January 22, 2026

"The swan, who had recently lost his mate, would not move away from a vending machine at Tri-Township Park in Troy, Ill."

"The swan stared at his reflection below the Dr Pepper dispensers, thinking it showed his mate, park officials said. The swan needed a new partner, but the parks department would not be able to budget for new swans until April, said Sandy Pensoneau, the office manager at the Tri-Township Park District.... Park regulars had been clamoring for a response, Ms. Pensoneau said. 'The people that walk the park every day, they’re like, "Hey, you guys need to do something. This is sad,"' she said...."

From "Swan Seeks Mate: Must Like Cold Lake and Small Flock/An Illinois parks department sought help from the community to find mates for two swans after they lost their companions. Residents responded" (NYT).

34 comments:

tim maguire said...

All those people clamoring for the Park to do something could easily start a GoFundMe. Maybe spread a rumor that the swan said something racist to a child and they'll raise millions.

bagoh20 said...

How much does a swan cost? Oh, right, a government swan. I understand the problem now.

Yancey Ward said...

Bagoh2 wrote the comment I came here to write. It isn't like there is a shortage of swans in the world but it takes government to procure a gold-plated swan and months of paperwork to do so.

bagoh20 said...

He can get an inflatable swan like any self-respecting incel.

RideSpaceMountain said...

"Hey, you guys need to do something. This is sad."

The reasoning behind a great many disasters.

Wilbur said...

So cover up the reflective portion of the vending machine. The swan moves on and gets on with it.

Kevin said...

@bagoh20 LOL!

Kirk Parker said...

They can take all the swans they want from Chambers Bay or around Narrows Marina -- last time I put in there you could hardly walk down the docks there was so much goose poop everywhere.

Eva Marie said...

The black female swan cost $1000 and the white female swan cost $2000. What’s up with that? Also, buying female companionship for the guys? Racist and sexist.

Leland said...

I guess, with the war in Ukraine, you can’t mail order Russian swans.

bagoh20 said...

Isn't there an app for this?

roger said...

tastes like chicken

john mosby said...

There must be some swan-attracted persons who will jump at the chance. CC, JSM

Two-eyed Jack said...

Now I have "Badge" playing in my head.

Mason G said...

"How much does a swan cost? Oh, right, a government swan."

It's not just the swan, there's a cost for programs (learing centers, if you will) to teach the diversity not to eat them.

G. Poulin said...

So let the swan marry its reflection. Anyone who would oppose this is just a mirror-phobic bigot.

mccullough said...

Nine & Fifty Swans

Jupiter said...

I thought we had Haitians to take care of things like this. The jobs Americans won't do.

Kirk Parker said...

> Now I have "Badge" playing in my head

You say this like it's a problem...You say this like it's a problem...

RCOCEAN II said...

Have they tried Hinge? I'm sure there are available, lonely, single female swans out there just looking for a mid-western hunk. They can fly there - without a reservation.

RCOCEAN II said...

Swans = Lets pay money to get more
Canada Geese = Lets pay money to get less

Meade said...

Mute Swans are invasive pests that cause a lot of environmental damage. Worse than Canada Geese.

Dude1394 said...

Hey “someone else needs to do something”.

RCOCEAN II said...

"Mute Swans are invasive pests that cause a lot of environmental damage."

Their PR agent has worked wonders.

tolkein said...

Bagoh2 wrote the comment I came here to write. It isn't like there is a shortage of swans in the world but it takes government to procure a gold-plated swan and months of paperwork to do so.
If it's Govt supplied, the swan will be dead on delivery.

Skeptical Voter said...

Buy A Bird Bride Are Us. That group can handle the problem.

Smilin' Jack said...

All it has is a Dr. Pepper dispenser? They could at least get the poor thing a decent mirror.

CJinPA said...

"Lost his mate" as in she died, or she's shacking up with a Canadian goose named Jacque?

RideSpaceMountain said...

"'Lost his mate' as in she died"

Pining for the fjords, perhaps.

Rocco said...

Spry paint a goose all white. If he is Pepe Le Swan, he won’t know the difference.

Leland said...

Can’t wait until the 7th Day of Christmas?

Aggie said...

Any Haitians in the neighborhood?

KellyM said...

roger said... “tastes like chicken”
1/22/26, 10:04 AM

Interestingly, roast swan was a favorite meal for the upper classes in the Middle Ages. It was carefully plucked and cleaned, and the feathers were kept aside. Often it was stuffed, and then basted with highly spiced marinades (likely to disguise gaminess) and then prior to serving, the feathers were re-attached, or in some way arranged to cover the bird, in an elaborate presentation.

innatthecrossroads.com/roast-swans/

boatbuilder said...

Black swans are not native to the US. They are Australian. The black swans may do OK as farm animals and not become major pests, but who knows? There are a number of swan species in the US and Canada, including the Mute Swan which is a serious invasive non-native pest species which destroys wetlands and crowds out the Trumpeter and Whooper Swans which are native. The fact that the NYT would publish this stupid "feel-good" piece without mentioning these things is almost as depressing as the fact that idiots would pay money to find a "mate" for this lost and confused pest.

Post a Comment

Please use the comments forum to respond to the post. Don't fight with each other. Be substantive... or interesting... or funny. Comments should go up immediately... unless you're commenting on a post older than 2 days. Then you have to wait for us to moderate you through. It's also possible to get shunted into spam by the machine. We try to keep an eye on that and release the miscaught good stuff. We do delete some comments, but not for viewpoint... for bad faith.