I'm so glad to see a new David Sedaris essay in The New Yorker, "Notes on a Last-Minute Safari/We saw every animal that was in 'The Lion King' and then some. They were just there, like ants at a picnic, except that they were elephants and giraffes and zebras."
I liked seeing the first syllable of my last name in a new context, but more important was the opportunity to find out David Sedaris's opinion of going on "safari," because I had quite recently asserted, to a complete stranger, that going on safari was really basically the same thing as going to the zoo. These things are packaged. It's not as though you're exploring the authentic natural habitat of elephants, giraffes, and zebras.
I wasn't looking to impose this opinion on a random person. What happened was, we were both in Whole Foods, looking at the same "Icelandic Chocolate." I think I helped her read the fine print about "Total Sugars." She suddenly shifted to the topic of travel — which you know I'm cranky about — and let me know that Iceland was one of the 3 destinations she had under consideration. The other 2 were New Zealand and "safari." So it was only with that unexpected provocation that I burst out with my opinion that it's not worth going on safari. Just go to the zoo.
She said her daughter went on safari for 5 weeks in Burundi, and it was "life changing." I recommended driving straight north to the shore of Lake Superior. She said she'd done that, gone to Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore, and it rained the whole time. Do not disrespect the superior lake! I just said, "I'm sure it rains in Burundi."
That ended the conversation. I took my Icelandic Chocolate and went looking for Meade, who could have amused me greatly by rolling up at that precise moment and saying, "Why are you troubling this poor woman about rain in Burundi?"
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"because I had quite recently asserted, to a complete stranger, that going on safari was really basically the same thing as going to the zoo. These things are packaged. It's not as though you're exploring the authentic natural habitat of elephants, giraffes, and zebras."
You'd be right about many of them, with the exception of doing it through Zane Van Der Merwe's outfit (VDM Safaris) in the Okavango Delta, Botswana, during the wet season. I was told that a good way to tell which ones are 'canned' operations is to focus on whether they're seasonal only or year-round. If they're year-round it's a safari/game park where the animals can't really migrate or have become dependent on people for food and water.
It's not as though you're exploring the authentic natural habitat of elephants, giraffes, and zebras.
How so?
... I had quite recently asserted, to a complete stranger, that going on safari was really basically the same thing as going to the zoo.
No, basically exactly the opposite. Lodging areas are surrounded by electric fences or armed guards, with strict prohibitions against going out at night. Centipedes the size of your arm. In your A-Frame. If an elephant decides it wants to scratch its head on the corner of your land rover, there's not heck all you can do about it, save hope that a scratch is the limit of its desires.
I could go on, but this should suffice: watching an earthquake on TV is decidedly not the same as being in that earthquake.
Iceland is spectacular. New Zealand beautiful. Nat Geo can't do either of them justics.
While you were at it, did you tell her to Keep off Meade's lawn?
On safari? One can do that anywhere and if it's not packaged it's best to go well armed. Roaming on foot the back country of Montana or Alaska? Carry a large caliber rifle. Roaming the rural back country of Florida? A larger caliber pistol at a minimum. That's just me. Others will differ.
Old joke: Why would you carry a .22 pistol in North America back country? To shoot your companion in the leg when chased by a large brown bear.
Badda boom, badda bing.
I don’t understand these things are packaged? It’s not as if there are human actors behind the scene prepping the animals for tourists. I’ve heard arguments that man’s presence creates an ‘artificial’ environment, as if these animals haven’t evolved side by side with man for millennia…
I've gone on Safari, and no isn't like going to the zoo. Unless your zoo has tetse flies, elephants that charge your land rover, guides sweating bullets or baboons throwing rocks at you.
Lodging areas are surrounded by electric fences or armed guards, with strict prohibitions against going out at night
In Bostswana there were no armed guards or fences. There was an air horn in the tent but we were warned not to use it.
Iceland and New Zealand - two of the most boring places one can go. Unless of course you find it exciting to repeatedly look at the insipid sights of mountains, glaciers, volcanoes, and people who pretty much look and behave just like you, for your week or two there.
OTOH, do go to Burundi, babe - now there is an interesting destination. And not for the safari "package".
Going to Whole Foods is like going on safari.
"These things are packaged. It's not as though you're exploring the authentic natural habitat . . ."
I feel this way about art museums and museums in general.
The rains down in Africa are iconic.
In my neighborhood we climb in the golf cart and go on safari looking for deer with fawns, armadillos, dolphins, birds, alligators…I never considered the animals to be packaged for my enjoyment…
You should have brought up their carbon footprint with all that travel.
