From a 1-star review of "But... You're a Horse" — at Amazon, where it's quite clear that you're basically buying a hilarious book-shaped object that looks like this:
That came out in 2014, so why am I running across it today? I googled the line "You did it for a horse." I had my reason!
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56 comments:
Beware Beware the love of reverse-centaurs! They'll hold you in their strong, manly arms and then poison your oats with ivermectin!
i googled that book to learn more. A couple of clicks later, I learned that KFC created a Colonel Sanders romance novel.
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/35059487-tender-wings-of-desire
@Althouse better not search for "But...You're a Dog."
She should be hung for that, because he certainly is...
Creepy horse hands
LOL
A Long Night On A Short Ladder
The story of a true horse lover.
I googled the line "You did it to a horse?!" I had my reason.
The Secretary and Secretariat.
A horse is a horse of course of course
And no-one should fall for a horse of course
Unless of course the horse of course
Is hung like Mister Ed.
Don't rule out a pony, ladies. It's better for the planet.
"Whatcha doin'?"
"Horsein" around."
I wonder if that's a horsehair sofa.
(Off topic)
On my iPad the Merriam-Webster app Word of the Day is:
"garner"
Thought you should know it has its own day. Drink up.
Is this the book that Bojack Horseman was based on?
"Creepy horse hands" -- My initial thought as well
I also wondered if PETA was involved, but she's wearing too many clothes for typical PETA advertisement.
Finally, where's Fabio?
'Creepy horse hands'
Large hooves, large...
Catherine the Great could not be reached for comment...
That's not a horse. That's my Uncle George who identified as a horse. He was ahead of his time in many ways and a proud Democrat up to and after his death.
I criticize the choice of a sorrel on a cover. I think a palomino would be closer to the Fabian ideal of a cover lover. I suppose a black stallion would also work and might even be more politically correct, but palominos are cuter and more accessible. In any case, a sorrel is too meh.
Joe Smith said...
She should be hung for that, because he certainly is...
isn't That every woman's Dream? to be mounted on the wall with a horse; or is that BY a horse?
Good times, bad times…
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRbTB5gE/
"The Secretary and Secretariat"
My sides are in orbit.
Blogger Lilly, a dog said...
“i googled that book to learn more. A couple of clicks later, I learned that KFC created a Colonel Sanders romance novel.“
I looked for a copy of the KFC romance on Amazon and EBay and couldn’t find one. So I’m not convinced that’s an actual book but either way it’s hilarious.
If wishes were horses… the bill for food would be enormous.
Ride ya pony
Get on ya pony and ride!
h/t Lee Dorsey
Lilly, a dog said...
I learned that KFC created a Colonel Sanders romance novel.
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/35059487-tender-wings-of-desire
Colonel Harland David Sanders died on December 16, 1980, and the cited romance novel was not published until 2017. The original Kentucky Fried Chicken founder from Corbin did not write this silly book using "Harland Sanders" as a pseudonym.
Catherine the Great was a strong and effective monarch who was the victim of malicious (and misogynist) rumors created and spread by her political enemies.
Reminds me of The Canadian Mounted, as a novelty book... somewhat related to mounting horses.
https://www.amazon.com/Canadian-Mounted-Trivia-Planes-Automobiles/dp/1989351638
Parting words: May the horse be with you...
How far is it to Tijuana?
"She's defo not named Frau Blucher."
Pierrot Romances instead of Harlequin is a nice touch, but those horse hands should be hooves.
Kind of a misogynist image, isn't it?
To this book I say "neigh", "neigh"!
Gadfly:
if you click on the link “Katherine Kovach Writer here! It's a romance novella, completely straightforward, where the hero happens to be Col. Sanders. One of the more interesting commissions I did . . . It was a crazy marketing ploy. It kind of is fanfiction! I'd like to think of it as a KFC Victorian AU fanfic, personally.”
Catherine the Great?
The first Stallionist in Russia.
Prince Harry lost his virginity in a field behind a pub to an older woman who treated him like "a young stallion."
The claim was made by the Duke of Sussex in his explosive memoir, "Spare," which is set to be released Tuesday...
In the book, the 38-year-old says the open-air tryst occurred when he was a student at Eton in 2001. The youngest son of King Charles III would have been 17 at the time.
"Inglorious episode," wrote Harry, as quoted by Page Six. "She liked horses, quite a lot, and treated me not unlike a young stallion."
"Quick ride, after which she’d smacked my rump and sent me to grace," he shared. "Among the many things about it that were wrong. It happened in a grassy field behind a busy pub."
The British prince didn’t identify the mystery woman. For years, it was suspected that he lost his virginity to Elizabeth Hurley, who is 19 years older. However, the British model and actress, now 57, has vehemently denied the speculation.
https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/prince-harry-details-losing-virginity-older-woman-who-treated-him-like-young-stallion
This image will be appropriated for the next round of #NoJudgment #NoLabels #LoveWins
Lex Luther: "I don't want to kill him. I just want to incapacitate him so I can take him back to the lab and cut him open, okay."
