I'm reading "You be the judge: should my boyfriend close the kitchen cupboards after himself?" in The Guardian. I'll skip "the prosecution" section, where the girlfriend complains that it not only looks disorderly, she knocks her head on the open doors. (She's only 5' tall.)
Here's the guy:
I see no issue with leaving kitchen cupboards open.
If this were Reddit, they wouldn't be saying he's wrong. They'd be saying this means so much and she should leave him now. But this is The Guardian, so let's read on:
I know it doesn’t take a lot of energy to close the doors and drawers after yourself, but I just don’t think about it when I’m in work mode. After two years of working remotely I’ve got into the habit of leaving things ajar. I can’t help it. I leave the cutlery cupboard open, as well as three cupboards containing condiments and tea and coffee....
I don’t believe Daisy’s argument that she’s a klutz and needs help not to bump into things. Her eyesight is better than mine – I wear glasses and she doesn’t. When she’s banged her hip on a drawer I am sympathetic. I will hear a gasp or “ow!” from the kitchen and feel a bit bad. But I don’t think it’s my fault. She should watch where she’s going....
I’m Irish and Daisy is English – maybe it’s a cultural thing as we’re a bit more relaxed. When I told one of my Irish friends about Daisy getting irritated by my forgetfulness, he took a picture of his kitchen with multiple drawers open and said: “Finally, I feel seen. I do it, too.”
"I feel seen"!
It devolved into ethnic discord! She's in the uptight group. He sought reinforcement from his ethnic group.
I don't really have the same foible. I half close cupboard doors as if something in me wants the doors left ajar. But consciously, I want the doors shut, and I puzzle and even annoy myself by leaving them open. And my husband isn't hitting his head... or even complaining about the problem. So it's not really a problem. It's just a vague interest of mine: Why this fetish of leaving doors somewhat open? And, no, I am not Irish.
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44 comments:
Why this fetish of leaving doors somewhat open?
The larger fetish in our culture is the desire to be proven 100% right in every confrontation.
Where is the desire to find the middle ground so we can all live together?
Take the damn doors off the tea cabinet and live happily ever after.
Yeah I do that all the time my entire family gives me crap about it. If it was up to me there would be no cabinet doors. I assume it's some sort of side effect of ADHD for me.
Very little Irish heritage. The Celtic fraction is primarily Welsh.
The internet may have Rule 34 (https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Rule%2034), but all arguments will ultimately shift to (1) sex/gender or (2) race/ethnicity if the combatants act selfishly or egocentrically.
See the genesis of knee-jerk, no compromise, no pragmatics woke morality right here.
I can't imagine the existence of people who don't close the cupboard doors, much less actual drawers. The only thing more incredible is that you'd fight with your spouse about it online.
"What a world, what a world..."
I keep the cabinet doors closed to keep the bugs out! I don't want some fly taking a shit inside my coffee cup!
I often do this. I can't explain it.
work from home and get up every 90 minutes to make a cuppa. On an average day I drink three cups of tea, two coffees and (after 9pm) several cups of peppermint tea. It’s more efficient to keep the teabag cupboard open all day. That’s my excuse and I think it’s a valid one.
i go to the bathroom and urinate several times each day..
It’s more efficient to keep my dick out and my fly open all day. That’s my excuse and I think it’s a valid one.
Close the damn doors. Leaving them open is slovenly and undignified, and probably bespeaks a more general attitude of carelessness. It is also rude, since his girlfriend has asked him to keep it closed, and it would take virtually NO effort to indulge her.
I think, with me, it might be that I have a slight aversion to the sound of closing the cabinet too hard and I've overcompensated by slowing down to the point of stopping before the end
I'm with the hypothetical Reddit crowd. If he cared about her, he'd close the cupboards whether he thinks he should have to or not. She gets hurt and instead of thinking about what he can to do make her life easier, he thinks, "she should be more careful."
For instance, he could just leave the tea on the counter.
I see no issue with leaving kitchen cupboards open.
The issue is that his soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend doesn't like it.
Now ... about the toilet seat ...
