question to ask. Is she a victim of the modern model? Is hobbyamory, polyamory, etc, a progression from one-child, selective-child policies? Do both women and men lean into this secular religion with equitable and inclusive distributions?
“If they weren't making hedonistic choices whenever possible we might agree with you.”
I have a feeling that in the past it’s the young people who were making hedonistic choices who had all the babies. It was the ones who didn’t think about the future who kept getting pregnant.
The young people I know who aren’t having children are extremely responsible adults.
My first response upon reading this was: “Jesus Christ! I’m glad I don’t know her. Another feminist indoctrinated in corp/academic/feminist newspeak. Thank God, I’m not sitting across the table listening to her.
The article references "#grandmahobbies. I don't use social media at all (other than a few blogs, and this one is the only one on which I comment at all. So I don't know how this hashtag is used (is it a comment on taking up hobbies your grandma pursued? does it mean/include older people pursuing hobbies in retirement or post-children?).
One of the big attractions of The Villages, where I recently bought a house as part of a silver divorce (very sad, but it happens) is that it has clubs and other activities revolving around a wide variety of hobbies and interests. It's a way to get out and meet people (not just to "meet someone"; that's certainly not my motivation) IRL. In fact, I think there's something like more than 3,000 clubs focusing on pretty much everything you could think of. It's part of the community model.
I think it's a great thing, and I have a whole list of clubs to eventually explore, involving interests I already have or news ones that I think might interest me.
Sorry for all my typos this morning. Distracted and trying to do too many things at once. Also, thumb-fingered, apparently.
My 26-year-old pursues hobbies. He spends no time on activism. I should think y'all'd be happy about that! ; )
Shouting Thomas: You're talking about older women in a somewhat disparaging way (that's your right, and it doesn't bother me). But the article opens with and talks at length about a 30-year-old guy. And, of course, the piece focuses on young people.
@Shouting Thomas: "“Empowered” is one of those buzzwords that appear commonly in corp presentations and academic BS. I haven’t got a clue what it means. But, it looks impressive in a slide show."
I've always interpreted it as "I made a decision all by myself and I'm happy with my choice." The implication is that women (and other DEI categories) can now choose for themselves. See "the patriarchy", "a woman's right to choose" abortion, rude guys on dates who pick meals for the woman, and very old allusions to the vote/suffrage movement.
The left fights its old battles to give itself the warm fuzzies about its nominal victories. When I put my finger in a light socket I feel very "em-powered" too.
Without reading other comments, because I want to see how many others pulled out the same line:
"...marriage and raising children" contrasted with "the activities that bring her happiness."
And there we have it.
This article is about resolving transphobia or the hate or fear that a behavior may be tolerated but not celebrated. It is a handmade tale to compensate for the progress of social dysphoria and misogynistic progress of RAAT under the secular Pro-Choice ethical religion.
nn: What does the acronym RAAT stand for? I've looked RAAT up before and I just did so again, and I can't determine which from the list you're using. Could you clarify, please?
Most men and women can have their love, life, children/Posterity, and hobbies, too. The minority who can't are unremarkable, but may still be productive with a limited sense and sensibility.
Reusable, Available, Affordable, and Taxable
Choosing a “finished product” over people used to be decried as a symptom of heartless materialism by the left. But I guess it’s different now when it comes to your own children.
The bias of the writer is my problem: the *contrast* between finding a partner, helpmeet, and friend so close to your heart that you can envision spending decades with him and creating and raising children with him (to say nothing of the joy of raising children, which most people who have them demonstrably feel all their lives) - and "the activities that bring her happiness."
The young people themselves may simply be rejecting pressure to get married and have kids NOW (although as many have noted, they'd do well to keep the idea in the backs of their minds because you never know when that friend of the heart will appear, and life may be long but it's not infinitely long) and, as rcommal points out, making themselves more interesting*. The writer, however, is setting up "marriage and family" as the *opposite* of "happiness."
(Also setting up "happiness," implicitly defined here as "do what thou wilt," momentary *pleasure*, as the goal of life.)
* Maybe they're making themselves more interesting. Or maybe not. Enjoying hobbies *as a life goal* seems to me kind of like taking puberty blockers: sure, in concept you can stop whenever you want to and get back to normal (in this case, returning focus to the adult questions of marriage and children). But an awful lot of people don't. When a common reason childless couples give for not having children is the disruption children would bring to their perfect, fun lives... well, it gives me pause.
