May 26, 2020

"Sheltering in place forces roommates together and raises the stakes on everyday squabbles... You’re only as safe as your least-careful roommate."

"One friend of mine repeatedly scolded a roommate who refused to stop going to parties or to wash his hands, until the guy moved out in a huff. Another friend became ill with what seemed like covid-19 while subletting in Brooklyn; whenever she went into the common area to eat soup, her roommate would slam the bedroom door and send a nasty text. 'To be inside of all this, like we all are, with not only zero love around me but actual hate, as I’m sick, is a loneliness that is a new deep for me,' my friend wrote me. (She has since recovered.)..."

From "The Bushwick House Share Was a Haven—Then COVID-19 Struck" in The New Yorker.

At about exactly the point when I saw that, I saw "How a 16-Person Poly Pod Is Isolating in Bushwick" in New York Magazine. Different cast of characters. "A polyamorous lifestyle is undoubtedly ill-suited to our germophobic moment. Yet, the Villa’s residents seem to have an edge when it comes to thorny conversations about health and risk. 'We’re all about responsible humanism, so we’re used to talking about how our behavior affects other people,' Kenneth Play, a sex educator and co-founder of Hacienda Villa, said.... Play... has had hundreds of lovers over the years (he usually has an assistant book his liaisons), but he always wears a condom unless he is with his fiancée. She, in turn, has unprotected sex with only one other person, her other fiancé, who wears a condom with everyone else. 'I think the sex-positive community has something to teach in a time like this, because we all know how to follow strict protocols to make sure everyone is safe,' Play said."

"... we all know how to follow strict protocols to make sure everyone is safe...." I hate to inform the seemingly savvy Play but "make sure" is so last year. Here's my post on the subject from July 2019: "I've been noticing the phrase 'We need to make sure' in political speech lately. [Bernie] Sanders says 'We need to make sure that kids go to community schools, which are integrated and that means we have to focus on fair housing legislation and enforcement.' I see 'We need to make sure' as a sort of lie. It really only means we ought to try to get to a place out there that would be really nice to get to...."

51 comments:

Mike Sylwester said...

I refuse to use the work protocols instead of the word rules.

By the way, I also refuse to use the word meme instead of the word cliché.

Wince said...

One reason why sheltering in place orders may actually increase risk?

Plus,

"I've been noticing the phrase 'We need to make sure' in political speech lately... I see 'We need to make sure' as a sort of lie. It really only means we ought to try to get to a place out there that would be really nice to get to....

I see it as more insidious: What they really mean is "we need to make sure" that somebody else... is held responsible for doing something or other.

Mr Wibble said...

Gotta love the crackpot brigades at a time like this. Everyone needs some entertainment.

Lucid-Ideas said...

"I think the sex-positive community has something to teach in a time like this..."

Jesus, Joseph, and doggy-style Mary. No, it doesn't, you f*cking mental infants. Your lifestyle has nothing to teach anyone accept how you bend yourself in pretzels to justify a disgusting lifestyle and living arrangements.

You and your multiple fiances should stay right where you are. Yuck.

Bay Area Guy said...

If ever any of these idiotic young snowflakes ever have sex with another human being (the odds are low), please remind them that said act of carnal knowledge --- once deemed glorious and fun -- is now deemed a deadly vector for transmitting bodily fluids containing.....VIRUSES!

Sebastian said...

"(he usually has an assistant book his liaisons)"

Now that's funny.

"but he always wears a condom unless he is with his fiancée."

So a condom protects against all bacteria and viri? Good to know.

"the sex-positive community"

So the rest of us are sex-negative?

Lurker21 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
I'm Not Sure said...

So much drama. Is it possible for anybody to be more more self-obsessed than a New Yorker? Get over yourselves.

Fernandinande said...

The tragedy of the commoners in their commons.

Proper communist, er, communal, behavior could be promoted by inspirational kitchen embroideries, perhaps "We're all in this together!", and of course a gulag for the wreckers and hoarders.

n.n said...

Friends with "benefits". Polygamy without responsibility. A dysfunctional convergence in progress.

Lurker21 said...

It's been twenty years and it's time for a Friends reboot.

This time they live in the same apartment and are polyamorous.

Consider all the possibilities.

Spiros said...

What if your roommate was mentally ill or dangerous? The unrelenting pressure of living with this person could fester into paranoia and rage. Especially in the dinky little apartments in New York City! I'm surprised that there haven't been more killings (and rapes).

Jupiter said...

You can't make this stuff up. But the people who write for New York Magazine can.

YoungHegelian said...

