Dawn is, essentially, Sedaris's wife. She was his college girlfriend, in the days before he admitted he is gay, and they spend so much time together that when he returns from his long trips, his life partner Hugh asks "How's your little wife?"
Or so it says here in this story.
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The Proclaimers said...
When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be,
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you.
When I go out, yeah, I know I'm gonna be,
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you.
If I get drunk, well, I know I'm gonna be,
I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you.
And If I haver, hey, I know I'm gonna be,
I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you.
But I would walk 500 miles!
And I would walk 500 more!
Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles,
To fall down at your door!
[Dis]respect For Marriage Act ("="), equivocation, and indoctrination (DEI)
That said, civil unions for all consenting adults.
So, he's in the transgender spectrum: homosexual or bisexual. An activist: albinophobic?
Lovely- and not even completely wrecked because of the fucking New Yorker dieresis. Even just in my head I know how to pronounce coordinate fucking New Yorker. People who actually need those things in their language don’t hate Americans the most because Capitalism makes them look bad. That’s in second place. They hate Americans the most because of their obsession with superfluous diacritics…
I sentence you New Yorker to watch a full season of Flip a Cöin On Maximum Effort Channel*…
*(…now known as Minimum Effort Channel in our home after trying to watch an episode of Flip a Cöin)
So why is he pushing it on us that he has this girlfriend/wife ?
Seems a bit to politically convenient.
I wish he’d just come out as gay…
Oh never mind, it’s not Tim Scott
Christ, I already knew that I shared neurotic tendencies with Sedaris (while lacking his more endearing traits). Now I find out that he is an excessive walker and step counter. My daily record numbers are similar to his, though usually dominated by running, and a bit higher.
Halfway through the story, I started to think: does Dawn have a life of her own? Then, in the final paragraph: "Does Dawn’s husband, Matt, behave this way? I often wonder."
Well. Now I also am wondering some things about Matt. Specifically, how does he put up with all this? Was being a part-time husband just part of the deal? Guess he knew what he was getting into... or did he?
Thanks for this. Wonderful.
Enjoyable, and even better if you can imagine him reading it in his own voice.
I suspect that I’m the only one who, after reading a Sedaris piece, comes away with the vague feeling that he is a very unhappy person.
- Rafe
Entirely unhealthy.
Matt must be a serial golfer.
They drove past Ralph Lauren's ranch on the road to Telluride, as have I. A notable thing about it is that the fence rails are on the outside of the pasture enclosure posts, not the inside, because the fence "looks better" from the road that way.
Actual ranchers put the rails on the inside, because cows like to lean against them, and that way the rails are simply pushed against the posts. Ralph's way means the rails will soon be popped off, leading to cattle wandering onto the road. Which is bad.
(I was about to hit "publish" when I remembered Chesterton. And HIS fence.)
A life consisting of non sequiturs. All in all, there are far worse choices.
Regarding the title, I recall but have not researched (nor do I vouchsafe) a story about a man whose life revolved around outrageous he-man stunts who once upon a time, perhaps in the 1960s, made a very substantial bet that he could eat an entire automobile over a period of years, my vague memory says five years, but it could have been more or fewer. As I understand this absurd tale of macho bravado, the car devourer planned to grind the metal parts into tiny bits small enough to swallow and pass through the human alimentary canal, at least that is what he told the press. As absolutely bonkers as that seems, eating glass was a common sideshow performance at 19th-century county fairs and P. T. Barnum's American Museum. (I had a dog that ate several glass Christmas tree ornaments with no apparent ill effects.)
Apparently, as a condition of the bet some of the wagered money, thousands of dollars, was held in escrow. The party betting against the car-eating stunt found himself in dire need of the impound funds and hoped to settle the bet before the agreed-upon term expired. However, no one he contacted admitted to having seen the alleged automobile eater for many months -- he had disappeared without leaving any forwarding address. A visit to his now-empty house revealed the car in the backyard, mostly intact, missing only the upholstery and one tire.
3 miles an hour is a brisk pace. 43 miles at 3 mph is over 14 hours of hard walking. It’s hard to imagine getting any enjoyment out of that.
I assume the 43 miles is shared by both. And 21.5 miles per person is very impressive.
3 miles per hour is a leisurely pace. 4.5 to 5 mph is brisk. My high step count days usually involve 15 to 18 miles of running (fewer steps per mile), so that's less than 2.5 hours on the high side. So with another 25 miles of walking, you're talking about maybe 8 hours on your feet. It's tiring but pleasant.
As recently as 2015 when I was 68 years old, I managed to do 20+ miles in one day, but that was an hours long pursuit of golf balls as I managed a 54 hole day at Golspie in Scotland.
It's an interesting and intriguing set of relationships. But, as one of my rules to live by is "no relationship makes sense unless you're in it" good for them.
