I'm reading "Why It Matters That J-Lo Is Now J-Aff" by Jennifer Weiner (NYT).
What the Jennifer Lopez newsletter did say was: "Love is a great thing, maybe the best of things — and worth waiting for... With love, Mrs. Jennifer Lynn Affleck."
You know, I'm not convinced she's going to call herself Mrs. Jennifer Lynn Affleck going forward. I think that's an alternative name that she's using for effect there, and, like "J. Lo," it's another nickname. She embraces it, and she embraces other things too. Why limit her? About love, she says it's "maybe the best of things." Maybe! I'd say Mrs. Jennifer Lynn Affleck is a great name, maybe the best of names, but she's got other names too.
Am I the only one who saw "Mrs. Jennifer Affleck" as rather unkind to the other Mrs. Jennifer Affleck, Jennifer Garner (Ben's first wife)?
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84 comments:
Oh please. Celebrity naming is a fame game. Remember Merideth Baxter-Birney? Farrah Fawcett-Majors? John Cougar Mellencamp? John Wayne Gacy?
Uh wait. Rebooting the brain...
The AFLAC duck will be replaced by JLo.
Not the main point, but I can't read that last name without hearing the duck's voice from the insurance company, different spelling notwithstanding.
As far as hyphenated names go, or wives keeping their maiden name, to me it automatically communicates a chip on the shoulder.
Ben Affleck-Lopez
Take your husband's name or take your father's name.
I hadn't considered that Ben Affleck had two famous Jennifers as his wives. Why would I? I don't spend a minute on any of them, unless I'm rewatching Gigli for the 7th time. Just kidding. No one has ever watched Gigli all the way through.
What actually crossed my mind while reading your post is that Ben won't get caught muttering the first wife's name in the heat of passion with wife #2. Oh, Jenny... will provide cover for him.
She should not change her name - we all know the marriage is only going to last a year or two.
I never know what my wife's name is.
Nelida Sanchez de Henry on the driver's license
Nelida Sanchez-Rodriguez on the passport and at work
Nelida Henry on the bank account
Just plain Nellie (or Nelly?)to me
John LGBTQBNY Henry
I'd ask whether or not she'd give up the name when they split up but it looks like she's already setting that up, so nevermind.
ISTM a lot of female celebrities change their last names in their personal lives, but not in their professional lives. Amber Heard went from Heard to VanRie to Heard to Depp to Heard, but was always Heard professionally. Jennifer Anniston was Jennifer Pitt on her personal stationary. They are people as well as celebrities, and they can do what they want in their relationships.
Jennifer Weiner should try to focus on writing a good book.
Whose name did Jennifer Weiner keep?
Yes, when the MC at the wedding reception says, "And now, would you welcome onto the dance floor for their first dance, Mr. and Mrs. Ben Affleck," the bride isn't obligated to call herself that for the rest of her life.
It's the third Jennifer that's interesting: Jennifer Weiner. Are her novels still on sale at fine airports everywhere? Now she's faced with a tough decision. She gets free publicity and a few bucks, but she has to make a fool of herself to get it. What to do?
Her readers probably don't care, and people who do, don't buy her books. So you go, girl!
Two become one. So it is not an irrational thing that this communio personarum (communion of persons) should share one name. And want to do so.
Not everything is an oppressive patriarchy.
Maybe it could be like the European nobles, where you have a name but also a title; James Blithermore, Baron Gozzlethwaite. She could be Jennifer Lopez, Mrs. Affleck.
“Ms. Affleck?”
Like Althouse, I suspect that Lopez was secretly dissing the previous wife, and if she wasn't, then she is pretty dumb for not realizing that it might look that way.
However, on legal documents and such, it is probable that Lopez has, in fact, taken the Affleck surname, but professionally there is no doubt she will continue on as JLo.
"Not the main point, but I can't read that last name without hearing the duck's voice from the insurance company, different spelling notwithstanding."
You are not alone, Andrew.
