Althouse: Ted Cruz would really like your attention.

August 3, 2015

Ted Cruz would really like your attention.

He's making bacon with a machine gun...

Via Talking Points Memo, which is duly disgusted.

79 comments:

Brando said...: The only pertinent question is does this make good bacon, and is it cost effective to do so (bullets aren't cheap)? Why not try it out before you declare something disgusting?

For example, steamed broccoli in a soup of Cheez Wiz sounds absolutely disgusting to me, but if I were a journalist I'd have to try it out before writing an article criticizing it.; 8/3/15, 2:44 PM
Skeptical Voter said...: Well the writer who is "so disgusted" is named Caitlin Cruz and he or she is from Dallas.

And sweetheart--and Ted Cruz for that matter--that is NOT a machine gun. You have to be able to go full auto to claim "machine gun" status. Now that may well be a plastic poseur "assault rifle" which gets the gun geeks and Senator Feinstein so excited. The faux M-16 does get the boys and girls stirred up but it's not a machine gun (although the military M-16 will let you go full auto rock 'n roll, and you can fire 19 rounds in full auto fashion). But civilian faux M-16s don't have full auto capacity unless some enterprising gun smith has tinkered with them.

OTOH, you can cook up half a dozen rashers of bacon on the barrel/snout of an M-2 50 caliber Browning in less time than it takes to tell. Belt fed, lots of rounds if the bacon is a little slow or you're cooking up lots of bacon for friends. My favorite weapon. Of course they only allow you to play with it when you are in the Big Green Machine--but memories last.

Wonder if Caitlin Cruz is related to Caitlin Jenner?; 8/3/15, 2:55 PM
Anonymous said...: Haha. Not bad, and it perfectly feeds into his image as a psycho.

Reminds me of the American Breakfastmeme.; 8/3/15, 2:56 PM
traditionalguy said...: What's the problem. A well regulated militia needs to cook its bacon in the field . Do they kill the pig first?

And how do you make hot coffee with a hot barrel? Stir the canteen cup with it?

The Secret Service agents will admire Cruz's skills as the white House's new Cook.; 8/3/15, 2:57 PM
I'm Full of Soup said...: Maybe we could tweak this heating system a bit to keep the girls warm in the big, bad airconditioned offices?; 8/3/15, 2:58 PM
jimbino said...: The other tricks we Texans use:

(1) put beer in the freezer, open the fridge door, and hang wet towels and bathing suits on the back radiator. You end up with dry clothes and a cold beer. Don't do this in the Texas summer or, if you have to, turn up the A/C.
(2) wrap your bacon around the exhaust manifold and enjoy a meal after a long drive
(3) set your jug of coffee on the floor at the open heater vent of your VW Beetle and enjoy hot coffee after a long winter's drive.; 8/3/15, 3:02 PM
JackWayne said...: After all the nasty mentions by people about the "crazy", "radical", "etc person that Cruz is supposed to be, this is pretty funny. As a Texan I approve that message.; 8/3/15, 3:06 PM
Moose said...: Couldn't taste very good...; 8/3/15, 3:06 PM
Gahrie said...: He should have gone full auto...; 8/3/15, 3:10 PM
Anonymous said...: That was pretty darned funny.

And it makes it twice as funny that people are bothered by it.; 8/3/15, 3:13 PM
n.n said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 8/3/15, 3:17 PM
the wolf said...: Maybe he should have been pictured with baby body parts instead. They wouldn't find it disgusting.; 8/3/15, 3:24 PM
Mark said...: Like the bacon, his Presidential aspirations are cooked. This is one step above having all your campaign signs upside down or misspelled to get attention.

The clown car keeps getting clownier; 8/3/15, 3:28 PM
n.n said...: #PorkyThePig is dead. #CecileTheAbortionist is still killing and harvesting wholly innocent human lives.

the wolf:

Communists have their one-child policy. Liberal societies have their selective-child policy. Genocide for the greater good.; 8/3/15, 3:28 PM
Anonymous said...: Blogger Mark said...
Like the bacon, his Presidential aspirations are cooked. This is one step above having all your campaign signs upside down or misspelled to get attention.

