March 17, 2020

"Toilet paper is being removed from many of our [Dane County park] toilets as soon as it’s being restocked and our supplies are limited at the current time."

"Park visitors may want to bring some toilet paper and hand sanitizer with them as they go out to our parks, just to be safe. With limited staff, restrooms can only be cleaned and checked 1-2 times a week. At this time we are not able to wipe down playground equipment, tables or other surfaces at the parks. There may become a point when restrooms may need to be temporary closed if there are further health protocols."

A message from my county parks department.

It's good to know that we can still use the parks. We're advised to do social distancing, and reminded that you can still go outside. Just don't do group activities, and keep your distance. Sanitize surfaces for yourself, or keep track of your touching and sanitize your hands.

But who are these fiends who steal toilet paper from public restrooms?! How can you squat so low?

And what is "if there are further health protocols"? Is that something people do in the public restroom when they find there is no toilet paper? Are they wiping themselves on the walls and floors? Come on, people! This is a civilization we are upholding.

95 comments:

gilbar said...


i've ONLY got 127 rolls of toilet paper at my house, and i feel HELPLESS!
MY ONLY OPTION, is to go to the parks, and harvest THEIR toilet paper; it makes me feel empowered!

rcocean said...

Most people are idiots.

brylun said...

If they steal the toilet paper in the parks, how far is it from stealing your stuff in your homes.... the breakdown in civil society?

tcrosse said...

Back in the day, public bathrooms dispensed a sort of toilet paper by the individual folded sheet. It was brown, and one side was glossy, the other side rough. It was said that you feathered out the detritus with the smooth side, then sanded it down with the rough, much as one does when mudding sheetrock. Nobody would steal that stuff.

Ignorance is Bliss said...

Come on, people! This is a civilization we are upholding.

Assumes facts not in evidence...

Lucid-Ideas said...

TP fiends are known for popping a squat. It's a competition for them - like limbo - over who can squat lower. Frankly IMHO they should be shot on sight, but they're also very hard to hit, what with the ducking and all.

Phidippus said...

Homo homini lupus est!

The veneer of civilization is a thin one, alas.

Ken B said...

Off topic but it’s about TikTok. Why is it so beloved of Althouse? Perhaps this is why. https://theintercept.com/2020/03/16/tiktok-app-moderators-users-discrimination/

Bushman of the Kohlrabi said...

Piggly Wiggly in Cedarburg WI posted a picture of their latest TP shipment of several tons last night. Happy to see businesses using social media to keep people informed with information they can actually use.

Inga said...

Shit’s gettin’ real now.

Oh Yea said...

It was only a matter of time before someone started to abscond with the TP from public restrooms. We were joking at work about stealing the large rolls here and selling them on the black market.

TelfordWork said...

The tragedy of the commodes.

Nonapod said...

The toilet paper hysteria is the absolute height of absurdity.

I don't know if I'm representitive of normal human consumption or not, but the other day I figured out that it takes me more than a month to go through a single roll of TP. I don't know what people are imagining is going to happen here. What happens when the crisis ends and you have 4 giant 24 pack bails of TP? I guess you won't have to buy toilet paper for like a decade.

NickLevi86 said...

Someone just yesterday went through all the women's restrooms in my employer and jacked all the tp rolls. So the janitor is rationing small amounts to be left locked up in each office now.

People are stupid.

Mark said...

These kinds of things happen when you have a grievance/entitlement culture that blames everything on a boogeyman (Trump) and demands that he do everything himself.

Mark said...

People don't think they have to be responsible themselves.

Mark said...

Just look at the looting culture following natural disasters.

pacwest said...

Come on, people! This is a civilization we are upholding.

Yeah. Us old people need to be able to go to the park so we don't have to stay inside while we are collecting our pensions and SS checks. Very inconvenient for us not to have toilet paper in the public restrooms.

gilbar said...

wait! here's a refreshing sign, that the more things change; the more they stay the same!
Rob Reiner demands Donald Trump be removed from office over coronavirus handling

Amadeus 48 said...

I am as idealistic as the next person, but my idealism is occasionally challenged by encounters with the public at large.

This toilet paper thing must have started as a 4chan prank.

Bushman--Next stop Cedarburg WI!

Narr said...

Stranded.
Stranded on the toilet bowl.
What do you do when you're stranded--
And you ain't got a roll?

To prove you're a man--
You must--
Wipe with your hand!
Stranded.
Stranded on the toilet bowl!