Howard is cranky this morning, but I tend to agree with him. I think this is one of those NYT stories that has a wide array of very different take-aways.
'...You could call it “hobbyamory”: Laidlaw is among a growing number of singles emphasizing multiple hobbies over dating. Rather than spending hours swiping and messaging on apps, these singles are investing their time, energy and disposable income in passions like rock climbing, cake decorating and cyanotype printmaking....
Sounds more like younger people moving away from unhealthy 'Swipe' hookup culture and moving toward more healthy, in-person, social situations where hookups are not the primary reason for conversation and exchange. It sounds to me like this is a better way to form healthy relationships that are based on shared interests.
I had dozens of interests when I was younger, and slightly fewer when I was raising a family and working my butt off. But I was never a couch potato.
“Shouting Thomas: You're talking about older women in a somewhat disparaging way (that's your right, and it doesn't bother me).”
That’s a surprising response, because I thought I was talking about them in a rather flattering way.
This:
The writer, however, is setting up "marriage and family" as the *opposite* of "happiness."
I think hobbies are good and something for young people to focus on to find the things that make them happy. Doing so usually leads to finding a mate that enjoys those things too and then making a family that might enjoy those things also.
The people who read the NYT, for the most part, think they are so smart, sophisticated and educated. When, in truth and fact, they are idiots.
These dopes have no idea about lost opportunity cost. For every hour they spend on their hobby, that’s an hour not spent finding a spouse. And once that hour is gone, you can’t get it back.
And the Stoics knew that you could die any day. Don’t waste time!
I don’t know Aggie. I had no idea who he was referring. It seemed like a typical old man yelling at clouds comment.
No issues with having hobbies and finding happiness in them. And yes, having offline hobbies that bring joy versus online scrolling is great, and likely more fulfilling. The issue is the suggestion that family and children is perhaps not a source of happiness.
This could all be the typical NYT spin. After all, a packed social calendar was normal for me in my young adult times. It is how I met people in person and learned what I liked and didn’t like about others. That set the criteria that led me to finding a wife of over 25 years and children.
“That’s a surprising response, because I thought I was talking about them in a rather flattering way.”
lol
Marriage and children as a source of happiness (almost THE source of lasting happiness for me, rather than ephemeral fun, though they've provided plenty of that too) is on my mind right now, as our youngest goes off to his first day of post-college work.
My husband and I are temporarily in two different places as I try to help out with family matters, and I'm envious that my husband was able to be with our son last night and this morning, nagging him to wash his car, iron his shirt, and set two alarms, just in case. We'll be reunited in a week or so and I'll live vicariously through his descriptions of the First Day.
" Unlike the women in previous generations in her family, whose lives were centered on marriage and raising children, she feels empowered to pursue the activities that bring her happiness."
Marriage and raising children doesn't bring happiness?
"You’d be surprised (or maybe not) how many young people are unimpressed by that argument."
It isn't an argument, it is a fact. Just as much as a fact as a stone will fall towards the ground if it is released in Earth's gravity field.
People need to be needed.
I wonder how she'd like interleaving praying the hours with crafting things to support the convent, or with teaching (ruler in hand?).
Howard said: " Am I the only one here that sees this as a healthy response to the modern society that these people were born into."
For probably the first time.... I agree with Howard. 😯 Getting into hobbies, activities that you learn from, might enjoy for years.....and doing these with other people...in REAL life...not online glued to a cell phone.... is a positive and good thing.
Of course, you don't want your hobbies, used in excess, to take over every aspect of your life. Balance is the key.
Some people may think the hobby is stupid, dumb, useless...but if it makes you happy, helps you to grow and expand your world ....it is good. Learning macrame in the 60's wasn't a lifetime goal...but I enjoyed it and made a couple of actually decent pieces.
"For Some Singles, ‘Hobbyamory’ Has Replaced Hookups"
Is rather in conflict with
"Unlike the women in previous generations in her family, whose lives were centered on marriage and raising children, she feels empowered to pursue the activities that bring her happiness. "
1: If your idea of "marriage and raising children" is that it won't empower you or bing you happiness, you're doing it wrong
2: "marriage and raising children" are teh Platonic ideal opposite of "hookups".
