I'm trying to read "Who Is the Broadway Pooper?" (NY Magazine).
Imagine: You buy tickets to a Broadway show... and what you actually wind up getting is a smelly, real-life mystery about human feces. This is apparently what happened to Hillary and Chelsea Clinton during a recent performance of Some Like It Hot at Shubert Theater... “Last week when Hillary and Chelsea Clinton were in the audience,” a source told [Page Six], “the lights came up for intermission and there were two human turds in the aisle just near the famous political duo.”...
One source said it was a "rather sad" occurrence involving "an elderly person." We're urged to think it had nothing to do with Hillary and Chelsea. Someone else is saying this is the 4th incident of its kind at that show. Maybe it's happening all the time at all sorts of shows and the only reason we're hearing about this one incident is that it happened near Hillary.
I thought the phrase "human turds" was funny. Is the turd human? Looking it up, I ran across an article from last year about fossilized excrement on display in a museum: "[T]he 20 cm long and five cm wide human turd dates back to the ninth century and is attributed to a Viking man in Jorvik which is now called York."
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50 comments:
Caddyshack comes to Broadway. Drain the pool .... er ... clear the aisles!
I can only imagine trying to reclaim my defecation as simple accident from those tugging on it for their purposes because it happened near an esteemed personage. "I shit my pants on accident!"; the tabloids will loudly proclaim my quote!
Incontinence in a political theater is never a simple thing, there had to be purpose behind it.
"in the aisle just near the (in)famous political duo" makes me think it was quite far away from them. This is a NY Magazine article after all.
Musk only replies back with poop emojis, not the the actual thing, so he’s been one upped.
Can we conjure a Newsreel Short for the next double feature at the theater?
My best guess it that it's San Franciscans visiting New York.
1) There were probably 50 people within the same radius as the Clintons. Why can't it have anything to do with them? We're told it happens all the time; really, there's no reason to think it had something to do with the Clintons (unless one of them did it).
2) Gross. How does this happen without anybody noticing? Even after the lights go down, it's not total blackness. The aisles are lined with safety lights and there're always a few jackoffs checking their email.
It was a sad occurrence involving an elderly person. Yeah, HILLARY. Hahaha. She had a deuce dropped next to her seat.
Thanks for a pre-coffee cackle.
But, seriously, wtf?
"One source said it was a "rather sad" occurrence involving "living, working, and playing in the John Calhoun derived dystopian rat-human hellscape that is New York City."
FIFY.
"I am not an animal turd! I am a human turd!"
Presumably it would have been noticed if someone had dropped trou and squatted right there in the aisle, so someone must have planned ahead and brought this poop with them. It's a malicious crazy, not an uncontrolled crazy.
I'm not sure how they would have known the Clintons would be there, so that suggests that they weren't specifically targeted. I suppose the crazy person might have been carrying the poop around in her purse for several days, though, waiting for the right recipient to appear.
Loss of control happens near death and at death. Dead people and pets can't keep it inside.
I'm happy to step around the turds and the smell is probably no worse than that of the junk-food, tobacco, and marijuana-saturated bodies all around...but beware the bedbugs that come out in NYC's theaters in the dark. Cover your bare skin or you'll bring home some a bunch of red spots as a souvenir.
Someone else is saying this is the 4th incident of its kind at that show.
what Is It? About THAT show?
Is it because people think it's sh*tty to pay $100 to watch a show from the 1950's?
Is it because people think it's sh*tty to pay $100 to watch a show mocking tranies?
Is it because people think it's sh*tty?
They say the turds are longer on Broadway
They say the scent of feces is in the air
But when you're walking down that street
And you can tell what someone had to eat
The glitter of living there rubs off and you're nowhere
They say junky feces smells special on Broadway
But constant looking for sidewalk turds gives me the blues
'Cause how you gonna see a show
When a guy in your row really had to go
And hipsters gushing about NYC doesn't clean the pews.
People pooping not in a toilet happens. I work for a gym. In the shower, in the basketball court and behind desks in sales areas.
This is really perfect.
NYC was once the culture capital of the world. Broadway and all of NYC was safe. The music was happening. West Side Story! Oklahoma! The Music Man!
We had just defeated the Nazis and Imperial Japan.
Now NYC is unsafe. The Broadway shows are reruns. Music is terrible. Don't get me started on the movies.
The former President is about to be arrested for nothing while real criminals go free.
And there is Hillary and the daughter of Web Hubbell at a show. Criminals of the first order. Grifters who put the Biden Crime Family to shame. A woman whose alleged husband has probably had sex with 500 women and was publicly humiliated by blow job Monica. But she stays married for the money.
