"My reluctant companion believed that conversation had to be all or nothing, either teetering on ice or plunging into the unknown waters beneath."

"She didn’t know she just had to pull on a pair of skates and twirl around for a while.... I didn’t want a vapid exchange, and in-depth conversation wouldn’t have been appropriate either, and I had no intention of launching into either. The perfect in-between connection was small talk, but we missed that connection, so I was just a woman alone on the subway...."

From "Americans Are Terrible at Small Talk/One Irish woman’s unscientific investigation" by Maeve Higgins (NYT).

ADDED: It's not just about conversations. It's about relationships. If it's all-or-nothing, and friendship means you've got to have major intimacy, then keeping control of your life and avoiding being used demand that you exclude almost everyone (or even everyone). There should be a middle distance — a near but not too near orbit — that's comfortable and understood. And not just on the internet.

IN THE COMMENTS: cronus titan said:

This has already been covered, and far better, in the novel Brooklyn by Colm Toibin (later made into a not bad movie) about a young Irish woman immigrating to the US. The novel explores the "small talk" of Ireland. In the novel, that "small talk" cleverly disguises manipulation and control honed over centuries in Ireland. The protagonist, Eilis Lacey, has trouble adjusting to the US because we do not waste time with much small talk. When an American speaks or flirts with her, Eilis just assumes there are a thousand angles being played. It is only when she returns to Ireland that she understands how that small talk will define her life (it is a bit more complex than that but that is the gist).