Kirsten Gillibrand: "So the first thing that I'm going to do when I'm president is I'm going to Clorox the Oval Office."

From last night's debate, and I've got to think that was a scripted joke, because it was a response to an invitation to explain how the Green New Deal — "which includes the guarantee of a job with medical leave, paid vacations, and retirement security for everyone in America" — is realistic

It seems as though she had a joke and had no compunction about sticking it in where it didn't belong:

So the first thing that I'm going to do when I'm president is I'm going to Clorox the Oval Office. The second thing I'm going to do is I will reengage on global climate change. And I will not only sign the Paris global climate accords, but I will lead a worldwide conversation about the urgency of this crisis.

Maybe that Clorox stuff is there to separate her answer from the question — which is about the realism of guaranteeing everyone medical leave, paid vacations, and retirement security — not simply getting back to the Paris accord and having a conversation. I want to talk about the Clorox, but I've got to stop and say I'm so tired of hearing that what we need is "a conversation." It sounds like no solution at all and a way to delay. But "conversation about the urgency" is quite special — delaying by talking about how delay is not an option. And if dealing with climate change is all important, why is the Green New Deal cluttered with guarantees of medical leave, paid vacations, and retirement security?

Gillibrand settles in to expatiate about climate change. Here's something that drives me nuts. There's always time to say the name of some specific individual in Iowa:

The greatest threat to humanity is global climate change. I visited a family in Iowa who -- water spewed into her home, Fran Parr, it tossed her refrigerator upend, all the furniture was broken, all the dishes were broken, and mud was everywhere. That is the impact of severe weather right now on families' lives.

So, this Fran Parr character, did she live on a flood plain? I notice that her house was a mess and admire the thematic unity of Gillibrand's little speech, which on first hearing felt like a mishmash. The theme is: a dirty house that needs cleaning up. But this answer is a jumble. I feel like it needs tidying up. There's the ludicrous phrase, "her home, Fran Parr." There's "upend" used as an adverb. There's the muddling of "climate" and "weather" and "water spew[ing]" (which I have to guess was a flood).

She devolves into all-purpose blather about doing things:

And so the truth is, we need a robust solution. When John F. Kennedy said I want to put a man on the moon in the next 10 years, not because it's easy, but because it's hard, he knew it was going to be a measure of our innovation, our success, our ability to galvanize worldwide competition. He wanted to have a space race with Russia. Why not have a green energy race with China? Why not have clean air and clean water for all Americans? Why not rebuild our infrastructure? Why not actually invest in the green jobs? That's what the Green New Deal is about. Not only will I pass it, but I will put a price on carbon to make market forces help us.

The question was how is it realistic to guarantee a job with medical leave, paid vacations, and retirement security for everyone in America. That sounds like just imposing requirements — burdensome requirements — on private businesses, which is nothing like sending a man to the moon, where government itself performs the task. Gillibrand never addresses those requirements at all. She switches to "green energy" and clean air and water. She declares "That's what the Green New Deal is about" as if to exclude the very things that were the subject of the question — requiring private businesses to provide medical leave, paid vacations, and retirement security.

With all that disorder — like broken dishes and furniture in a mud-splattered house in Iowa — let me get back to the Clorox. Clorox — do all listeners know? — is bleach. Do you clean with bleach? You can, but most people think of bleach as a whitener. We're so prodded to think of racism these days that I got sidetracked wondering whether the use of bleach will be regarded as racist. Will some people hear the white woman promising to whiten things up?

And when was bleach just in the news? Oh! Jussie Smollett!

“There’s bleach on me. They poured bleach on me,” Jussie Smollett told police the night of the alleged attack in Chicago. “Do you want to take it off or anything?” Chicago police officer asks Jussie Smollett about the rope around his neck. https://t.co/4mmKwNVaBb pic.twitter.com/WfsuKc3PrW

— CBS Chicago (@cbschicago) June 24, 2019

In the staged attack, the meaningful liquid allegedly thrown was bleach.

And then there's BleachBit — the method Hillary Clinton used to thoroughly destroy her 33,000 emails.

I wouldn't have brought up bleach. And why would a woman candidate present herself in the metaphor of housecleaning? "I'm going to Clorox the Oval Office." Why would you need to Clorox the Oval Office? The question makes me think of Bill Clinton and his famous bodily fluids. Donald Trump is known for posh interiors, not dirtying a place up. Of course, it's metaphorical dirt — the person as filth. Isn't it morally wrong to talk about human beings as filth? Well, maybe not. I'm sure many Trump-haters routinely refer to him in scatological terms. But this is a presidential debate, and Gillibrand seems to be appealing to our desire for cleanliness. I guess you stimulate that desire by making people feel uneasy about excrement and germs.

Elsewhere in the debate, Gillibrand called herself "a white woman of privilege" who "can talk to those white women in the suburbs." You know those women, always worrying about tidiness and warding away infection with chemical sprays on household surfaces. She can "explain to them what white privilege actually is, that when their son is walking down a street with a bag of M&Ms in his pocket, wearing a hoodie, his whiteness is what protects him from not being shot."

Protects him from not being shot?

The mind of Kirsten Gillbrand is like a bag of M&M rattling around in the pocket of a hoodie.