"The arrangement has been hailed as a recipe for marital harmony: no recriminations about toast crumbs on the duvet or arguments over whether to invite the Jack Russell terriers aboard, and plenty of space to starfish. And it turns out that King Charles is a bedroom trendsetter. The latest YouGov sleep study reveals that one in five couples have switched to separate beds (or opted for sleep divorce, as it’s cheerily known), with women (41 per cent) more likely than men (33 per cent) to say they sleep better alone...."
From "Are you ‘sleep divorced’? Here’s why single beds are back" (London Times).
What, exactly, is a boudoir? I get it that there are 3 bedrooms, and like the idea of 3 connected rooms, which could work very well in a house to accommodate the varied sleep patterns of a married couple and also be usable as guest bedrooms, but what makes an extra bedroom into a "boudoir." That sounds exciting, but why?
I see — in the OED — that the etymology is "< French boudoir lit. ‘a place to sulk in’, < bouder to pout, sulk." Is pouting exciting? Not really, but a room designed for pouting is hilarious. Were women accused of pouting when they just wanted to be alone? Was the word (and the room) used to get distance from a family member who was depressed?
Anyway... a boudoir is "A small elegantly-furnished room, where a lady may retire to be alone, or to receive her intimate friends. Formerly sometimes applied to a man's private apartment."
The OED has a quote from the diary of the second United States President, John Adams: "In what he calls his Boudoir, a little room between his Library and Drawing Room."
Here's the whole quote — in case you wonder who "he" was. It's incredibly boring (seriously... do not read what follows... or do read it, out loud, to someone else, after you've led them to think you're about to read something delightful):
I should not omit Alderman Bridgens Nuns, and Verses. About 30 Years ago Mr. Bridgen in the Austrian Netherlands purchased a compleat Collection of the Portraits of all the orders of Nuns, in small duodecimo Prints. These he lately sent as a Present to the Hide, and Mr. Hollis has placed them in what he calls his Boudoir, a little room between his Library and Drawing Room. Mr. Bridgen carried down with him a Copy of Verses of his own Composition, to be hung up with them. The Idea is that banished from Germany by the Emperor they were taking an Asylum at the Hide, in sight of the Druid, the Portico of Athens and the verable [sic] Remains of Egyptian, Greek, Roman and Carthaginian Antiquities.
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boudoir (n.)
"room where a lady may retire to be alone or to receive her intimate friends," 1777, from French boudoir (18c.), literally "pouting room," from bouder "to pout, sulk," which, like pout and bouffant, probably ultimately is imitative of puffing.
Open relationship? Emojiism? A relationship realized in Venus, Mars, perhaps Uranus?
Hah! Perhaps nothing so socially-forward, sordid, modern, but rather the introspective time we all crave.
FDR and Eleanor had separate bedrooms. It's hard to imagine that Bill-Hillary and Donald-Melanie didn't, too.
Queen Camilla? I thought she was just a consort like Phillip or Albert.
But yeah, separate beds. Twins are so hard tho. I think it's because the sides are so close together there's not much give in the middle.
We're not bougie enough for separate rooms.
I saw my parents move to separate sleeping rooms. I saw both sets of grandparents sleeping in separate rooms. It's normal.
Full disclosure: I sleep with my Jack Russell.
As one does...
"That sounds exciting, but why?"
The boudoir is where they keep their vegan leather harnesses.
They should subtitle that article
Advice for Rich People Who Can Afford Multiple Bedrooms Like the King and Queen
I'm sure working class and middle class people are going, what fucking world do you live in?
Out of touch plutocrats, unite!
Wife and I share bed with 2 little dogs. California King bed helps. I go to bed early, she goes to bed late, so some issues are avoided. I use a sleep apnea machine, so my sleep is better these days and the machine is quiet so wife is not negatively impacted. Wife going through "the change", so her sleep has not been good for a while.
