From "She Went on 100 Dates Before They Met. He Hadn’t Been on Any in Years. After Molly Hunt matched with Harry Rimalower on Bumble, they went out to a bar — Mr. Rimalower’s first date since his separation" (NYT)(a wedding story).
“I awkwardly asked, ‘What are you looking for?’” he said, to which she replied, “I’m on the fast track to marriage and kids.” So was he.
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26 comments:
>‘What are you looking for?’” he said, to which she replied, “I’m on the fast track to marriage and kids.”<
There's a screaming danger alarm for a guy, if ever there were one. Nice that it worked out for newly-divorced Harry, though (We'll see...).
There's gotta be something negative to say here.
She has an unusually pedigreed kitten and likes eel.
I used to assume second marriages did better than firsts, since I figured there must be lessons learned. But the stats say no, second marriages have a little higher divorce rate than firsts. It seems, just an impression, that some people have trouble getting along with others; and they will have trouble, regardless. Also seems that some people have trouble being happy!
If you can laugh, you have a better chance, IMO. Sounds like he can laugh. So nice going and good luck to them.
“I’m on the fast track to marriage and kids.”
Proper response:
Good, good for you. Did I mention I'm moving to a town of 500 people somewhere in New Mexico....tomorrow?
Good for her. Honesty is better than the trope of the woman who wastes her breeding years living with a man who never intends to marry her. The clock is ticking.
What’s wrong with being a guy who wants a wife and kids and home-cooked meals? Fifty years ago (yes, our golden anniversary is coming up early next year) the wife’s best friend said to me something along the lines of all the women could see I was “the marrying kind.” If you date a girl looking for a quick overnight stand where neither of you remember the other’s name the next morning, you’re really missing out.
I've met at least once or dated about 100 women since my divorce 20 years ago. I actually kept a list for a period of time. Super weird by me. Exactly two were keepers. DDB's batting average is 2%. And those two didn't work out and I'm still unhappy about one of them.
Ann, OTOH, is batting 1000%.
Lucky Ann. Lucky Meade.
Molly Hunt sounds like a wacky movie about a guy looking for drugs at a big party.
>Kate said...
Good for her. Honesty is better than the trope of the woman who wastes her breeding years living with a man who never intends to marry her. The clock is ticking.<
Indeed, her honesty is a good thing. For all involved (as I alluded to above). Her honesty is telling him in no uncertain terms that he is being shopped for the cellular product of his testicles and the content of his chromosomes...and, oh yeah, his being likeable, well, you know, helps.
A commitment should be forthcoming, of course, moderate variations, pragmatic expectations, patience us a virtue, and an unPlanned Posterity. Their choice. Good luck.
"...'[H]ow many ways I can use "your" and "you’re" incorrectly in a sentence,' he joked...."
People who write phonetically think: "Weir wright; Thayer wrong."
Note to Apostrophe Abusers; Writing "he'd" limits the range of reader confusion to "he had," "he would," "he could," "he did," etc. Go full entropy. Write "heed."
Abjure the apostrophe. Become a Clarity Crusader.
She's honest and knows what she would like. Good for her. It would be different if she said "I'm on the fast track to marriage and kids - with you." That would be creepy. But to state what she is looking for helped her find a guy who is looking for the same. Hopefully there was time to really get to know each other rather than just go forward with the illusion of what they want versus the reality of who they are. The reality can be awesome, or it can be dissappointing, or even incredibly painful (addiction, abuse, pathologic dishonesty or thievery...).
As for second marriages - I've seen a lot of people reel emotionally after a divorce or the death of a spouse, and get into a second marriage before they are ready, not really vetting the other person - and I can see why those would end faster than not.
Bumble is a real thing? I read it like the intro to a Woody Allen script.
>‘What are you looking for?’” he said, to which she replied, “I’m on the fast track to marriage and kids.”<
There's a screaming danger alarm for a guy, if ever there were one. Nice that it worked out for newly-divorced Harry, though (We'll see...)
She could have lied. Would that have been better?
Or she could have done like me - pretended that having kids wasn't a major goal of my life, was instead just, you know, something I'd maybe like to do someday. I got lucky - my man went through with marrying me, and when age 30 was approaching and I told him I planned to have my first child by that age with or without him, he decided he preferred "with." And he is a wonderful father to our three... and I still blush at my youthful duplicitousness and manipulation. But if I'd waited for him to say, "Ok, let's have kids," I'd still be waiting.