OK, I confess-- as a wastrel undergrad, once or twice I found it necessary to smuggle a roll or two of TP out of a campus men's room once in a while, for home use.

Narr
Dean Wormer never found out

Narr said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
gilbar said...

What happens when the crisis ends and you have 4 giant 24 pack bails of TP? I guess you won't have to buy toilet paper for like a decade.

yep, if i were a toilet paper company, i wouldn't be expanding production; i'd be planning on the COMPLETE LACK of sales for the next year (after this week)

reader said...

Welcome to California! A lot of our stores quit keeping extra rolls available because they were being stolen. We are entering a time when there really are no squares to spare.

I also have The Grapes of Wrath in my head.

Lucid-Ideas said...

I'm in the process of retraining my TP (truffle pig) to search for TP. His name is Tony. His mission? Searching for the most elusive and valuable TPs we can find; the Charmins, the Comfort Softs, etc.

His patois is legendary. I plan to be quite wealthy.

Phidippus said...

NickLevi86: This is why we can't have nice things.

Mike (MJB Wolf) said...

I’ve found a site that purports to keep a running tally using CDC numbers:
https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/country/us/

And if you click SHOW GRAPH it does show an exponential curve, which has a pretty nice slope to it, not at as steep as the global average or slammed countries like Italy. The less steep our initial slope is, the flatter the curve, and the more likely we get through this without overwhelming our medical system. I wish the TV would show this graph liberally and help calm people down.

Bob Smith said...

”This is a civilization we are upholding”
That’s what you think.

rhhardin said...

Light bulbs in subways, when there were light bulbs, had left-hand threads.

Work used 4-ring binders with 4-ring paper in the stockroom.

Jamie said...

Before they started shooting down restaurants, my husband and I were at a little cafe for brunch. He used the restroom and saw that they had (as small places sometimes will) created a pretty little bathroom-scape with a bud case and, like, a bowl of potpourri or something, and a basket with several rolls... of CHARMIN. He came out commenting, "That stuff is gold - it'll be gone before the lunch crowd comes in."

gilbar said...

here's a story, about a richie rich girl; that is upset that SHE wasn't allowed a hospital bed in london
James Bond actress Olga Kurylenko has been denied a hospital bed following her positive coronavirus diagnosis due to facilities being too full,
"Why I'm not in hospital? Because hospitals are full and they are only taking patients that are struggling with life,
her main symptoms included "fever and fatigue."


ummm, they wouldn't let you into the hospital, because your main symptoms were "fever and fatigue"
Sounds like they're saving the hospital beds for people that need hospitalization?

Heartless Aztec said...

Daily newspaper delivery equals daily toilet paper delivery. Customize with the New York Times or Washington Post. Old school advantage over electronic delivery.

JML said...

In the late 80’s, We lived in the Philippines and traveled thru Asia. One learned to take their own TP. In Italy last Oct, a few restaurants only had one roll. You had to ask for it if you needed it, though it was freely offered to all women going into the loo.

Amadeus 48 said...

This is an episode that William Golding left out of Lord of the Flies, feeling that it would show the boys as having grown too debased. Next to this, the murder of Piggy would have seemed too tame.

Next stop: guns and ammo.

reader said...

Poop on the walls sadly not an uncommon occurrence. Something I’ve seen in public restrooms on the beach in my life. Having large contingents of homeless isn’t pretty.

Ken B said...

We bought one thing of TP from Costco last week. Being Costco it was big, I think 36 rolls. We had a few, so I guess we have about 40 to 45 rolls. We have two and might have a third soon. Seems adequate. The cops were called to a fight over TP at our local Costco. We live in a Tony neighborhood in Canada, and do not expect such things, but as I tell Canadians all the time your smug superiority is unjustified.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

If they steal the toilet paper in the parks, how far is it from stealing your stuff in your homes.... the breakdown in civil society?

Not far. This is why I have decided a really great way to accomplish social distancing is with a shotgun and/or deer rifle. Molon Labe my toilet paper πŸ™„ Sheesh.

The toilet paper hysteria is the absolute height of absurdity.

No kidding. What is wrong with people?

gilbar said...

something people do in the public restroom when they find there is no toilet paper?

serious answer; this is WHY, it is ALWAYS a good idea to have a handkerchief or bandana with you (that's what your pocket is For!) .
IF you're outside a lot (like, say, if you've retired and become a full time trout fisher); you'll ALL TO FREQUENTLY find yourself having to go "number two" somewhere where there isn't any toilet paper (like, rest area stalls, state park outhouses, miscellaneous trees). Far FAR better to have a bandana, and never need it than not

Andrew said...

