January 28, 2014

"The more an image mirrored some element of my memories and took me back, the more I felt a connection...."

"It’s painful and humiliating to admit to myself, let alone the whole world, but I pictured myself as a child in the image or video.... In the aftermath of my arrest and all that followed, the mental equilibrium I had created to deal with my past is gone. Today the memories fly at me whenever they choose. They’re the first thing I see when I wake and the last thing I think about before falling asleep. I am not in control of anything anymore, not even my own memories. It’s terrifying."

14 comments:

madAsHell said...

I'm thinking that he was suicidal before he was caught with kiddie porn.

Skyler said...

Oh, pity the man who liked child porn. He's the victim, of course. Good riddance. The only tragedy is that if he isn't lying then there is another pedophile out there uncaught.

Regardless, he is an adult and responsible for his own behavior. His final decision was a good one.

virgil xenophon said...

@Skyler/

Picky, picky, picky.. :)

Patrick O said...

Sometimes hell doesn't wait for death.

tim maguire said...

I wonder how common that is--that the person drawn to kiddie porn is drawn by the thought of being not the abuser, but the abused.

EDH said...

Despite promises of wider availability of psychological services, I wonder if many troubled people will still avoid seeking help due to confidentiality concerns under Obamacare.

Skyler said...

EDH, I know that I advise my Marines to never admit to having PTSD or other mental problems. The military tried to ram that down our throats, and the consequences will life long.

T Rellis said...

I am generally not a sympathetic person, you makes your choices, you lives with the consequences. Reading that story I was moved, I have never thought of that "I am still the child in the picture." I feel sympathy for the guy. Now I was left wondering who was his abuser, because I am still vengeful.

Peter said...

This is America- re-invent yourself.

BUT stay away from children, please.

Trashhauler said...

Any twelve step program is full of personal stories of human wreckage and intense sorrow at past crimes and sins. Any hope of having a future of any kind depends upon being able to move past the disasters. Many never manage it because they cannot see any chance for a better life. Their horrible past continues to haunt them.

Those that do succeed can only do so by recognizing a simple truth: They cannot change the past. Only then can they put their grief behind them and work to make themselves better people. If they obsess about the past over all else, it will eventually destroy them.

Valentine Smith said...

He did the honorable thing, I'll give him that.

Pleasure and pain mixed into a sordid concoction. To love and hate the shame that was killing him slowly in private until revelation cocks the gun he's been carrying most of his wretched life. Shame is powerful even psychopaths feel it.

Oso Negro said...

Ahem. This appears to me to be a way station on the track to mainstreaming pedophilia. We start with a man tortured by his past and his sexual proclivities. His crime? Did he personally molest a child? Not that the reader knows. He merely looked at sexualized images of children. In our society, but not in all societies ever, this is a huge shame. And what if he CAN'T HELP IT? What if this is the way he has been FROM AN EARLY AGE?

All part of the great continuum of human sexuality. Homosexuals formerly hid in a similar woodpile. I can't wait for a sitcom about a lovable pederast. The Japanese child sex robots can't be that far in the future. Look for a celebration of pederasty on a future Grammy celebration. Probably the year after the big polygamous wedding show.

Jason said...

He must have been trying to pirate music, or he wouldn't have been on those file sharing sites.

Jason said...

People say "good riddance." But I don't think what he did should be a capital crime. No one is better off with him dead.

God's grace is infinite. Saul of Tarsus transformed from being a murderous goon into being the Lord's most effective servant.