July 2, 2018

"External testicles—which swing delicately outside the abdominal cavity in an exposed, thin-skinned sack—are sensitive, finicky, and make a glaringly obvious target for any enemies of men...."

"So it’s no surprise that the evolution of descended testicles has both baffled and bemused biologists for decades. A study published today in PLOS Biology offers an answer to one of the mystery’s biggest debates: did our earliest ancestors wear them up, or down? The researchers conclude that the first mammals already had this bewildering trait, with millennia of descendants thereafter inheriting the family jewels on full display. Yet strangely, it appears that since then, internal testes have evolved at least four separate times.... Scientists have known for years that one of the most important benefits of scrota is ventilation: mammalian sperm matures and stores better at temperatures 2.5 to 3 degrees Celsius lower than the rest of the body, and jettisoning these organs keeps them cool. But we are far less sure if this is the reason that scrota evolved. It’s a classic rooster-and-egg dilemma: testes may have fled the abdomen because temperatures got too toasty, or sperm may have adapted to love the chill because they had already been ousted for some other reason."

From "The Earliest Mammals Kept Their Cool With Descended Testicles/But if free-swinging sperm sacs are the norm, then why did undescended ones evolve four separate times?" (Smithsonian).

66 comments:

Rusty said...

Yeah. I read that.
Mine are huge.

rhhardin said...

They also lead to bad choices.

Inga...Allie Oop said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michael K said...

The lower temperature may be an evolutionary adaptation to the vagina which may be a cooler area.

Ralph L said...

Lots of ways to oust sperm. They should have been more specific.

Inga...Allie Oop said...

Let ‘em hang low
Swinging to and fro

That just popped in my mind from something I heard in my youth.

I recall my poor little son after he was potty trained and started wearing big boy underwear had a devil of a time getting used to the feel of his testicles hanging free. I remember worrying and hoping this was a perfectly normal phenomenon. He got used to it, lol.

Achilles said...

I am sure women talking and writing about ball sacks is interesting. Just reading the intro lets you know this isn't a serious article.

While we are talking about balls:

White male shot by campus police in Portland.

This happened 3 days ago.

"The man killed by Portland State University campus police officers was “first and foremost a family man” and a Navy veteran according to friends.

Multiple friends identified the man as Jason Washington."


Washington was knocked to the ground while trying to break up a fight and his legally owned concealed carry weapon was knocked out of it's holster.

With his back to police he reached for it and they killed him.

The police stood and watched Washington try to break up the fight.

For minutes.

Did nothing.

Then killed him.

Narratives pushed 0.

Ralph L said...

Why didn't the average decline for men for the sack of sperm?

I didn't realize until the last few years that my normal body temp is under 97.5. When I was young and felt on fire and like crap, my mother would get 99 deg and say I wasn't sick.

Big Mike said...

Seems obvious to me. If sperm didn’t die at normal body temperature then one copulation could cause a female to get pregnant every time she ovulated.

Browndog said...

nga said...

Yea, well your balls don't drop until you reach puberty. Until then they're sucked up tighter than a straight guy's asshole in a gay bar.

I don't believe you. About anything.

Jupiter said...

Further evidence that the theory of evolution, while quite possibly true, is not a scientific theory, because it is non-falsifiable. Mammals have external testicles? Well see, that's evolution. Other mammals have internal testicles? Well, they must have evolved. No one ever says, "I can think of no evolutionary explanation for this phenomenon, and therefore the theory of evolution is false." They just keep on suggesting explanations.

tcrosse said...

Being descended made them easier for my first wife to bust. There's a reason for everything.

Jim at said...

Some balls are held for charity. And some for fancy dress.
But when they're held for pleasure, they're the balls that I like best.

Michael K said...


I am sure women talking and writing about ball sacks is interesting. Just reading the intro lets you know this isn't a serious article.

While we are talking about balls:

White male shot by campus police in Portland.

This happened 3 days ago.


Forget it, Jake. It's Portland.

Leftist paradise. Cops intervene only when the right wing marchers (who were marching to support a candidate, not to stir up trouble) start to defeat the ANTIFA terrorists who had attacked them.

ANTIFA was fine with the cops.

rehajm said...

The kick him in the plums gambit isn't all it's claimed to be. If you have them you're protective of them.

alan markus said...

Let ‘em hang low
Swinging to and fro

That just popped in my mind from something I heard in my youth.


In my youth, someone would ask "how are they hanging?"

One sample response: "Low and loose, full of juice".

Another response: "Uptight and out of sight."

I am sure there are more that I can no longer remember, or never heard.

