I'm reading "So You’re in Love With a Bad Sleeper/Sharing a bed with a restless partner doesn’t have to be torture, experts say. Here are some tips" (NYT).
Hack the bed.... It may help to attach two twin mattresses with a connector....
Respect your partner’s sleep patterns.... 'Maybe one person just needs to get into bed earlier than the other and get into a good, sound sleep before the night owl comes in.'....
Look within. Dr. Troxel has worked with couples in which one partner has insomnia or some other issue, but misattributes his or her awakenings to a bed mate....
Destigmatize the ‘sleep divorce.’...
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22 comments:
The “sleep divorce” has been around for a long time. Remember that song from the 70s?
“Into my room he creeps
Without making a sound”
It may help to attach two twin mattresses with a connector
In the hotel room twin bed problem, you lay the mattresses across the two beds sideways to avoid that suggested gap problem.
No divorce required. Sleep separation... everything old is new again.
The problem is the number of participants. Husband who snores, cat 1 who likes the middle of the bed, cat 2 wants the pillow and snores, too. I just want the guest room.
Reality show concept: Sleep Divorce Court
Weight loss is the number one way to decrease snoring. You're welcome.
Extra firm King bed and earplugs.
My husband is the best husband in the world---but he's not cuddly or romantic. So I was moved when we were having a general discussion of sleep divorce and he quietly, shyly said that he would really miss not having me sleep next to him.
I'm the luckiest woman in the world.
I have been using ear plugs at night for over 40 years. My wife stays up later than I and has to have the TV on. This seems to be a somewhat common dilemma, one person needs background noise, the other does not.
If snoring is the problem, the first thing to do is a take-home sleep study ordered by a pulmonologist. The next step, once they diagnose even a mild case of apnea, is a CPAP machine. These can change your life, and extend it. And the slight positive pressure will keep your palate open, eliminating snoring.
sleeping in the same bed can cause both wife and husband to get a bad night's sleep. We have separate beds.
A small fan and ear plugs work wonders. As she goes through menopause, my wife has become one of these active sleepers. I call it the night shift.
With our sons grown, we have two extra bedrooms but the separation at night would seem unnatural. And she’s put up with having the window open 365 days a year.
Earplugs do NOT drown out snoring. Ask me how I know....
Tape your mouth shut. I heared it on the Joe Rogan Experience three and a half years ago and have been doing it ever since. No more dry mouth, no snoring, deeper sleep, keeps sinuses open, cheap as hell, no subscription required.
Also chew Falim gum, completely flavorless, just gum. Strengthens teeth roots jaw bones and jaw muscles. The natural selection method for a stronger jawline.
Weak chin is the leading cause of bedroom divorce. Trust Joe Rogan podcast for all you're ailments and shortcomings.
"Chew Falim gum."
A lot of people get sleep apnea as they hit their fifties and sixtes due to loss of muscle tone in the neck, so this makes to me. It's also. good to do aerobic exercise as this improved the condition of your diaphragm and associated muscles in your neck. My friend who is not fat by any means and has a pretty perfect chin, (facts are facts) but she has come down with this, but she had an operation on her knee, and six months later there is still significant swelling, I had done a scholar.google.com search on sleep apnea, because I get it once in a while, and one thing I learned was that if you have a great deal of inflammation in your legs, as you fall asleep flat, it is carried to your neck by the limbic system. She sleeps sitting up now, and that seems to handle it. I have been sleeping much better simply by setting the head of my bed to an incline of about 30 degrees, and yes, losing 15 lbs has made a significant difference. Also, no drinking alcohol near bedtime. But I have also been making an effort to sing along to Spotify in the car, to improve neck muscle tone, and just bought a harmonica. We will see how that goes. I doubt I will keep it up enough to make a difference, but maybe I will.
Incidentally, the bed mate tells me that I can't have sleep apnea, because I never snore, but I had woken enough enough times with my heart racing and short of breath to make my own conclusions. Anyway, things are far better now.
Older adults need safety ,security, love and affection. We also need our sleep. Especially if we want to be able to be kind, loving and affectionate during the day. Don’t “sleep divorce” — that’s a horrible concept. Here’s a better hack: Have two beds but always initially go to bed together in the same bed. Talk low, cuddle, kiss, caress. Fall asleep. If one partner wakes and can’t sleep, don’t wake the sleeping partner. Instead, go to the other bed. If the other partner then wakes and feels lonesome, that partner can either crawl into bed with the sleeping partner without waking them. Or just get up and quietly make coffee and greet the sleepier partner with a big warm good-morning smooch whenever they come down for breakfast.
Why must married people sleep together in a time when they can easily afford separate beds or even bedrooms?
In times past, the duty of the marriage was to bear children. But that doesn't require sleeping together either. It simply requires sexual intercourse. But after children, there was no intimate duty except in the minds of busybodies. Strictly speaking in the historical context this is treating a woman like a princess. Marry her, breed her, then interactions are merely political.
One presumes a couple co-habitating are doing so for the intimacy so would find benefit from sleeping in the same bed.
All I'm seeing is social pressure against sleeping separately. People will talk, and talk, and talk.
Lots of good input.
We have gone the full gambit. I started with a waterbed, and that lasted twenty?years. Then threw a mattress in the waterbed frame. Then came the sleep study demanded by the bed mate. Snoring escalated to nuclear level sound. Even if you believe you dont have problem, get checked out. Do a sleep study. We both wear cpaps. It is now a crutch neither of us will do without. We fall asleep within 5 minutes, 98% of the time.
Then we sprung for the Sleep Number bed. Best investment I have ever made. We Decided before we went into the store, we were only buying the basic queen bed. No mechanical head and knees. But he made us give it a try, and we both decided we needed it for our backs. It makes the bed. We no longer get out bed with stiff backs. That bed lasted 1.5 years and we upgraded to a split king adjustable sleep number.
That's the solution of you are considering a sleep divorce. We have no idea when the other moves or gets out of bed.
Now we dont want to travel because we are bed snobs. Between the bed and our recent addition of a bidet attachment, Leaving home overnight is a big decision.
That survey really ought to have factored in age.
Things change--no, really!--as we get older. The factors involved in the tradeoff of "intimacy" vs. sleep shift radically. At least that is my experience. I ain't complaining.
I like sex. I really need sleep. In former times the formula was reversed.
I am grateful every morning to wake up next to my spouse, but we often go to bed at different times. There are other couples in our family who sleep separately.
This isn't that hard.
Go to bed at the same time. If you can't sleep, wait a while, then get up. I did this as SOP for many years. Sometimes I fell asleep, other times I woke up in the middle of the night, got up, and went to sleep somewhere else.
If nothing else, you had some time together. For a lot of people, it's the going to bed alone that sucks. Also, if you don't go to bed at the same time it's probably going to reduce the amount of sex you have... which has consequences.
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