...but he always wears a condom unless he is with his fiancée. She, in turn, has unprotected sex with only one other person, her other fiancé, who wears a condom with everyone else.

"Tell us again, Fisherman Bob, just how big was that fish?" At which point, everyone in the bar breaks into laughter, including Bob.

Is there anything on the planet that people lie about more than sex? I mean, anything?

To trust that your openly promiscuous sexual partners play safe all the time seems to be on the level of assuming that your drug dealer never "cuts" his offerings.

I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

I can’t breathe within six feet of another person with or without a mask, or I’m responsible for their dEaTh, but this clown with his hundreds of partners thinks his condoms = safety from infection. Snort

Also I’m a selfish asshole wishing death on tim in vermont because I want my kids to go to school and play with their friends but it’s somehow not selfish and worthy of community shunning that this guy insists on fucking everything with a moist hole. Got it.

cubanbob said...

Maybe the idea of isolating NYC as per the movie Escape From New York might be worth considering. First the moaning about sharing an apartment with several roommates: If you can't float the rent by yourself or with your SO maybe you aren't earning enough to live in NYC and ought to consider either moving or your career path. As for the swingers, a guy named Play? OK........

Clyde said...

"Her other fiancé"? When did New York legalize bigamy? I must have missed that.

madAsHell said...

'I think the sex-positive community has something to teach in a time like this, because we all know how to follow strict protocols to make sure everyone is safe,' Play said."

Strict protocols?? Is this a condom-on, or condom-off partner? Awww.....fuck it.

bagoh20 said...

"Shelter in place" is an oxymoron. The virus is invisible, and it comes through the door like everyone else. It's really "infect in place". Most of the transmissions have happened at home. You would think a fact like that might change thinking some, but nope. Why is that?

The home is kind of like a giant mask. It doesn't keep the virus out, but it does concentrate it, and you are being told it's the safe way to go.

Michael K said...

More escape from New York stories.

Lurker21 said...

Kenneth Play, a sex educator

Was he fated by his name to have such a job?

And how could he resist the temptation to change his name to "Kenneth Sexplay" or "Kenneth 4 Play"?

Anne-I-Am said...

A transparent excuse for boundless indulgence of one's animal appetites. But because it is sex, and everyone must have any kind of sex they want, with whomever or whatever they want--and if you think otherwise, you are a sex-obsessed/repressing Puritan--no one will call out this loathsome behavior.

Imagine if this were a "Fat House." Where everyone eats whatever they want, whenever they want, weighs 800 lbs, and scoffs at the notion that their behavior is unhealthy. Or the Wrath House--where everyone beats everyone else up, whenever they want, because "repressing" anger is unhealthy.

The hypotheticals are so evidently ludicrous.

What happened to humans being able to recognize anti-social, anti-human-flourishing behaviors as (gasp) sinful or undesirable, and encouraging self-discipline?

Automatic_Wing said...

"This is my fiance, Darryl. And this is my other fiance, Darryl."

Jersey Fled said...

Ann might be the last person who still reads the New Yorker.

Jason said...

BUILD THE WALL!

Birkel said...

Alternative lifestyles tend to have "unanticipated" negative consequences. That is probably why those behaviors have been rejected by wider society through the years. Observation of the minority behavior lets those who have eyes see the negative effects over time.

Those observations are now considered bourgeois, of course. Therefore the observations must be rejected. And the failed strategies must be retried. And the same failures revealed.

Democratics don't believe in Darwinisnism. If they did, they would not throw away the past so readily.

Amadeus 48 said...

Democrats:We need to make sure that Joe Biden is not the Democrat nominee.
GOP: We need to make sure that Joe Biden is the Democrat nominee.

daskol said...

I remember seeing something about these folks in the past, and yep, here's a gothamist piece with video. I think I'd rather have been stuck in quarantine in the Spanish whorehouse than this Bushwick group home, like that fake story from early in the COVID19 era.

daskol said...

Hacienda Village not only sounds like a mobile home park, it actually is the name of several mobile home parks.

Sebastian said...

""Her other fiancé"? When did New York legalize bigamy? I must have missed that."

Well, it's a constitutional right, isn't it? I mean, if SCOTUS can discover SSM in the 14th, why doesn't the same line of argument, slippery-slopedly, apply here? If that's how they conceive the meaning of the universe, who are we to deny them, post-Kennedy?

Althouse can explain.

William said...

It's possible to have a polyamory life style with strangers if, while having sex, you wear a condom, a face mask, maintain six feet of distance, and take a hot, soapy shower for twenty seconds afterwards.

n.n said...

the word meme

It sounds like "me me me me", a close cousin of selfie-ish.

stevew said...