"No, basically exactly the opposite. Lodging areas are surrounded by electric fences or armed guards, with strict prohibitions against going out at night. Centipedes the size of your arm. In your A-Frame. If an elephant decides it wants to scratch its head on the corner of your land rover, there's not heck all you can do about it, save hope that a scratch is the limit of its desires."
You just haven't been to a good enough zoo. I haven't done this since the 1970s, but I went through some pseudo-habitat in the Bronx zoo where the animals were out in the open spaces that were constructed to look like their habitat and the zoo-goers were the ones who were enclosed (we were in a train compartment). But of course, they'd chosen the animals people want to see and ensured that we would see them, and the animals couldn't just go out and about in the city like in the end of (spoiler alert)...
"Twelve Monkeys."
Here's the "Roar and Snore Safari" at the San Diego Zoo.
…and the animals couldn't just go out and about in the city like in the end of (spoiler alert)..."Twelve Monkeys."
Yeah, but John, If the pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists
The shore of Lake Superior.
A cool summer journey is to drive around Lake Superior and Lake Huron. I did it with my brothwer maybe 40 or 50 years ago with the idea of fishing every trouty looking stream we came across. I'd like to do it again just to see how much it's changed.
We and some SoCal pals did the San Diego Zoo 'safari' back in '05 or '06. It was OK, and as close to the African veldt as I care to get. I think it was the last time we went anywhere with a camera that isn't a phone.
According to our best historical understanding, my ancestors left Africa tens of thousands of years ago, and the place has been in decline ever since.
Be warned. Paddy O's link does NOT go to an African thunderstorm, but some band.
The San Diego Safari park is a great experience. And there are a number of drove thru animal parks like Wildlife Safarinin Oregon, which makes for a really fun couplenhours or less diversion from driving the 5.
RCOCEAN, Totoly
"... because I had quite recently asserted, to a complete stranger, that going on safari was really basically the same thing as going to the zoo."
Name one zoo where they let animals large enough and with the proclivity to tear your car to pieces roam around freely.
City folk have ridiculous ideas about what getting in the wild is like.
Blogger RCOCEAN II said...
Be warned. Paddy O's link does NOT go to an African thunderstorm, but some band.
As I assumed it would...
I never had any desire to go on a safari but I inadvertenly went on one, which definitely was not a zoo like experience. I had a couple months free one winter and had bought an open jaw ticket starting in Zanzibar and ending in Capetown, without any plan as to how I'd connect the two. I had made it to the Zambian side of Victoria Falls (didn't want to give Mugabe any money) by rail and bus. I found out the cheapest way to get to the Namibian coast was by joining a budget overland safari bus for a few days. My transportation including a budget safari to the Okavanga Delta where we first went out by dugout boats and then slept in tent for a couple of days. We were in an area with lions, water buffaloes, elephants, crocodiles and hippos and were not fenced in. None of the "guides" had guns, just big sticks.
The first day we were going for a walk, the local guide gave a talk telling us what to do if we encountered three of the dangerous animals we might meet. For lion, we should freeze. For water buffalo, climb a tree (there were no trees) and to try to stay downwind of elephants. We were walking single file, with me right behind the guide when we came upon a male lion with two females sitting behind some bushes about 20 yards or so ahead. The male roared and then walked away with his pride. We also saw an ornery bull elephant in the distance as well as troop of baboons, which actually scared me more than the other animals.
This wasn't a life changing experience for me, just a terribly uncomfortable one (I didn't have time to get scared by the lions). I'd much prefer to observe these animals in a zoo or a nature program.
Family friend had a major interest in a safari operation. He had a cape mount of a rhino in his "space". The wife wouldn't allow it upstairs. I agreed with her.
His minimum carry was .375 H&H Magnum double. Beautiful piece.
The north shore of Lake Superior has an open pit amethyst mine. Been there, done that, around Lake Superior, and the kids were very happy when we parked the pop-up trailer and stayed in a hotel with a pool when we came back to the USA!
Also been on a safari in Tanzania and had a great time driving up to a lion kill, seeing the herds of animals, and the daughter and I both climbed to the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro, before chilling out in Zanzibar.
Amexpat, that sounds awful. Glad you survived.
Sedaris had luxury accommodations. He's clear about that. Based on the fact that it's in Kenya and the guide had the name of the hotel embroidered on his shirt, I'm just going to guess it was this 4 Seasons resort.