Captain Cold: "How are you going to cut open Superman?"
Lex Luther: "With my kryptonite scalpel. You got any more stupid questions?"
Grodd: "Why am I here?"
Lex Luther: "You're going to dance on his grave."
Captain Cold: "What do you mean, dance on his grave? Whose grave?"
Lex Luther: "Nobody."
Grodd: "You said we weren't going to kill him."
Lex Luther: "We're not. Nobody's going to die. He's a fucking super-hero for children. He's not allowed to rip us into little pieces. He's from Kansas. You ever been to Kansas? Bunch of pussies."
Captain Cold: "Oh my God."
Grodd: "You're going to shoot Clark Kent with a kryptonite bullet."
Lex Luther: "No I'm not."
Captain Cold: "We're going to die."
Grodd: "What about Krypto the Super Dog?"
Lex Luther: "I already took care of him."
Captain Cold: "You killed Krypto? The super-dog?"
Lex Luther: "No."
Grodd: "Dance on your grave, motherfucker!"
Lex Luther: "Don't make me shoot you, you fucking gorilla."
Captain Cold: "We're going to die. The fucking alien is going to kill us."
Lex Luther: "He's from Kansas, you dumb fuck. He's not allowed to kill anybody. I'm telling you, they trained him to be a Baptist. He can't even go to war. He's a big pussy."
Captain Cold: "Yeah, but..."
Grodd: "You killed his dog."
Lex Luther: "I didn't mean to. Shit happens."
Captain Cold: "Oh my God. Oh my God. Lex. He's here."
Clark Kent: "Hey, Lex. How you doing?"
I thought it might have something to do with Prince Harry’s tale of losing his virginity to a woman who loved horses and treated him like a stallion. His words.
Lex Luther: "Don't move. Don't move. You might get us, but Lois Lane will die. And Jimmy Olson will die. Just like your dog, Krypto. You might think you're super, man. But there's always somebody smarter and stronger. Nobody likes fucking aliens. What if you go bad? It's scary as shit. All I'm going to do, I swear, is take some skin samples and clone you and cut you into pieces and study and examine you. It's not like I'm trying to kill you. I didn't want to kill Krypto, the fucking dog bit me."
Clark Kent: "You hurt Krypto?"
Lex Luther: "No, no. No no no. Nobody hurt Krypto. Relax. Sit on the ground! Sit on the ground! We've got 19 Uzis aimed at Lois Lane! Jimmy Olson will be fed to the sharks! Sit on the ground! Sit on the ground, motherfucker!"
Clark Kent sits on the ground. "Lex, can I ask you a question?"
Lex Luther talks into his walkie-talkie. "Hold on. The alien has a question. Don't kill Lois until I say so. I haven't fucked her yet. Do not kill Lois. Repeat! Do not kill Lois. You kill Lois I will fuck you up."
Captain Cold: "Lex!"
Lex Luther: "Shut up, I'm busy."
Captain Cold: "I got shit running down my leg."
Lex Luther: "Ugh. I smell it from here. Dude. What the fuck?"
Captain Cold: "I'm paralyzed. Both legs. I got shit running down both legs."
Lex Luther: "That's not a super-power. That's your weak ass constitution."
Grodd starts screaming and running in circles.
Clark Kent gives Lex a little wave. "I got a question?"
Lex Luther: "Don't fuck with me, you mild-mannered fucker." Lex Luther is back on his walkie-talkie. "The gorilla is going insane. Repeat. The gorilla is insane."
Grodd: "OOH AHH OOH AAH OOH AAH OOH AAH!"
Lex Luther: "Clark?"
Clark Kent: "Yes, Lex?"
Lex Luther: "What the fuck are you doing to my Gorilla?"
Clark Kent: "Why do you think I'm Superman?"
Lex Luther: "I got a 230 IQ, you alien fucker. You think you can fool me? I got my super-computer to run a program and estimate the probabilities that you are Superman. 99.9999% probability. You show up in Kansas. He shows up in Kansas. You show up in Metropolis. He shows up in Metropolis. We got high speed photographs. We've removed your fucking eyeglasses. I know you're Superman. Not a question in my mind."
Clark Kent: "Maybe it's a coincidence."
Lex Luther: "Who gives a shit?"
Clark Kent: "Maybe all you're doing is killing Superman's friends and making him mad."
Lex Luther: "I'm not scared of you and your alien rage."
Clark Kent: "Okay."
Lex Luther: "What the fuck happened to Captain Cold?"
Clark Kent: "What's wrong with him?"
Lex Luther: "The motherfucker just disappeared. Holy shit.
Holy shit. First he had shit running down his legs. Do you have the power to make shit run down people's legs?"
Clark Kent: "No."
Lex Luther: "Where's my fucking Gorilla?"
