May 19, 2020

"One Saturday, I dined with a funny Brit. The following Thursday, I met a handsome cinematographer for a gym session."

"All of it happened, awkwardly, on Zoom. The dating scene is booming — it has just gone virtual....  I contemplated calling an ex (then I did). I replied to equally concerned — and equally hopeless — outreach from former flames around the world. And finally, I looked into the masked face of a friend whose romantic overture I’d pulled away from a year ago and contemplated, should I marry him?... Before Covid-19, we all had plenty of time to get to the next chapter.... The more people we meet, the more we struggle to connect to any, let alone commit to one.... Experts call it “cognitive overload.” We preserve option-value over valuing the person standing in front of us. The coronavirus hasn’t changed this paradox of choice.... We’re starting to have conversations about coronavirus status, quarantine credentials and exclusivity that are as awkward as our first virtual dates. These kinds of conversations aren’t unprecedented. New couples navigate them in any relationship, often around safe sex. Now we’ll have these intimate conversations for something as innocent as a first kiss. If we want to be safe, we have to. As the world opens up, we might start dating more selectively, more slowly, more sequentially, with more anticipation and attention than we have in years.... [T]here’s something a little thrilling about a first kiss being taboo again."

From "What Single People Are Starting to Realize/What will the first post-pandemic kiss be like?" by the filmmaker/writer Nayeema Raza (NYT).

38 comments:

tim in vermont said...

"After a decade of serial relationships and a $15,000 egg-freezing procedure”

Advice: If you are freezing the eggs, have the kid while you still have the energy to chase them around. It’s worth it to have kids more than it is to have a “glamorous” life you can exaggerate about or carefully curate in short pieces in the New York Times.

As for COVID, it will be over in a year or year and a half. I guess if your SOP is having sex with people you don’t really care about and who don’t care about you, these might be hard times.

BUMBLE BEE said...

Will certainly be different in New York, and LA. I suspect it WILL be... fabulous!

stevew said...

The first post pandemic kiss will be electrifying and amazing. We all want what we're told we can't have. I'm not sure how the Covidophobes will feel.

Kevin said...

As the world opens up, we might start dating more selectively, more slowly, more sequentially, with more anticipation and attention than we have in years....

Sure. Right after the virus took two years of your dating life away.

34 + Coronavirus = 36

Kevin said...

Experts call it “cognitive overload.”

Ah, the standard NYT insertion of anonymous “experts” to make the author’s opinions appear science-y.

No wonder these people have lost the ability to think for themselves.

Kevin said...

NYT fake news article formula:

Subject: ethnically-diverse person with multiple job titles, who could be slightly famous in certain circles but probably isn’t.

Environment: dealing with a situation much like yours but in a much more exciting way.

“Insight”: mention of experts and inclusion of untested scientific terms in quotes.

Close: prediction for the future that all can be better if society will only choose to cooperate.

Style points: person is politically active on the left or topic can be used to clearly mock Trump.

Jack Klompus said...

New York is full of incredibly vapid people who think they're interesting because they live in New York.

Laslo Spatula said...

It is maddening, reading the obtuse navel-gazing of those ensconced in their comfortable bubbles.

For them, this is a fun adventure: so much to ponder about, and so much time to do it.

The lack of self-awareness would be amusing if it wasn't for the collateral damage.

It is Fitzgerald's Gatsby writ large: so many people get to indulge their inner Daisy.

"Daisy was young and her artificial world was redolent of orchids and pleasant, cheerful snobbery and orchestras which set the rhythm of the year, summing up the sadness and suggestiveness of life in new tunes."

As I have written before: Marie Antoinette would understand.

I am Laslo.

tim in vermont said...

In the Iliad, Achilles is finally talked into going to war at Troy by Odysseus on the promise of an early death but eternal fame and glory. But in the Odyssey, Odysseus meets Achilles in the land of the dead and Achilles tells him that he would rather be the slave to a tenant farmer and sucking air than dead.

I think of this when she talks about freezing eggs and dates with “handsome Englishmen” and “cinematographers” while wistfully thinking that it’s too bad the man that seems to love her isn’t all that braggable to her friends and readers.

Temujin said...

I swear New Yorkers live in an alternate universe which includes instant access to multiple media options that allow them to publish their deepest yearnings and heavy thoughts. It's like living in a city that encourages you to publish your journal for 'likes'. Like a badge of creative honor. Such needy people. Whatever happened to the New Yorkers of yesteryear? You know, the tough, mind-your-own-business New Yorkers that just got things done. Real things. Not...pining for my last 20 lovers on Zoom things.

Mr Wibble said...

This woman sounds simultaneously boring and exhausting.

Big Mike said...

New York is full of incredibly vapid people who think they're interesting because they live in New York.

Describes Robert Cook.

Big Mike said...

The first post pandemic kiss will be electrifying and amazing. We all want what we're told we can't have.

@stevew, +1

Darrell said...

Yesterday, I spent two hours with Elizabeth Hurley. Tomorrow, I'm supposed to meet up with Angie Harmon. I had no idea that they were both living in the Philippines! The internet is so cool!

DavidD said...

“ ‘I looked into the masked face of a friend....’ ”

On Zoom.

Why would anyone wear a mask for a remote video conference?

Lurker21 said...

First thought: If this is a war we're in, why is she nattering on about sex?

Second thought: Judging from recent examples, in wartime the one thing people are thinking about (if they are young) is sex.