If I had someone who wanted to go and was begging me to be a companion, I might agree to do that, but I'm only guessing that the good could outweigh the bad — the bad being: 1. Long voyage to get there, 2. Any disappointing fakery or annoying other tourists, 3. Tedium. (I'm not even counting the cost. I'm assuming I'm being given a free trip by a friend who really wants a companion. There's no way Meade would want to do something like this.)
"These things are packaged. It's not as though you're exploring the authentic natural habitat of elephants, giraffes, and zebras."
It might be more or less authentic if you're there to shoot the animals.
My son goes in a couple of months.
I'm more worried about him flying DEI African Airlines than getting eaten by a lion.
“Here's the "Roar and Snore Safari" at the San Diego Zoo.”
I was going to comment that the closest I’ve come to a safari was the San Diego Wild Animal Park but I see that they have since renamed it the San Diego Zoo Safari Park. So can I now say I’ve been on safari?
The San Diego Zoo is a separate facility. I attended a wedding reception there a number of years ago. The featured guest was a black jaguar. Midway through the reception, its handler had one of the waiters tell us that the 5 or 6 children in our party, roughly 4 to 7 in age, were making the jaguar jumpy. The kids had to move to the far side of the reception, but kept sneaking peaks at the jaguar from behind people and buildings, as they were enthralled with the idea that the jaguar wanted to eat them.
'Going to Whole Foods is like going on safari.'
If that's a cougar joke, I salute you : )
Looks like basic rooms start at around $2000+ and rapidly go up to $8000 per night. You'd be wanting a generous and well off friend.
There’s also Wildlife Safari in Winston, Oregon. I’ve driven by a couple of times but haven’t gone through. Maybe next time.
Old joke: Why would you carry a .22 pistol in North America back country? To shoot your companion in the leg when chased by a large brown bear.
Even older joke:
If you carry a pistol for protection against Alaskan brown bears, why should you file down the front sight? Because that way it doesn't hurt so much when the bear shoves it up your @$$.
Bearizona Wildife Park in Williams, Arizona, conveniently close to the Grand Canyon, is said to be worth a visit. I've never been there even though a brother-in-law lives on the other side of the fence from the place.
1. At first couldn't process Sedaris + safari.
2. He can't not be funny.
Reminds me of a decades-ago road trip up I-65. We stopped for the night at the Ramada Inn at Bowling Green, KY (or as I like to call it Kayntuck).
Perusing the restaurant menu there, my eye fell upon an entree titled "Icelandic Catfish". When the young, bubbly waitress came to take our order I gently inquired if the catfish really came from Iceland. She was at first confused and then flustered, as if no one had ever asked her that before.
She then offered to bring the manager over. I said "Naw, sweetheart. Just bring me a mess of it".
"Midway through the reception, its handler had one of the waiters tell us that the 5 or 6 children in our party, roughly 4 to 7 in age, were making the jaguar jumpy"
San Diego zoo story: when I was in junior high my class (band?) went on a field trip to the San Diego zoo (SoCal kids get great field trips).
Walked by the jaguar exhibit with a friend, which is constructed on a steep hillside (San Diego zoo is all hills), so 30-40 yards or so up from the sidewalk in front to the top. The jaguar was near the top, sitting right outside its cave. It made a sound. I snarled at it. It snarled back. I snarled back. With 2 bounds it went from the top to the fenced front, before I could respond, and it would have killed me if it hadn't been in a cage.
The Safari Park in San Diego is definitely worth it. They have a great tram tour through the wider park, where animals are free. And have great exhibits. A really fun one is the cheetah run, where they have a cheetah go full speed as the crowd stands just outside the track.
Santa Barbara zoo story: small, but great, zoo. My brother was a freshman in high school. Elephant area, which didn't have a big gap between it and the walkway. He held out a peanut, the elephant reached out its trunk, took the peanut and inhaled his arm. The elephant kept the peanut. It let go the arm but did leave it pretty slimy.
At the Living Desert Zoo near Palm Springs, another great small focused zoo, my kids got licked by giraffes while feeding them by hand, and if you walk the trails you encounter wild bighorn sheep.
I don’t understand these things are packaged? It’s not as if there are human actors behind the scene prepping the animals for tourists.
Au contraire! Many years ago, I knew a guy who was the "advance man" for Marlin Perkins' Wild Kingdom. That guy had some stories.
Bottom line: Perkins did not just show-up at a location; spot an Anaconda lounging at the edge of the Amazon and jump in the shallow end and pet the giant snake. No-siree. His team had probably spent days looking for just the right reptile; maybe relocated it to a more photo-friendly environment and made damn sure the thing wasn't starving when introduced to Marlin. Show biz! :-)
As for "safari" trips; my wife went on an expensive 5-star jaunt in Kenya/Tanzania, years ago. Loved it. Saw all the right animals, top of the line wine & dine experience and the "tent" was awesome.