Also my big suggestion for people who snore or make a lot of noise, maybe check out Inspire Medical Systems.
But if you can afford extra bedrooms or extra houses, that's cool, too, I guess. Personally I'm not reading up on Donald Trump's floor plan for help in my own marriage.
It's Wonderful To Have 19 Bedrooms!
Not if your wife and your daughter hate each other. Need more bedrooms! Or more houses!
(not married yet but I'm working on it)
By the way, I have a tip to any man who is thinking about marriage. Skip the legal marriage. Focus on the spiritual marriage. Find a priest who will marry you, and get married. Under God. And take that seriously. You and she will be married, spiritually, with a love commitment. But legally the state has no idea what's going on. Screw the state, it's irrelevant to your marriage. Find love, find a priest, get married in secret, it's all good.
I had a professor in college who, when he was giving a lecture and got to a potentially confusing point, told us we should go home and think about it "in the privacy of your boudoir". He already had a slight Eastern European accent, and he pronounced "privacy" with a soft "i". That shit cracked me up every time, though I don't think he was necessarily trying to be funny. I sometimes say it to my students, but they don't appreciate it like I did for some reason.
We've slept in side by side twin mattresses for some time now. We have wildly different body temperatures and cover preferences. It works great for us.
No boudoir, and no separate toilets as the Trumps had.
I can understand the 2 beds, even 2 bedrooms. Not for me, though. After nearly 50 years I still like being able to reach out in the middle of the night and just touch her to make sure she is there. (She always is)
OTOH, she goes to bed early and I go late. I like to read and sometimes the light bothers her. Not a big problem, though.
What really caught my eye was this plenty of "space to starfish" I'd never heard starfish as a verb and wondered why it took space. I found this definition in Wiktionary:
To assume a splayed-out shape, like that of a starfish
Yeah, I kind of do this when I am alone in the bed.
John Stop fascism vote republican Henry
"plenty of space to starfish"?
What is "to starfish"? Is that what fancy people call gettin' it on nowadays, or is it a lame way of gussying up the idea of stretching out?
"Queen Camilla? I thought she was just a consort..."
She's the Queen Consort and the proper way to refer to her is "Queen Camilla."
...but what makes an extra bedroom into a "boudoir." That sounds exciting, but why?
I thought it was related to a bor·del·lo
NOUN
NORTH AMERICAN
a brothel.
synonyms:
house of ill repute · house of prostitution · disorderly house · maison close · bawdy house · house of ill fame · bagnio · stew
Groucho might say, "I don't care who she's consorting with, she's not the queen."
"Queen Camilla" strikes my ear as an insult, sort of like calling Leona Helmsley or Imelda Marcos "Queen."
I suppose that will change with time. I don't think Charles will have 63 years on the throne, though.
I twitch and occasionally thrash, so my wife is uncomfortable with me there in a full-size. The room will not admit anything larger comfortably. We are thus separate. I don't like it, but a Good Husband does what he can. And I do like being able to get up or go to bed when I want without tiptoeing.
We have a Cal King, which is almost like two bedrooms. Our present Basset hound has gotten too fat to jump up on the bed so we are only two.
Part of the intimacy and bonding in marriage is sharing a sleeping space. The touching, even incidental, helps to unite the pair. And sometimes the incidental touching can lead to intentional touching.
Laslo, what say you?
I read a little of the finely detailed Adams diaries and I'm pretty sure that if he had had an iPhone and an internet connection he would have been compulsively posting pictures of his lunch every day.
Maybe even a few tictok videos.
If one grew up in the 50's and watched TV, you were led to believe that everyone had twin beds and anything else was unique. But my folks never did - always the same bed until mom was put on hospice care - still in the home, but a separate hospital bed.
After 40+ years, DH and I finally got a king bed but it was primarily driven by the fact that our sleep preferences (he likes lots of covers and I don't) was driving us crazy. Removing stress, one at a time, is pretty much the secret to a long and happy marriage. (Retirement helps as well).