Clark Kent: "Lex, try to remain calm."
Lex Luther screams into his walkie-talkie.
Lex Luther: "Kill Lois! Murder her! Rape her! Kill Jimmy Olson. Kill his parents from Iowa."
Clark Kent: "Kansas."
Lex Luther: "Kill them all! Murder everybody! We've got to save the human race from the alien menace!"
Clark Kent: "Come on, Lex."
Lex Luther: "Motherfucker. You saved everybody, didn't you."
Clark Kent: "Can I show you my iPhone from the future?"
Lex Luther: "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Clark Kent: "He called it a smart phone. Said all I had to do was push a button."
Lex Luther: "Uh-huh. This is believable."
Clark Kent: "Lex."
Lex Luther: "Not fooling me, motherfucker. You better give us some skin samples so we can clone you and make more Supermen to protect us from you."
Clark Kent: "Who are you talking to on the walkie-talkie, Lex? Are you working with the FBI? Or maybe the army?"
Lex Luther: "Like I would work with the fucking federal government. Ha! I'm a master criminal." Lex looks over his right shoulder. He looks over his left shoulder. He screams into his walkie-talkie. "The FBI fucked us! THE FUCKING FBI FUCKED US."
Clark Kent: "Lex..."
Lex Luther: "I can't move. I'm paralyzed from the waist down."
Clark Kent: "Have you got shit running down your legs? The holy shit?"
Lex Luther: "You're not fooling me for a second."
Clark Kent: "Maybe I am Superman."
Lex Luther:
Clark Kent: "Are you having trouble speaking, Lex?"
Lex Luther:
Clark Kent: "I thought I was the most powerful force in the universe. Then I met somebody way more powerful than me. Kind of scary when that shit happens. You know what I mean?"
Lex Luther:
Clark Kent: "But it's also strangely comforting. I'm not the alpha dog. I'm a beta man. I'm in middle management. I've got somebody bigger than me, watching my ass, keeping me in line."
Lex Luther:
Clark Kent: "You can believe me or not. That's fine. You're right, I'm from Kansas. I'm a Baptist. I'm not going to kill anybody. And I know this will make you feel better, Lex. You didn't kill anybody either! Krypto is fine. We got him to the vet in time. Took out the kryptonite. He's fine. A little shaky. Might take a couple of days for a full recovery. He might be a little mad at you, Lex. I know he's just a dog. But he's a smart dog. And I think he smelled you or something."
Lex Luther:
Clark Kent: "So you're going to prison again. And while you're in prison, plotting your revenge, there's one thing I want you to remember."
Lex Luther:
Clark Kent: "My dog is not a Baptist."
Stiff and Cold
By Mariam P. Fukiffanowiether
He was stiff and she was cold until a star-crossed collision at the North Pole changed both.
Another epic Santa Claus Romance
Does this mean the cdc/fda will allow them to take ivermectin for covid?
Is this the book that Bojack Horseman was based on?
Is that a fun show? Never seen it
Interesting to think that the invisibility of the internet might have caused fantasies in children that they can really change their biology.
I think technology affects and changes our minds.
And the doctors who want to castrate little boys and put vaginas on them -- for money and fame -- I have no sympathy when people turn on you in a furious rage.
Hippocratic Oath or go home. (And parents might want to limit internet access for children!)
"I'm a girl! I'm a girl!"
"That's it, no more internet for you."
"never mind"
The women are only attracted to the rich horses. It’s like MLB star players. The rich horses seem to want trophy wives that won’t ride them too hard.
Well, boys like girls and girls like horses, so this cover should appeal to at least 2 of the 57 genders. Maybe more.
Royally Screwed
She wanted a Whopper, but man with a plastic crown awakened appetites she'd never dreamed of.
Another Drive-In Romance
by award-winning author Mariam P. Fukiffanowiethre
@Professor Althouse
https://www.tiktok.com/@bucketsthedrummer/video/7182292438860434730?is_copy_url=1&is_from_webapp=v1
Chivalric romance.
Trigger warnining!
You have not begun to explore the rabbit hole that is women's romantic genre fiction. Google on 'Women and Dinosaurs.'
Colonel Harland David Sanders died on December 16, 1980, and the cited romance novel was not published until 2017. The original Kentucky Fried Chicken founder from Corbin did not write this silly book using "Harland Sanders" as a pseudonym.
It's the difference between the awesome people who start companies...
and the glib Ivy League fuckers who run them later.
Thanks for the info, Eva Marie, but GoodReads uses the title: "Tender Wings of Desire by Harland Sanders."
The Aussie Sheila who claims to have "written" it was paid by KFC Down Under. Romance books are not written, they are assembled, usually by females, using a formula needed to qualify in the romance category. BTW, Colonel Sanders, who I met back in the early '60s, was bulked up with fat, not muscle.
Speaking of horses asses. Where's Howard?
Too easy?
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