Or, like auditioning for the simpsons and doing cheesy Simpson voices. Or reading your kids to sleep from the Senate floor reading Dr. Suess. Or just voting conservative in general. Or being named Ted Cruz.; 8/3/15, 3:32 PM
madAsHell said...: That's disrespectful to the rifle. I'm not impressed. That's a stunt for an 18 year old boy. What a goober.

Does he leave his garden tools out in the rain??; 8/3/15, 3:36 PM
Mark said...: True, eric. This is not his first time acting like a used car advertisement that went to Congress.

He is Trump with a better degree when someone hands him a mike.; 8/3/15, 3:41 PM
lgv said...: It seems pretty stupid to me and not the least entertaining, but I did take the poll at TPM. The majority of TPM readers support Bernie, which gives you a good idea of the average TPM reader. Also, 85%+ believe the Iran deal was good or the best deal available. Less than 10% oppose it. TPM attracts the left of left crowd, so anything to do with guns is disgusting, except confiscating them.; 8/3/15, 3:47 PM
Eric the Fruit Bat said...: On the way home from work, on the radio, I heard some ad for Hillary where she says that her mother was a good person, and that she's happy to be a grandmother, herself, and that a vote for her is a vote for the children.

I wasn't disgusted.

Repulsed, maybe.; 8/3/15, 3:56 PM
Eric the Fruit Bat said...: Oh, and Ted Cruz can bite me.; 8/3/15, 3:56 PM
Hagar said...: I think that is an M-16. Looks like 3-round bursts.; 8/3/15, 3:59 PM
PuertoRicoSpaceport.com said...: I too thought it was a semi-automatic until Cruz said that it was "Machine gun bacon". Now I wonder. It sure sounded semi but Cruz should know the difference.

Anyway, it brought a smile to my face.

And now I see Hagar mentioning 3 round bursts. Is a rifle that can fire 3 round bursts technically a "machine gun"? I don't know.

John Henry; 8/3/15, 4:02 PM
PuertoRicoSpaceport.com said...: Someone asked how would you heat coffee. I have heard, though I have also heard that it is an urban legend, that in WWI the Tommy's and Doughboys used to heat water for tea and coffee by firing off some bursts of their water cooled machine guns.

Now that Harold Shultz is being talked about as a Dem candidate, he may want to find a water cooled MG and run up some machine gun coffee flavored beverages.

Shultz is CEO and founder of Starbucks and worth $3 billion.

John Henry; 8/3/15, 4:06 PM
MadisonMan said...: It seems like you should grease the muzzle first so the bacon doesn't adhere.

Not a very cost-effective way to make bacon.; 8/3/15, 4:06 PM
damikesc said...: Know what they DON'T find disgusting?

Selling dismembered body parts.

Just to keep things in perspective.; 8/3/15, 4:23 PM
damikesc said...: He is Trump with a better degree when someone hands him a mike.

Also acceptable:

A human version of noted automaton Hillary Clinton.

A non-senile version of Bernie Sanders.

A competent Joe Biden.; 8/3/15, 4:25 PM
Thorley Winston said...: I watched it (with the sound off) and thought it was kind of funny like his Simpsons audition tape. Ted Cruz is not going to be the Republican nominee for President or the VP on the ticket. But doing a funny video involving guns and bacon is likely to appeal to many Republican voters and outrage Democratic voters (which also appeals to many Republican voters) will probably help his poll numbers and make sure he gets a place in the debates.

Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.; 8/3/15, 4:27 PM
Gahrie said...: God i hope it is a Cruz/Fiorina ticket, just to watch the hosts at MSNBC have their heads explode.....; 8/3/15, 4:28 PM
buwaya said...: As a stunt, whats wrong with it ?
Who has he put off with this, and who does he attract ?
And of those he would either put off or attract, who would pay attention ?

