April 23, 2015

"A Bay Ridge couple is having the loudest sex in the city..."

"... and the carnal cacophony is driving their neighbors bonkers, records show."
“I’m not a prude but there are kids in the building, and it was just a ridiculously loud amount of noise being made that the first time another woman yelled out her window, ‘Shut your f--ing windows you whore!’” the complainant added.

33 comments:

Laslo Spatula said...

Something I can sink my teeth into and the link doesn't work.

Althouse, you are toying with me.

I am Laslo.

TosaGuy said...

Waiting for the Laslo comments....

traditionalguy said...

Maybe they are hard of hearing.

Jason said...

DAMMIT, LASLO! KEEP IT DOWN!!!

Kyzernick said...

Link to the article seems broken.

rhhardin said...

"Bonkers" is almost a Tom Swifty.

Laslo Spatula said...

When we have sex Scarlett Johansson can indeed be quite noisy. Throaty, husky, etc; the occasional exclamation of "Daddy."

When it gets really intense she bites down on the Laslo Pillow.

Yes: Scarlett Johannson is a pillow-biter. She bites pillows. Bites, grinds, gnashes.

The Laslo Pillow, however, is strongly resilient. As is Laslo.


I am Laslo.

Jaske said...

Awaiting Laslo's cromulent advice.

Laslo Spatula said...

When Scarlett Johannson exclaims "Daddy" what she really means is "Harder! Harder!".

When she exclaims "Mommy!" I know it is time to take it down a notch.

However, when she exclaims "Uncle Eddie!" I don't want to know.

Evidently though, 'Uncle Eddie' had a big penis. From what I can discern.

I am Laslo.

Laslo Spatula said...

Funny: Jessica Alba also exclaims 'Uncle Eddie' from time-to-time. During sex, that is.

Disconcerting, that.

So -- I guess -- the lesson to parents: watch out for any siblings named Eddie. It seems to be a thing.

I am Laslo.

Ann Althouse said...

Link fixed. Sorry.

Ann Althouse said...

Be careful with those teeth.

Eric the Fruit Bat said...

Once when I lived in an apartment, I had to listen to the young woman upstairs having sex with some guy. Her orgasm was obvious and loud, a high-pitched squeal.

After that came the guy's low-grunting. It sounded like he was in pain.

And I thought to myself, "I really wish I hadn't had to hear any of that, but hat's off to the guy, a true gentleman."

Gusty Winds said...

I see it's "Free Speech Day" here at the Althouse Blog.

Maybe Chisolm could launch a John Doe against this couple and help them quiet down a bit.

Rob McLean said...

"I’m not a prude but..."

I love it when people begin sentences with this, as if to prove their "I'm a grown up!" bona fides.

I, however, take great pride in the fact I am a prude.

Laslo Spatula said...

"Be careful with those teeth."

That's what I told Jessica Alba.

I am Laslo.

mccullough said...

Why don't the neighbors just get together outside the apartment at 3 am one night and start moaning and groaning. The point will be made.

BDNYC said...

I've never understood why some people, women especially, make loud noise during sex. Heaving breathing, light grunting - okay, that's basically involuntary and makes sense. Moaning, groaning, screaming - seems totally artificial. I think it's exhibitionism.

Ann Althouse said...

Voices carry.

If you have the windows open, you should assume people can hear you.

If you think people want to hear you having sex, you are delusional.

Curious George said...

"... and the carnal cacophony is driving their neighbors bonkers, records show."

I have observed that the word cacophony is in every one of Tom Clancy's novels.

MadisonMan said...

If you don't want to hear neighbors, don't live near them.

Kyzernick said...

Curious George, I think you're right. I'll have to go back though, because I'm not sure he used it in Cardinal of the Kremlin.

He usually uses it in relation to Russian submarines.

When my wife and I first started dating, we often had relations in my townhouse. The neighbor's bedroom butted right up against mine. On occasion, with her or girls that came before her, I'd get a light knocking from the other side of the wall if things got a bit noisy. One night, as my wife was loudly hitting her peak (again, I might add), the neighbors began banging on the wall with gusto. My wife, in the throes of passion, began banging on the wall right back, and capped it off with a roar of approval as I finished a moment later. We cuddled then, and after she'd composed herself she remarked "Your neighbors are definitely going to complain for real now."

The next morning, there was an envelope tucked into my door. Inside was a sternly worded letter from the complex management, admonishing us for our night time activities and threatening eviction if it happened again.

That letter is now framed and hanging on our bedroom wall.

boldface said...

This reminds me of the classic xkcd comic. http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/loud_sex.png

Fred Drinkwater said...

Darn you boldface, you beat me to that xkcd by one comment!

Freeman Hunt said...

Long ago a friend found a window open to much embarrassment when a neighbor knocked on it to request it be closed as bedroom festivities were intruding on BBQ festivities outside.

alan markus said...

There ought to be a website where these neighbors could upload audio - maybe with description of the people involved & approximate address. Would think there would be some kind of "market" for that - "Real Amateurs Making Loud Sex Noises"

Be said...

Loud Sex, along with other noises are part of living in a densely-packed urban area. Windows are often open in a lot of the tenements here during the Summer, so one hears all sorts of things, whether they want to or not.

Slightly off-putting is the sort of exhibitionism where the screen's up and the woman's enjoying herself while her head's out the window.

Krumhorn said...

A few years ago, during an extended stay in a LA hotel, my head board backed into the head board of a well-known country singer who was just then releasing a crossover album at the age of 16.

For a few nights, there was raucous sex in her room involving serious head board pounding against my head board wall which would always culminate in the guy yelling, "Sing to me, baby! Sing to me!"

One morning, I got into the elevator with her and and some shockingly unattractive much-older guy. I felt the Forrest Gump impulse to stomp my foot a couple of times and grunt out "Sing to me, baby! Sing to me!"

.......couldn't do it

But if I had had It with me I in the elevator, I would have made my Lazlo Pillow do it. And then make it call Children's Services.

- Krumhorn

Laslo Spatula said...

Freeman Hunt said...
Long ago a friend found a window open to much embarrassment when a neighbor knocked on it to request it be closed as bedroom festivities were intruding on BBQ festivities outside.

Uh huh. "Friend." Got it.


I am Laslo.

DanTheMan said...

>>That letter is now framed and hanging on our bedroom wall.

Kyzernick,
I liked your story much better when I first read it in Penthouse Forum back in the 80's.
Dan

Michael K said...

"Be careful with those teeth."

One of my memorable experiences as a corpsman in the Air Force was dealing with a human bite on the mons pubis from a lesbian lover. Nasty.

jr565 said...

Sex is not that loud. The woman is obviously acting. She learned how to have sex watching pornos, apparently.

jr565 said...

This is not to syt that sex is quiet. But there is sexual noise and then there's Meg Ryan doing the fake orgasm in when Harry met Sally.