Fifty years ago in STEM the rule was if the woman had published at least one article under her maiden name she kept it, otherwise she accepted her husband’s name. My wife was an exception, because she was listed as the fifth or sixth author on her paper in the Physical Review C. She did nearly all the research. She wrote the bulk of the paper. She presented the results at a conference. But her name was only fifth or sixth in the list. Once upon a time women in science faced real challenges, and did not have to run around getting a fit of the vapors over shirts.
FWIW some women do both. Famously, Dinah Shore would demand to be called Miss Dinah Shore sometimes, or Mrs. George Montgomery at others, depending on circumstances.
As for the taking of a new surname on marriage- it just makes fucking sense for one or the other to change, and historically it is the wife who does so, and that tradition is going to continue despite all the whining of people like Ms. Weiner.
Think about- if people combined names, surnames would eventually become unwieldly to use within a generation.
I always think of the duck, too.
My wife was given no middle name, so when we married she enjoyed having three names to go by professionally.
“women are under attack, and I won’t participate in a tradition that’s historically rooted in women relinquishing their identities and their legal standing.”
In a different context, virtually a TERF battle cry.
Maybe it's just a romantic gesture. 1st Corinthians 13:4-8
Jessica Brown-Findlay - "Anyone who knows what love is" (will understand) - From Netflix 'Black Mirror'
Ben finally popped the question and she reciprocated in kind?... who really knows? From a distance we are all just speculating.
After their divorce, her name change back to Lopez can be used to celebrate girlpower.
What? Too soon?
She'll use it until some grievance group calls her out and says she's ashamed of her Hispanic surname.
'Imagine if Ben Affleck had become Ben Lopez.'
He would get into fancier colleges.
If they have kids, I'd recommend they name him/her/it/they/xir 'Lopez.'
"The personal is political" is the most devastating slogan since "workers of the world, unite!" Anyone using it deserves to be derided and hated.
The goal of feminism should be the right for women to make their own choices about their own lives, free from the pretty sniping of pygmies like Jennifer Weiner.
Meanwhile, Jen's ass has quietly gone back to its maiden name.
There is to this column a truly precious self-regarding quality; effete; very ancien regime. How can these people take themselves seriously? What Deep Cultural Insight is being (ahem) garnered by studying this topic?
Advice for J-Lo. Keep Ben away from NYT staff writer Jennifer Weiner.
Ben, the Jennifer collector.
Why does J. Lo need to talk about coverture at all?
No matter how many times she remarried, Ivana kept the last name of you know who. For obvious reasons.
Althouse writes, "Am I the only one who saw 'Mrs. Jennifer Affleck' as rather unkind to the other Mrs. Jennifer Affleck, Jennifer Garner (Ben's first wife)?"
Possibly, but trivially unkind compared to Mr. Affleck, the former Mrs. Afflect, or both (probably) who were insufficiently kind to the other to stay married.
Just me, go by whatever you prefer but please no hyphenation, for either spouse and particularly the children. For what is worth, both times I was married I made it known I had no issue if they kept their maiden names and both preferred decided to take my last name.
Am I the only one who saw "Mrs. Jennifer Affleck" as rather unkind to the other Mrs. Jennifer Affleck,
He has a type, and his type is women named "Jennifer."
Blogger Ambrose said...
She should not change her name - we all know the marriage is only going to last a year or two.
Thread winner.
Benifer
Re: Jupiter:
Maybe it could be like the European nobles, where you have a name but also a title;
I thought you were going a different direction with this, e.g. Hapsburg-Lorraine/Habsburg-Lothringen, so Lopez-Affleck. There's a lot of those double-barrel names in England too, although I think it might have required some sort of royal license in the old days, e.g. Google tells me that the fifth Earl De La Warr (sometimes "Delaware" -- the state is named after them), George John West seems to have become George John Sackville-West in 1843, adding his wife's family name by royal license. The seventh Earl seems to have dropped West entirely in 1871, although it's a bit hard to say and various internet sources are not entirely consistent -- unsurprising, this being a somewhat trivial subject likely of little interest to the people writing about the various Sackville-Wests and their careers. Anyhow, one doesn't need royal license today -- I think you just need some clerk somewhere to approve the name change on an official form, and it's fine if you use something entirely made up.