It seems to me that he wants to attract the younger male audience that is glued to youtube, and that made gun videos a hot item (I know this from the kids, I am not entirely out of touch). This is ridiculously cheap advertising.

It also gets the conservative gun nuts, those who pay attention via the conservative media.

The conservative housewives wouldn't know and wouldn't care.; 8/3/15, 4:30 PM
PuertoRicoSpaceport.com said...: damikesc said...

Know what they DON'T find disgusting?

Selling dismembered body parts.

What's it been, 3-4 weeks now and Ann is maintaining her "cruel neutrality"

One might almost think she has no problem with it.

Where does Howard Shultz stand? Is he pro or anti abortion?

Is he OK with or against killing infants born live for parts?

John Henry; 8/3/15, 4:30 PM
Titus said...: He is not a nice looking man-poor thing.

He has no neck, horrible hair, gross body, and huge nose.; 8/3/15, 4:39 PM
Hagar said...: 20 mm. and up are rapid-firing cannon.
M-2's and M-60's, etc. are machine guns, belt fed, and requiring some kind of mounts.
BAR's, etc. are automatic rifles.
M-16's, AK-47's, etc. firing "varmint rounds" are assault rifles
Sten guns, Uzi's, Schmeisser's etc. firing handgun ammunition are machine pistols.; 8/3/15, 4:58 PM
buwaya said...: Imagine trying to elect Churchill or Eisenhower these days (re the importance of appearance).
For a while mass democracy worked, when candidates existed, on the whole, in print, substantially.

Where it mattered, they existed in person, where wit and personality worked.

Now we get no wit, no personality, no substance, just image.; 8/3/15, 5:03 PM
Scott said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 8/3/15, 5:04 PM
Swifty Quick said...: Why all the declarations that he doesn't stand a chance? If Obama stood a chance, if Hillary stands a chance, then, yeah, Cruz stands a chance. And I agree with Jack Wayne, this isn't crazy, it's funny.; 8/3/15, 5:18 PM
The Godfather said...: Net, a good move for the Cruzer.

The people who HATE HATE HATE guns and will be repelled by this video -- and some of those folks are Republicans -- weren't going to vote for him anyway. So he loses nothing important.

For the rest of possible primary voters, he's given them a laugh, but not in the Trump way (Trump is laughable, but not funny). Cruz has an unfortunate mouth that makes him look mean. Humor is his friend and he's been using it.

The most significant phrase in this video is "in Texas". That's what will kill Cruz in the end. Most of the country isn't Texas and doesn't wish it were (that may be poor judgement on the part of the rest of the country, but that's the way it is). But I give Cruz credit for effort. The more I see of him, the more I like him -- and I'm about as un-Texan as a straight man can get.; 8/3/15, 5:26 PM
furious_a said...: Wouldn't there be a military application of bacon'n'bullets given that our sworn enemies now are Islamic Jihadists? Kind of like silver bullets and werewolves or UV bullets and vampires.; 8/3/15, 5:36 PM
furious_a said...: A competent Joe Biden.

Seen elsewhere...a Trump-v-Biden general election billed as "Rugs-vs-Plugs".; 8/3/15, 5:39 PM
Titus said...: There is a republican debate in Manchester tonight!

I am watching.; 8/3/15, 6:00 PM
Titus said...: Donald Trump isn't there.; 8/3/15, 6:01 PM
grackle said...: He should have gone full auto...

Everybody knows you never go full auto.; 8/3/15, 6:17 PM
Achilles said...: He has an m4 variant in his hands. That is closed bolt magazine fed, not a machine gun. Ugh. Even if fully auto it is a fully automatic assault rifle. Barrels won't stay hot long enough to properly cook bacon anyways. If they are that hot that long the barrel is toast especially with an m4.

I wish someone would pull a crazy stunt like actually knowing what the black hunk of metal in their hands is and its capabilities.; 8/3/15, 6:30 PM
David Begley said...: ISIS take note.; 8/3/15, 6:41 PM
Titus said...: Everyone in the sparsly attended event are old, white, and fat.

