woke up to a text from my mom about how a wild elephant went into a Sri Lankan hotel and gently wandered around while poking stuff with his trunk pic.twitter.com/C2biQT8C30
— Upuli 🇱🇰 (@upidaisy) January 19, 2020
January 19, 2020
Elephant walks into a hotel...
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Shithole country.
Ooooh....so stealthy.
I once queued in the line for the breakfast buffet at a hotel, grabbed a plate and started to lean against a post before I realized it was the leg of an elephant, standing outside eating the thatch off the roof.
Neat. Even better if you imagine the elephant as a small T Rex.
Most amazing is how that huge thing managed to stick to the wall in that second room.
The elephant in the room is how the elephant got in the room.
But did he have a reservation?
"I can't believe humans would stay in a place like this."
Did a bellboy help him with his trunk?
" One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I can't figure out" Now I know.
Bartender says, "Why the long face?"
The new Trivago spokesman (the old one replaced due to chronic dishevelment).
This is a daily occurrence every November at Mfuwe Lodge in Zambia. Apparently the lodge was built, accidentally or otherwise, so that a trail traditionally followed by elephants to wild mango trees runs through its reception area. Here's what happens when the elephants arrive in time for breakfast. You'd sit very still and make no complaints if an elephant wanted to sample your food, too!
An elephant walks into a hotel on a mission to inspect one of the typical guest rooms. He examines the main room — two queen-size double beds, a dresser with vanity, a side table with chairs — all in order, all as expected. Next the elephant investigates the bath — shower and tub, sink, toilet. However, the elephant's sensitive ears detect a tiny high-pitched voice.
"Hey, Mr. Elephant. You certainly are huge. I bet no one ever gives you any guff," says the tiny voice.
The elephant looks more carefully, trying to discover the source of the voice but to no avail. Suddenly another voice, apparently coming from behind the shower curtain speaks.
"Wow, Mr. Elephant, your trunk is certainly long, powerfully muscled, and dexterous. I'd bet you can as easily pick up a sewing needle as carry a Dalbergia log."
The elephant sees no one. As best as he can determine he is alone in the hotel room. Shaking his great head in perplexity the elephant resumes his inspection when yet another faint, high-pitched voice speaks, this time definitely emanating from the area of the hand basin.
"I certainly am impressed by those tucks. They're so long, so beautifully curved."
Again seeing no one the elephant retreats in confusion. Returning to the lobby he seels out the concierge. "In terms of furnishings and appointments, this is a typically admirable parador. However, my travel guide can only give your establishment two stars out of four."
"But, why?" says the concierge.
"Because it is haunted."
"You heard the voices?"
"Yes. I cannot say they were ghoulish or threatening. Quite the contrary, they were rather cloyingly flattering. And I heard them only in the salle de bains."
"That explains it, Monsieur Éléphant," replied the concierge. "You did not hear ghosts. You heard the soaps."
"The soaps?"
"Yes, they're complimentary."
tusks.
dammit.
The Invisible Man walks into a bar and the bartender doesn't say anything.
An African elephant and a rock hyrax walk into a bar.
"We don't get many 6-ton Paenungulates in here," said the bartender.
"And if you don't adopt a more body-positive attitude you're not likely to get many more," replied the elephant.
"On top of that, your peanuts are stale," interjected the hyrax, suspiciously nibbling one of the suspect goobers. "Come, Chauncey, the saloon across the street may be more welcoming."
"I'd reconsider if I were you," offered the barkeep.
"Why?" said the elephant.
"This is a gay bar."
You'd sit very still and make no complaints if an elephant wanted to sample your food, too!
The elephants aren't half as objectionable as the people at that table. What a bunch of virtue-signaling bourgeoisie — that creep with his "Books for Africa" tee-shirt and his poseur wife with her unneeded sunglasses perched on her punctiliously coiffured but empty noggin. It is a small mercy they're speaking in whispers because their numbskulled nostrums spoken audibly would induce thoughts of escape by suicide in anyone with more than half a brain.
Does that count as “Seeing the Elephant”?....😁
My breakfast place was remarkably similar to that Zambia setup. The elephant was too large to fit under the thatch however. There were only four of us bourgeois and half a dozen staffers...
Engineer: We have to build these floor joists strong enough to hold an elephant.
Project Owner: Elephant? That's absurd. There will never be an elephant on *this* floor, but...OK.
“Where’s the elephant?”
“He took the elevator!”
“Up or down?”
“You can’t get down off an elephant.”
A friend staying at an ashram in India emailed some video of an elephant in the facility's backyard, knocking down a wall and a tree. We're conditioned to think of them as gentle giants, but that's not necessarily the case.
Republicans Pounce!
Stomp me if you've heard this before.
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