"I'm with the hypothetical Reddit crowd. If he cared about her, he'd close the cupboards whether he thinks he should have to or not."
Yes, exactly. It's because SHE has asked. It would be very different if she were objecting for the first time and judging him to be in the wrong. But once she's asked, his only decent option is to agree. That he keeps fighting her and even insulting her... unless it's all in fun... that's the red flag.
But there is this kind of joking that can happen in an intimate relationship where he might be getting fun out of calling her clumsy and challenging her to learn not to be so clumsy and it's got an element of assholery that she should resist.
Gilbar rules the world for a day.
There's something fishy about the cabinet - I think he's taking in a lot more caffeine than he's letting, and the open cabinet is part of the scheme. I can't recall ever leaving a drawer open, for any purpose.
One of the things I have learned in 41 years of marriage is that your spouse doesn't need a good reason (i.e., a reason you think is good). If it makes her feel better, that's enough. Unless, of course, it's something that makes you feel bad. In which case, you have to ask, "Is this important? Would I be a better person to go along?"
The fact that she can't give you a reason that you think is a good reason may not be important.
Ok, it's probably the German in me but I see no reason to leave any door open if it can be closed and further access isn't an immediate need. And by immediate I mean within the next 60 seconds. The one exception is room doors that are closed for privacy but not otherwise. Depending on the layout an open cabinet door can be a hazard, if it's hanging over a counter top that you might bend towards or walk into.
As sex scandals go, this was relatively harmless. The big losers were Weiner and his wife. Huma sounds sympathetic. Weiner has some kind of off-beat perversion. Twitterphile. It seems more weird than evil, and it looks like he's headed for a relapse....Sure, Tony. Get back on twitter. The best way for a recovering alcoholic to handle his addiction is to get a job as bartender. Only by confronting your demon every night do you get a sense that you are truly recovering and have mastery over the beast.
I close all doors and drawers immediately, with one exception : In the winter, I leave an upper corner cabinet door 1/2 open because otherwise the cups inside will reach approximate outside ambient temperature. Some design oddity of the house...
I’m Irish and Daisy is English – maybe it’s a cultural thing as we’re a bit more relaxed.
900 years of oppression does that to people.
I think, with me, it might be that I have a slight aversion to the sound of closing the cabinet too hard and I've overcompensated by slowing down to the point of stopping before the end
You must not be the only one because I see a lot of cabinets with self-closing hinges. You've probably seen them. If the cabinet door is wide open, they don't try to close it, but if you close the door most of the way the hinge will softly pull the door shut.
Oh, Lordy. Yep, red flag. His attitude is childish, given the small effort it takes to close cabinets and drawers. And the fact he’s doubling down is a bad sign. I like the bed to be made. When I used to get up and leave for work earlier than my husband, it was up to him to do it. Not important to him, until I finally told him it made me much happier to come home to a made bed. When it was unmade it left me out of sorts. He started making the bed. I have a tendency to leave the pantry pocket door open. He asks me to close it, so I try to remember.
Our attitude is, if one of us mentions it, it matters. We both ignore most foibles.
Anne, you have the same issue as one of my best friends. She can’t stand the sound of banging cabinets. As for me, I’d chalk something like that up to the fact I have a weird preference to leave projects slightly unfinished.
Open cabinet doors. Open cabinet drawers (an entirely different category). Where to put used dishes/cups on the counter or sink. How to treat cast iron pans after use. How long unwashed dishes may remain unwashed. How to load the dish washer. When to run the dish washer. Wiping of countertops. Resealing of opened food containers. When a food container is close enough to empty to discard the revenant. The coffee machine and everything associated with it.
Kitchens are a minefield of relationship problems and should be entered together only with a spirit of mutual assistance and cooperation akin to that of saints of yore.
I can't help it
Seriously? I guess that's Irish for "I don't care enough to bother"?
@ gilbar
Same.
And I took off all the lower cabinet doors after kept slamming my dick in them.
Spot check - all my cabinet doors are closed. It's a matter of how soon the same cabinet will be needed again though. Obviously if you'll be putting the same object back in a couple hours you leave it open.