And New Hampshire peeps are normally thin!; 8/3/15, 7:20 PM
HoodlumDoodlum said...: Turning money into noise; 8/3/15, 7:36 PM
Ron said...: I'll vote for whomever makes cocktails with a mortar!; 8/3/15, 7:43 PM
Hagar said...: I believe current issue of assault rifles only have settings for single shot and 3-round bursts, except those issued to (some?) special forces which also have a full auto setting.; 8/3/15, 7:50 PM
cubanbob said...: Its a nice, fun video. Too bad Cruz can't make machine-gun bacon out of TPM staffers. They might for once be worth something.; 8/3/15, 7:56 PM
clint said...: Did anyone else watch the debate?

I thought Fiorina and Walker came off extremely well. Rubio looked odd in the off-site studio lighting. And Bush gave a surprisingly weak performance.; 8/3/15, 8:12 PM
Bob Ellison said...: They're all Scanners.; 8/3/15, 8:34 PM
Howard said...: Nothing screams chicken-hawk pencil dick like Edward Cruise cooking bacon on a fake black cock.; 8/3/15, 8:51 PM
Skeptical Voter said...: A corpulent Joe Biden? Puh lease as my lefty San Francisco sister would say. Ted Cruz went to Harvard Law--and was one of the four senior editors of the law review.
Joe Biden went to a no name law school and almost got kicked out for cheating.

Surprisingly enough, being elected President of the Harvard Law Review as The Won was is not a mark of academic achievement. In my day at Boalt Hall at UC Berkeley where I (a) went to law school; and (b) was on the law review; and (c) wrote a comment that is still being cited some 45 years after publication, the law review editor in chief was usually the guy (or girl) who had the highest grade average in the class. By contrast at Harvard it was a political position given to a person who managed to offend no one, and bamboozle the rest. As such it was a perfect place for Obama.

Cruz went on to clerk for a federal appellate judge, Michael Luttig, and for Chief Justice Rehnquist of the Supreme Court. Those were traditional steps and posts for a guy who did well at Harvard Law and had a senior position on the Law Review.

Obama did no such thing--probably being the only President of the Harvard Law Review who did not go on to a Supreme Court clerkship in the last 100 years or more.

Slow Joe is a lot of things--a plagiarist, a liar, a gaffe tastic buffoon--but he is not the sharpest pencil in the box. And Ted Cruz, like him or not, has demonstrated some serious academic and intellectual chops.; 8/3/15, 9:08 PM
themightypuck said...: I agree with Titus. He is a butterface. Still, the video was funny and getting all out of sorts about it just makes a person seem humorless and lacking perspective.; 8/3/15, 10:33 PM
Amexpat said...: In turn terms of the creepiness factor, this guy is up there with John Edwards.; 8/3/15, 10:50 PM
SH said...: Brando said...

"The only pertinent question is does this make good bacon, and is it cost effective to do so (bullets aren't cheap)? Why not try it out before you declare something disgusting?"

if you were going to shoot the ammo... anyway....; 8/3/15, 10:56 PM
SH said...: MadisonMan said...

"It seems like you should grease the muzzle first so the bacon doesn't adhere."

Bacon comes with it already installed.; 8/3/15, 11:00 PM
Anonymous said...: Can't wait to see the ridiculous Hillary duck hunting photo op because every Dempcrat knows the 2nd amendment is all about hunting.

Ted Cruz on the other hand cooks pork with an AR because every real American knows the 2nd amendment is all about FUCK YOU!; 8/3/15, 11:06 PM
eddie willers said...: I thought Fiorina and Walker came off extremely well

I've been impressed with her every time I have heard her. My guess she is angling for the VP slot...and I hope she gets it.; 8/3/15, 11:32 PM
bgates said...: on a fake black cock

I get the feeling Howard's mouth wasn't watering because of the bacon.; 8/3/15, 11:54 PM
chickelit said...: @Howard/Titus: I shot machine guns in Vegas w/my son a couple years ago. We had a blast.

