From "Is This Motherly Love or Something ‘Toxic’?/Are you a 'boy mom'? A parental debate heats up" (NYT).
There are any number of screwy things about this, but I'll just point out one that's not in the article. The mother styling herself as a "boy mom" seems to be feeding on the generic idea of maleness. It's too heavily gendered and too much about her idea of herself. Your children are individuals, not gender stereotypes. Let them be free. And why do you want to be a stereotype, especially a stereotype defined by the gender that you are not?
What hashtags are calling you?
By the way, I don't agree that the word combination "boy mom" suggests "mother to a male child." The more natural meaning, to a native English speaker, is a mom who is a boy. Robin, the "Boy Wonder" is a wonder who is a boy. King Tut, the "Boy King," was a king who was a boy. In that light, I could imagine an especially warm and engaged father calling himself a "boy mom."
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"Girldad" has been increasingly common lately, but it basically just means something like a father who takes his daughter to the Taylor Swift movie.
Masculine femininity is a gender construct in our post-sex age.
Our parents had their own lives. We bored them a little bit, and they bored us a little bit. Worked out well.
Always felt the same about “baby mama”.
This sounds like a one-child problem. Have more babies.
I have met some of these young men.
Undisciplined, unmotivated, used to Mom helicoptering in to solve all their problems, unequipped for the real world or a relationship. We have had parents call to talk to HR to help smooth out little Johnny's issues (despite him being a 23 year old college grad).
I am sure these tiktok videos get a lot of likes though.
Gender refers to sex-correlated (e.g. sexual orientation) attributes, not social behavior. Transjournolism is a first-order forcing of the conflagration of civilized society.
"It's too heavily gendered and too much about her idea of herself."
And wouldn't you know it that's how the whole trans thing hangs around too. Narcissism takes many forms in different people, but the female variety is especially insidious in the manifestation of transhausen syndrome by proxy. I still don't understand why more women don't call other women out on it, but I think it has a lot to do with the hidden competition that secretly exists between women and their children vs. other children.
Children are not props in a selfie for uptwinkles on Faceborg.
My father, who served in Europe in WWII, said that a dying soldier’s last words were almost always “Mama”. He saw lots of death and said it didn’t matter who the soldier was….German, American, British, French, Canadian, Australian. The language might have been different but the word and meaning was the same.
Why would the dad have to be a mom to be warm and engaged? Could we please just default to the Gender Occam's Razor?
You know what scared the heck out of us back then? Movies like Jaws and the Exorcist.
How quaint that all seems now.
Isn't this just a classic 'mama's boy'?
The feminization of America continues, making democrats one poor child at a time...
Go out, make friends, go to the park…stop posting pictures of your baby online.. Give your kids the gift of being anonymous for as long as possible. Parents who splatter their children's pictures all over social media are doing them no favors.
‘Some Place Under Neith’ has an excellent podcast series, episode 56 through 66, on how social media affects children who are often exploited for content by their parents. It starts with daily content "for fun," but, especially when the content and profiles are monetized, leads to parasocial exploitation and other abuse, not to mention the general mental health issues that come from your entire life being publicized/monetized from birth.
The more natural meaning, to a native English speaker, is a mom who is a boy. Robin, the "Boy Wonder" . . .
It seems your logic relies heavily on the gender stereotypes, you insist should be dismissed.
There is a "boy mom" in my social circle. Her 33-year-old son (I've met him) is a basket case, fixated on Disney films and other products, who phones her every day from another state. She talks about how she can't wait till he breaks up with his girlfriend. Prediction: he will be living with his "boy mom" before he's 40.
I've long evaluated propositions by reversing subject and object. Or man and woman, or black and white, etc.
In this case it's easy, because as the 75 yo single father of a 13 yo daughter ... from my end it would be SICK, seriously sick. This is the sort of woman who, as a teacher, entices a 14 yo male student between her legs, which goes on a LOT. So many levels of SICK !! My daughter and I are very close, but it's as house-mates and true friends in a protective and gradually-diminishing mentor relationship.
That used to be considered normal, healthy parenting, by both mother and father of both boys and girls.
too heavily gendered and too much about her idea of herself. Your children are individuals, not gender stereotypes.
Here's a FUN FACT!
mothers of Trans kids (of Any of the 57 genders) tend to have MORE THAN ONE Trans kid.
Think about THAT???
Assuming, for the sake of Argument; that Transism is just a Natural Thing.. That Just Happens..
WHAT is the probability that a mom would have MORE THAN ONE trans kid?
If Transism is a Naturally occurring thing (maybe 1 or 2 % of population)..
WHAT is the probability that a mom would have MORE THAN ONE trans kid?
Now.. on the Other Hand.. IF Transism is CAUSED by sicko moms that WANT to have sicko kids..
WHAT is the probability that a such a mom would have MORE THAN ONE trans kid?
MOMS! keep your sick mitts OFF of your kids!!
You are NOT his first kiss, you are NOT his first love, you are NOT his first friend,'
You are his mom, NOT his incest partner.. NOT his corrupter
remember The Olden Days?
back when sicko moms didn't BRAG about destroying their children ?