On a semi-related note, one of the subsidiary titles of the Earls De La Warr seems to have been Viscount Cantelupe, which sounds like it must be a joke. No point to this comment -- it made me laugh so I note it here.
She could go as J-LoAf.
But I prefer J-Lo AF.
So many girls born between the late 1960s and the early 1990s we're named Jennifer that marrying two Jennifers isn't really that remarkable.
"Whether or not to take a spouse’s name is a personal decision."
Right there would have been a good place to stop writing.
The effort and genius that goes into garnering photographic evidence of the existence of the lovely JLo for glamour magazines without showing the full width of her wide side is on a par with anything the Webb telescope people have done.
It makes perfect sense to refer to Jennifer Lynn Affleck as "J-La." No big change, and it actually seems more girlish than "J-Lo." (Meanwhile, we haven't heard much from "J-Law" -- Jennifer Lawrence -- in a while.)
I'm more curious about how Ben refers to her when talking to his children. It sounds as if both Jennifer Lopez and Jennifer Garner go by "Jen" in casual conversation, so does that get confusing? (Meanwhile, were any of the kids on either side unhappy that they weren't invited to the wedding -- or were they relieved that it wasn't a big thing?)
From the following dialogue, in a short story titled "Mercantile Drumming," published in the Republican Farmer and Democratic Journal (Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania) of Wednesday 10th July 1833 (this newspaper specifies that this story is reprinted from the New York Constellation):
‘I am engaged in the dry goods line. My name is Thumgudgeon, of the firm of Thumgudgeon, Pumphandle & Co.’
‘Well, you’re a darned queer soundin set, any how, Pumpgudgeon, Thumphandle & Co.! That beats me, by hokey. I thought we had some mighty odd names in Varmount, in the town of Linkumstipple, where I came from; but, by gorree! they’re nothin to compare with your’n.’
‘Oh, as to that,’ said the merchant, a little mortified, ‘it’s of very little consequence what a man is called, so that—”
‘He isn’t called too late to dinner,’ interrupted the Yankee—‘that’s jest what I tell my wife. Says I, Mrs. Flipper—my name, sir, is Flipper, of Linkumstipple—says I, Mrs. Flipper, call me what you please, but don’t call me too late to dinner.’
- - - - - -
So in the end, Flipper dislikes "Trumphandle" (or somesuch) for a name.
"I'm more curious about how Ben refers to her when talking to his children. It sounds as if both Jennifer Lopez and Jennifer Garner go by "Jen" in casual conversation, so does that get confusing?"
Maybe he says "Mom" or "Mommy." My father never referred to my mother by her first name when talking to me.
"So many girls born between the late 1960s and the early 1990s were named Jennifer that marrying two Jennifers isn't really that remarkable."
Look at the amazing rise and fall of Jennifer on this visualizer.
It was the #2 name in the 1970s, but not even in the top 10 before and after that. What happened? Was everyone entranced by the Donovan song "Jennifer Juniper"? Were we blown away by Jennifer Warnes?
“Fifty years ago in STEM the rule was if the woman had published at least one article under her maiden name she kept it, otherwise she accepted her husband’s name.”
My daughter got married about a year ago. All of the women in her bridal party had doctorate degrees of some sort, and none of the married ones had taken their husband’s last name. A DDS, PharmD, and a couple PhDs (all STEM like hers). Her dissertation was essentially a conglomeration of 3-4 papers she was lead author on. Her advisor likes doing it that way. Easier all the way around, and they enter the work force with some publications under their belts. My sister in law has a STEM PhD, and never took her husband’s (and thus my) last name, but her sister, in a similar situation did. So, it isn’t universal, but that sister in law’s sister got married before she got her PhD or probably was published, so maybe not an exception. Otherwise, today, the rule seems to be more that many, if not most, professional women, who entered their profession before marriage, don’t take their husband’s last name. Even more than 50 years ago. Still, looking at the roster of our pending 50th Reunion, I note that the PhDs seemed to keep their maiden names, even back then.
