“Mine sucked! I thought mine were good, I wrote mine in like, 20 minutes. I was crying when I wrote them, but his blew me out of the water so hard. In my vows I go, 'But I promise I’ll keep going down on you, even though everyone tells me I won’t.' And his were like, heckling me too. He was like, 'The other day I lost a tennis match and you called me a fucking loser.' It was all like awful shit.”
Page Six quotes.
February 27, 2018
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
72 comments:
She should tone down the eyeliner. Makes her look puffy.
"chickelit said...
She should tone down the eyeliner. Makes her look puffy."
That would be the Snickers bars.
And they said that Gay Marriage would end up making a mockery of traditional marriage.
tcrosse, I don't DISAGREE with you, but I'm pretty sure our culture has been making a mockery of traditional marriage for close to a century now...
Why? Just why?
If Amy was a relative, I doubt she'd be invited to many family events. I know I'd probably not send an invitation.
There is not being prudish, but then there is being vulgar, off-putting, and sharing way too much information. So glad I never watch television, and I have never been exposed to whatever entertainment products this person generates.
Shane said...
Why? Just why?
Comedians often tell jokes about various things.
You don't think she's relating an accurate story, do you?
So I guess being talented and funny isn’t a thing now.
"So far, things have been great between the couple, who tied the knot on Feb. 13 in a secret ceremony."
Two whole weeks now. Can we say "made in heaven" yet?
It doesnt say if Dolph Ziggler was invited.
Made me laugh.
Well there are now two more people I can now put on my 'never invite" guest list.
If they last a year it'll be a miracle.
She looks like Rush Limbaugh in drag.
How soon before there's news of domestic violence involving Schumer?
It would be fun to see Chris bring divorce proceedings on the grounds she broke her vows.
You don't think she's relating an accurate story, do you?
That was my thought as well.
I hope it's the truth, at least.
Blogger Lexington Green said...There is not being prudish, but then there is being vulgar, off-putting, and sharing way too much information. So glad I never watch television, and I have never been exposed to whatever entertainment products this person generates.
I have never seen her (except in internet headlines), but then I don't watch tv and don't do cable. And she is a celebrity? So sad.
Oral sex, huh? There are other viable orifices and receptacles. She's needs to be woke to the possibilities.
Must be what passes for humor among female comedians.
Either that, or she's just illustrating the inferiority of our inferiors.
Where are the signs that our culture is circling the drain? I keep hearing about it, but the evidence remains elusive.
What's the over/under on the divorce? Maybe, 3-4 years?
Maybe, 3-4 years?
Months not years, and you won't have to take off your shoes to count them.
At the bottom of the Page6 link there was a video titled "Amy Schumer was voted Teacher's Worst Nightmare in high school".
I never would have guessed!!
Well, I certainly won't prematurely pronounce death on their marriage. Though not taking vows seriously isn't a good sign. I suspect that if someone were really concerned with the institution of marriage, the best way to preserve it would be to study Physics. That person would have to learn enough of about Physics to build a time machine go back in time, and assassinate the Gothic Romance Novelists! That is where things started changing for the worse. Sorry Brontë babes, Heathcliff won't wind up saving you! (droplets of cyanide placed in tea.) Goodnight Jane Austen, no witty repartee will save you now! (reins of horse carriage cut.)
Before stories were filled with warnings about what happens when you pursue a relationship merely out of love. (Romeo & Juliet, Tristan & Islode, Lancelot and Gwenny, all the different greek tragedies). But then suddenly the happily ever after, lovey dovey, all we need is love mentality took over and the idea of marriage changed in the culture.
Like one of the commenters above wrote, I think this story fed to PageSix was bullshit start to finish. It was told for the fans of Schumer and no one else.
Sluts are us.
"So I guess being talented and funny isn’t a thing now."
No it is still a thing.
What does that have to do with Amy Schumer.
Sounds like the vows were designed for a future argument of "You couldn't possibly have taken me seriously. I was obviously joking. So blowing your best friend in the elevator before our first anniversary is hardly a deal breaker."
You would have to agree with that argument.
bagoh20 said...
Sounds like the vows were designed for a future argument of "You couldn't possibly have taken me seriously. I was obviously joking. So blowing your best friend in the elevator before our first anniversary is hardly a deal breaker."
The sad thing is it will most likely be the husband making that argument.
There's clever vulgarity which is funny, and stupid vulgarity which is not. She's not clever.
Exchanging vows is a big moment; too bad they both missed experiencing it.
What about illegal/undocumented penetration and deposits? She may have married a dreamer. Plan, not Plan, accordingly.
At first I thought she was very funny. But she got old fast.
Chuck Schumer is a better comedian.
At least he steals your money and not your jokes.
I guess the days are gone when marriage was important. I, for one,will miss them.
Obnoxious but that's what you get from most comics. Irreverence.
Definitely divorce-ready.
Nothing shrieks "modern world going down the tubes" like the entire concept of "writing your own vows".
Amy Schumer’s standup comedy is pretty rough and one-dimensional, but her sketch comedy from Inside Amy Schumer is first-rate. See, for example:
Football Town Nights
Hello M'Lady
Last Fuckable Day
Mom Computer Therapy
Lunch at O'Nutters
Sex Tips
Interesting comments that made me think, how common was marriage in the old times. Say 1600s. Did peasants get married or did they just shack-up. I guess the wealthy got married for money and power. Probably arranged marriages.
Did the peasants make arrangements too?
How wonderful it will be watching this couple grow slightly older together.
"Nothing shrieks 'modern world going down the tubes' like the entire concept of 'writing your own vows.'" Why? Granted Schumer is a jerk, but my brother and his wife aren't jerks and they wrote their own vows, which were nice. If I get married, I'd probably want to write my own vows rather than mouth whatever gobbledygook Church and State want me to use.
