May 14, 2019

"Things people say when you get divorced that they really should say when you get engaged."

A list (at McSweeney's).

Maybe you're too nice to find this amusing.

35 comments:

Bay Area Guy said...

"Which stage of grief are you in?”

Funny!

Lucid-Ideas said...

Another one bites the dust.

tcrosse said...

Is your ex now available?

Bay Area Guy said...

This may be obvious, but it's often overlooked;

A divorce before you have kids (starter marriage) is often not a big deal at all, particularly if there's not much money involved. Ya just move on, and hopefully find a better mate.

And, concomitantly, a divorce after you have kids is often a bleeping nightmare that scars you for life - and scars the kids.

Jonathan said...

Divorce is very extreme. The only thing more extreme is getting married in the first place.

Mark O said...

Click around to the pug songs. Much more interesting.

Humperdink said...

The ex gets half, lawyer(s) get 25%, you get 25%. My Old Green($$) Deal.

Nonapod said...

“I think you’re making a mistake.”

Do people really want to hear that? And how would anyone know?

I remember when one of my friends got married 20 years ago. They were fairly young and a lot of other people in our cohort felt that it was a mistake and that the marriage would surely end catastrophically within a year. I wasn't so sure. Flash forward 20 years and they're still together.

mockturtle said...

It was amusing. And “I think you’re making a mistake.” is one I've often wanted to use but held my tongue. And I was always right.

stevew said...

Funny because people really do say those things.

You could make a similar list of sayings people utter when a loved one dies.

Leland said...

I did break off a long time relationship just after college when enough of my friends suggested that I could do better. The SO was quite attractive and was preparing for (and now has) a great career as a pharmacist. However, I did do better, so I was glad I listened to my friends and moved on.

Kathlyn Ross said...



I have been diagnosed COPD and chronic emphysema and also the antitrypsin deficiency for over 12 years, Dyspnea is definitely my primary symptom which urged me to get help. I had always has a mild cough and was out of shape and a smoker so not being a marathon runner didn't bother me, because I was still able to hike and walk up stairs with minimal symptoms. I could still do the things that I loved and so I didn't care that sometimes I had to take more breaks than my peers on a hike as long as I could do it. Then I got the flu--horrible respiratory flu that had me in bed sleeping for 3 days straight and sick for 5 days after that. After that I began having increasing palpitations and shortness of breath that began interfering with my everyday life. I was only 30 and developing intense anxiety simultaneously because I was in an intense college program and now I was struggling to keep up with my program and every other aspect of my life. Finally my doctor discovered Iherbal Medical Clinic and told me about them then i emailed them IherbalMedicalclinic@dr.com .Iherbal Medical Clinic which i purchased one herbal formula from them, the herbal remedies work perfectly and very active on my body system, i can only say that for me this treatment has worked well and has allowed me to live a normal life and I am extremely grateful to the herbal team.

Professional lady said...

How about "Congratulations"?

RNB said...

When I told my father and his second wife that I was divorcing my (first) wife, she (Dad's Wife Two, that is) said, "I never liked her."

Skeptical Voter said...

Well it is amusing in a bitter sort of way. I've been married almost 54 years now. I was reminded of why when I read a story about the Los Angeles Dodgers Spanish language announcer--Jaime Jarrin. He's been with the team 61 years now---but his wife of 65 years died in January. He said that he was 17 and a "hot shot radio announcer" in Quito Ecuador when he met his wife. She was 18 and on a school visit to the radio station. They looked at each other and "just knew". They were married a year later. Sometimes if you are lucky it happens that way.

Not everybody is lucky enough to find a true life partner--and so maybe some of those jokes are appropriate.

Francisco D said...

My sister texted me "<.I>I hope the third time is the charm"

Sean Gleeson said...

Ha! And then over here you've got Andrew Sullivan, who said things when you got engaged that he should have said when... um, I can't think of when he should have said those things. Never?

Not Sure said...

@Professional Lady: That's exactly what I say. It seems to cheer those folks up.

mockturtle said...

Marriage isn't a big mistake, of course. Just marriage to the wrong person.

Fernandistein said...

I have been diagnosed COPD and chronic emphysema and antitrypsin deficiency and Dyspnea and horrible respiratory flu and palpitations and shortness of breath and intense anxiety on my body system.

Well, at least you're not named "Kathlyn Ross".

Mike Sylwester said...

mockturtle at 10:09 AM
“I think you’re making a mistake.” is one I've often wanted to use but held my tongue. And I was always right.

Right about which?

* Right that it was a mistake?

... or ...

* Right to hold your tongue?

bagoh20 said...

Those all seem pretty mild. The things I've heard said are much meaner and more selfish.

Questions people should ask before marriage:
Is this really necessary?
Do you really only want to be with me FOREVER?
Toilet seat: Up or down?

Nobody said...

They are all funny. I suppose we could make up more, but the idea was really the funny part.

stevew said...

When told that one of my sisters divorced her first husband I was heard to say, "Bought time she dumped that asshole". I didn't say that to her though, was said in a convo with a couple of my other siblings. They agreed. Eventually sis expressed similar sentiments.

mockturtle said...

True story: When my sister married the first time and the wedding was about to begin, she confided to me that she didn't really want to marry him. I told her, well, call it off. She said she couldn't do that because, 'Mother has gone to all this trouble', etc. I said, well, when the minister gets to the part about 'if anyone here knows of a reason theses two should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace', I'll jump up and tell everyone. Of course, she nixed that idea and I would not have embarrassed her that way, at any rate. The marriage was a disaster and she left him after about a week.

mockturtle said...

BTW, I've been married three times and none of the marriages was a mistake. The last one, of 40+ years, was to the love of my life but I don't regret the other two, either.

Megaera said...

RNB: That would have been my first choice -- the classic "You know, I never really liked him/her..."



mockturtle said...

The marriage was a disaster and she left him after about a week.

But he stalked her for at least two years.

Ann Althouse said...

Yes, "I never liked him/her" — meaning, good — is funnier when said to someone who's getting engaged.

tcrosse said...

When my wife up and left her first husband, her Dad asked her "What took you so long?"

mockturtle said...

An elementary school teacher asked her class to describe how their mothers came to marry their fathers. One little girl responded, "Grandma says it's because she didn't have her thinking cap on."

The Godfather said...

When my first wife left me after 21 years of marriage, what my friends said to me was, Oh, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?

But that would never make it onto a list of cute sayings, would it?

I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

BTW, I've been married three times and none of the marriages was a mistake. The last one, of 40+ years, was to the love of my life but I don't regret the other two, either.

I am happy you found your person. I did, too. Cynical me in a bad marriage didn't think that was a thing, until it was my life. I'm grateful every day and my entire outlook and personality is so different now. The 'marriage is for life' judgersons honestly don't understand how much of yourself you put in a box on a shelf when in a constrictive marriage, and how much of yourself you are free to be when you are partnered with the right person. God has a different path for us all. I don't really believe in mistakes; they are just lessons.

I met my current husband, the absolute love of my life, when I was 17. We had an instant connection and were immediate close friends, but he was dating his eventual first wife and I was dating, and then got pregnant with, my eventual first husband. I went off and had kids and a bad marriage, and he went off and had a career and a bad marriage, but we stayed friends and all that happened in between prepared us for the day we married each other 18 years after we first met. I don't regret the 15 years I spent married and faithful to my first husband, but I literally thank the Lord for every day, every hour I spend as the wife of the man I'm married to now.

mockturtle said...

I don't really believe in mistakes; they are just lessons.

So true, Pants.

mockturtle said...

I didn't become a Christian until I was 37 and well into my third and final marriage.