So, I am batting 0 for 2. My daughter was using her mother’s surname as her second middle name, but switched it to her husband’s last name when she got married, because her mother’s last name was so long (14 characters, versus 4 for his name). Fine, she (my ex) is a professional woman, who had her first graduate degree before we got married - except that she took her husband’s last name when she remarried. Her successor-in-interest (with me) went the opposite way, changing her last name for each of her two previous husbands, but keeping her maiden name after marrying me. It actually though wasn’t aimed at me, but was rather for her kids. She changed her last name when she first married, expecting to have kids. She was widowed, and kept his name until she remarried, then changed it, so that their blended family would have the same last name. But she wasn’t going to give her second husband the satisfaction of keeping it when they divorced. It made no sense going back to her first husband’s last name, so went back to her maiden name, which combined with her first name, is very pretty and distinctive, esp when pronounced properly (her surname is French with an accent on the last letter). I like it, except that I do point out, on occasion, all the stuff around us named after me (e.g. Hayden Road in Snottsdale, Hayden-Rhodes Aqueduct in Phoenix, Hayden Lake, ID, etc). She does have her first name on a street in Bullhead City, AZ (her father built the subdivision), but I ask her what has her last name, except maybe a bordello in New Orleans?
"It was the #2 name in the 1970s..."
No, that can't be right. I think it was the #1 name in the 70s, by a lot, and I don't think there has been any other girl's name in the last 70 years that has been anywhere nearly as popular as Jennifer was in the 70s. If you go a little further back, you get the immense popularity of Mary, and Mary was even more popular than 1970s Jennifer.
Based on the Social Security statistics, Jennifer, in the 70s was twice as popular as the next most popular girl's name, which was Amy.
J-La or J-LA. Her husband will appreciate her commitment. She will appreciate the feminine form.
I don't recall Jennifer Juniper at all, or Jennifer Warnes. (I looked: not the faintest recognition.)
Jennifer Jones? fl. pre-1970.
I'm old enough to remember the Heather infestation.
The girls were named "Jennifer" after the main character in "Love Story".
"Karen" dropping like a rock in the rankings.
#828 in 2020. Expect it to break 1000 in 2022.
I'm old enough to remember the Linda craze. Which was followed by the Lisa craze. Grew up feeling like a L name was so much nicer for a girl than all the other letters.
In the Judaic tradition, the religion comes from the mother so the father was tossed the bone of the family name.
When my son got married, I didn't care if they kept my family name, but since they wanted kids, I thought they should have a family name.
Heather topped out at #3 on the charts in '75.
I have polyester from the era.
"Rabel is not in the top 1000 names for any year of birth beginning with 1900.
Please enter another name."
- Social Security Administration.
Sounds kinda sad when they put it like that.
"The girls were named "Jennifer" after the main character in "Love Story""
Yes, I'm seeing that theory in a few places.
I think it really felt like a hippie girl.
Jennifer Warnes, who in earlier days was called Jennifer Warren, appears alongside Donovan, Dion, and George Harrison, in this episode of "The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lB__yFEGxWs
In later days, she sang "Up Where We Belong" with Joe Cocker. https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=UP+WHERE+WE+BELONG&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8
She's bad in her solo at the beginning of that show, so I suggest scrolling to minute 39, where she's in a better key, singing "Those were the days" with Donovan.
There was a 1988 book about men who leave their wives for younger women. It was titled "Jennifer Fever." (Apparently the older wives were referred to as "Janets.")
Althouse writes, "Am I the only one who saw 'Mrs. Jennifer Affleck' as rather unkind to the other Mrs. Jennifer Affleck, Jennifer Garner (Ben's first wife)?"