If young men were more like young women, more of them would embrace the idea of having kids and fewer young women would obfuscate or outright lie about it. It is what it is - in my experience, virtually no young men look forward to being fathers - and they don't start out wanting to buy the cow when the milk is free, either; but most of them do eventually decide to buy the cow, and when fatherhood comes with that, the ones I know have done a pretty-good-to-great job of it.
Seriously, I've met exactly one man who, before the age of 30 or birth of first child, openly said he wanted to be a father. This is the thing that makes me wonder about gay men having kids.
many ways I can use "your" and "you’re" incorrectly in a sentence..
was that have been bad grammar using? or just miss spieling words? I no think i no difference of.
Jamie said...
>‘What are you looking for?’” he said, to which she replied, “I’m on the fast track to marriage and kids.”<
>There's a screaming danger alarm for a guy, if ever there were one. Nice that it worked out for newly-divorced Harry, though (We'll see...)<
>She could have lied. Would that have been better?<
Not at all. See my 11:01.
"I’m on the fast track to marriage and kids." The ultimate speed dating line.
Honesty is the best policy. I don't see anything wrong with being up front about one's goals.
My wife and got married but didn't have our son for almost a decade--but neither of us pretended that childless matrimony was our goal.
One of my college friends--now a highly successful lawyer--likes to say that he disappointed his first two wives (i.e. he cheated his ass off) and the third one died (from a bee sting on his hobby farm). He's now dating another highly successful lawyer.
Population alarmism has been the consensus for at least 60 years. It coincides perfectly with the desires of young men to have frequent consequence free sex with lots of attractive women.
Religion and "honor" were once meaningful countervailing forces. I fully support women who know what they want, and are honest about it. Any male who convinces himself into being offended by the ridiculous concept that "she only wants me for my DNA" has a radically deficient grasp of human nature. Believe me, she wants a man for a lot more than that, just as you want a woman for much more than her molecules.
I love that she was honest about her dating goals. Just because you want to focus on meeting people who are open to getting serious, and who want a marriage and kids if they find the right person, shouldn't have to mean that you are going to jump into marriage with the wrong person!
I had serious boyfriends who would have proposed if we kept dating, and although I knew I wanted to marry one day, I certainly didn't rush into marriage with the first willing partner. They were good guys with good prospects but they weren't quite the right fit.
When I met my husband, I knew after the first date that he was The One. Peas and carrots.
Sorry RigelDog, Obama was "The One." Oprah told us so.
he is being shopped for the cellular product of his testicles and the content of his chromosomes...and, oh yeah, his being likeable, well, you know, helps.
Well, you know, in evolutionary terms he should expect nothing else. And in those same terms, every woman should expect that the father of her children will also be the father of as many other women's children as he can convince or overpower.
Good thing we're civilized, isn't it?
It's as tedious for me to hear a man complaining that any woman only wants his DNA and physical support as it ought to be for a man to listen to women complaining that their faithful husbands only think of them as sex toys. Of course, I'm not living in the middle of every marriage; in my circle, almost everyone is married and happy about it, and almost all have kids and are happy about that too.
Jamie,
"Seriously, I've met exactly one man who, before the age of 30 or birth of first child, openly said he wanted to be a father."
I graduated from college in '76, got married the following year... most of the guys in my circle that I knew well definitely expected to be fathers, and most did in fact do so. So that was well before the age of 30 for all of them.
They look to be a lovely couple. Hope they have good luck, and many children.
>Jamie said...
"he is being shopped for the cellular product of his testicles and the content of his chromosomes...and, oh yeah, his being likeable, well, you know, helps."
Well, you know, in evolutionary terms he should expect nothing else. And in those same terms, every woman should expect that the father of her children will also be the father of as many other women's children as he can convince or overpower...It's as tedious for me to hear a man complaining that any woman only wants his DNA and physical support as it ought to be for a man to listen to women...<
You're ranging rather far afield from what I said in my posts. Geez, you even got a little gratuitously "rapey" there, for some reason. I neither said nor implied anything about support, sex objects, evolutionary phenomena, or anything about "any woman." I referred to her and him specifically. And she is the one who unabashedly announced that she is primarily and full tilt looking to mate up and *mate* up, isn't she.
I simply said that that is a (fair and honest) important warning to a guy who might have thought he was just contemplating her as someone to casually date, that she is rather more than that. In the end, it worked out well for both. Sorry to be so tedious.
Paywalled.
How long did they date? He seemed fairly freshly separated when they met. You'd think a psychologist would be hesitant to jump in there.
But...fast track etc.
Also: "He graduated with a bachelor’s degree in visual and environmental studies from Harvard, "
Is that one major?
Walter - try this...
https://archive.is/Pq4NE
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