Althouse: "I have never felt desired. My past boyfriends never made me feel desired. None of them."

June 7, 2020

"I have never felt desired. My past boyfriends never made me feel desired. None of them."

"And it’s a big thing in my life that I feel I have never been physically desired by somebody. So I dress the way I dress as I don’t like to think of you guys – I mean anyone, everyone – judging it, or the size of it.... And sometimes I feel trapped by this persona that I have created, because sometimes I think people view me not as a woman.... But my body is mine and yours is yours. Our own bodies are kind of the only real things which are truly ours. I get to see it and get to show it when I want to.... All I ever wanted was a boyfriend. Any time when it was rainy or cloudy, all I would wish is I was with some boy. That was my thing. Whenever we were somewhere nice, a beach or a balcony with a sunset, I would never be able to enjoy the experience as I just used to wish I was with some boy.... I have never felt powerful in a relationship. I did once and, guess what, I took advantage of that person’s kindness. I wasn’t used to it. It’s been months and I am not attracted to people any more."

Said the big pop star Billie Ellish, quoted in "Billie Eilish: Confessions of a Teenage Superstar" (GQ). She's 17. CORRECTION: She's 18.

60 comments:

alanc709 said...: She looks like an immature Amy Winehouse.; 6/7/20, 9:13 AM
WWIII Joe Biden, Husk-Puppet + America's Putin said...: "I almost killed myself because of Twitter a couple of years ago. Like, for real’"

Jack Dorsey is a pile of shit.; 6/7/20, 9:13 AM
tim maguire said...: She needs therapy.; 6/7/20, 9:16 AM
Tommy Duncan said...: I scanned her pictures on the Internet. She looks like she is stoned in most of them. Could that be the problem here?; 6/7/20, 9:19 AM
Jupiter said...: Yeah, well. How much ammo does she have?; 6/7/20, 9:21 AM
Lurker21 said...: I guess this is why they say that the novel is dying. Years ago, you had to either hear something like this from someone in person or read it in a novel. Now people can come out and say it to the world, and the world hears it.

Now on to the obvious questions, "Geez, girl, you're only 17, how many boyfriends have you had?" and "Do you really think you're going to ever get a man dressing like you do?"; 6/7/20, 9:23 AM
Sebastian said...: "She's 17."

A difficult age. Hard to have perspective. Might as well make millions.

Don't know her work; hope it's less stereotypically inane than her musings.; 6/7/20, 9:24 AM
traditionalguy said...: She is playing a role for us. I doubt anything she said is real. Her look is phony. She is actually a happy red head happily making money by pretending she is an alienated youth soul. Next thing we will see is Woodstock like concerts as her act covers the 1960s.; 6/7/20, 9:27 AM
Tom T. said...: I think we all know that if she had felt desired in her past relationships, she'd be talking about how those boyfriends objectified her and tried to possess her body. Unhappiness is her market niche, and she's working it carefully.; 6/7/20, 9:27 AM
wendybar said...: Maybe stop trying to look like a boy; 6/7/20, 9:27 AM
mezzrow said...: It's hard to be human. Harder for some than others, particularly those who are painfully self-aware and artistic.

Still, to say "I am not attracted to people any more" can also mean that she has been paying attention to current events.

I can relate to all of it, even though I'm old and no longer self conscious about being fat, which is something else I'm not anymore either. Cancer will do that to you.; 6/7/20, 9:34 AM
RK said...: Tattoos. That'll make you feel better, honey.; 6/7/20, 9:38 AM
Bryan Townsend said...: She's 18.; 6/7/20, 9:38 AM
mikee said...: Laurence Sterne, in his Sentimental Journey, wrote about meeting the author of a most famous and inspiring hymn. The man was a schlub, a complete dirty boor of a human being. Wrote a nice song, though. Some things never change.

As I don't know what this Billie singer looks like, but I enjoy her singing and her dystopian songs, I shall opt to avoid ever caring about anything except her singing and her songs. Heck, Frank Sinatra wasn't a nice guy, but he sure crooned well. And I understand Mick is a prick, too, but the Stones are a fun listen. Try not to confuse the art with the artist. Many artists, historically, have been social outcasts.