Third thought: Yes, but they were doing it, not writing lifestyle pieces about not doing it.

Mr Wibble said...

Whatever happened to the New Yorkers of yesteryear? You know, the tough, mind-your-own-business New Yorkers that just got things done. Real things. Not...pining for my last 20 lovers on Zoom things.

Sex and the City. It convinced a generation of young women that they could move to NYC and make a living writing about all the times they spread their legs and that eventually some wealthy dude would fall for them.

Ingachuck'stoothlessARM said...

so being "drug and disease-free" will still be a thing?

...oh-- covid found in semen, so...it could be a STD?

Matt Sablan said...

"I think of this when she talks about freezing eggs and dates with “handsome Englishmen” and “cinematographers” while wistfully thinking that it’s too bad the man that seems to love her isn’t all that braggable to her friends and readers."

-- Offers of love should probably be like Amazon flash sales. Extremely valuable, but if you pass on them, you miss out. No one should be made to feel accepted as only a back up.

Fernandistein said...

NYT fake news article formula:

Nice!

Be the first to write an IMBD review of either of filmmaker Nayeema Raza's products, one of which exists.

Sebastian said...

"New couples navigate them in any relationship, often around safe sex."

But for the young and healthy, some STDs are nastier than WuFlu.

"Now we’ll have these intimate conversations for something as innocent as a first kiss. If we want to be safe, we have to."

Depends on your age and health status. Without comorbidities, WuFlu risk is nil under 50.

chuck said...

I thought you didn't like women's magazines.

Lucien said...

Soon people will have dating profiles saying whether they were reckless granny killers who went hiking without a mask, or shoe washing, grocery disinfecting sheeple willing to censor anything positive about HCQ — only they won’t use those exact words.

lane ranger said...

2 years from now, looking back: marriage boom, baby boom, campus hook-up culture on the decline because physical attendance on college campuses declines dramatically.

Jamie said...

"Sex and the City. It convinced a generation of young women that they could move to NYC and make a living writing about all the times they spread their legs and that eventually some wealthy dude would fall for them."

Mr. Wibble nails it to the wall.

I feel for the masked friend. He knows who he is; a bunch of their friends (assuming they exist) know who he is; if she were to decide, "Yes. The answer is yes, I should marry him," how does he possibly go through with it? Knowing that the Englishman and the cinematographer are out there?

wildswan said...

It was a dark and stormy night. I opened the door and, at last, he was there. I had never seen him but I recognized him at once as if his heart wore some strange emblem on his sleeve. His dark eyes burned into mine and in voice strangely distant he said my name - "Mabel!" "No," I said, my voice choked in the same, strange distant way, "No, I'm Noemi, Mabel lives next door if you call it living when she can't get herself a bootleg haircut. She.." "It is you," he said in the same distant voice, "I have seen you from afar on the cameras and I can no longer wait." Strong figures tore at my mask and I heard it rip. "No", I screamed, "No, you may be infected, toxically masculine or a Trump supporter, which is worse, I don't know!" My mask fell to the floor. Fire seemed to run over him and he came closer. I heard him shout "You, it is you, at last." My senses swayed and yearned as avid lips sought mine to garner sweetness and the last thing I felt was a burning sensation spreading like fire through my loins of desire. When I came to, the pizza man was gone and the pizza was cold and crushed in its box where it had fallen between us as he grabbed for his money. He'd taken his money and gone. Took a hefty tip, too. I guess that little game of sending for pizza and claiming that I was Noemi, not Mabel, the girl next door and that the pizza guys were getting it wrong because of the masks, is over. Never mind.

SGT Ted said...

"We preserve option-value over valuing the person standing in front of us."

Female hypergamy is a thing.

Brian McKim and/or Traci Skene said...

Sales of 2nd, 3rd and 4th cats are booming.

Howard said...

It's hilarious watching you phony tough phony deplorable office working dweebs swith a big chip on your narrow shoulders are reflexively judgemental of people who live in New York City. The successful life which includes happiness in family in love and a little bit of money and a warm place to take a dump is not derived from a zero-sum game.

Lurker21 said...

Every Becky thinks she's a Stacey and is going to get Chad. I guess there is something to the incel mythology after all. There's a flaw in it though: what's the mocking name for the geeky incel loser who's so mad at Becky, Stacey, and Chad? Once one sees oneself in the picture it complicates things.

Wince said...

She desperately wants to believe she's the one using the men in her life.

Lucien said...

Mr. Wibble: The idea that New Yorkers are tough died when it turned out they were too wussy to have KSM put on trial in the city, since they were terrified of a possible terrorist attack.

Yancey Ward said...

Oh, for fuck's sake. Exactly how much lint did she find in her navel?

Yancey Ward said...

Wildswan,

😂

Yancey Ward said...

"It is Fitzgerald's Gatsby writ large: so many people get to indulge their inner Daisy."

Exactly.

Jack Klompus said...

Howard, it's hilarious to watch the spittle fly off your mouth as you try to craft a coherent sentence above a third grade level, repeating your same insults every time. I'd thought a renowned Nitschke scholar such as yourself would have more eloquent ways to show the world what a miserable angry douche you are.

Steve said...

Actually, this is another example of someone that didn't want to "settle" for a partner/spouse.

The Cracker Emcee Refulgent said...

"I thought you didn't like women's magazines."

And that's an understatement. This shit makes the LHJ of yore look like Cicero.