The thing of it is that the Dems have created this disaster. Now Hillary can see - and smell - what the Democrat party has done to a once great country.
Leon:
This doesn't happen in Omaha.
Don't believe the spin about an elderly person's accident and loss of control.
We are rapidly becoming a turd-whirled country. Blame the left.
Why aren’t they reporting that Joe Biden was at the same performance?
Why aren’t they reporting that Joe Biden was at the same performance?
Maybe it was just a negative review of the show.
Turds and the Clintons. Which is more interesting?
I believe the elderly accident is likely. Incontinence is common in the very elderly. It could have taken them by surprise and dropped out of their pants on the way to the restroom.
I feel even more fortunate now about the performance I attended. (Very entertaining show, btw.)
This happened near to where Hillary and Chelsea Clinton were seated. When people started complaining of the smell, both of them said, "Smell, what smell?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought this was 'Some Like a Hot Lunch.'"
Some trivia, only just barely related: Jefferson Airplane spinoff-group Hot Tuna was so-named because their original idea for a band name, Hot Shit, was rejected by RCA.
I smell a cover up. Is it possible that Hillary whose struggles with the aging process have been apparent for years tried to blame someone else for this unfortunate incident? Wouldn't be the first time. On the plus side, she's still out and about and not constipated.
Some like what hot?
“Look at that steaming heap of hot-buttered groat clusters! My, my!”
Leon, I'm not sure where you work, but...that's not normal. Except, of course, in San Francisco.
The area we go to attend the theater in San Francisco (Tenderloin) is a feces-strewn landmine. Oh, needles and piss too.
If there's a trail of 'water' flowing down the sidewalk it ain't water.
But I expect somewhat higher standards once inside.
Has anyone considered the fact that it may have been a Hillary deposit?
I'm going off of the 'He who smelt it' rule...
The smell of urine in the subways got me down, but when I actually saw a turd it made things worse.
Is this going to be a "story about shit every day" week? Let me know and I'll check out now.
William said...
I smell a cover up. Is it possible that Hillary whose struggles with the aging process have been apparent for years tried to blame someone else for this unfortunate incident?
Well, the article said it was an "elderly person" and Hillary! ain't no spring chicken!
Temujin said...
Leon, I'm not sure where you work, but...that's not normal. Except, of course, in San Francisco.
I don't know Temujin, every business I've worked at has a "Mad Shitter" story. You get enough people in one place and eventually....
Ah a reference to coprolites.... Learned about them during my working years. Alas alligator droppings not Vikings.
You too can buy them on-line.
Dunno about the Althouse portal.
When I was baby sitting my grandchildren one of the small dogs got into the boys' bedroom and left a poop. It was a hostile act.
My DIL: He (the dog) is a harsh critic.
My son: Yeah, poop out of 10.
A veritable shit show. So, we strive not to wallow in breasts, penises, and other personal, natural affectations of personal fulfillment.
People pooping not in a toilet happens
Lowered expectations and third-world culture.
rcocean said...
"Turds and the Clintons. Which is more interesting?"
It raises many questions. Were the feces produced on demand or were they tupperwared in for the occasion? Prior to this particular performance was human dung found in the aisles or on the seats? I ask because this could merely be an indictment of the play itself rather than any particular member of the audience. Although I prefer to think that it is a graphic opinion of the Clintons in general. New Yorkers being typically loathe to tell you they don't like you to your face.
Bill?
You don't need to buy a ticket to see a strangers' turd in San Francisco.
Wasn't intended for Clintons.
The two perps had shaped turds into balls and rolled them down from top of aisle.
A contest among collegiate engineers.
Baby Ruth??
A famous human turd found in New Jorvik.
Fitting, at least.
(Just to be clear, by human turd, I don't mean the small brown lump discovered in the theatre aisle, but the large lump wearing a pantzoot.)
I'm glad this is happening to these people. They did their very best to turn NYC into an open sewer and are now stunned they are getting it on their shoes during Opera night. Oh, THE NERVE!
But seriously since this is NYC I can imagine it was a union dispute at the theatre and someone wanted to incentivise a quick resolution of the labor dispute. It's what they do out there.
DIY fecal transplant donation?
NY businesses don't require face diapers for entry anymore, but they may start requiring adult diapers.
We don't seem to have these issues in deplorable flyover land.
Two human turds found in the aisle near the Clintons.
So four of them altogether.
Come on, somebody had to say it.
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