... unless the bride herself is asking the question. But she's not, and the answer is quite clearly no.
Read the context, at r/AmItheAsshole, here.
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33 comments:
Important context: The person asking is a 19-yo male.
I, like others, appreciate a good AITA where you think "Of course!" when you read the title, but then the facts are presented and it's "Of course not!"
Life is full of endless problems for these folks. Norm-trashing complexity generates confusion -- no doubt, part of the point -- and that easily leads to unintended consequences.
Wow, first it was destination weddings (which I am not fond of), now it's a surprise costume wedding. Is the guest an ahole? Nope, look no further than the bride and groom. Feel blessed they blocked you.
Backhole religion.
Rule #1, when in a deep hole, stop digging. He was an asshole for going to an engagement party as the Corpse Bride. If it had been a normal engagement party and something happened to his female friend between then and the wedding, he’d be humiliated for the rest of his life. He was a bigger asshole not to change clothes. Better to miss the ceremony than to be a bad omen. He was a stupendous asshole for trying to hide behind the groom. The couple had their first argument and it was over his assholery. Well done, ass hole. They don’t come any more brown and puckered than you.
These days, even men wear wedding dresses at weddings...
Groom should've married both - it was all set up perfectly.
Have to agree with all of the commenters on the original article. If you’re invited to a costume party it’s OK to wear a costume. Not my cup of tea in any way here (cos playing or having surprise weddings), but the commentator is not the Ahole here
You would think someone who held surprise wedding at a costume party wouldn't be so uptight.
The bride is the asshole and the groom is a putz. The guy wearing the gown needs to nut up and stop looking for ways to blame himself for something that he is clearly innocent in.
Oh no! Someone's contrived scheme to give the appearance of spontaneity and quirkiness gave them the appearance of spontaneity and quirkiness but not the kind they wanted.
Honestly the Cosplayer didn't do anything wrong. He had no idea it was going to be a wedding, and when he found out it was he did the right thing and asked the groom if he should leave or change. I'm somewhat sympathetic to the Groom because he is between a rock and a hard place. As for the Bride I can understand her feeling upset about the situation, weddings are a big deal. But that is why frequently people plan out and orchestrate weddings long in advance and try to mitigate against the risk of unknown happening at the wedding. Maybe she will learn that she doesn't like spontaneity and quirkiness as much as she thought she did. But everyone seems fairly young in this situation so hopefully no friendships are ended and it becomes a story they can all laugh about later.
Idiocy abounds. The newlywed couple - for obvious reasons. This faultless questioner for even feeling the need to ask this question.
Groom should've married both - it was all set up perfectly.
Why not? Why stop with couples? Triples? Love wins revisited.
Sure, that happened.
AITA? For the incident, no. For publicizing the story to the wide world, yes.
Not the asshole for going to the costume engagement party in Corpse Bride costume.
BUT!!! If he knew to ask whether to change, then he know he should change. He shouldn't have made the groom tell him to change (puts the groom in a difficult spot, especially since it was an elaborate costume, so it's not surprising that the groom said it was fine), he should have just changed. Afterwards, he should have taken the blame and apologized (even if it was only partially his fault), rather than dumping it on the groom, whom he already put in an awkward position.
Clearly the couple were the primary assholes, though weddings always bring out the worst in people. This guy could have done better too. All are young and immature. Hope they forgive each other and move on.
Maybe dudes shouldn't dress like dames?
Just maybe?
Maybe dudes shouldn't dress like dames?
Just maybe?
Is anyone who posts on r/AmItheAsshole ever the asshole? I've never really seen them tag anyone an asshole, but the I don't regularly read that reddit.
I used to read the AITAs regularly and often thought the scenarios were made up. This seems like one.
80% chance the AITA post was made up (I hear that most AITA posts are made up).
By my estimate, 60% of AITA posts are fiction.
By my estimate, 60% of AITA posts are fiction.
But the big news here is that the Emerita is being sucked into the black hole that is Reddit. As an internal antidote let me suggest r/Machinists.