"By the way, I don't agree that the word combination "boy mom" suggests "mother to a male child."
Yes and no. Ten years ago, context rules out the idea of a "mom who is a boy". Now, I would, even today, understand immediately what was meant by "boy mom" and I wouldn't even question it, but we live in idiotic times, so I acknowledge that a lot of people won't understand it.
Remember that Twilight Zone episode, Young Man's Fancy? It was all about a man who such a "mama's boy" that by the end of the episode he actually becomes a young child again.
It's odd how the phenomenon has somehow changed from it being a problem with the son to it being a problem with the mother.
Shane Gillis talked about this last week on SNL, from the boy’s perspective. Basically, he said all prepubescent boys are gay for their moms.
JSM
This is piggy backing off “girl dad” started by Kobe Bryant’s love for his daughters.
Social media just looks stupid. A mother styling herself as any kind of hashtag seems phony. Kids and moms are all individuals, just do the best you can. In our current culture, "boy mom" sounds like a trans woman.
Nothing good can come from this. Yikes.
Jocasta was an early "boy mom."
This is merely emphasizing the other partner of a "momma's boy," or a boy perceived as too close or overly dependent on his mother. Any type of relationship can be positive or negative, and there are plenty of creepy parents indeed. See Factitious Disorder Imposed on Another aka Munchausen's Syndrome by Proxy:
https://www.verywellmind.com/munchausen-by-proxy-5071840
The quality and depth of relationships will decline with personality conflicts, divorce, mental illness, self-absorption, excessive social media usage, etc.
I’m familiar with “mama’s boy”. Is “mom boy” different?
It’s a marketing term, just like girl dad, Boomer, Millennial, Soccer Mom etc.
Like most marketing terms, it fits enough of a group. Perhaps it’s the largest segment of a group (20 %) or so. Most stereotypes describe a segment of a group.
The NYT uses stereotypes frequently. We all do.
"Your children are individuals, not gender stereotypes"
True, and yet, "gender stereotypes," like many other stereotypes, are also pretty accurate, and, in some circumstances, quite useful.
"Single mom" is a term seeking to paper over a huge problem in our society, namely the millions of boys who never had fathers caring for them and and teaching them masculine values.
I wonder how many "boymoms" think they are father surrogates.
I doubt many can fill that role.
Abigail Shrier recently released her second book entitled “Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren’t Growing Up.” In it, she argues that under-trained and overly ideological therapists are doing more harm than good – and that parents are too quick to submit to expert guidance rather than trusting themselves to raise their children.
Jordan Peterson recently talked with her about “Bad Therapy” and the state of mental health treatment and practitioners. (I encourage readers to view it; it is an interesting exchange of thoughts.) In this talk, Peterson brought up the ancient archetype of the Devouring Mother.
This archetype refers to a mother figure who is overbearing, controlling, and manipulative toward her children. It refers to the idea that a mother can consume her children's identities, preventing them from developing their own sense of self. This, to me, is indeed what “boy moms” are. It is indeed toxic, and not just for future romantic relationships of the son as the article suggests, but his own ability to individuate into a strong adult.
I really can’t believe this is something to be celebrated, but it is the online world in which the remedy for mental illness is public acclaim.
There's that missing 'd.' Much better.
"I wonder how many 'boymoms' think they are father surrogates."
My widowed mother had four sons, and did her best as a mother. Her best wasn't all that great, but at least she had no illusions that she could or should also be a father.
As a Boomer and a father of one (I made it all up as I went along) when I read stuff like this I fear that we've seen the best days of the country, and Western Civ at large.
There are any number of screwy things about this
Boy howdy...
Boy toy. A boy who is a toy.
My mom died in 2021.
My daughter is about to deliver our first grandchild, and all I can think is "Mom, I'm gonna need some help here!!"
The NYT stuff that appears on this blog seems guaranteed to be on the fringes. Guess normal stuff doesn't draw much attention.
Do they all take their sons to the "Motherboy" dinner-dance from Arrested Development?
Creepy, all right. I was going to bring up Jordan Peterson's archetype of the Devouring Mother, but I see it's already been mentioned. I've come across a couple of these in my life. One is an absolute psychopath that's been training her son to be her old-age provider, since birth. He's about to get married, poor bastard.
My mom was kind of a jock. She'd sit in the stands and keep score at my pony league games. Don't see much of that anymore.
Boy Moms?
And the supply of neurotic NYC/Eat Coast males is assured.
"Yes, I do love my smother - I mean, mother."
This story about boy moms proves that Socrates was wrong, perfectly 180° out of phase. The examined life truly misses out on actually living in the moment. Instead it is a fiction of a life self-consciously curated with pride and envy designed to impress other phonies and wannabe humans.
Most things don't need to be named to be experienced or accomplished. Most people find themselves pathologically insecure about normal everyday human existence.
This is the primary reason why so many people believe it is important who the president is and which party dominates the government. They are not even useless eaters, they are in fact useless eaten by the algorithms that guides the placement of their eyeballs and fingers which somehow manages to translate into trillions in revenue.
