Althouse: Should men describe their partner's breasts to other people? Should they write about them on the internet?

May 27, 2015

Should men describe their partner's breasts to other people? Should they write about them on the internet?

A question comes to mind on reading the comments on yesterday's post "Men value intelligence in women far above large breasts and long legs, a Cambridge evolutionary biologist has claimed."

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ADDED: I recommend answering the first question before clicking to reveal the second question:

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60 comments:

Meade said...: No, especially if she instigates it. Use your brains, men!; 5/27/15, 5:55 AM
JCC said...: Is this a trick question?; 5/27/15, 6:04 AM
buwaya said...: Never under any circumstances.; 5/27/15, 6:19 AM
Humperdink said...: It surprised me how many men revealed their spouse's physical characteristics yesterday. I did not/would not participate.

What your thoughts be if your wife discussed your physical "attributes" in an open forum?; 5/27/15, 6:19 AM
buwaya said...: To expand, to even praise ones wife's beauty, as a general thing, to others, is gauche.; 5/27/15, 6:23 AM
MadisonMan said...: No.

I blame Clinton, for answering the Briefs or Boxers question (and also the idiot who posed the question). That's what opened the door more widely on this.; 5/27/15, 6:33 AM
Michael P said...: If a woman wants to describe her partner's breasts to other people, or write about them on the Internet, would the answer be any different than for a man? I think decent people may only choose to describe another person's private parts (or behavior) with the subject's affirmative, advance consent. Obviously, such consent will be rather rare.; 5/27/15, 6:36 AM
Eric the Fruit Bat said...: Among the more tedious declarations on the internet are the various ways men say "I married a great gal." But of course you did. That's why you're on the internet telling people you married a great gal. So tedious it was amusing was the commenter who would regularly compliment his wife who he referred to as "The Blonde."

Anyway, just before I woke up this morning, I had one of those lucid dreams. In the dream, I separated from myself so there were two of me. The me who was dreaming was sitting at the foot of the bed watching an ex-girlfriend at the other end jerking off the other me. There was lots and lots of spunk flying around from one of my dongs, which was of pr*n actor dimensions, and she was just holding onto the second one, which was a full-on boner just waiting for its turn after she finally emptied out the first one. Why the me reclining on the pillows had two dongs is a question I feel quite comfortable leaving unconsidered.

In closing, perhaps I should add that my ex-girlfriend had absolutely phenomenal jugs, back in the day, but she's probably playing soccer with them by now, and she wasn't all that bright, truth be told.; 5/27/15, 6:38 AM
Saint Croix said...: We didn't really define intelligence on the boob thread. I think emotional intelligence is incredibly important to relationships. People with a high I.Q. can suck at relationships.

I also think emotional intelligence can be learned. With practice even people who like to read books can get the hang of it.; 5/27/15, 6:48 AM
PB said...: Next question.; 5/27/15, 6:56 AM
Jaq said...: No, because anybody could get doxxed, as any intelligent woman knows.; 5/27/15, 7:04 AM
Meade said...: I love everything about my lovely wife.

There, that's how it's done, guys.; 5/27/15, 7:15 AM
Renee said...: Is it because men marry later?

I met my husband & married comparatively young, looks matter as much as intelligence.

Hygiene matters most, when it came to a man's appearance. You don't have to be a model, but caring about yourself matters.; 5/27/15, 7:18 AM
Meade said...: I learned my emotional intelligence from reading but not from reading books. From reading dogs. And trees.; 5/27/15, 7:22 AM
Tank said...: Given todays fashions, it is barely (see that?) necessary to describe your wife's (GF's) breasts. They are often quite "visible." And, of course men should brag about their woman's breasts. The woman will be all "aw shucks, that's nasty" while they love, love, love it. The more you "irritate" them, the more they'll love you. It's harmless fun, what women love.

With few exceptions, men and women do not "show" their genitals.