We sleep separately, and have for about fifteen years now. Part of it is that I snore - not sleep apnea and not anything that's cured by a CPAP - and part of it is that I'm just on a different sleep schedule from her by about five, six hours. She wears earplugs when we travel, or go camping.
There's no one-size-fits-all when it comes to sleeping arrangements. You do what works.
“Will you walk into my parlor?” said the spider to the fly;
“’Tis the prettiest little parlor that ever you did spy.
The way into my parlor is up a winding stair,
And I have many pretty things to show when you are there.”
“O no, no,” said the little fly, “to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair can ne’er come down again.”
I always thought the first line was "Come into my boudoir," said the spider to the fly," and was wondering who was the spider in this scenario and who the fly? "Fred" or "Gladys"?
If you're wondering the rumor is she likes it Rottweiler-style.
Queen Consort
Sounds like a head bad girl in The Handmaid's Tale.
Is there a head bad girl in The Handmaid's Tale?
Is it wrong that I find these sci-fi Amish chicks super hot?
Red is definitely a nice color for ladies, in my opinion.
I have not watched that show. Pro-abort art is not really my thing. Is it any good? Any drama? Or comedy? Any nudity? Any Republicans like it? I guess I'm Amish-curious. I had no idea.
The point is that they have two rooms to sleep in and one to screw in. If that seems like an unpleasant image, you really should watch the last season of "The Crown" -- in which young Camilla is played by a lovely actress with hidden dominatrix energy. It really explains their whole relationship, when you think about it.
She's the Queen Consort
Yet Phillip was most definitely not King.
Must be a case by case determination.
Isn't it common knowledge that if you want something to sound sexy you say it in French?
What, exactly, is a boudoir?
I think in porn they call it the fuck room?
In French it sounds better.
When my mom and my aunt went to Paris, my mom was all, "I took four years of French in school."
That did not go well. Classroom French and cabbie French are apparently different languages.
My Mom, when she tells this story, would do the voice of the French cabbie. Very funny. (I'll bet he didn't like his tip, either).
My partner and I established separate bedrooms as soon as we could - probably 12 years into our relationship. We have been house hunting and it's been frustrating to see home after home with huge master bedroom suites with two dinky extra bedrooms. Doesn't work for separate bedroom couples. We finally decided to build custom but won't be changing the basic layout. As a result, I get the master suite and he will have two bedrooms. I would much prefer bedroom space to be more evenly distributed.
If there's one thing I'm pretty sure of, it's that King Charles is never going to be a trend-setter in anything worth mentioning, except maybe sarcastically.
We share a King size bed, equipped with two medium-sized dogs. They get their own blankets.
If you snore or sleep with someone who does, see a pulmonologist for a take-home sleep study and if necessary, get fitted for a CPAP machine. They're very quiet and unobtrusive now.
I'd love to have a cozy sitting room off my bedroom for reading and praying and general quiet contemplation. Plants and books and fuzzy blankets and a cozy chair or two and none of my husband's goddamned hairy cats dirtying up the place. It would be fantastic.
He and I hate sleeping apart, and don't sleep well when we do, but when he travels I do enjoy starfishing out a little. But I'd take him over that.
Maybe all these married couples sleeping apart explains how the average American man consumes enough porn to kill a small horse.
One of the advantages of the boudoir was the comfort of informal attire. As an architectural feature, the boudoir reached its pinnacle during the reign of Louis XVI. For high social occasions, which included the evening meal, men and women, but especially women, were expected to don elaborate (and physically heavy) costumes and wear elaborately dressed hair. Even for those whose dressed "hair" was a wig, this ritual was time-consuming and required the assistance of servants. In the case of Queen Marie Antoinette, more than two hours of her afternoon was spent getting dressed for dinner. After-dinner hours at Versailles were followed by entertainments, usually gambling, and the queen and her retinue made another change of dress and hair for that. Given the boredom of just sitting for hours daily while dozens of obsequious servants swarmed about her, lacing up her gown, brushing and powering her hair, one can image Antoinette musing about taking her ease with her friends while dressed in comfortable clothes and her hair carelessly covered under a mob cap. the queen's boudoir was the room, or more precisely a suite of rooms, where she could do that. A great lady's boudoir was in no sense a strictly private place. In fact, the queen's boudoir was the scene of considerable official business. Marie Antoinette, a woman in constant need of funds to cover her gambling losses, routinely met with her bankers in her boudoir.