The gal in the next door office just informed me that someone stole the soap dispenser, TP and hand sanitizer from the women's restroom. No mention of the tampoon dispenser.

Christopher Smith said...

"How can you squat so low?" I see what you did there.

Yancey Ward said...

"Park visitors may want to bring some toilet paper and hand sanitizer with them as they go out to our parks, just to be safe."

Mugging victims in the making!

Christopher Smith said...

"How can you squat so low?" I see what you did there.

FullMoon said...

Homeless have been taking toilet paper forever.

The Cracker Emcee Refulgent said...

"I don't know if I'm representitive of normal human consumption or not, but the other day I figured out that it takes me more than a month to go through a single roll of TP."

No women in the home, eh?
Stealing TP from gas stations was a common starving college student hack back in the day. Even now, I'd bet the thieves are tweakers and the homeless.

FullMoon said...

Dr. Fauci’s Mysterious Math – The Quantifying Today Reflects Where We Were A Week Ago – Today Cannot Be Quantified Until Next Week…

Jim Gust said...

Given that toilet paper is not relevant to the WuFlu itself, why the hoarding? I suspect it may be all the stories in recent years about how the first thing to disappear in Venezuela was the TP--and the supplies never came back! At least, not yet.

I am reminded of that scene in Moscow on the Hudson when Robin Williams comes home juggling rolls of TP that he was able to find.

When I traveled in Lithuania in 1980, the absence of TP generally and the low quality of it was a notable aspect.

bagoh20 said...

I normally go to work at 5:30am, but today I went to Walmart at 6:00 when they opened. Got there at 6:05. The place was packed. As I'm parking, a woman rushes into a handicapped spot, parks sideways, jumps out and literally runs into the store yelling something about toilet paper. Inside it's full of people pushing carts stacked with nothing but water and toilet paper. I was just there to get some rubbing alcohol or sanitizer, since we are out. No sanitizer, but about 20 bottles of rubbing alcohol. I grab 4 of them walk down the aisle and return the same way. When I get back, all the alcohol is gone - maybe took 60 seconds. I would say the store was out of alcohol, toilet paper and water within 15 minutes of opening. People have lost their freaking minds. I don't trust people under these conditions. They are not being rational.

Gordon Scott said...

The wife told me last night that a week ago her office had two cases of large bottles of hand sanitizer. They've vanished. The ones that folks have on their desks are still there, for now, although many of her coworkers will be working from home.

She also said that the Minneapolis PD requisitioned all of the sanitizer, masks and gloves from the city's warehouse two weeks ago. They're not sharing.

I have been going to various locations of a certain brand of gasoline. Well, I was, but yesterday was told to stop. But many locations are reporting theft of toilet paper and paper towels from the restrooms.

Yancey Ward said...

"We bought one thing of TP from Costco last week. Being Costco it was big, I think 36 rolls.

What address in Toronto, asking for a friend.😜

pacwest said...

normal human consumption or not, but the other day I figured out that it takes me more than a month to go through a single roll of TP.

Sounds normal to me. Ymmv :)

Narr said...

@gilbar1107! Right you are!

Everyone should know that. Douglas Adams did (always carry a "towel"), and we have the great example from South Park: Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poop.

Narr
Mr Hanky always rang true with me . . . something about my childhood

Gordon Scott said...

Oh, the college TP thing: I lived in a fraternity house. In the fall we would send the entire pledge class off on a hunt through the dorms. They would bring back at least 150 rolls, which was enough to stock the main restroom in the house for the full year.

A sorority house would need at least twice that much, but they would not be so crude as to steal it.

bagoh20 said...

You people who refuse to arm yourself should reconsider. When things break down, the predators in our society take notice, and a lot of new predators are created from normal people. I'm seeing and hearing desperation in people who really have no reason for it other than what they are hearing from other fearful people. Be calm, but be smart.

Narr said...

@gilbar1107! Right you are!

Everyone should know that. Douglas Adams did (always carry a "towel"), and we have the great example from South Park: Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poop.

Narr
Mr Hanky always rang true with me . . . something about my childhood

PS
Did I post this already?

Unknown said...

Illinois state parks are completely closed. We cannot even drive in them.

Yancey Ward said...

Apropos of nothing, I noted on Sunday afternoon, there were no condoms left.

rhhardin said...