My guess is that it isn’t unkindness, but rather possibly female jealousy. Garner had Affleck’s three kids, and they apparently had a coparenting agreement. According to the daughter of a good friend who knows them all (and esp Garner), it worked fairly well. This young woman really likes J Garner. I expect to ask her next year what she thinks of JLo Affleck. Just read the Wikipedia article on Garner, and no mention was made of her ever using Affleck as a surname. Given J Lo Affleck’s public persona, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if this name change was to publicly claim ownership of her husband, in order to spite his previous wife. I should also add that I like both actresses, and their acting, over that of their co-husband, but prefer Garner over Lopez.
Grew up feeling like a L name was so much nicer for a girl than all the other letters.
Clark Kent (Superman) agrees.
The notion that it is women under attack in modern culture, not men, is certainly not how I see the world. And not how it treats boys rather than girls.
>>I'm old enough to remember the Linda craze.
There were four Lindas in my grammar school class of about 40 or 50 total (class of '67).
--gpm
My wife added my name to the end of her name.....no hyphen.
What a mistake!
If they have kids, will they be Latiny?
One of the most famous early women PhDs in my field went through several different marriages, and her name changed each time, so her publication record reflects that. And you know what? No one gets confused (or, near as I can tell, cares!)
867-5309
Kinda related, my wife's surname was the same as mine when we met. Not a super common name, but one you've all heard before. We did know, once we got serious, that her family was German/French/Russian and had anglicized their name upon migrating to California in the 1800's. I was Scorch/Irish back to the Revolution. 23 and Me confirmed that we have 0% DNA in common, but it raised eyebrows among everyone from our landlord to my Military friends.
“Why it matters…”
It doesn’t. Unless you want to maintain the battle of the sexes.
What's in a name? Don't all celebrities become caricatures over time?
J-Lo was in her twenties. To be J-Lo in your fifties is an anachronism, is to be a ghost. She can resurrect the name in her seventies in second childhood like the fossilized wraith Cher wearing shimmering skintight gowns where the only thing stopping the skin from sloughing off is the scar tissue from countless plastic surgeries.
Perhaps from the comfort and safety of stunning sucess, Lopez yearns for the resurrection of her pre-J-Lo past yes the neighborhood sweetie regular Jen girl.
If you go a little further back, you get the immense popularity of Mary, and Mary was even more popular than 1970s Jennifer.
Based on the Social Security statistics, Jennifer, in the 70s was twice as popular as the next most popular girl's name, which was Amy.
I go back to when "Judy" was the popular girl's name.
People complaining would make me want to change my first name too. Affleck Affleck.
My parents used some good mix-and-match with the available family names, and the four of us got good ones--even honoring some women with the masculine version for a couple of us. It's almost sad that only I had a child--could have given him four or five if we'd known.
OTOH our surname is often mistaken for a first name since it's much more common that way.
So, Bruce, you live in Snottsdale AZ? I'll bet it's still a better place for people with allergies than the South.
My brother said they considered his taking his wife's surname before they married in 1988 because hers is common and easy to spell and pronounce, and ours tends to befuddle people.
My paternal grandmother's legal name was Jennie, which was a poor choice because her mother was called Jennie Bet (for Jane Elizabeth). Perhaps that's why she was Trix from the age of 3. Her first boyfriend was a Ralph, as was her one husband. Even more inconvenient, my mother had the exact same name as her mother, with no Junior or II of course, and they both went by Mary.
I was Scorch/Irish back to the Revolution
You were in the IRA?
It’s a personal decision—unless you decide wrongly.
Jen will wear the pants and have the balls in her new family. I have her recent crummy movie. In the movie she is set to marry a character played by an actor who is young enough to be her son. When that falls apart she married Owen Wilson, who is her age, playing a math teacher and single dad. Like I said, it's crummy movie. Still, Ben Affleck has enough problems. She won't have trouble keeping the upper hand in the relationship.
