From r/Kitchen Confidential (photo at the link).
The misspelling of "sundae" and lack of an apostrophe in "it's" are in the original, but no one paid the poster a lot of money to get it right.
Top comment: "Wedding venues are a total racket, seriously." To which someone appended: "Weddings in general." Other comments in that vein: "Some weddings go disastrously wrong. Like everyone says, the whole business is a racket"/"Well it's literally capitalizing on a shared state of emotional vulnerability between two people. Even the basic premise of the wedding planner is major fishy"/"I think it's also a little bit that offering any wedding-related service involves dealing with horrible, stressed-out customers with insane budgetary and time restrictions, and sane, qualified people don't want to do it.
Like, I've planned events. But I wouldn't touch weddings with a ten foot pole. Certainly not for what most budget-grade wedding planners make.
Same with photography. I'm a professional photographer, I've even shot friends' weddings. There's absolutely no way you could pay me enough to do it for strangers."
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45 comments:
Spend your money on a house downpayment, get married in your backyard, serve BBQ and beer, have enough musician friends to play all night if need be [don't forget to invite the neighbors and see that they have fun], and avoid wedding "professionals" like they're a spike protein on batshit.
Worked for us, and we're still living in the same house 30+ years later. Win win. Your mileage may vary.
Serious Question
Do most Bride to Be's realize, that the cost of their Wedding could Easily be the down payment for their 1st house? Could retire their School loans (put a dent in them, anyway)? Could (with investment) Completely PAY for their child's Uni?
Of All the Stupid Ephemeral wasteful expenditures of money out there; What can top a Wedding?
My folks got married in the basement of our church. I think it cost them $100 dollars
(there was cake)
they had a simple start; but they're still married... of course, it's only been 66 years
Is there a correlation between cost of weddings, and length of marriages? An inverse one, i mean
The dessert is swimming in creme anglaise and no- creme anglaise does not have ice cream in it. I'm not sure what that comment meant. If it's foamy, it's because somebody whipped it prior to slathering the plates with it. It should not be foamy.
Weddings are indeed an exercise in abuse for those in the banquet/event industry. But for those who do it week in and week out- like a country club or event hall- it's just a day at work. Managing the bride and her family is the hardest part. And sometimes there's no winning, but for those who do it as a profession, it's just another event. They do it all the time.
PS- a real chef would not be using Smuckers.
We were married by a judge, who had to call his clerks in as witnesses. He said that he always enjoyed handing out life sentences.
My wife and I got married 12 years ago. It is the third marriage for both of us.
We went to the courthouse on a Thursday morning, got married and then we each went to work. Ho hum.
I wore my high school homecoming dress (which I admit was pretty bridal) to my second wedding. We got married in our church at the Sunday mass at our priest's suggestion, for free, with the choir and full congregation singing "Love Divine, All Loves Excelling" as we processed down the aisle after the cross - I still get goosebumps. The church ladies threw us a reception in the parish hall - we bought the cake and sparkling wine, which we'd found for like $5 a bottle at its winery in eastern Washington, and they provided everything else. Then our family and close friends joined us for a private party on a tour boat on Lakes Union and Washington, at a bargain price because it was the Sunday of Labor Day weekend and they hadn't been able to book the boat to anyone else. Friends and family also took pictures. The whole affair cost less than $2000.
A chef friend of mine once told me, "No chef ever wants to go out to eat." Puzzled at the thought that someone who cooks all the time wouldn't want a break sometimes, I asked why not. She looked at me oddly and said, "Because they know they can do it so much better." I imagine she was referring to the shortcuts like the creme Anglaise one. (And yeah, you can always tell when it's Hershey's!)
The pandemic has certainly gotten me to dig out some old recipes and techniques...
Spend the money, save a barn.
Glad I had boys. Wife’s best friend’s daughter was pissed that her parents spent “only” $60K on her wedding, and it caused a serious rift in the family. That the father was preparing to retire did not matter to the young woman in the slightest.