==============================================================

The focus on long legs and large breasts is wrong anyway. Not well designed IMHO.; 5/27/15, 7:26 AM
Heartless Aztec said...: I learned everything I needed to know about women from surfing and the ocean the penultimate rule being never turn your back to them.; 5/27/15, 7:37 AM
Bay Area Guy said...: This is an easy "No". The simple rule is you dont dish about women you care about, certainly not if you're married, or even if she's reached "girlfriend" status.; 5/27/15, 7:39 AM
Quaestor said...: Should men even desire the affections of intelligent women who instigate such discussions? Let's face it. It takes an intelligent woman to even suggest that a sexual partner's anatomy is a fit subject for discussion with anybody. A man should say "I like your tits," and leave it at that. He may get poetic if he's sufficiently talented, but even the Song of Solomon amounts to "I like your tits." If he feels the urge to critique his partner's breasts he should stifle it. What good can it do? No man wants his package critiqued (Honey, I love you, but your dick is a wee bit small. A wee wee-wee, te-hee. Is there anything that can be done?) so why should a man expect a woman's reaction to be different?

And don't hand me that "love means total frankness" horse hockey. Douglas Adams was being profound when he invented the babel fish, which if one recalls was the cause of more and bloodier wars than anything else in the galaxy. Love means if anything keeping your brain in gear.

If woman wants to make her tits a subject of public debate there are websites and IRC rooms for that kind of nonsense of which she may avail herself. No need to get her man involved. A woman who instigates such a discussion is looking, perhaps subconsciously, for a relationship-torpedoing argument. Now how intelligent is that?; 5/27/15, 7:43 AM
rhhardin said...: And when upon your dainty breast I lay
My wearied head, more soft than eiderdown

- Wm. Stedman

That's the poet exemption; 5/27/15, 8:04 AM
Rusty said...: Bay Area Guy said...
This is an easy "No". The simple rule is you dont dish about women you care about, certainly not if you're married, or even if she's reached "girlfriend" status.

You don't even talk about the ones you don't care about, because you never know.; 5/27/15, 8:25 AM
Laslo Spatula said...: It's a funny internet thing: you read a lot of commenters and automatically assume they are male, usually with help from their name or icon.

Then something like this thread appears and you realize how many of the commenters are actually women.

I sometimes feel the entire world is just sitting there waiting for Laslo to explain things to them.

I am Laslo.; 5/27/15, 8:44 AM
Renee said...: "This is an easy "No". The simple rule is you dont dish about women you care about, certainly not if you're married, or even if she's reached "girlfriend" status. "

So true.; 5/27/15, 8:44 AM
Fabi said...: In this day and age, that question is nearly anachronistic. Any idea how many nude photos -- and of how many different girls -- are on a guy's phone? No description necessary. 'Hey, look at these!' Or worse.; 5/27/15, 8:50 AM
Laslo Spatula said...: For instance: would this story even make sense without the thoughtful description of breasts?

Or how about this one without any ass references?

I think you see my point.

I am Laslo.; 5/27/15, 8:57 AM
Laslo Spatula said...: Notice how this story about Taylor Swift purchasing two yellow polyurethane ribbed 3-foot double-headed dildos did not require any description of her breasts.

Only if it is essential to the story: I think that is what I am saying.

I am Laslo.; 5/27/15, 9:06 AM
Bob Ellison said...: What is wrong with saying that you're proud that you won a woman's heart? We men who married up are proud of it! I surely don't deserve the girl I got.; 5/27/15, 9:13 AM
Greg Hlatky said...: Men might. Gentlemen don't.; 5/27/15, 9:31 AM
Michael K said...: Some of the things posted are really startling to me but than I am two generations back.; 5/27/15, 9:43 AM
Laslo Spatula said...: If you are not willing to describe your wife's breasts there will always be another man who will.

I am Laslo.; 5/27/15, 9:43 AM
Ann Althouse said...: "What is wrong with saying that you're proud that you won a woman's heart? We men who married up are proud of it! I surely don't deserve the girl I got."