"Kenneth Play, a sex educator

"Was he fated by his name to have such a job?"

Perhaps it's a stage name like Tiffany and Brandy?

I am genuinely intrigued by these stories that our host posts. These are not people I know, or at least know about if I do. Their lifestyles and choices are so bizarre. Each of these stories leaves me wondering the same thing: "What, exactly, did they think would happen?".

doctrev said...

Poor Dan Savage. If you gave him a choice of a society where one in twenty gays would be annually burned alive in the streets by bloody-handed Inquisitors, and a society where the bathouses were shuttered forever in the name of public health, he'd take half of forever to decide which to live in. Would the survivors envy the dead? Who can say.

Meanwhile, two guys are having unprotected sex with "their" fiancee. I'm pretty sure I know where this is heading- a drama that promises to be Shakespearean in magnitude if not in seriousness.

narciso said...

well the tiger king had four significant others, I think the only solution, is to 'nuke the place from orbit' just to make sure,

Freeman Hunt said...

"The Poly Barn: Who cares about quality when you've got quantity and endless clinical meetings about relationships!"

Freeman Hunt said...

Beta communes.

Clyde said...

bagoh20 said...
"Shelter in place" is an oxymoron. The virus is invisible, and it comes through the door like everyone else. It's really "infect in place". Most of the transmissions have happened at home. You would think a fact like that might change thinking some, but nope. Why is that?


"At home" is not the same everywhere. Most places in the country, it's a single-family dwelling or an apartment building a couple of stories tall with outside stairs to the apartments. In New York, the epicenter the American part of the pandemic, it's a small apartment in a building several stories tall with a shared elevator, a shared lobby for mailboxes, a shared laundry room, etc. Those elevators have little or no ventilation. I know, because that's what my brother's apartment in northern Manhattan is like. There's also a stairwell, if you'd rather walk up a few flights of stairs rather than use that shared elevator, but that's shared as well. And of course, if you are going anywhere outside your neighborhood, you probably have to take a subway, bus or train, or some combination of the three, all densely packed with other New Yorkers. Even those New Yorkers who didn't leave their apartments except to buy necessities stall had to deal with more population density than people in the rest of the country in their single-family dwellings.

n.n said...

Well, it's a constitutional right, isn't it? I mean, if SCOTUS can discover SSM in the 14th, why doesn't the same line of argument, slippery-slopedly, apply here?

Ah, yes, the Twilight Amendment, a life Planned, the many sins of diversity, feminine chauvinists, the obfuscated bigotry of political congruence... a forward and backward-looking progressive slope with liberal twists and turns.

Banjo said...

Ann might be the last person who still reads the New Yorker.

The subscription offers are becoming so generous from this magazine and its think-alike sister NYTimes that I am waiting for the time when I am offered money to read these publications on a trial basis.

n.n said...

It's possible to have a polyamory life style with strangers if, while having sex, you wear a condom, a face mask

Don't forget the goggles for airborne transmission vectors. The eyes are a window to contagion.

Iman said...

Love in a Time of Dystopia

John henry said...

Madison is already the most racist city in the US by the numbers. (Arguably)

What's a little more on top?

Seriously, I don't understand why everyone who voluntarily lives in Madison just fesses up to being a racist for living in such a racist city and doing nothing about it.

Other than virtue signalling, of course.

John Henry

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

Obama used to say "we need to make sure" quite a bit.

Bunkypotatohead said...

Is it really a blowjob if you're wearing a condom?

narciso said...

They should chsnge the name to lumumba or marighella a thirdworld revolutionary tag

The Crack Emcee said...

Lurker21 said...

"It's been twenty years and it's time for a Friends reboot.

This time they live in the same apartment and are polyamorous.

Consider all the possibilities."

The women would still be forcing Ross to apologize to a cat.

Jack Klompus said...

More useless idiots in New York who think their idiocy is a mark of edgy individuality. Fence off Brooklyn but allow it to drain useful society's dregs into it.

Kirk Parker said...

Crack Emcee @ 3:55am,

LOL!!!

RobinGoodfellow said...

“One friend of mine repeatedly scolded a roommate who refused to stop going to parties or to wash his hands, until the guy moved out in a huff.”

You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.

RobinGoodfellow said...

“Blogger Birkel said...
Alternative lifestyles tend to have "unanticipated" negative consequences. That is probably why those behaviors have been rejected by wider society through the years.”

Before you tear down a fence, it’s a good idea to determine why someone put up the fence to begin with.