I don't think I'll allow someone I choose to be entertained by, to move freely into any other life category without my consent, for a reason that better be damned good.; 6/7/20, 9:40 AM
Lazarus said...: She seems like a very happy young girl looking forward to a bright and wonderful future. So nice to see!; 6/7/20, 9:43 AM
bagoh20 said...: It's either all in your head, or you are not being honest. I guarantee you that boys are physically attracted to you. They are physically attracted to a tree if it has the slightest feminine shape. I'm 100% sure that I would do you if I was you age, and I would be fantasizing about it constantly if I knew you, and it would not be because I love your music, your money, or your mind, so you know what's left?; 6/7/20, 9:52 AM
Wince said...: Back in the day this would end with a partial nude spread in Playboy, and we'd be debating how much bush is erotic but tasteful.; 6/7/20, 9:53 AM
Ice Nine said...: Could the fact that she isn't desirable have anything to do with it?; 6/7/20, 9:55 AM
chickelit said...: I have never felt desired. My past boyfriends never made me feel desired. None of them.

When it's you against everyone else, maybe it's time to ask whether you are the problem.; 6/7/20, 9:56 AM
SGT Ted said...: We used to call it "boy crazy". My experience with boy crazy girls/women is that the operative word is "crazy". Her reaction: to dress a certain way, reflects the crazy part of it.

Looking outside yourself and seeing other people being responsible for your happiness is mental illness. She does need therapy.; 6/7/20, 9:56 AM
Ice Nine said...: Smile now and then, perhaps?; 6/7/20, 9:57 AM
Darkisland said...: Perhaps fish do need bicycles after all

John Henry; 6/7/20, 10:01 AM
hombre said...: “All I ever wanted was a boyfriend.”

Ooooo, and that makes you so unique among teenage girls, doesn’t it, dearie? And for that matter among women.

First Greta, now this. Silly women haven’t done enough damage? Now we must genuflect before silly teenage girls? Whoopee!; 6/7/20, 10:03 AM
Oso Negro said...: Jailbait; 6/7/20, 10:09 AM
William said...: Amy Winehouse was genuinely talented. I didn't discover that until after she died. Her reputation as a drug addict overshadowed her talent as an artist. And if you want deep, dark shadows, there's nothing blacker than dying from an overdose whilst still young. Amy didn't even live long enough to record a body of work that would validate her talent. In a few years, she will be as obscure as Lillian Roth....I've never listened to any of Billie Ellish's music, but I suppose she's talented. From the interview, she doesn't seem in desperate straits. Many of her observations seemed banal. That's quite an achievement. Despite all that wealth, fame, and talent, she succeeded in being banal. In some ways, banality is a way of being grounded. She might not end up like Sinead O'Connor.....I just hope that the Nobel Committee looks beyond their prejudices regarding youth and recognizes the benign impact her work has had upon the world. I'd like to see her and not Greta Thunberg become the first teen age Nobel Peace Prize recipient.; 6/7/20, 10:13 AM
policraticus said...: That sounds about right for a teenager. Now if she could only be ignored, the way most teens are ignored, she might turn out OK.; 6/7/20, 10:16 AM
Yancey Ward said...: What pretty much any teenager sounds like, but with a megaphone.

She isn't unattractive physically, so I suspect that her real problems are personality (and, yes, this is me giving her credit for not fabricating all of this for business reasons). However, she is just 18- I remember what it was like to be 18- it isn't the end of the world, though it might seem like it at the time.; 6/7/20, 10:20 AM
MD Greene said...: If you're under the age of 20 and aren't conflicted about who your are, you're doing it wrong.; 6/7/20, 10:22 AM
Leland said...: Her wisdom is on par for her age. If she wanted to feel desired by a person, then she missed her chance with Weinstein and Epstein. Often, it is good to lack attention. I'm not her audience, and I'm fine that none of her fans will care or desire me.; 6/7/20, 10:32 AM
n.n said...: Maybe stop trying to look like a boy

Embrace her feminine. As for the accoutrements (e.g. hair style, jewelry, clothing), yes, they're a social construct with natural motives to normalize a favorable juxtapostion of the sexes a la girl chases boy chases girl.; 6/7/20, 10:33 AM
wildswan said...: Her body is covered all the time in bulky clothes like those of an astronaut but with clashing colors; her hair hangs down and mostly encloses her face. This maybe the look young men her age find most attractive since her music videos have made her a star. She's associated with a fiercely ambitious brother who read a book which said" "work, if you want to succeed" and who took this message to heart; and she follows her brother's lead. She has millions and fame. Next, she'll be nineteen and find love and break up the band. I can't make a lot of sense out of what I see and read of her but I have to say what seeps through onto my mind is that she is a lot like most eighteen-year-old girls, being well-disguised - as they are - and pretty silly - as they are.; 6/7/20, 10:34 AM
madAsHell said...: Wait!! She has boyfriends?