At this point, younger me would make a snide comment about Ben's true love being Matt Damon, but we've all outgrown that, haven't we?
As far as hyphenated names go, or wives keeping their maiden name, to me it automatically communicates a chip on the shoulder.
Well, thank you very much!
Just kidding. I kept mine, because I hyphenated in my first, brief, youthful marriage, and it was a huge pain in the butt to change my name (and then change it back when things went south). Then, when I married again, my husband's father was - no exaggeration - not worth anyone's bearing his name, so when I proposed that I keep my name because I just happen to like it and the history that comes with it, my husband went along. He didn't take my name because, as he says, he had no connection to my family other than marrying me, and he was used to his own name, but he didn't consider it any lack of respect or love that I didn't want to share the name of his deadbeat dad.
We went further than that. My husband proposed that - to keep him from being the sole proprietor of our children - any boys we had would share his name, and any girls would share mine. It was kind of tongue-in-cheek, but we did it. Our two boys and one girl, all adults now, are cool with it. My sister, a school psychologist, has encountered this setup only once before.
1. "J-Aff" sounds too much like "J-off". Her gratuitous keister is probably inspiration enough for many without making it explicit in words.
2. "Ms. Affleck" in the article is a sign of editorial retardation. She's Ms. Lopez or Mrs. Affleck; let's not be too stupid at the NYT.
3. Why stop at "Ben Lopez"? Recall LA's "Failure" mayor Anthony Villaraigosa, whose name was a mishmash of "Tony Villar" and "[wife's first-name] Raigosa", which they created when they wed. When he was later caught in an affair with a local TV news reporter and a pending divorce was announced, drivetime radio hosts John & Ken hilariously considered the question, "Who gets the last name?"
Was everyone entranced by the Donovan song "Jennifer Juniper"? Were we blown away by Jennifer Warnes?
I would have guessed Jennifer O'Neill, and maybe Cary Grant's late in life baby Jennifer. But was Ali McGraw, Love Story's Jennifer Cavilleri. There were always plenty of Jennys and Ginnies, but nothing like all the Jennifers in the 1970s.
It's even clearer with "Lauren." It was Lauren Hutton (born Mary Laurence Hutton) who singlehandedly made that name popular and made it more clearly a girl's name (there had been boys named Lauren, Loren, or Lorne before that).
Jennifer Garner has become America's saintly mom/daughter. She's very popular. There's some pushback. Some say she may not be as great as people think. She dumped her first husband fast enough when Affleck showed up. But people don't want to hear any of that. Maybe it's just cynicism from people who don't want to love her.
Sixty fuckin' years of, "But the personal is political..."
How's that working out for everyone?
Nothing wrong with a/k/a's so long as they are not used for fraudulent purposes.
A lot of celebrities keep their real name for legal purposes, with the public only knowing their stage name.
I think it's clear that the biggest mistake both Afleck and Garner made was not getting married twenty years ago. She had a succession of failed relationships, he had a failed marriage and became an alcoholic. Both signs of unhappy people. Two decades later, he's hit bottom and her relationships are over, and they reconnect... and then get married. Let's hope they finally find happiness.
I'm with MayBee. As far as Jennifer Weiner sees, she is always under attack by men, society, recommended weights, and evil shiskas. Her novels are surprisingly prejudiced.
She should work on that. Or just shut up.
I don't think it's cruel to the original Mrs. Affleck because Mr. Affleck doesn't seem like much of a prize.
In the grand scheme of things, what name is taken at marriage is material only to the childish. The custom itself, of a woman taking her husband's name? That's really not all that old, especially in the North. Hell, how long have surnames actually been in that much use? Look at Iceland for alternative arrangements, and a certain simplicity to the issue.
The arrangement should be "Whatever makes you happiest..." I personally felt no real drive to perpetuate my father's family name, given his native assholery. I'd have had zero trouble taking my wife's family name, if that meant something to her.
Honestly, this is like the least important thing in the world.
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