My purpose in writing is to thank you for providing a long-awaited second opinion to my husband regarding his choice of pants. From the days of our engagement 12+ years ago, he has insisted on wearing shorts, except in those few cases where doing so would be absolutely inappropriate such as an occasional trip to the office or to church. I suppose this arises from his living mainly in Arizona and California where the weather is fine enough, even on cold winter days, to get by in shorts without suffering frostbite.He sounds like a fine exemplar of masculinity — both for his physical capacity to wear shorts in winter and for his mental maturity in realizing that he should dress like a man. And the incredible calves... to which you now have an appropriately restricted view.
He has, however, been known to show up mid-winter in Chicago wearing nothing but a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, but I digress.
Imagine my complete surprise when, a few months ago, he announced that he needed more pants and was feeling rather foolish for his long-standing attachment to shorts. I understand that it is your wisdom that has finally brought about this change. Rather than feeling slighted by his reliance upon your advice when I’ve provided much of the same throughout our married lives, I am relieved that he has found another voice of reason to rely upon, especially when it has moved him to action.
I do regret losing the ever-present view of his incredibly fine calves, but again I digress.
Now, should you ever decide to write something similar of t-shirts, or of how dressing up a bit is not an act of the arrogant bourgeoisie but rather the handsome gentleman, I would be forever in your debt.
With much gratitude...
As for the t-shirts, well, I like men in t-shirts if they look good in t-shirts, which I assume Incredibly Fine Calves Man does.
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49 comments:
The question is not when you stop wearing Bermuda shorts, but when you stop wearing sweatpants over them, in the cold.
These babies are excellent, lots of pockets and very durable.
I buy a dozen at once when they go on sale, usually $12.99 but maybe the "sale" price has gone up since the last batch.
I always think of you when I get off of an airplane in Florida. Just looking at the crowds meeting people getting off the plane.
Seriously though, 90 degrees, 90 percent humidity from April to October is gonna make me bust out the shorts. Not when going out to a nice restaurant, or some function or other, but day to day, and on the golf course? The fact that I don't work in a regular office probably adds to it.
So I am going to ignore your sartorial advice while in Florida, and I am a little disappointed in whichever fellow reader it is who caved. Kind of like I would be disappointed to find out that the man I read about who never wore a coat, even in the coldest weather, finally succumbed to his wife's imprecations and began wearing one.
Even Althouse herself gives away a little remorse when she points outs out, with a smidgen of admiration, his manliness for sticking by his guns in Chicago.
The letter-writer does not write like my wife, and we've been together much longer than she claims, but the "incredibly fine calves" declaration makes clear that she is talking about me.
Come to me, my love. My calves are yours to enjoy. We will enter bliss together.
Exposed legs in public should be female legs. Long lovely legs with incredibly fine calves. Skirts, designer shorts: all good.
Of course, skintight yoga pants are still acceptable, also.
I am not inflexible, Taylor.
I am Laslo.
While I am a fan of dressing nicer than one has too and sometimes wish I lived in the age of casual suits and universal hat wearing (worse, I cannot even wear them by personal choice because they've been ruined by hipsters), the fact remains that shorts are functional.
The true man does not care about that some fashionistas think it inappropriate.
Broke out the shorts for doing chores around the house yesterday.
I felt like Mel Gibson in Braveheart: FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOMMMMMMMMMM!!!
Does Picasso wearing shorts cause you to reevaluate his artwork?.
I am Laslo.
Shorts, shorts, shorts...doesn't anybody judge a man by the quality and the polish of his stylish shoes anymore?
I live in Florida, and this time of year, we are crowded with refugees from the cold. Nothing is so indicative of that than the grocery store, filled with shorts, white legs, fat legs, out of shape legs, tattoo'd legs...nothing save perhaps for the profusion of male sandals, both those rubber kind looking like all terrain tires from my SUV, or worse, the leather-look Ave Centurion version.
I don't think I own any shorts, except those for the gym or run. There might be a pair back there in the closet, a present unworn, saved for feeling's sake.
Oh, sandals...gak. You look ridiculous.
I will wear shorts in Summer -- especially this summer that will be hot and dry (I think).
Wash a week's worth of shorts vs. a week's worth of pants. Less energy consumed. Shorts are the green choice in summer.
This being the internet and about shorts, is Godwin's law still applicable when Hitler actually did wear and pose in shorts -- a lot.