I have a similar thing about closet doors. The others in my household (both ladies) leave them open--the coat closet in the front hall, the bedroom closets. It looks disorderly. I once walked into an open closet door in the pitch dark and my wife was apologetic, but nothing changed. Still, I don't fight about it much less write an article on it.
My spouse leaves them open. I just thought it was a poor raising; mom closed everything for him. Doors keep dust off the dishes!
And our new cabs have rubber bump pads that make them close quietly.
OMG! Just make a tea station on the counter that has the essentials he needs out and available.
I don’t like cupboards left open, especially uppers. I’ve hit the corner of the door on my face and it hurts like a mother. If you are cooking things that move quickly (searing meat or making candy or a delicate sauce) your body moves quickly and you can swing around and catch that corner of the door.
I do think he’s an uncaring ass if he knows she’s getting hurt and hasn’t tried to prevent it.
I'm Irish and Daisy is English — maybe it's a cultural thing as we're a bit more relaxed.
Reminds me of the (very funny) BBC series The Irish R.M. [R.M. = Registered Magistrate], in which an Englishman (Peter Bowles) takes a position as (basically) a justice of the peace in rural Ireland around the turn of the 20th century. Each episode typically involves a (humorous) collision between Irish (loose) and English (tight) ways of living and thought.
The series when broadcast in America (as part of PBS's Masterpiece Theatre) was hosted by British expatriate Alistair Cook who introduced the series by relating a story involving an American expatriate friend who had settled in Ireland for many years. Visiting him one time Alistair noticed that he was still driving a 1950's vintage (this was during the 70's) American car — complete with 1950's vintage American plates — license plates. He asked his friend, “Don't you ever get stopped?” His pal looked at him pityingly, and replied, “Alistair, in Ireland there's always someone who just doesn't care.” [Paraphrased from memory]
In the First World, even failing to solve First World Problems may lead to divorce.
I was cured of not closing pantry cabinets by a visiting pet who (unlike our pet) would jump in and enjoy the food stored therein.
I've never left cabinets holding dishes, glasses, whatnot, open -- that's just inviting dust and grease to alight on clean things.
Years ago, I cut my head and had to get stitches. The ER doc asked me if I did it on an open kitchen cabinet door (which I did not). He said he sees many injuries done that way. I never forgot that.
I keep the kitchen cabinets cracked open 24/7, because our 2 athlete cats can vault from the floor up to the soffit by lightly digging their claws into the doors at mid jump. This room has 10 1/2 ft. ceilings, so this is a leap of 10 feet, almost completely vertically.
I've discovered that within minutes of (accidentally) closing one of the doors, I'll hear the thump of cat vaulting.
The reason to close cabinet doors is to keep the tings inside from gathering dust (and if you do any frying, an oily film)
Get the stuff you are likely to need for the day, then close the cabinet.
The girl can do better.
Ignorance is Bliss said...
The reason to close cabinet doors is to keep the tings inside from gathering dust (and if you do any frying, an oily film)
Closed cabinet doors also help keep mice out of your bags of pasta and rice
(Ask me how i know? Ask me how high mice can climb?)
. But once she's asked, his only decent option is to agree. That he keeps fighting her and even insulting her... unless it's all in fun... that's the red flag.
My wife leaves cabinet doors and drawers open. When I walk by, I close them. No big deal. I do know people with kitchen cabinets that have no doors.
My wife leaves things open or ajar far more than suits my tidy side. I think it has to do with her fear of completion, and a procrastinating nature.
I am Irish and not exactly a neat freak (not even remotely, actually), but what the hell, dude? Close the damn doors!
The Irish have an explosive temper. *wink*wink*nudge*nudge* Say no more.
Open cabinets all the way here. I now feel feel like a lower class untouchable.
In later years, the cabinets in my parents' kitchen were usually closed -- you never knew what was going to creep, slither, crawl or fly out of them.
overhead Cabinets are a poor use of doors.
Should be doorless and maybe have curtains to keep out dust where necessary.
If there are doors - keep them shut... because... they're doors. That's why they are there.
What a wonderful couple.
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