Now, you're insulting her, saying she married down.; 5/27/15, 9:45 AM
Tank said...: Greg Hlatky said...

Men might. Gentlemen don't.

The men are getting laid.; 5/27/15, 9:49 AM
damikesc said...: My wife doesn't care. She's not that sensitive.; 5/27/15, 9:49 AM
Bob Ellison said...: There's no romance left.; 5/27/15, 9:53 AM
Bob Ellison said...: Oh, crap, that's pretty dumb. I'm insulting her by complimenting her and being happy to have won her heart. I hope you're trying to be funny, because otherwise, you're saying narcissism is the key to self-fulfillment.; 5/27/15, 9:57 AM
Meade said...: "If you are not willing to describe your wife's breasts there will always be another man who will."

That should be Quote of the Day May 28 at brainyquote.com; 5/27/15, 10:01 AM
Ann Althouse said...: "Oh, crap, that's pretty dumb. I'm insulting her by complimenting her and being happy to have won her heart."

You are bragging at her expense. If you entered, say, a business deal with someone else and thought you got the better end of it, would you go around town telling people that?; 5/27/15, 10:17 AM
Michael K said...: "If you entered, say, a business deal with someone else and thought you got the better end of it, would you go around town telling people that?"

Steve McQueen in "The Thomas Crown Affair," "You paid too much."

Great movie. I never saw the remake and have no desire to do so.; 5/27/15, 10:25 AM
Bob Ellison said...: I guess you're trying at self-parody.; 5/27/15, 10:26 AM
Jaq said...: I just realized something. Conservatives are like women in a lot of ways. We have a ton of rules that seem self-evident to us, are time-tested, and appear impenetrable to others. You can see it all the time:

"The Pope says stop questioning Global Warming."

Liberal thinks the conservative is going to say "Oh, OK, whatever the guy in the impressive hat says!" But the conservative says "WTF does the Pope know about Science, didn't we have this argument with Copernicus and Galileo?"

Man says "I married up." and thinks a woman is going to take it as a complement, but instead, it's clearly an insult.

My insight for the day. Internet, you have done your job.; 5/27/15, 10:42 AM
Gahrie said...: Now, you're insulting her, saying she married down.

No, he was insulting himself.

Wait, I forgot, it is always about the woman, my bad.

Men are such assholes aren't we?; 5/27/15, 11:00 AM
cubanbob said...: Ann Althouse said...

"What is wrong with saying that you're proud that you won a woman's heart? We men who married up are proud of it! I surely don't deserve the girl I got."

Now, you're insulting her, saying she married down.
5/27/15, 9:45 AM "

That's one way of looking at it. Others might say he won a lottery. Just lucky. Some people do win lotteries.; 5/27/15, 11:16 AM
Bob Ellison said...: What is "her expense"?; 5/27/15, 11:56 AM
HoodlumDoodlum said...: Ann Althouse said...Now, you're insulting her, saying she married down.

My brother-in-law, at his wedding, said to my father (paraphrase)"I'm definitely lucky, marrying way better than I deserve" to which my father responded heartily "we both did!" with my mother and sister present. Neither seemed to take it as an insult, but maybe I wasn't emotionally intelligent enough to correctly interpret their disgust at the slight.

Mead said...Use your brains, men! You missed a perfect opportunity to use the phrase "boob stooge," man.; 5/27/15, 12:43 PM
Krumhorn said...: Some excellent yocks from Laslo today and from the many-peckered Eric the fruitbat.

How much excellenter can a quality blog get?

- Krumhorn; 5/27/15, 1:08 PM
Ann Althouse said...: News flash: Women don't want to feel they've married an inferior man! If your wife accepts the well-meaningness of your effort at a compliment, that isn't the equivalent of her crediting you with having delivered an excellent compliment. She might really be thinking I wish my husband knew how to think up sonething better than that old cliche that makes me wonder why I don't have the man who is at least my equal.; 5/27/15, 1:10 PM
Krumhorn said...: ...come to think on it, a photo of Tay-Tay with the yellow polyurethane ribbed 3-foot double-headed dildo in situ would be nice, Preferably still wearing the skirt.