We TP'd a co-worker's yard with squares from work, each held down with a stone in the middle.

rhhardin said...

Women are poorly designed. Other female animals are better constructed for contol of surface tension.

Phidippus said...

Small arms ammunition too. Everybody's sold out of 9mm (except for super expensive competition rounds and the cheap Russian stuff I won't use) and even 30-30 (in case they have to live on venison, I guess).

I managed to score 2000 rounds of Federal .45 ACP and 1000 rounds of Fiocchi .357 Mag.

Fortunately I still have quite a bit of 9mm on hand.

I need this to protect my TP stash. You have been warned.

rhhardin said...

Throwing a TP roll from an airplane is fun. You get a thousand square streamer.

Gordon Scott said...

rhhardin: locating the pleasure center between both waste disposal vents was not optimal.

CStanley said...

The thin veneer of civilization, as my husband often says.

Speaking of state parks, there’s one here in the Atlanta metro area that’s been turned into a quarantine ward. One patient is there now- a guy who lives one county over but likely also introduced Covid-19 to my county (he works at a Waffle House and was treated at our local hospital.) He apparently had no where to go to self quarantine after they were ready to release him from the hospital so he took this option.

I don’t know how many patients they can handle and/or whether they can provide intensive care or not.

Skeptical Voter said...

I'll put my hands up and confess! Forty years ago I was in London on a business trip and took half a day to visit the Royal Air Force Museum at Hendon. I had occasion to use one of the toilet stalls and was surprised to see that each and very sheet of toilet paper on the roll was watermarked "Property of Her Majesty's Government". Well what was an enterprising Yank to do, seeing a "souvenir" like that. Three unused sheets of said TP came back to the States in my briefcase. Confession after 40 years is good for the soul.

Yancey Ward said...

I miss this show.

Curious George said...

"Amadeus 48 said...
Bushman--Next stop Cedarburg WI!"

All the TP was gone while you were typing this.

BleachBit-and-Hammers said...

Answer is obvious. and it's a job creator!

coins for squares. You pop in a few coins, you get some squares.

FullMoon said...

You people who refuse to arm yourself should reconsider. When things break down, the predators in our society take notice, and a lot of new predators are created from normal people.

When the refrigerator is empty, baby is hungry, and the store only has one dozen eggs and one gallon of milk, the toughest guy in the crowd is gonna get it. And once he gets it, may not waste time waiting in a line thirty people deep to pay for it.

Passed a supermarket and saw a parking spot right in front, so impulsively pulled in. Figured I would grab a bottle of syrup for my pancakes and waffles. They had syrup but looked like lines were gonna take thirty or forty minutes, so I left. Did occur to me that street people would have just taken it and walked out the door, which is a normal way of shopping for many in San Fran bay area.

Unknown said...

Someone needs to develop a recipe for turning cauliflower into toilet paper. It's a very versatile veg.

FullMoon said...

Now would be a perfect time for govt to confiscate all guns. Most people voluntarily on lock down. Army could march through neighborhoods and search every house.
No organized resistance..
Biden, Bernie, Pelosi, Schumer already have a list of registered gun owners, as well as info gleaned from people commenting on internet about their firearms. I am a car guy, not a gun guy, but if I collected guns, I def would not mention it publicly.

sinz52 said...

I had a good reason to buy toilet paper. The supermarkets had totally run out of facial tissues. I have sinus problems as it is. If I do get sick and have to blow my nose a lot, toilet paper is softer on the nose than paper towels.

As for what you do when you go toileting and don't have toilet paper: Do what human beings did throughout all of history. Wipe your excretory organ(s) with your left hand (or your right hand if you're left-handed). Then wash your hands as soon as you get the opportunity.

NorthOfTheOneOhOne said...

Nonapod said...

The toilet paper hysteria is the absolute height of absurdity.

No, bottled water is. I understand not everyone gets great water service from their municipality, but t's not like the taps are going to dry up next week.

Browndog said...

Now we know.

Whatever disaster hits America in the future, the first thing to go is the toilet paper.

Another 9/11? Toilet paper. Major earthquake? Toilet paper.

Everyone in New England is out doubling up on buying up all the toilet paper as we speak.

reader said...

My mom always said you should have a flood book in your car. If you get stuck you can entertain yourself. My kindle goes everywhere with me. I spend my time in line reading.

Thanks mom.

tommyesq said...

But who are these fiends who steal toilet paper from public restrooms?! How can you squat so low?