@gilbar, you maybe onto something. The young couple did not celebrate their fifth anniversary — to the best of my recollection they didn’t even make it to number four.
We got married in a Montecito park 40-years ago. We served our 20 or so guests carrot cake, strawberries and mid shelf sparkling wine. We rented a newage Unitarian minister to write the vows and officiate the ceremony.
A friend played the recorder... I was surprised when she did didn't have a tape deck. My brother took photos. We rented a couple tables and a bunch of folding chairs. The two bridesmaids brought flowers and crap paper decor.
We went backpacking in Yosemite for our honeymoon.
gilbar said...
Serious Question
Do most Bride to Be's realize, that the cost of their Wedding could Easily be the down payment for their 1st house? Could retire their School loans (put a dent in them, anyway)? Could (with investment) Completely PAY for their child's Uni?
If mom and dad are paying for it, then no. If the bride is older and paying for it herself, then yes. At least that's been my experience.
Like many of the commenters here, I’m more interested in the quality of the marriage than the “quality” of the wedding. As stated above, I’ve often wondered if there is an inverse relationship between the cost/complexity of the wedding and the value of the marriage.
My wife and I are coming up on 40 years. Her parents almost made it to 70 years.
I was recently remarried to a woman who was also divorced after a long marriage. We rejected the idea of a grand wedding that might nearly bankrupt us. We were married in church by a friend who is a minister. We took her and other friends who attended the ceremony for a great lunch.
We had a ball and made great memories. Her mother is still pissed because she wanted the grand ceremony where she could parade around as the mother of the bride. My wife's first wedding allowed her to do that and it caused them to start out life in debt. In my previous marriage, we rejected that option and were married by a JP. We never had any debt to speak of.
Who really benefits from the grand weddings? Not us.
Hubby and I spent about $100 on our wedding which was 45 years ago. Highschool band director was also a photographer and he did our pictures. Aunt worked for a bridal shop and she made my dress. Co-worker of hubby worked at a bakery part-time and she did our cake. It's pays to have a diverse group of friends. LOL. Church ladies did the reception. I purchased my sister's maid of honor dress from the sale rack at Macy's for ten dollars. I think the flowers were our biggest expense at about $75.00.
People are foolish to spend tens of thousands of dollars on an event that could be done just as well for a few hundred. Instead, use the money for something that will have a real effect on your future life together.
We got married in 1987 and spent about $5,000. We schedule the wedding/reception so it would be hors d'oeuvres instead of sit-down dinner. We rented the meeting room at Pike Place Market and had a live band. There was only one hitch in the plan: the auto rental place (Hertz I think) was close when we arrived to rent the car. Instead, we had a taxi take us from the church just off of Denny Way to the reception. The taxi driver was delighted with his fare, so the hitch was only minor.
It's been 35 years now. We celebrated by getting Diamond Club seats at T-Mobile park for the Mariners vs. (P)Athetics game.
What a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.
Folks -- let's not be part of the problem by conflating weddings with receptions.
Prince Harry is the Hunter Biden of the Royal family. There only go hoover-up the moolah.
"The misspelling of "sundae" and lack of an apostrophe in "it's" are in the original, but no one paid the poster a lot of money to get it right."
Those mistakes are no worse than you see in any newspaper these days.
A chef friend of mine once told me, "No chef ever wants to go out to eat....Because they know they can do it so much better."
Real reason - because Poppie. They know what goes on behind the scenes.
Base chapel and Acey-Deucy Club for me (thanks Sandy R) lo these many years past.
Couldn't have cost more than a couple of hundred dollars if that.
Still happily ever aftering after all this time.
John Henry
Temujin said...
PS- a real chef would not be using Smuckers
Why not?
I'm not surprised by it's use half as much as that they admit it.
John Henry
Everything is a racket. Spend money on what you want to spend it. Or save it. Be you. Judgie Judgers should shut the fuck up.