Have you done so as well, or does the virus keep you evolutionary dead enders?

Asking for a friend.; 8/4/15, 12:00 AM
chickelit said...: Amexpat said...
In turn terms of the creepiness factor, this guy is up there with John Edwards.

I think you stole that line from Paglia, but, I wonder if she ever asked herself why she so enthusiastically pulled the lever for Barack.; 8/4/15, 12:02 AM
Oso Negro said...: @The Godfather. Yes, of course the rest of the country doesn't wish it was Texas. Which is why we Texans would prefer the rest of you stay the fuck home in New Jersey or Nevada or California or wherever. But you don't. And we worry that you will mess up our good thing.; 8/4/15, 5:09 AM
Unknown said...: That's an awfully expensive way to cook bacon!; 8/4/15, 5:12 AM
Nichevo said...: Howard said...
Nothing screams chicken-hawk pencil dick like Edward Cruise cooking bacon on a fake black cock.

8/3/15, 8:51 PM

Mmmhm. Edward Cruise? Is that like Jon Leibowitz? Because Jon Stewart was not born Jon Stewart. I dislike when that is pointed out. What do you think? IOKIYAD? And the fake black cock thing just makes you sound hungry for it.

Assuming you are human, acting like an animal lowers you.; 8/4/15, 5:24 AM
Rusty said...: Some of you people, and you know who you are, need to get a sense of humor. Cooking bacon on the barrel of a machine gun. It's funny because it's absurd.
Get it?; 8/4/15, 6:07 AM
Brando said...: "It's funny because it's absurd."

Well, it's only absurd if you're using the gun solely to cook bacon--the cost in bullets is surely higher than the cost of cooking gas! But let's say your home is being attacked by the Viet Cong, and you have time to shoot at them in full auto, or cook breakfast, but not both. Pure efficiency!; 8/4/15, 6:34 AM
Brando said...: "if you were going to shoot the ammo... anyway.... "

This is true--two birds and one stone.; 8/4/15, 6:35 AM
Nichevo said...: It's funny, I get it, and one hears of these bootleg cooking tricks like using the dishwasher, the engine or exhaust in an auto, the sidewalk in a heat wave, for cooking heat. However we can all agree it would not be optimal for either weapon or protein. Or does anyone want to die on that hill? You do this to win a bet.

The point is how well does Cruz do folksy, is this new for him and is it somewhat authentic, either in that he's a big shooter, a big baconator, or that this otherwise genuinely appealed to him to do.

For comparison, the last cornpone I recall of this nature was Joni Ernst, and before that, Joe Manchin. I'm sure others on both sides have done better/worse/more/other/different.

Worked for them but it would be the local taste served. What would the Upper West Side Yoga Pussy set have to do to wrap their minds around literal hog-cutting, as a sell? Things like that, the network types regard as a kill shot, as they probably hoped Sarah Palin at the turkey plant (and she is lower on the radar lately, is Mrs. Palin & family).

Of course this is all relatively light-hearted and in a different key from grandma-over-the-cliff or the Daisy ad for LBJ/against Goldwater.

But maybe turnabout is fair? More speech? Be interesting to have some kind of a commercial, with a slick Scorsese-like look, with some guys talking over a hit while looking down at the victim in the trunk, then you look down and the victim is a fetus, then the screen splits to show what a million "abortion mob hits" a year looks like. Ends, let's be subtle, not with the gunshot, but with the sound of the hammer cocking - layered over a million times... You could begin the ad with a gunshot, to foreshadow, and also to get the viewers' attention.

Hmm, what candidate would approve such, and how well could they get it executed? Doubt Scorsese for instance would do it, even if he were sympathetic,and even if you paid him the rate, because he'd never eat lunch in that town again. The film talent the pro-life set gets seems to be middling at best.; 8/4/15, 7:37 AM
Nichevo said...: Edit. The mob guys could be dressed as surgeons, but look and act mobby; and the victim is not a fetus or a baby but a heavily pregnant scared disheveled etc woman. Other variations may be test screened.