This bitch is so emo that even her lawn cuts itself!!; 6/7/20, 10:52 AM
John Borell said...: Religion helps. There are bigger things in life than the thoughts of a teenager.

Family helps. There are other things in the world.

A sense of duty helps. There are roses and missions.

But fuck all that, be a pop star instead. That will make you happy.

Just like Madonna, Brittney Spears, Katy Perry, etc.; 6/7/20, 10:53 AM
stevew said...: I have it on good authority that teen angst and unrequited love are the inspiration for profitable pop music making.

What sort of thoughtful boy, that she might be willing to have a relationship with, would feel safe expressing desire, sexual I assume, for a teenage girl? And by safe I mean without fear of being accused of rape or sexual assault.

This reads like a carefully constructed story and persona.; 6/7/20, 10:59 AM
Char Char Binks, Esq. said...: She’ll find a woman who will make her feel desired some day. They’ll grow old, fat, and happy together.; 6/7/20, 11:00 AM
cubanbob said...: My only empathy for her is that she will probably peak her life in her mid twenties. And after that sixty plus years of decline.; 6/7/20, 11:03 AM
gspencer said...: Yeah, that's the cure - tats. Lots of them. And don't be hesitant in the least. Facial ones are all the rage. The horny little bastards will be drooling all over you.; 6/7/20, 11:13 AM
Virgil Hilts said...: What tradionalguy said. Madonna was an attractive, but mediocre (or worse) musician but a marketing genius. Lady gaga is attractive and good musician, but a marketing genius. This young woman and her brother (I think he has some musical talent), with assists from their patents, are incredibly marketing geniuses and come on, she's extremely pretty behind all of the bags she wears. It's all a put-on and I respect the hell out of all of them. They are manufacturing a product for sale to the market, and winning hugely at the game of capitalism.; 6/7/20, 11:17 AM
D 2 said...: Tom T gets it. It’s ye olde Heads I win Tails you lose.

If you were her boyfriend, you don’t get to question it, whatever way she feels about whatever way she interprets your interactions is her saying what she wants it to be. It is not you. It’s like her opinion, man.

She creates the world that she wants and surprise surprise she is gonna be the one.

She’s young. She may grow out of it. There’s still enough proof out there of girls becoming women, and realizing life’s rich pageant is a dance of give and take.

Being bitter and contemptuous of the opposite sex is no way to enjoy this one ride through.; 6/7/20, 11:19 AM
Tomcc said...: Such a precocious young lady! It's really too bad when you're beaten down by life by the time you're eighteen. Perhaps she and Greta can room together at camp this summer.; 6/7/20, 11:28 AM
Lewis Wetzel said...: An old post from Tom Smith at Rightcoast:

Imagine the entire human universe is like the surface of a sphere. So all its dimensions, social, economic, cultural, sexual and so on, are represented as points on the surface of this sphere. Yes, it's a simplification. On this sphere somewhere, perhaps where we might put Uzbekistan, is the land of the crazygirls. It is fairly populous. Here live the ladies who fall in love with someone else the moment they get engaged to you and have mad everything-but-actual-sex with him (because that would be wrong) and then write all about it years later in the New York Times. Here live the young women who canoodle with you all summer long but don't have sex because they say (falsely) they were raped, but when they finally do sort of have sex with you, they hate you because you made them feel such a strong emotion. And this, I assure you, is just the beginning. Down the road lie the hours, the years of ultimately fruitless therapy, the crazykids fluttering like frightened bats against the windows, the absolutely, no kidding, forget about due process and just get her out of her, certifiable lunatic mother in law. The father in law who packs the wooden sailboat his uncle left him with 20 pounds of TNT, sails out into the sound and is never heard of again, save once. The person with whom sex is good or bad, but always deeply, deeply confusing. Anyway, that's where they dwell. What you want to do is draw a line from the land of the crazygirls through the center of the earth and then out to the other side of the world. That is maximum distance from the land of the crazygirls and that's where you want to dwell. This is nothing to fool around with, not even as a tourist.

https://rightcoast.typepad.com/rightcoast/2008/12/beyond-the-planet-of-the-crazygirls-tom-smith-.html; 6/7/20, 11:47 AM
Achilles said...: 1. I think she is trying to get attention.

2. It worked.

She could have all the boyfriends she wants.

My guess is she wants a Dad and this is how it is manifesting.; 6/7/20, 11:50 AM
Michael K said...: Another F'd up teen.; 6/7/20, 11:53 AM
madAsHell said...: They’ll grow old, fat, and happy together.