It is just socialism without the middleman.

Tina848 said...

They closed all the parks - county, state and local here in PA. No picnics, no playground equipment, no events or gatherings. No restrooms are open. You can go onto the trails in some areas, not many. So I guess we will have to bring out toilette paper and hand sanitizer, too.

Clyde said...

The tragedy of the commons.

tcrosse said...

If worse comes to worst, one could back up to one of those air-blower hand-drying machines.

Sebastian said...

"But who are these fiends who steal toilet paper from public restrooms?!"

Progs who don't believe prog gospel about human nature and the good society.

Which will not stop them from lecturing us about the desirability and feasibility of prog paradise.

tommyesq said...

I am a car guy, not a gun guy, but if I collected guns, I def would not mention it publicly.

So what your saying is... you're a gun guy?

BleachBit-and-Hammers said...

tcrosse 1:08 - No- No NO - NO NO. No. just No.

Paul said...

Ahhhhh!! I just scored Toilet Paper at Sam's!!! Yes 48 rolls. We are saved!!!

Screw the hoarders that are reselling it on the net.

Our plan B is all those leftover leaves from last year in the yard.

Marc said...

Was just at this page of toilet paper and other plague-related jokes here, at the French Valeurs Actuelles, some which are amusing enough that one might find practicing one's school French worthwhile, and in several cases the joke is in the image. "Before too much longer, we'll have to go hunting for food, and I've no idea where lasagnes live." The youth who takes great care to disinfect the subway turnstile was funny.

RK said...

I was just at Woodman's on Madison's west side. Tons of TP, and I even go my favorite brand.

todd galle said...

Happens at my historical site all the time, Chinese Bat Bisque fever or not. Old ladies steal TP. When we see a tour bus entering, we know we have to restock all the Ladies rooms.

todd galle said...

Tina848,
My wife and I work for the Commonwealth, and we're shut down, working from home. Unfortunately, we're having our kitchen redone which brings the necessary noises and contractor questions. Planned ahead though, so have enough booze for our 2 week hiatus.

CStanley said...


Blogger tcrosse said...
If worse comes to worst, one could back up to one of those air-blower hand-drying machines.


Had to do that with one of my babies once at the end of a long day of errands when the baby wipes ran out. πŸ™‚

CStanley said...

Blogger BleachBit-and-Hammers said...
tcrosse 1:08 - No- No NO - NO NO. No. just No


Well especially not if it’s one of those Dyson super strong ones. Yowza!!!

Friendo said...

Inga@10:39. I have never once laughed at anything you've ever said, but Jeezus, that was funny!

rcocean said...

"They closed all the parks - county, state and local here in PA."

Why? Open air doesn't cause the spread of the virus, if you keep your distance.

rcocean said...

Grocery stores around here are now running out of...wait for it...onions. Why? you got me. People are buying 2-3 times as many onions as normal.

Amadeus 48 said...

"Grocery stores around here are now running out of...wait for it...onions. Why?"

It makes the dog meat stew taste better. People are mistaking 4chan for a survivalist network.

"Here, Bowser. Nice doggie!"

FullMoon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bilwick said...

I have a friend who lives in an apartment complex for "active seniors." There are restrooms on every floor to (as my friend says) "prevent accidendts." She says in the last couple of days someone has been raiding the restrooms to steal the toilet paper.

There ain't nothing lower than a TP rustler. Hanging's too good for 'em.

hstad said...








Blogger rcocean said..."They closed all the parks - county, state and local here in PA."

3/17/20, 8:37 PM
So rocean that's mild silliness compared to this nugget out of Philly?

"Why do you need a gun? The government will always be there to protect you and your rights." https://twitter.com/odonnell_r/status/1240023290988691459 …

Rob O'Donnell
@odonnell_r
Due to the coronavirus crisis, Philadelphia police will no longer be making arrests for all narcotics offenses, theft from persons, retail theft, theft from auto, burglary, vandalism, bench warrants, stolen autos, economic crimes such as passing bad checks, fraud, & prostitution.

hstad said...








Blogger rcocean said..."They closed all the parks - county, state and local here in PA."
3/17/20, 8:37 PM So rcocean that's mild silliness compared to this nugget out of Philly?

This answers the age old question of why you and your family need a gun. "Due to the coronavirus Philadelphia Police" will no longer be making arrests...." Running the gamut from narcotics, theft, burglary, vandalism, stolen autos, etc. Real life you can't make this sh*t up!