Is there a Republican, TEA, conservative political operative alive who can think at this level? Doesn't have to be abortion, you could film ads at this level on a hundred topics. How about a "24" style takeoff on Benghazi? But with Jack Bauer getting voicemail as HRC groggily hits the Send to Voicemail button at 3am?

"There's no time!"; 8/4/15, 7:50 AM
Nichevo said...: Of course then they have Kiefer Sutherland on speed dial and if he or Dennis Haysbert or whoever is a lib, they have rapid response. Better yet they go out years in advance and make a tortured drama about a female SecState, whose cleaning up someone else's messes, with little help, and who is not only brainy, tough and moral but also smoking hot. So what's an ad here or there, I guess.

Pity that truth is out of style, though never more lip-served.; 8/4/15, 7:54 AM
Bricap said...: Primary season sure does have a "Hey, look at meeee!!!" theme happening.; 8/4/15, 9:22 AM
Sprezzatura said...: It looks like Cruz just showed up to pull the trigger at the end. All the setup pieces carefully hide the actual bacon shopper and bacon-on-gun-wrapper.

I like my propaganda to be a little less obviously staged. Also, with all the effort spent on setup stuff, couldn't the producers find some time to make Cruz look less gross? Obviously, as Titus noted, Cruz is never going to look too good, but this is just about as bad as he's looked in video of photos, imho. And, it's a produced piece! It'd be like Walker's campaign making a video that only showed the bald spot.

Sheesh.; 8/4/15, 9:32 AM
The Cracker Emcee Refulgent said...: Hilarious. Not in itself, but as a calculated middle-finger to Leftist scolds. The base loves to see that done and, as a bonus, generally apolitical Internet Dude-culture loves this kind of absurdist shit.; 8/4/15, 10:09 AM
mikee said...: I fully expected a video of Ted shooting a feral hog, or an entire family of the piggies, which are a plague of biblical proportions in Texas, and are coming to a neighborhood near you sooner than you'd like.

Cruz would have been vilified for killing a majestic (parasite infested, predatory, destructive) wild beast, with all the Cecil crap piled on.

But it was literally cooking bacon. I was mildly amused.; 8/4/15, 10:11 AM
Bilwick said...: To even the score, Talking Points Memo is going to have a video in which Obama heats up dog meat by using a Secret Service issue Uzi. (Because firearms only belong in the hands of our betters, or their guardians, get it?) When Il Dufe pulls the trigger, however, he will be aiming at a copy of the Constitution.; 8/4/15, 12:52 PM
Sam L. said...: Mr. Chadwick, " Il Dufe " is outSTANDing!; 8/4/15, 1:17 PM
Rusty said...: PBandJ_LeDouanier said...
It looks like Cruz just showed up to pull the trigger at the end. All the setup pieces carefully hide the actual bacon shopper and bacon-on-gun-wrapper.

I like my propaganda to be a little less obviously staged. Also, with all the effort spent on setup stuff, couldn't the producers find some time to make Cruz look less gross? Obviously, as Titus noted, Cruz is never going to look too good, but this is just about as bad as he's looked in video of photos, imho. And, it's a produced piece! It'd be like Walker's campaign making a video that only showed the bald spot.

Those are good thought to keep in mind when you do your propaganda video.; 8/4/15, 1:37 PM
Nichevo said...: Rusty, if you mean Madam Secretary, I think that is all going into a future episode, scheduled for October 2016.; 8/5/15, 7:27 AM
Nichevo said...: FYI for legal purposes I believe any weapon that fires more than one round per press of the trigger is regarded as a machine gun. A SMG for instance is a machine gun even if not belt-fed, crew-served, or firing rifle caliber ammunition.; 8/5/15, 7:33 AM