Ralph L said...

isn't all it's claimed to be
Works on FailArmy.

tcrosse said...

A shot to the balls has always been a comedy mainstay, from Benny Hill to America's Funniest Home Videos.

Original Mike said...

"External testicles—are sensitive, ...”

Feature, not a bug.

Achilles said...

In ranger school in one of my platoons one of the fellow suffering attendees had a particularly dangly sack. His balls were normal size but they hung a solid 6 inches down.

Almost invariably during patrols we would tear out the crotches of the ACUs we were issued for school. I got 38” waste ACUs which were 8” bigger than necessary and still ripped some of them.

In Florida there is a jump into a particular patrol. Part of a static line jump is where the jump master checks everyone’s chute and harness. During this check after checking the hips and waste the jump master drops to their knees and checks the straps that go through the scrotum area. After checking 30 or so people and on a schedule they do things pretty fast and are not paying attention to things other than the harness.

Long story longer we all knew what was coming but nobody warned the jump master. The kid thought it was funny. I didn’t see if the sack actually him the jump master in the face but the reaction was immediate and we couldn’t help but laugh. A lot.

The kid got recycled for it. He eventually graduated though.

Rusty said...

Inga said...
"Let ‘em hang low
Swinging to and fro

That just popped in my mind from something I heard in my youth. "

Just as your formerly perky nips are pointing at the floor, my ass isn't the first thing to hit the chair.

Browndog said...

Saggy balls is a virtue when you're young. Brag-worthy. When you're older, not so much.

"Saggy Balls" is not a compliment. Older men tend to cross their legs. Young bucks wonder how--aren't you crushing your balls? No. They're in the seat next to me.

tcrosse said...

There's the old joke about the NoNo bird, whose balls hang down six inches but whose legs are only four inches long. When he comes in for a landing he goes No! No!

Inga...Allie Oop said...

“Yea, well your balls don't drop until you reach puberty. Until then they're sucked up tighter than a straight guy's asshole in a gay bar.”

Maybe your balls didn’t descend until you hit puberty but in most normal males they drop at about 9 months of age. My little son’s testicles had already dropped. Sorry about your unfortunate experience.

“People often use the phrase a guy’s balls drop to imply he has started puberty. What this means is that a his scrotum, the wrinkly sack just behind the penis which holds his testicles, starts to hang a bit lower, away from his body.Technically a boy’s testicles should have dropped during infancy, they literally descend into the scrotum; if this doesn’t happen by the time he is five he will have to have an operation. However, the term – balls-dropped has always been misused to mean a lad has started to produce sperm during puberty.”

http://respectyourself.info/bodies/boys-bits/

Michael K said...

most normal males they drop at about 9 months

They drop soon after birth, not 9 months.

Sammy Finkelman said...

Its very simple. Cell division - at least good cell division - can only take place at less than normal body temperature (or perhaps maybe less glucose or oxygen)

That's the reason for sleep, as well, and why diabetics heal slower, and have hear and kidney disease (not enough small blood vessels) and sometimes sweat a great deal at night.

Male sperm are generated outside the body - female eggs are created before birth.

Inga...Allie Oop said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Inga...Allie Oop said...

“Undescended Testicle

Normally, the testicles develop in the stomach of the baby before birth. Then they come down into the scrotum before birth. An undescended testicle occurs when one or both testicles fail to drop down before birth.

This happens fairly commonly in premature infants and occurs about 3-4% of the time in full-term infants. About 65% of these usually drop before the age of nine months.”

https://urology.wustl.edu/en/Patient-Care/Pediatric-Urology/Undescended-Testicle

Rick.T. said...

Another response: "Can find 'em when I need 'em."

madAsHell said...

Alex, I'll take "Things That Can Only Be Contemplated at Althouse" for $800.

Sean Gleeson said...

Anyone else bothered by "both baffled and bemused"? Baffled and bemused are synonyms (meaning confused or bewildered). You cannot be one and not the other. I could accept listing a couple synonyms by way of intensifying (e.g., "they were baffled and bemused"). But putting the word 'both' in there just strikes me as ignorance, as though the writer has no idea what the words mean.

rhhardin said...

External testicles are necessary to this description of God, after a bad day of heavy drinking, sitting "weak as an earthworm,"

O human beings, you are *enfants terribles*; but I beg you spare this Great Being who has not yet done sleeping off the effects of filthy liquor, and who, not having enough strength left to stand erect, has fallen heavily back against this rock on which, like a traveller, he is seated.

- Lautreamont

Browndog said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Molly said...