3: The age old "if women do it, it's good, if men do it, it's bad. "Sex bots and video games" are at least as fulfilling as the vast majority of "hobbies" these women are doing, but we won't be seeing the NYT celebrating men chasing those over women.
Wince said...
Choosing a “finished product” over people used to be decried as a symptom of heartless materialism by the left. But I guess it’s different now when it comes to your own children.
Brilliant comment.
Howard said: " Am I the only one here that sees this as a healthy response to the modern society that these people were born into."
Well, that depends on whether it's a choice to "do hobbies" rather than "hook up", or if it's a choice to "do hobbies" rather than "get married and have kids".
The headline reads one way, the part Althouse quoted reads another. Given that it's the NYT, most of us are leaning towards "it's the latter failure" (because the Left wants to destroy heterosexual marriage and child rearing), rather than "it's the former success".
My original comment was: "This constant promotion of polyamory only provides ammunition for conspiracy theorists." Now I see that the article is not about people who have thruples or quadruples as a hobby.
I also see that the article may not be about hobbies vs. dating, but about hobbies vs. marriage and children. Giving up on swiping right and left does makes sense, but your knitting or cats or coin collection way not give you pleasure or fulfillment in the long run.
Don’t know why this is an issue. My mother had politics, clubs (e.g. DAR), DAM (Denver Art Museum specializing in Japanese art, Trail Marms hiking (and cross country skiing) club, monthly book club, etc. And they traveled. Every year saw them taking trips around the country every 2-3 months, a week or so a year in the UK, and a 2-3 week jaunt somewhere around the world. Every continent at least twice (except for Antartica). After their first trip somewhere, she planned it all.
Partner’s mother taught dance for over 50 years. Esp liked disabled kids. Turned herself into an excellent artist. After her death last year, we have accumulated many of her paintings, and are replacing all the rest of the art around the house (actually hoses, since we have some in MT too) with hers. It’s much better. Esp striking is her picture she painted of my partner for her HS graduation. Stunning. Found the pencil version she did before it, and asked what it was. Going to frame it too. Talking framing, her father did it all for his wife. As well as building much of their furniture, and the floating dance floor in every one of their houses. He had been a welder, by trade, but was disabled on the job. After that, he became a commercial RE broker in LV, and did welding and carpentry as a hobby. I think that my partner’s 2nd husband bought his half section ranch/farm in MT as his hobby. He’s done all sorts of things there, ranging from burying irrigation pipes (plus pumps, etc), to putting in RR tracks, for 3 rail cars for guest quarters. Putting showers in one, etc. In the winter, he restores classic Mercedes, and helps one of his sons rehab his rapidly growing group of rental houses.
We all remember the guys who built ships in bottles. Hobbies are nothing new. It showed enough leisure time to do something besides work.
And things are going from bad to worse there. It used to be that you worked from sunrise to dark, ate, and fell asleep just to do it again the next day. We don’t do that anymore, and instead have to fill our empty hours. Esp in the long stretch after our kids are grown (daughter has given up most of her hobby time for her 2 yr old, and another on the way, after a 40 hr work week).
It’s going to get worse, because many of us need to work less and less to survive. Some are happy to just veg. Many are not.
If you aren’t in a hurry, it most likely will never happen. I brewed beer when I was younger. If anything, that helped things along.
@FullMoon
I see that you have a removed post. How did you do that?. Haven’t been able to do that for some time here. Anyone else?
"Bruce Hayden said...
@FullMoon
I see that you have a removed post. How did you do that?. Haven’t been able to do that for some time here. Anyone else?"
After update, Had to switch from firefox to chrome. Then someone here showed how to access garbage pail on firefox but do not recall who or how. Chrome works.
Can we retire “found her voice”?
*Chrome works.*
As does Opera.
Chrome works, but it is a spyware king. Switch to Brave (Brave.com) -- It is derived from Chrome but blocks everything by default and sends ads down a black hole.
https://www.pcmag.com/picks/stop-trackers-dead-the-best-private-browsers
Young women taking up "Hobbies". "Im not in a rush". LOL. Just more escapism.
Men can wait longer. Women need to get married and start having kids by 30, deadline is 40. And as the longer they put it off, the more a seller's market turns into a buyer's one.
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