Say 1600s. Did peasants get married or did they just shack-up.
Formal marriage probably started when formal communities were formed. The point of the vows and the witnesses was to make clear that the couple - not everyone else - was responsible for the family they were creating.
"Nothing shrieks 'modern world going down the tubes' like the entire concept of 'writing your own vows.'" Why? Granted Schumer is a jerk, but my brother and his wife aren't jerks and they wrote their own vows, which were nice. If I get married, I'd probably want to write my own vows rather than mouth whatever gobbledygook Church and State want me to use.
Is there any appeal in speaking roughly the same words that your ancestors through time spoke? There was for me, but I don't think most people give it much thought. That was the appeal of the whole ceremony for me. I can see how it seems pointless if no one has considered the point.
You know how nuns are "brides of Christ"? Since marriage as we knew it in Ye Olden Times is being altered in sundry ways, maybe "liberal" State-f*ckers such as Schumer could become "Brides of the State." They could also have "Grooms of the State" for people like Robert Cook and "Reasonable."
Amy Schumer’s standup comedy is pretty rough and one-dimensional, but her sketch comedy from Inside Amy Schumer is first-rate.
Agreed. Same with Sarah Silverman's old TV show. The difference is the more pleasing stuff was written by a team of writers that moved them beyond their familiar topics.
William Chadwick,
You're part of the problem, then. A far smaller part than Amy, but still a part.
What part of Me-me-me! don't you understand as being a problem? You can f*ck whoever you want--trust me, in this modern age, it really is whoever-you-want, as long as they are consenting--but marriage has always been about the community as much as it has been about the couple.
OK William, you and I might have our differences but your 12:11pm not only made me LOL on steroids, it show yet again why whatever-it-is that Amy Schumer does is not really comedy.
I love humor and am really turned on my gals who laugh easily and can make me laugh?
But Amy Schumer? Not funny, not sexy - just there.
"Crass unoriginal little slut makes it big in New York."
That is all.
"It's a novelty"
Well in that case, the vows for the marriage were probably appropriate.
Wow, Kirk, take your meds, quick! I say I'd rather write my own vows, and Crazy Man on the Park Bench goes ape on me! Weird.
Bill: "Did the peasants make arrangements too?"
As one half of a long term couple that prefers to keep the state out of our relationship, I am intrigued by the obsession with marriage & have done a little reading on its history. The Poors got "married" when the girl got knocked up, families found out, and the father of the pregnant girl would bring her to the boy that did it, pronouncing: "She's your problem now". Voila, married!
My own maternal grandmother was married at 14 to my 21 year old grandfather. Italian-American/Roman Catholic context - hard to imagine the had ANYTHING in common. Simple church wedding*...there ya go - one less mouth to feed.
* I am aware that Catholic marriage ceremonies are anything but simple but in terms of the long drawn out modern process...
She is reliably disgusting. Pure decadence. Marriage won't last. Possible suicide.
PageSix says they were first seen together in public in Nov 2017. They probably will have had more sex before marriage than in it.
She is in a show called "Trainwreck."
And willing to make fun of herself:
Amy Schumer and Anna Wintour Swap Lives
I wonder what comedian she stole that from.
You you you'd rather write your own vows....
QED.
This is why Miss Manners says that writing your own vows is one of the biggest mistakes you can make at your wedding. Even nice, smart, well-mannered people usually write embarrassing slosh that makes guests cringe (I've been to those weddings). Miss Manners advises brides and grooms to pick a tradition, preferably from the religion in which they've been raised, and use that ceremony, which has stood the test of time.
I remember when comedians told jokes. Those were the good old days.
The clapter that this sort of "joke" encourages is just plain stupid.
Her 15 minutes shouldn't have happened.
Charlotte,
Indeed.
I was at a wedding (in the mid-70' so the participants where all recovering hippies) where the bride promised to "live with you, and lie with you". She giggled while saying it.
(Also she lied; the marriage didn't last that long, but not on account of HIS misbehavior.)
Kirk goes from being Crazy Man on the Park Bench to being Crazy Unintelligible Man on the Park Bench.
I am happy for her that she found someone she loves in just the right way, and I wish them a lifetime of happiness.
Pathetic.
Oh good Lord. What silly overgeneralizations. Some people who write their own vows are lovely, contemplative people, and some people who recite the church liturgy word for word are immature buffoons. There is no relationship. While I agree that Amy's silliness is crass, vulgar nonsense, it's no skin off my nose, and anyway some of y'all need to unclench a little for heaven's sake.
Earnest Prole said... "but her sketch comedy from Inside Amy Schumer is first-rate."
That was due mainly to her sister (Kim Caramele), a superb comedy writer. She was the secret weapon behind the quality of that show.
Just let those kids exchange their I fucking do's.
I don't know why the word "divorce" popped into my mind, but it did.
Who decides to write and who decides to print this crap? Do we really pay for this in some way? We should be ashamed.
Interesting comments that made me think, how common was marriage in the old times. Say 1600s. Did peasants get married or did they just shack-up.
Most peasants who didn't become priests/monks/nuns got married.
In Western Europe, where late marriage was common, it was ordinary that a betrothed commoner couple would have sex before marriage -- but this was rather the inverse of shacking up. Betrothed couples didn't live together (rather, each would still be living with their own parents), while ending a betrothal was legally difficult (somewhat easier than divorce in that era, but far harder than getting a divorce nowadays).
"I am happy for her that she found someone she loves in just the right way, and I wish them a lifetime of happiness."
Maybee, if you mean this seriously, you're a nicer person than I am, if you're being sarcastic, then you're a funnier person that I am.
One hopes that was (another, unfunny) joke by Ms. Schummer.
Post a Comment