(eaglebeak)

We had a little song at school:

Do your balls hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you throw em o'er your shoulder
Like a Continental soldier?
Do Your Balls Hang Low?

And I went to an all-girls boarding school

Browndog said...

Inga is going to school us males on balls. Just like she does Christians on Christianity, conservatives on conservatism.

Tell me more Inga--a boy that spend his entire childhood playing sports; locker rooms, showers, the Y-

But yes, your young stud was swinging to and fro right of diapers. That coupled with his sister being a decorated combat veteran nurse, you have spawned the greatest children known to man.

Fuck off.

Inga...Allie Oop said...

“Inga is going to school us males on balls.”

No, only youapparently. How can an adult male not know when testicles descend? Such ignorance about your own body, sheesh.The rest of the men here obviously knew that their testicles were already in the ball sack long before they were teens. As I said, I’m sorry that your testicles didn’t descend until you were in puberty. Thank goodness that this is a rare occurrence, otherwise the continuation of the human race would be in jeopardy.

Browndog said...

I see. Apparently you missed the topic of the thread.

Yes, I used the term "drop" as shouldn't have, as a biological term, but I figured we are all adults and would understand that to mean 'lengthening of the scrotum'.

But no, you have to tell the world how worrisome it was for you that your toddler was such a man, his swing balls could be an issue.

Yes, I violated a rule. Never engage Inga. Give her the time of day, and she'll have you checking your watch for a lifetime. Your attack on my manhood means nothing.

Turning another Althouse thread, that could have been entertaining and informative into 'all about Inga' does mean something.

stevew said...

They act as a form of thermometer.

-sw

Inga...Allie Oop said...

“Yes, I used the term "drop" as shouldn't have, as a biological term, but I figured we are all adults and would understand that to mean 'lengthening of the scrotum'.”

“Blogger Browndog said...
nga said...

Yea, well your balls don't drop until you reach puberty. Until then they're sucked up tighter than a straight guy's asshole in a gay bar.

I don't believe you. About anything.”

7/2/18, 1:28 PM

Yes, your ignorance was revealed. You went out of your way to suggest I was not to be believed and had made up some story about my little boy. You got caught up in the net of your own hubris. I hope you feel as stupid as your comment was about testicles being “sucked up tighter than a straight guy’s asshole in a gar bar” before puberty.

LOL!

SeanF said...

Molly: We had a little song at school:

Do your balls hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you throw em o'er your shoulder
Like a Continental soldier?
Do Your Balls Hang Low?


You left out "Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?", which should come between your second and third lines.

At a girls' school, it should've been, "Do your boobs hang low?", shouldn't it?

Fernandinande said...

Sean Gleeson said...
Anyone else bothered by "both baffled and bemused"?


I was both agitated and distressed by it, but I blame ESL. And it turns out that "bother" is the conjunctival predicament of "both".

Jupiter said...

Sean Gleeson said...
"Anyone else bothered by "both baffled and bemused"? Baffled and bemused are synonyms (meaning confused or bewildered)."

I do not agree that baffled and bemused are synonyms. To be baffled is to be unable to make sense of a thing, and is seldom a pleasant experience. Bemusement, on the other hand, indicates a degree of appreciation, as of something mysterious.

As a general rule, one should resist the tendency to simplify the language, allowing meanings to seep away until distinct terms become synonymous. Imply is not infer, and who thinks it is owns an inferior sort of English.

Bay Area Guy said...

Where is Laslo when you really need him?

Dust Bunny Queen said...

Mammals that have become aquatic have ascrotal testes. (internal) Seals, whales and in mammals that have suspected aquatic pasts but have turned around. Elephants for example.

Perhaps...just guessing like everyone else the defining factor is the aquatic present or past. OR...in the case of bats because it is just too dangerous, and not so aerodynamic to have dangling parts when you are flying through forests.

Now. Someone explain boobs.

The Godfather said...

Michael K: "They drop soon after birth, not 9 months." Just to be safe, I say birth is age 9 months.

The Godfather said...

I'm surprised Althouse let "a classic rooster-and-egg dilemma" pass without criticism.

Paul said...

Well all I can say is the women I've known all liked to handle my, uh, junk.

Guess that is why nature had them so exposed.

Char Char Binks, Esq. said...

Achilles, that was a black man shot in Portland. Not Kanye black, but Obama black.

Char Char Binks, Esq. said...

His name was Washington. That should have been a dead giveaway.

Char Char Binks, Esq. said...

I wonder why there are so few white Washingtons anymore. Are there even any? I wonder if something was wrong with George's testicles.

Bruce Hayden said...

“Mine are huge.”