Now, we're talking an excellenter quality blog!

- Krumhorn; 5/27/15, 1:14 PM
Krumhorn said...: News flash: Women don't want to feel they've married an inferior man! If your wife accepts the well-meaningness of your effort at a compliment, that isn't the equivalent of her crediting you with having delivered an excellent compliment. She might really be thinking I wish my husband knew how to think up sonething better than that old cliche that makes me wonder why I don't have the man who is at least my equal.

That's odd. I've actually seen that compliment delivered, and I was under the distinct impression that the woman very slightly radiated a subtle, but palpable, awareness of the truth of the statement and was pleased that he had the grace to admit the truth of it.

And that's where the trouble started.

- Krumhorn; 5/27/15, 1:23 PM
HoodlumDoodlum said...: Ann Althouse said...News flash: Women don't want to feel they've married an inferior man!

News flash: Any man is inferior to any woman, just ask, you know, any woman. Or Oprah, or Cosmo, or watch any TV commercial.

News flash: people complaining about tired clichés probably shouldn't use the phrase "news flash." Telegram for Mrs. Clichedphrase! "That's Ms., you boor."; 5/27/15, 1:41 PM
HoodlumDoodlum said...: Please correct me if I'm mistaken, but is what's being asserted here that other people's interpretations of their own wives/family members' reaction to a compliment (or an intended compliment) are necessarily incorrect, simply because you disagree with the idea any woman would/could react that way?

Is that not a dictionary-perfect example of "womansplaining?" Reverse the genders, and if a guy said your interpretation had to be wrong, he knew better than you, and you must be wrong (because of logic), that'd be mansplaining and that guy'd be a jerk, right?; 5/27/15, 1:51 PM
Sam L. said...: Anything other than "beautiful" or "I like them" is unwise. And most likely unacceptable.; 5/27/15, 3:21 PM
Ann Althouse said...: I agree that the "news flash" construction was lame. For that, I'm genuinely sorry. It's not just a cliche, it's cheap sarcasm. You should earn your sarcasm, not just say something in a stick sarcastic way.; 5/27/15, 3:47 PM
David said...: Meade: "Use your brains, men!"

Which brain? This is a question about breasts, right?; 5/27/15, 3:56 PM
one of the bobs said...: Why describe? I've heard teh internetz can has images as well, and IIRC a picture is worth 1000 words...; 5/27/15, 4:04 PM
RecChief said...: no. next question.; 5/27/15, 6:57 PM
Leslie Graves said...: I am Laslo.; 5/27/15, 6:58 PM
Jaq said...: I am Laslo... Laslo Spartacus.; 5/27/15, 7:04 PM
Bob Ellison said...: My wife is twice better than I. I am proud to say so.; 5/27/15, 8:02 PM
Freeman Hunt said...: There are shoulds but also woulds. I would have laughed pretty hard if anyone had commented that he married down to a woman with stumpy legs and horrible breasts. I would have, because if he would have, he shouldn't have.; 5/27/15, 9:37 PM
Ken B said...: As for marrying up, down or sideways ...

It's a good thing to feel you don't deserve your spouse. It's about how you feel the universe has treated you not about your spouse. It shows an awareness of how much luck plays a role, that you got lucky. "Entitled" is not a compliment.
Ideally you will both feel the same way. This is not a contradiction.; 5/27/15, 10:58 PM
HoodlumDoodlum said...: Ken B said...It's a good thing to feel you don't deserve your spouse. It's about how you feel the universe has treated you not about your spouse.
I think that's captured in the response Dave Ramsey (radio finance advice guy w/a heavy dose of Christianity) gives when asked how he is: "better than I deserve."; 5/28/15, 8:55 AM