"As for the Bride I can understand her feeling upset about the situation, weddings are a big deal."
Which is itself bullshit. The wedding is just the ceremony binding two into a marriage. The marriage is the big deal. People are invited to weddings to share in the happy occasion with their friends who are being married. When brides and/or grooms, (mostly brides, I suspect) turn their weddings into narcissistic extravaganzas, it is only to feed their egos, to be looked at, admired, envied, and feted. Fuck that!
I got married at City Hall in NYC, with just a handful of friends along. We did have a dinner planned that evening at the Society of Illustrators, so my wife and I were dressed in properly nice wedding clothing, but our friends were dressed as they would be for any regular weekday. (At City Hall itself, others being wed were dressed in all levels of formality and informality.) After the wedding, my wife and I and a couple of friends took a walk along the High Line (a former above-ground section of the subway in lower Manhattan, now turned into a fabulous elevated walking trail). Then we went to the Strand Bookstore and had one of our friends take a view pictures of us among the shelves. (I'm the book nut, but this was my wife's lovely idea!)
Our wedding was all I could have wanted, fun and intimate. I would have HATED the kind of "look at us and all the money we spent to glorify ourselves" that so many people consider necessary. Anyone who says they "spent their entire life dreaming of and planning their wedding" is an idiot, in my mind.
I Totally agree with Big Mike, when he said..
He was an asshole for going to an engagement party as the Corpse Bride
he KNEW it was an engagement party; and STILL went showing that he hoped their marriage would die
seriously, if HIS costume had been "a bride that was a guy", that would have been one thing
(still stupid)
But a CORPSE Bride? Why didn't he pick something cute: Like, divorce lawyer? Or Homewrecker?
Grow the fuck up. Jeezus!
he KNEW it was an engagement party; and STILL went showing that he hoped their marriage would die
I think you are reading too much into his choice in costume. I think it is a reference to the Tim Burton Claymation movie of the same name, which is based on some Russian Folktale. And I think the message of that story is that the dead shouldn't control the lives of the living and the living need to make sure they go on to live their own full and complete lives, like getting married to their very living fiancée, which I think is how that story ends. But like I said I think you are reading too much into their intent. The person is a 19 year old Cosplayer, his thought process was probably, "Hey it's an engagement party I can dress as a character that is a bride it's perfect."
The marriage is the big deal
I agree and I hope more people keep this in mind before getting married. I myself have never been married and don't plan on it, but if I had I think I would have favored a simpler ceremony. That being said extravagant wedding ceremonies seem to be a prevalent thing and cross-cultural, so I'm hesitant to assume they have no redeeming qualities or to strongly admonish someone who wants a bigger ceremony (as long as they don't go deeply into debt or impoverish their family doing so.) I hear Indian weddings are some of the most extravagant and can last days.
If you conduct your wedding in a sacramental setting this pretty much guaranteed not to happen.
he KNEW it was an engagement party; and STILL went showing that he hoped their marriage would die
How do you get that from anything related to The Corpse Bride? That is dumber than any of the responses on reddit, and that takes some doing. (Although, for a change, most of the ones here were reasonable, but there were still a few that had me shaking my head.)
He had a few days' notice that there was going to be a party so he had to wear a costume that he already had (he ruled out some anime ones). They will all have seen the movie and none of them would get your meaning from him dressing as that character because the (living) bride and groom end up married. The bad guy gets punished, the good ones get happiness.
So my friend 20f and I 19m ....
========
so the 19m was bride ... how does cross-dress-bride-cos-play ruin wedding?
I can understand Groom's predicament >>> is he now Victor or Barkis
[will it depends on relative wealth?]
also the Bride as 'jilted' Emily?!
Original poster was NTA. The engaged couple were, and the groom made it worse by not coming clean and telling his bride that his judgment call at the time might not have been the best. Oh well. Doesn't bode well for the two if he can't be honest and tell her to cool her jets.
And their over-the-top treatment of the OP after the fact was downright childish.
I had a costume wedding when I got married, but the guests knew months in advance and could have opted out if they wanted. Out of 65 people only four did.
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