December 30, 2021

"When you run out of ideas, just write down a list. Readers love lists."

Says a character — an author who teaches writing — in a novel I'm reading, "Our Country Friends" (by Gary Shteyngart).

I'd highlighted that line when I read it, and it popped to mind as I was listening to the audiobook of the other book I'm consuming this week, "On Animals" (by Susan Orlean), and I got to the last paragraph of the essay "Lost Dog." The dog (Coby) was found and it seemed as if we were closing in on the miscreant who stole the car that contained the dog (and a viola da gamba)...
At this point, the police certainly knew the thief’s name. After all, it was on the pawn voucher and in the detention records from his previous lockup with Chris Walker, and there were fingerprints on the Volvo, the viola da gamba, the pawn voucher, and probably on Coby. But the man was still at large. Before the car was towed to a wrecking yard, [the dog owner] went through it one more time to see if there were any last belongings of his or [his wife's] still inside. There was nothing of theirs, but the thief had left behind some of his clothes, a bunch of computer parts, notes from his girlfriend, poetry he had written, and a stack of address labels bearing someone else’s name.

... some of his clothes, a bunch of computer parts, notes from his girlfriend, poetry he had written, and a stack of address labels bearing someone else’s name — a list! Just write down a list. Readers love lists. 

The next thing that the reader wanted to happen was the capture of the thief, but it's a true story, and that didn't happen. So how do you tie it up satisfyingly? Out of the blue, there's a list, miscellaneous items, indicative of miscellaneous things — the man had a girlfriend, he wrote poetry.... 

I appreciated the essayist's artistry. And oh! how pleased I am that I have a tag for this: lists.

27 comments:

rhhardin said...

I'm pretty good on viola da gamba. It has frets and a lute tuning and I played lute, so very suddenly I found I could play it very well. All I had to learn was bowing and wound up much better than average on chords.

I also have a dog.

I have no crime story though. Rural Ohio is pretty crime free, as far as I can tell. It might be the common noises from backyard gun ranges all around.

Sebastian said...

"So how do you tie it up satisfyingly? Out of the blue, there's a list"

Why is that satisfying? Honest question.

"I appreciated the essayist's artistry."

What's "artistic" about it? Honest question.

Fernandinande said...

5 Simple Tips For Writing Awesome Listicles For Medium

The 6 Step Guide to Writing Listicle Content

7 Tips for Writing a Great Listicle

8 Tips For Writing A Listicle For Publication

9 Top Tips – How to Write a Perfect Listicle

How to Write a Great Listicle Post in 10 Steps

Writing a Listicle: The 11-Step Guide and Why They’re Awesome

12 Steps To Write An Awesome Listicle

Meta, eh?

mikee said...

In Rabelais' Gargantua and Pantegruel, lists occur quite often. The books were written from 1532 to 1564. So add to your listing criteria: been done forever.

Narr said...

So why not a 'hit list' tag? Seems to be a theme this morning.

Sally327 said...

The Tik-Tok guy a couple of posts below had a list, too.

I'm keeping a list and checking it twice, gonna find out who's naughty or nice....

Lists can be a sign of something, that's for sure.

Lurker21 said...


Thanks, I'll be putting Shteyngart and Orlean on my list of writers I haven't read and won't ever read.

I may have to rummage my memory to come up with Susan Orlean articles that I have read and put in the energy to unread them.

Wilbur said...

I remember when the Wallace family came out with the first Book of Lists. That, and the ones after it, were my favorite reading items back in the day.

Love me some lists.

Howard said...

Top 10 lists are very popular click bait memes along with ...and this happened, the internet responds to...

madAsHell said...

Ya know.....for once....I agree with Howard.

Gerda Sprinchorn said...

History books often fill space with lists. Enormous history books are usually filled with lists of long-gone officials whose names I will never remember such as Charles II's advisers in 1682. It feels like all that detail is pointless, but it does give a feel for how all those minor people contributed to what happened. You especially get a sense of how all their petty maneuvering and bickering constrained what was possible.

gspencer said...

Let me right out my own list of the genders,

- XX

- XY

- WTF

Tom Grey said...

Here's my first 2022 quick list:
Mongoose Terrier Wombat Tapir Fox Springbok Seal
Mantis Turkey Woodpecker Turtle Firefly Shark Snake

There are 14 possible calendars. They could be labeled according
to the day Jan 1 appears on.
2021 was a Fox year, 2022 will be a Springbok year.

I just made this up, but like it.
Happy New Springbok year (in a couple days).

Stephen said...

I will only accept lists that use the Oxford comma. One must have standards.

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

Bari Weiss has a terrific list of favorite 2021 essays. “Many of which were published by outlets that didn’t exist a year ago.“

👉🏽 https://bariweiss.substack.com/p/our-favorite-essays-of-2021?token=eyJ1c2VyX2lkIjozNDY3MzUxNywicG9zdF9pZCI6NDYzNDE5ODcsIl8iOiJ2dmFSNyIsImlhdCI6MTY0MDg5ODQ3OSwiZXhwIjoxNjQwOTAyMDc5LCJpc3MiOiJwdWItMjYwMzQ3Iiwic3ViIjoicG9zdC1yZWFjdGlvbiJ9.nPv6Jc9AT6PW4Dx-zhE-qmFhLjmrpioID6ylvFxtt5U


tcrosse said...

You won't believe number three....

Rollo said...

Did you not get the memo?

Listicles are cheugy.

Richard Dillman said...

Put your lists in long cumulative sentences of the kind that William Faulkner used to write. Cumulative sentences would be perfect vehicles
for lists in modern prose.

Joe Smith said...

You won't believe what number 4 is!

Quaestor said...

That bowser must have been a special sort of all-around canine, good as a guard, a shepherd, a bomb sniffer, and a companion -- a Renaissance dog.

Lucien said...

One weird trick can let you write best-seller lists!

Rollo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rollo said...

Shteyngart likes to talk about how, when he was younger and more conservative, he went to a Reagan or Bush rally or victory celebration and the WASPy blonde girls mistook him for the hired help. Whether it's true or not nobody can say, but it sounds like something he could have convinced himself into believing because it flatters the audience he wants to impress now. He may not realize how much he's playing the ethnic/plebeian clown for them even now.

Commentary magazine dissed Shteyngart for betraying his roots. As in the case of Commentary an Philip Roth 50 years ago, it's hard to know who to side with (if anyone), but when are writers going to learn that it doesn't take courage or a discerning intellect for them to hate Republicans or capitalism or Reagan or Trump?

Narr said...

"Enormous history books are usually filled with lists of long-gone officials . . . ."

Were those assigned readings? Even the worst of mine weren't -that- bad.

RoseAnne said...

I recently abandoned a book at the beginning due to lists. The author's main character and her actions were a mystery but each room/building she walked into was described in great architectual detail. By page 15 I had enough of "art decco".

Amexpat said...

I make lists whenever I'm feeling listless. Works every time.

Gerda Sprinchorn said...

Amexpat said: I make lists whenever I'm feeling listless. Works every time

Hehe. Good one.