Have to agree about the wedding industry. I got married in a church and had a reception at a women’s club in town. We did our own hair and make up. Today I am sitting in a hotel room waiting for a family member’s wedding to start in four hours. I can’t do anything for fear I will ruin the hair styling and stage makeup that have been applied to me at great expense to the bride.
This reminds me that one of the most popular features of wedding receptions is a dessert bar, replete with make it yourself sundaes. Just another example of how we're all just big kids in grown up clothes.
During my wedding planning, with two antagonistic mothers, a tiny budget and mixed religions, both my wife and I felt that we should walk away from it all and just elope. We felt that way at different times, unfortunately, and did not do so. Had we both felt that disgusted simultaneously, for even 10 seconds, I think we'd have run for it. Family was horrid at the wedding, but friends were fantastic, and that made the whole shebang worthwhile.
My daughter wanted a wedding in a field in the Catskills. She’s very unpretentious…so she thought we could have long tables (in a field) and serve spaghetti and meatballs, family style. I pictured Woodstock 1969 and was not having any of that crazy shit she was talking about. Also her friends in NYC did not have cars to get to Woodstock and there were few places for the guests to stay. She is our only child and since we were fortunate enough to be able to pay for a big fancy wedding (something I never had) I was insistent on having one. So, at one point I told her either we compromise, or you and fiance’ can pay for your own wedding. A friend of mine told me about a place where she had attended a wedding and suggested we consider it. So, we had the big fancy wedding with the ceremony in a sunken outdoor garden and the reception under a tent. It was all quite elegant. At the reception, one of her friends came up to me and told me it was the best wedding he had been to. He didn’t know how close he came to sitting in a field eating spaghetti and meatballs. And my daughter’s father-in-law said it was “one” of the best weddings. My daughter corrected him and said “one of the best?” and he said, no the best! Daughter and son-in-law were lucky to have enough money to buy a house nearby. They would have not considered buying a house in this town if they had not had their wedding there. So they lived happily ever after…thanks to Mom, oh and also, Dad.
"The dessert is swimming in creme anglaise and no- creme anglaise does not have ice cream in it. I'm not sure what that comment meant. If it's foamy, it's because somebody whipped it prior to slathering the plates with it. It should not be foamy."
That isn't creme anglaise. That's melted ice cream used as a short-cut and presented as creme anglaise. The person making the comment was involved in the catering. It's a subreddit showing the offstage part of the food prep business (in the manner of the famous book "Kitchen Confidential").
After charging the wedding couple for a seemingly fancy dessert, they avoided the hard work of making creme anglaise and the chocolate sauce, and used cheap and unappealing substitutes.
The visible foaminess is also evidence that the ice cream was low-quality ice cream.
I've eaten melted Haagen-Dazs — 40 years ago — after putting it overnight in the refrigerator instead of the freezer. I didn't want to waste it. It was pretty good, the equivalent of a glass of cream with sugar and vanilla added.
And no bubbles
A chef friend of mine once told me, "No chef ever wants to go out to eat....Because they know they can do it so much better."
Real reason - because Poppie. They know what goes on behind the scenes.
Indeed! That's why, I now believe, she looked at me oddly. I was naive.
Creme Anglaise is a thin-ish vanilla custard. Good-quality ice cream is frozen vanilla custard. Melt the ice cream, et voilá!
I remember reading a thing in probably America's Test Kitchen long ago, comparing pumpkin pie made with fresh pumpkin and with canned, and the conclusion was that there's no appreciable difference and you may as well save yourself the trouble. That said, my sister and I once toyed with writing a cookbook entitled OK Cuisine - but we couldn't agree on what we meant by the term. She meant, "use secret shortcuts." I meant, "make as many complicated things as possible using the minimum number of on-hand ingredients, so here's how to stock your pantry and make everything including marshmallows and croissants from scratch." I would never skip making the custard.