Along with revolutionary politics, the French Revolution introduced revolutionary manners and revolutionary architecture. Men and women aspired to comfort and republican virtue in their personal appearance, and the pursuit of virtuous intellectual stimulations in their amusements, rather than the stupid waste of bacchanal feasting and gambling. Peruques and powdered hair faded from the scene, and women's fashions invoked images from classical antiquity. Those huge bell-shaped skirts topped by tightly laced bodices that were de rigueur in the ancient regime were replaced by much simpler and comfortable high-waisted diaphanous gowns. The boudoir as a place for a great lady to wear comfortable attire and relax with close friends was replaced by the salon, a place for elevating conversations rather than insipid gossip.
Is it wrong that I find these sci-fi Amish chicks super hot?
I strongly maintain that the entire fan base of that show finds it secretly titillating to imagine being dominated and impregnated by alpha males. Why else would you watch it?
Starfishing, per the urban dictionary means laying flat, sprawled out while having sex.
Cue the band, Isn't it romantic, isn't it .....
Twin beds are best dealt with by laying the mattresses sideways across the pair. Mostly a problem in hotels. Probably what the Queen does.
French. Trump. Boudoir.
Sophia Coppola's Marie Antoinette movie showcasing Versailles definitely influenced Trumps interior beautification.
But the carbon footprint!
I get the sleeping arrangements, but I wouldn't let the term "Sleep divorce" any where near my marriage.
Boner-Killer
I don't see how anyone can think those pages of Mr Adams's Diaries are boring, ha. Bees and goddesses' smoking pipes and the tastelessness of picket fences. Granted, one wouldn't want to have to read 'em all from beginning to end but that's because of the great quantity of detail one would have to assimilate, not because one would be bored.
Today, a diplomat can use the Internet to discover X,Y, and Z about his host city and its peculiarities and people, and has an abundance of over-educated lackeys at his disposal: in Mr Adams's day a diplomat was expected to and trained to notice and learn such details for himself.
42 years and still in the same bed. Blessed to have similar sleep patterns. Early risers, slow starters to get into the day.
We have evolved from water bed to standard box spring/mattress, to Sleep Number, queen, adjustable. The Sleep Number is worth it, but the adjustable is the real ticket. But we could not settle and the same adjustment of the frame. A year latter we bought a second Sleep Number, split King. Independent sleep number, independent frame position. Another feature of the bed is you absolutely don't feel any motion from your partner, rolling over, or getting in and out of bed.
Whoever's got the Febreze contract is going to be rich
DH and I slept together for years, but snoring, and hot flashes, started to make that difficult. Plus, now I am back to getting up early to prep for office work whereas DH still works from home and sets his own hours. It works. We hang out together before sleep and on Sunday mornings when I return from early Mass. Those extra hours are some of our best sleep.
And starfish in my case is just splaying out, arms and legs outstretched, taking up all the available space. I started doing that prior to my first hip replacement as it was the only way to get relief. Didn't know it had another definition.
Other than romance novels or classic literature, I never heard the word Boudoir used in modern French conversation, not in France or Canada. The contemporary French word for bedroom is Chambre. I think the word Boudoir is utilized strictly for the benefit of Americans who need to feel pretentious.
I don't understand the point of gigantic master bedrooms. Seems like wasted space.
The media gets giddy when they can report a tradition losing support. This has been true my whole life.
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