Not to burst your bubble, but the reason that some species apparently have large balls is that the males share mates, and, thus, the competition for paternity is based on sperm production instead of body size, etc. I suspect that wasn’t what you were trying to suggest with your boast about your ball size. Kinda the opposite of big balls is sexual dimorphism, where males compete based on physical size.

Bruce Hayden said...

“Now. Someone explain boobs.”

One theory is that the relative large size of human female breasts reminds males of female buttocks, and operate as sexual lures for our species, moving male interest from back to front, as a result of sexual entry having moved from back to front, which was itself was a result of our upright carriage (which probably is a result of us walking over climbing). Also, it is suggested that both front entry and human female breast size were adopted at least partially to facilitate pair bonding, which may be due to our early gestational maturity at birth, and long parental dependency, which resulted from our large brain size combined with perlvic and birth canal limits due to our upright carriage and consequent ability to walk. To rephrase, we stand upright, walk upright, and have large brains. These clash, due to limits that walking put on pelvic (and birth canal) size. Our evolutionary solution was to birth our young earlier, and then let our young mature more fully after that. But that meant that our young were dependent longer, esp as our brains complete maturing. This had its own side effects, esp in reducing a mother’s ability to feed both herself and her young child. The solution there was mostly monogamous pair bonding. Mostly still theory, of course. I should note though that supporting at least the pair bonding is the significant increase in sexual dimorphism, and reduction in relative ball sizes, as we diverged from our chimpanzee relatives.

James K said...

Normally, the testicles develop in the stomach of the baby before birth. Then they come down into the scrotum before birth

Apparently this process is why men are more prone to hernias in that area than women. As to the other discussion: Yes, technically they "drop" around birth, but what Browndog said is correct. The whole package is pretty compact until puberty.

Jupiter said...

Char Char Binks said...
"His name was Washington. That should have been a dead giveaway."

That and the gang sign he's flashing on his facebook page.

Ralph L said...

Anyone else bothered by "both baffled and bemused"?

Yes, but I sometimes get baffs.

Michael K said...


“Mine are huge.”

Not to burst your bubble, but the reason that some species apparently have large balls is that the males share mates, and, thus, the competition for paternity is based on sperm production instead of body size,


I examine a lot of Chinese military recruits and most have balls the size of almonds.

There are a hell of a lot of Chinese.

Michael K said...

Inga knows a lot about balls. I guess close observation beats medical experience.

Ralph L said...

I wonder why there are so few white Washingtons anymore. Are there even any?

IIRC, George's great-nephew Bushrod, who inherited Mt Vernon, had no sons. His sister married a Washington cousin.

My g-g-grandmother was a Washington from New Bern NC and 5th cousin of George. Her family was never in Virginia. She had 7 sons, so her parts worked, but only 3 had (legit) issue. Her brother had 3 daughters.

My aunt gave me a published family tree from 1422 to early 1900's with mostly the American descendants in the male line for 15 generations. There were still some males born at the end, but a lot of daughters. No selective abortion.

You asked.

Ralph L said...

Apparently this process is why men are more prone to hernias in that area than women

I had an undescended ball brought down and hernia repaired at 12 by the Navy, to my great embarrassment. That side is much smaller and tighter than the other, so being external might affect development, though I prefer to blame Navy medicine. My brother had both brought down at 5 and had a kid at 42.

LordSomber said...

Let ‘em hang low
Swinging to and fro


I recall this variation on the youth classic:

Do your balls hang low
do they wobble to and fro
do you ever get the feeling
that they're hanging from the ceiling
you can tie them in a knot
you can tie them in a bow
do your balls hang low?


Perhaps we need a future thread on the lyrics of "Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts."

glenn said...

Balls descend so you have something to kick when Mookie gets fresh with your wife.

Or from my military service:

“Your shoes are shined, your pants are tight,
Your balls are swinging from left to right,
Sound off, sound off,
Cadence count, 1. 2. 3. 4. 1 2. 3 4.

Inga...Allie Oop said...

“Inga knows a lot about balls. I guess close observation beats medical experience.”

In my 35 years of nursing I’ve probably seen more testicles than many men. Old ones, young ones, high ones, low ones, small ones, big ones, yes indeed lots of testicles and scrotums, a few were so unique we nurses discussed them in our shift report.

Inga...Allie Oop said...

Of course Michael K has probably seen more testicles than I, considering he’s doing physicals for military recruits. “Cough, I say cough, you young whipper snapper!”

Ken B said...

Can't lick internal organs.

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Rusty said...

Balls! Said the queen. If I had em I'd be king!