I let my ice cream--more often frogurt nowanights--melt to a cold slurry, helped along by some spoon swirling. That's the perfect state for me.
The cheapest church wedding I ever attended was for a friend in grad school. It was a short Baptist ceremony in the basement of the small church, and the reception refreshments included slices of candy bars--cut slices of things like Snickers. On plates. Co-cola and the like for
drinks.
Our own wedding (1977) was held in the rectory of my wife's parish church, officiated by the priest. In attendance: her parents, her father's parents, my mother, my father's mother (Oma), my younger brother (best man), my youngest brother, and her younger brother. Her other brothers all lived out of town and my older brother wasn't invited--though he did show up at the reception, drunk and/or drugged as expected.
The reception refreshments consisted of some cheese and meat platters and cheap champagne at my mother's house. A lot of people came by for that, with the kind of wedding gifts every young couple needs. We have a few dozen photos around somewhere.
We honeymooned that weekend at the spiffy new hotel out east, and saved our money for a year in order to take the big Eurail trip in '78.
My wife was an only daughter, and for eight years the baby in the family. I never wanted a big wedding myself, or anything close to it, and found a sensible girl*. AFAI recall, nothing was said among them about having a big wedding, which must have been a relief to her dad the postal inspector.
*Never cared a whit for diamonds, and she could wear some nice ones from my family if she chose.
"The church ladies threw us a reception"
- That should say "church somebodies". Especially if ever announced on a British Airways flight.
My then-fiancee was stressing out b/c her mum was excited to plan the wedding that would've been at the parents' house and very mellow but whatever, so one Friday afternoon, we threw my brother and his wife (witnesses) in the back seat and embarked on the 4 hour drive to Vegas, where the first stop was the clerk's office to get the certificate, and then a drive down the north part of the strip to find a chapel.
We ended up getting married in our car at a drive-through wedding chapel (Oh, the hilarity!), and once that was finished, headed to the MGM where we had a couple of rooms booked that I'd paid for. Wife and I got freshened up from the road and went to the designated meeting place, where we had to wait an hour for my brother to show up. Apparently they thought we'd want time to get it on or something, so they just went quiet on us for an hour.
From there, we all went for a stroll on the strip - the lame Vegas tourist thing to do (I'd lived there years earlier for a summer but it was a pretty "not suitable for married life" existence, so I had to play along). As we passed a McDonalds, my brother decided he wanted "a snack" so we went in and my wife and I were astonished at his and his wife's ordering full Big Mac meals, which they ate as we sat at the table watching them.
Not to be presumptuous but being as I'd paid for the rooms and had just gotten married, I thought it went without saying that we'd probably go someplace nice for dinner, at their suggestion (even if I ended up paying for it - I really didn't care about that). Instead, as we continued our walk, when one of us brought up dinner, we were met with the surprised looks and excuses of, "Oh! I thought that was dinner!" about McD's. I couldn't believe these people; perfect strangers have been more savvy than their clueless selves, and by that point it was becoming a struggle to play it off cool, as I was a mixture of underwhelmed, let-down, and increasingly angry - none of which I'd wanted to be, much less express, on my goddam wedding day.
So, as we were returning through the MGM en route to our room, early and (for the wife and I) hungry, we passed a lounge area where an all-girls 80s cover band with each gal wearing a different-colored wig were about to go up, so my brother suggested we sit for awhile to check them out. I quickly ordered the drinks since if it were up to them, we wouldn't have ordered anything, and that was my wedding night. We had a few handfuls of cocktail nut mix and a drink as our big celebratory dinner. I vowed never again to leave anything unplanned or in the hands of others who might have a different idea of spontaneity.
Anyway, we were married for six years; she got bored and started facebooking around, if you know what I mean. Broke my heart, left me with real and lasting trust issues, and in the decade hence I've dated multitudes, had a few decent relationships that never really knocked me off my feet, and figured that I'll probably be alone for the duration, so as soon as my daughter gets to grad school and is on her way, I'll celebrate by buying a motorcycle. And I don't even much like motorcycles.