Disappointed that on New Yorker App he is not the reader of the article.
I've gotten 30,000 steps in over an 8 hour shift at work. That's 4.5 hours of walking at 110 steps/minute. Even when tired, I walk 112/minute.
So that's 12-14 hours of walking. And a lot of water consumed. At least, if they actually want to stay healthy, a lot of water consumed.
Most women don't walk at that pace.
"I assume the 43 miles is shared by both."
That's an absurd assumption. 22 miles in one day wouldn't be worth mentioning like that. Not for him. I think that would be one of his normal days. Maybe his daily average.
He's talking about punishing, insane over-walking. The kind that regularly causes their toenails to slough off.
"Enjoyable, and even better if you can imagine him reading it in his own voice."
I know. They have an audio track at the link, which I listened to while reading, but it's not Sedaris and I had to try to imagine how it would sound with his voice, which adds so much to the experience.
I doubt if there is anyone who listens to Sedaris's audiobooks more than I do (especially while asleep).
That was a very sweet and funny DS piece.
Howard said...
Matt must be a serial golfer
Haha- good one Howard. I used to play with a fellow who would impart relationship wisdom to every young man what entered his foursome. The secret of a good relationship is never communicate…
Old and slow said...3 miles per hour is a leisurely pace. 4.5 to 5 mph is brisk
5 MPH is jogging.
Blogger tim maguire said.. 5 MPH is jogging.
But only just barely. It can also be brisk walking. Not race-walking, mind you, that's altogether different and silly. I just got back from a long run, and just for fun I decided to check my walking pace after the run. It turns out that easy pace is 4.2mph, purposeful but relaxed is 4.5mph, and 5mph is easy enough but it requires you to remember that you are in a hurry. If I let my mind wander, I'm soon back at 4.5mph.
Now I'm curious how fast David Sedaris walks. My son just went to see him and had his book signed (DS drew a picture of breasts next to his sig), I wish I had asked him to ask for me now.
How is she 'essentially his wife'?
She's not. She's a friend.
He thinks girls are icky.
***
"3 miles per hour is a leisurely pace. 4.5 to 5 mph is brisk."
Unless you're Wilt Chamberlain, 5mph is a jog. Either way, almost nobody can maintain 4.5mph over any length of time unless you are forced to do so on a treadmill...
Huh? 43 miles is walking 14 hours at 20 minutes a mile. And that assuming level ground.
How old is this guy? I thought he was 60 something and a little 5-6 shrimp.
Was he eating while walking? Shitting while walking? taking pep pills?
Was it a stunt? A one time thing? I don't believe anyone could walk 14 hours and 43 miles on an average day.
Plus Sedaris is fantasy writer.
Huh? 43 miles is walking 14 hours at 20 minutes a mile. And that assuming level ground.
How old is this guy? I thought he was 60 something and a little 5-6 shrimp.
Was he eating while walking? Shitting while walking? taking pep pills?
Was it a stunt? A one time thing? I don't believe anyone could walk 14 hours and 43 miles on an average day.
Plus Sedaris is fantasy writer.
JFK had the fifty mile walk challenge when I was in high school. Several did it. I abstained.
None of you guys does much walking I gather. 4.5mph is a very easy pace to walk for hours. 5mph takes conscious effort, but it's not actually HARD. I'm old and have 32inch legs, so definitely not Wilt The Stilt. Jogging is 6 to 7 mph for most people in tolerable to poor shape.
rcocean said...
... I don't believe anyone could walk 14 hours and 43 miles on an average day.
50 mile race results from 1975 https://ultrarunning.com/calendar/event/jfk/race/10265/results
I'm on this list. 5 women finished ahead of me- 11 women finished. Don't know how many women actually started- but these are the finishers.
344 finishers- over 500 started. So even though is finished in the lower third, I did better then more then half the entrants. Finisher 343 Bill Kemper- age 60-69, 13:56:22. 7 people in that age group finished, 1 woman.
First 10 or so miles was on a very rocky trail- had I known that ahead of time I would have had two sets of footwear like several other entrants. And my feet wouldn't have been pounded to a pulp before I reached the smooth part of the rest of the run. Only once to say I did it.
The average person non-obese person can easily do 50 miles in a day at a walking pace on a smooth level course if they set their mind to it. With a rucksack and a full load and hills, over an uneven trail, then it's a real challenge.
I did do a 50 mile bicycle ride the day before my 60th birthday at a local Scout camporee to show my Scouts I was getting older, not decrepit. Couldn't convince any of them to join me. But a lot of Scouts and leaders from the district did it. Much easier. I was still sore at the end...
Blogger Gospace said...
The average person non-obese person can easily do 50 miles in a day at a walking pace on a smooth level course if they set their mind to it.
Gospace gets it. It's the non-obese part that excludes so many people.
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