Pick any two, and the third is automatically excluded.; 6/7/20, 12:05 PM
Quaestor said...: Make me feel desired.

Make me think differently.

Make me stick my head in the oven.

Strong, independent women.; 6/7/20, 12:09 PM
Operaman said...: Billie Eilish is one of the most talented and original young singers in many years. Her brother and collaborator is a gifted songwriter and musician in his own right. Both are in a close-knit family of modest origins. They still write, practice and record songs in the family home.

Eilish’s personal style reflects her discomfort with the female singer as sex object role that remains a conventional model for women entertainers. If she expresses angst over her relationships with boys, she is demonstrating the reality that she is still a teenager. Her comments were not that boys aren’t attracted to her but that they do not make her feel desired, a distinction that eludes many men regardless of age. Suggestions that she needs therapy is concern trolling.

Her music reflects an unusually mature and independent approach to song interpretation that rejects the most popular formulas and imagery for a more personal style that has found a surprisingly large following. It can seem mannered but her growth in just a few years suggests that her music has a lot of room for development.; 6/7/20, 12:16 PM
Caligula said...: I, me, I me, blah blah blah;
I, me, I me, waa, waa, waa.

Maybe if you'd get over your narcissism already you could just forget about what you think others might be thinking about you, and just get on with whatever it is you want to do?; 6/7/20, 12:16 PM
M Jordan said...: Jesus said, Whoever tries to keep their soul life (Greek psuche) will lose it. This girl who I’d never heard of till now is definitely loving and keeping her soul life. The ego is humanity’s biggest problem.; 6/7/20, 12:20 PM
Owen said...: A cry for help from somebody who is stuck in the first person singular. Unfortunately her popularity tells us that a lot of other people are stuck there too. Not a healthy structure for society, when it’s just a collection of narcissists. And sociopaths. Because isn’t a sociopath a narcissist with acting skill?; 6/7/20, 1:21 PM
Rabel said...: We should hook her up with the Daddy from Cincinnati. Two birds:One stone.; 6/7/20, 1:35 PM
Jim at said...: When everybody else is the asshole ....; 6/7/20, 1:46 PM
Birkel said...: She may be a fabulous person but she's in no way desirable, no matter her age.
That angsty look is unappealing.; 6/7/20, 2:04 PM
donald said...: My Beautiful all American volleyball player niece, the new MD who has out of nowhere packed on about 40 pounds and has Become completely miserable and angry is a big fan.; 6/7/20, 2:17 PM
Lazarus said...: So she's that bad type
Make-your-mama-sad type
Make-your-girlfriend-mad type
Might-seduce-your-dad type
She's the bad guy, duh; 6/7/20, 3:19 PM
Howard said...: Her music is fantastic. I really don't go for that kind of thing but she sure knows how to pull it off and make it sublime. I can't imagine movie what it's like to have that much success and attention at that age. She had a nice resync rant on why they all lives matter meme is silly stupid and covert racism. She represents the bright future of our world.; 6/7/20, 3:51 PM
daskol said...: She’s very pretty and comes across in interviews as genuine, wholesome and well adjusted. She and her brother, who is her producer and co-writer and DJ on most of her hits. They tour together, and gave a joint interview to Stern a while back about their creative, loving and supportive family. My teen daughter is fascinated with her persona and style, which Eilish pulls off only because she is so naturally pretty—like the line from Lennon’s, got to be good-looking cause she’s so hard to see. I also like her music which is reminiscent of Tricky and Portishead and Massive Attack, that is the best of trip-hop from the early 90s. She and her brother are very cute and talented and I wish them staying power. Given this industry, she’ll probably pull a Jewel and come out in a few years as a sex symbol.; 6/7/20, 4:00 PM
Birkel said...: Howard knows which lives don't matter.; 6/7/20, 6:14 PM
Howard said...: Birkel:. You are 100% correct. I know you're just a worthless chicken hawk cock loves to suck Trump's dick and have never worked in public safety and practiced how to actually utilize the concept of triage in the field. People that don't need help you don't help them the lives that matter are the ones that are in danger or Jeopardy, Dipshit. That was Billy Eyelashes entire point which I'm sure you did not read because of course that would require I don't know, effort; 6/7/20, 7:18 PM
Lewis Wetzel said...: Better or worse than Karen Carpenter?
Worse, of course.; 6/7/20, 10:55 PM
Amadeus 48 said...: Ah, for those days when Julie London was an ideal chantuse for some.; 6/8/20, 6:01 AM