She’s very unpretentious
Where'd she get that from? Pushy pretensiousness -- and publicly taking pride in it -- is not a virtue.
Blogger gilbar said...
Serious Question
…
Of All the Stupid Ephemeral wasteful expenditures of money out there; What can top a Wedding?
Quinceañera
I would go for debutante balls, but most of them, to justify their continued existence, raise money for one charity or another.
Bender:
WTF are you talking about. My kid, my word. No virtue seeking here from you.
My parents had to get married in the rectory, not the church (NB: *where* they had to get married, not *that* they had to get married!), in 1935 because my father wasn't Catholic. Don't know a lot about the details because, um, I wasn't born until almost twenty years later, but I doubt there was much of a reception. The old man never quite converted but he was attending Mass with my mother in his old age. Despite my own questionable status, I almost had a heart attack when he took communion, at the hands of my brother(!), at their fiftieth anniversary, two years before he died. They were married for about 52 years until the old man kicked off.
And, of course, he had to sign us all over prospectively to the Catholic church. No complaints on my part. A Catholic education was pretty standard in Chicago back in the day and, though I have not been religious for a long time, I think there's a lot of value to a culturally Catholic upbringing. NTM, getting things like "Do Black Patent Leather Shoes Really Reflect Up" and "Late Night Catechism" (both from Chicago authors and the former, at least, from a Southsider; Sister Mary Ignatius Explains It All, author *NOT* from Chicago, may be a bit more questionable). And my Jesuit high school education was undeniably the essential springboard to where I am today.
Weirdly, the rectory was at the church/school where I grew up, even though my parents didn't move to the neighborhood until the late 40's. I assume because my paternal grandparents (that I never knew) lived a block or so away from the church.
My oldest sister was married at the same church when I was about three years old. Somebody must have slipped the altar boys five or ten bucks and maybe something to the priest, but I doubt there was any serious charge for the use of the church itself. Or that the reception amounted to close to a couple thousand bucks. That marriage lasted 60+ years until my sister died about two years ago (and her husband just died a week or so ago).
I could go on and on (I have/had a lot of sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, etc.), but there's never been anything like this excess on the wedding front. And mostly what at least passes for successful, long-term marriages. FWIW, mostly around Chicago.
The two birthday parties I recently blathered on about elsewhere are all I've got to show for myself. Maybe two grand for the party for about 30 or so for a party at a Greek restaurant in 1983 and ten grand for a 100+ at the Harvard Club in 2003.
--gpm
By the time dessert was served, the guests have all had a few drinks and plenty of other food. It's unlikely they would notice or care if the cheesecakes were sitting in melted ice cream with Smuckers on top.
You have to wonder what the cheesecake was actually made of.
It was abundantly clear what I was talking about. Even you got it, hence the reaction.
But I'll reiterate -- it's wrong for obnoxious parents to take over and impose themselves on their children's weddings. And bragging to others that you have has nothing to do with virtue seeking. It's the self-belief that it is a virtue for parents to do that which only compounds the wrong.
though I have not been religious for a long time....my Jesuit high school education was undeniably the essential springboard to where I am today
What does it profit a man to gain the whole world by a Jesuit education and lose his soul by that same Jesuit education?
Gospace said...
Blogger gilbar said... Serious Question
Of All the Stupid Ephemeral wasteful expenditures of money out there; What can top a Wedding?
Quinceañera
Okay, I'm going to have to let you have this one : )
Bender:
It is a virtue not to sit in judgment of other people. But, that seems to be your calling in life. Your sanctimony is boring.
Bender:
It is a virtue not to sit in judgment of other people. But, that seems to be your calling in life. Your sanctimony is boring.
V, V, V
Don't buy a motorcycle, find a church.
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