My son, an emerging photographer of wild things, went to same areas with a pal who shoots for Nat Geo, last year. They hired local supporting cast but, mainly, it was just them, the animals a bunch of very expensive lenses and assorted gear.
Very different experiences. Both good.
ASide. 30 or 40 years ago I wandered into a bar in Grindelwald, Switzerland and decided to join a very huge, very black guy at the bar. Best stranger encounter ever!
The guy turned out to be Kenya's Minister of Tourism. He had stories to tell and he was hilarious. We got very drunk and laughed our asses off. Traveling solo has major perks, if you enjoy meeting strangers :-)
I would never go on a "Walking safari" unless the guides had guns and was sure the safari guides had a well proven track record of safety.
During our stay at the high-priced hotel, we had hotel personnel patroling the grounds with guns AND we were warned to never go out at night except along a few well light paths in the center of the grounds.
After seeing a few of the lions out in the wild from the vantage of a land rover, I wouldn't want to get within 100 feet of them without a well armed guard or two. They are not overgrown kitty-kats, and one look into their eyes will send a chill down your spine. Or should.
A couple was trying to convince me to go somewhere in Africa on my next vacation because they enjoyed seeing the animals. It sounded hotter than the zoo, so no.
Things that can happen on safari but not in a zoo:
Being charged by a gorilla with no sheet of bulletproof glass between the two of you.
Hungry lions invading your campsite after dark.
An angry bull elephant trying to wreck your safari vehicle.
Getting charged by a cape buffalo (regarded by many as the most dangerous animal in Africa -- after the tse-tse fly).
Having a cheetah make itself at home in your safari vehicle.
Or having a leopard investigate the edibility of you and your shoes
Now you have me thinking about alternative meanings of "alt" ...
-- altbier ... either old beer, or highest beer (altus FTW)
-- alt-rock ... to me, this means "old rock" now vs. classic rock, LOL
-- althouse ... old house or highest house?
What say you?
'You just haven't been to a good enough zoo.'
I was at a zoo for a fundraiser a couple of weeks ago and it was sad.
The zoo itself wasn't well-kept and was worn.
What is really sad is the birds, often large and given a small, netted area.
Sometimes so small they couldn't really fly.
That's sad...
Years ago my wife and I went on an El Cheapo safari to Kenya's Masai Mara Game Reserve.
Altogether we were a group of 16, many from the UK.
We camped next to a curve in a wadi serving as a barrier against the animals on its other side. We put up our own tents. The others had modern camping tents with mesh windows, rain flies and the like. We had only an old canvas 2-man army puptent.
A single Masai armed with a spear and sitting in front of a fire served as our only protection at night, when we often hear animal screams and struggles going on in the wadi.
When a hard 12-hour rain hit us one such night, we two remained dry the entire time. The other tents collected water, which soaked sleeping bags and made their occupants miserable.
As an astronomy buff I found the Southern night sky a delight, filled with stars an constellations I had never seen.
During the day we drove around the reserve in a van with an open top. It was spectacular. In the thin air at 5,000 ft. elevation, we could see hundreds of animals at a time spread across the lightly rolling terrain: elephants, gazelles, impala, wildebeest, hyenas, warthogs.... all in a sweeping panorama.
No zoo can come close to creating that experience.
I've told the stories so many times, I may be repeating myself here, but I particularly remember the thundering wildebeest herds, giraffes racing gracefully in single file across an open plain, and herds of wary gazelles and impalas, clustered like iron filings around the pole of a magnet, all facing toward a lion pride basking in the sun.
Only once did we feel any danger, when we got out of our van next to a river to see a dozen hippos standing in the water up to their nostrils. Our guides urged us to get a good look and then return to the van, as hippos were particularly nasty critters---not to mention the lions known to frequent the area.
So, you had to be there. Nat Geo and theme parks just aren't the same. (but as a kid, watching Marlin Perkins wrestle an alligator was fun.)
“Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.”
-W. C. Fields
But we have a whole house of ALT right here. And it’s never missed a day.
effinayright:
(but as a kid, watching Marlin Perkins wrestle an alligator was fun.)
Sure that wasn't Jim Fowler?
As George Orwell tells us in Animal Farm, “All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.”
"But we have a whole house of ALT right here. And it’s never missed a day."
A house of animal-looking things — sounds like one of my nightmares.
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