You could say my son was a bit of a “mama’s boy” up until the age of five or so. Then I knew he needed to start learning “guy” stuff with his dad. Fixing cars and stuff like that. It was hard for me to “let go” but I knew it was what he needed. He grew up to be very self-reliant and a responsible member of society. I suppose having grown up with both parents in the home helped. His only complaint is that he says it felt like growing up in the ‘50s, LOL!
"Guess normal stuff doesn't draw much attention."
Their target audience is the left (neurotic cat ladies, in large part) so that's not really a surprise.
Kay Parker was the best boy mom.
the general mental health issues that come from your entire life being publicized/monetized from birth.
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did we ever see mom in Truman Show
Sounds a lot like inverse Oedipal, but with malice aforethought. At least in the Greek tragedy, the kid didn't knowingly fantasize about kissing his mom.
Mom needs to let go and live life gay and carefree.
There are pivotal boy moms in the Bible.
Rebecca (Jacob, who becomes Israel)
Bathsheba (Solomon, who splits the kingdom)
And of course Mary (Jesus)
'I wonder how many "boymoms" think they are father surrogates.'
It's worse than that. They see their sons as surrogate husbands. I have dated quite a few of these boys. The father is absent in some way, so the mother puts all her energy into her relationship with her son, such that he becomes enmeshed in her.
Literally, the sons flopped down on the couch and asked me to "tell them what to do." They couldn't make their own decisions, their mothers' opinion of me ruled the day, and they had obviously learned that the best way to deal with women is to let them have their way, all the time.
Such a turnoff.
By the way, I don't agree that the word combination "boy mom" suggests "mother to a male child."
I think it is a construction parallel to "dog mom," another fairly recent/novel phrase.
'You’ll be his first kiss, his first love, his first friend,'
Yuck.
"Girldad" has been increasingly common lately, but it basically just means something like a father who takes his daughter to the Taylor Swift movie.
Just today I took my 4 year old to a party and ran into one dad with a shirt with exactly that phrase and another one with a phrase that implied it.
Closest I've come to wearing something like that is when our middle kid was born while I was at sea, my wife had sent along an undershirt that said "New Dad" with a cartoonish baby girl under it. Ah 2016, different times back then.
I'm reminded of "The Simpsons", where Brandine praises Cletus for being " the best son and husband a woman could ever hope for."
Regarding the meaning of the phrase "boy mom," this would seem to be a case of the English language following an old habit of being inconsistent. I am reminded here of the religious science-fiction novel A Canticle For Leibowitz, in which a young monk, centuries after a nuclear war is trying to learn pre-war English and reflects on the oddities of a language in which "slave boy" means the same thing as "boy slave" but a house cat is very different from a cat house. (The same novel features a scene in which two monks are discussing how to communicate with a distant religious superior. "Do you speak Allegheny?" "No." "Neither do I, and the cardinal doesn't speak Southwest.") Probably someone who is much more into linguistics than I am could come up with a good explanation for how words relate to each other in those circumstances, but let us not worry about that now. I have no problem identifying the phrase "boy mom" as someone who is the mother of a boy, and has discovered that it is quite enjoyable. One suspects that a lot of this became more popular after Kobe Bryant described himself as a "girl dad." The real question is: Does this imply that they were surprised that parenting a child of the opposite sex would be enjoyable?
Can't believe the posters here forgot Frank and the Mothers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvzSF0Q4Gog
I can see from the comments here that no one in this thread currently has a family of young boys with a strong mother. I do and I've watched the creation and growth of the popularity of the term "Boymom"
First, the lack of definition around it and way the NYTimes framed it is driving comments here rather than driving people to look for what is it meant to be. Let me try to help
Define: Boymom. A mother of boys who celebrates and faces the challenges of raising all male children.
So, for example, if you are a mom who has 1 girl and 1 boy child, you wouldn't call yourself a boymom. Sure it could be mis-used, but that's the point of definitions.
Second, it's meant to be a term of celebration of BOYS being BOYS. The fact that there are defined genders, that sex and gender are defined in the womb and genetically, and that those carry into predominant traits of the child during childrearing.
To wit: Boys tend to be loud and constantly in motion or make constant noise - at least far more commonly and more noticeably than young girls. There are far more examples. A boymom both experiences, celebrates, and commiserates about these unique things.
It's also a term of love and endearment towards the unique aspects of raising boys (vs. girls).
It is a not a term that speaks to Mama's boys (which is just a common phenomena whenever you have a highly involved mother in upbringing a son) or some negative connotation - though of course you can ascribe those to Boymom.
...
I'll stop there. Source: Father of 3 young boys, oldest nearly 12, whose strong wife/mother of those children started noticing the "boymom" nomenclature about 8 years ago.
The language is chosen to subvert meaning, as a purposeful part of making you accept the presumed "authoritay" of those claiming the mantle to be morally superior, although really bankruptcy in all ways.
Has the professor's account been hacked?
She might wanna change her password and take another whack at this post. Sounds like something Molly Jong Fast would come up with.
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