The anti-shorts wearers could just drop the mic with a few of those.
I'd link but don't know how.
It is pretty obvious that Althouse and some commenters here associate shorts with class. I cop to it, I am of a lower social class. No amount of instruction from the Althouse finishing school is going to change that either.
Also, there is a lot of resentment from the year round folks in Florida against the many who enjoy gorgeous summers in the north, and pleasant enough winters in the south.
These people do get uncomfortable cold when the temps drop into the 60s, and having been conditioned to hellish the hellish conditions of summer here, often do eschew shorts in the winter. Whatever.
As Mark Twain said, "If I owned a property in Miami and a property in Hell, I would rent out Miami and live in Hell."
OK, I will never wear shorts again!
The secret is counterintuitive- light weight wools.
That link would be to Hitler, arms akimbo, in Lederhosen.
Taylor Swift's legs from beneath a trench-coat. And we know what is in her trench-coat's pockets. Of course we do..
I am Laslo.
My husband and I go to Florida for 2 weeks every winter. He wears shorts every day he possibly can, even when cool. Who cares what he wears as long as we are spending lots of our money helping to keep the economy afloat?
This whole shorts/no shorts thing is absolutely ridiculous and needs to be ignored by all and just go with the, if you are are comfortable wearing shorts, wear them. Hell and be damned if Althouse hates it!
I feel bad stealing your idea of linking to a pic of Hitler in shorts, so here is how to link to a picture
<A HREF="type the URL of the picture or link or whatever here but include the quotes around it...">Type what you want the highlighted text to be here between the angle brackets</A> and bingo it will work
Don't ask me how I got the angle brackets to show in a post but you may assume trickery.
I think it was your post on Pharell at the Oscars that did him in.
Google "man in Daisy Dukes" and you know what you find? Man in Daisy Dukes.
I am Laslo.
That's a wench coat.
This is great. My husband has also been treated to many an "Althouse says..." moment. Does it ever amuse you how your readers (especially long time readers like me) feel like they know you? I feel like I do even though I know that I don't. :)
Thanks, Tim. I learned something useful today.
Me and Hitler.
Hitler and me.
Wearing our shorts
Free as can be.
Went for a walk yesterday afternoon about 6 PM. Wore my shorts (wore them in Jan too when it was in the 70's)as it was still mid 70's. I am 68 yrs young MAN, like my shorts, will wear my shorts. In fact you will have to pry them off my cold dead legs.
By the by, I live north of Denver, CO.
Jimmy Johnson ex NFL coach and NFL commentator lives in the Florida Keys these days. A recent Wall Street Journal article about buying homes in the Florida Keys quoted Jimmy as saying "I wear shorts 360 days out of the year."
I don't know about "incredibly fine calves" but I suspect that there's an incredibly full wallet in Mr. Johnson's shorts. That said, he can wear what he dang well pleases.
What's up with your pants Denny?
tim in vermont said...
I always think of you when I get off of an airplane in Florida. Just looking at the crowds meeting people getting off the plane.
Seriously though, 90 degrees, 90 percent humidity from April to October is gonna make me bust out the shorts.
I recall reading someone from Greenland saying that since he didn't need air conditioning, no one else did either. He shut up when someone from a very hot climate replied that since he didn't need to heat his home, no one else did either.
Those of us who live in hot, humid places are more likely to dress for comfort whenever possible. Althouse may not understand that living in Wisconsin and her absurd belief that we wear shorts to look young is patently stupid.
The true man does not care about that some fashionistas think it inappropriate.
Likewise, the true man does not let the fact that hipsters do or wear anything stop him from doing or wearing same, if it please him.
I'd link but don't know how.
Because I live in Mississippi, I have historically worn shorts at leisure for most of the summer. But I, too, am mostly giving it up...in my case in favor of loose-fitting linen pants. It's almost as comfortable outside in the heat, more comfortable when you have to go in to heavily air-conditioned spaces, and it keeps the sun off to boot. I'm more concerned with such things since my father had a cancer cut out of his face last year.
Oh, and also I have male pattern baldness of the legs ("anterolateral lower leg allopecia"), which apparently is a thing. And a weird-looking thing at that.
" her absurd belief that we wear shorts to look young is patently stupid"
I don't recollect her expressing that belief, but rather the belief that men wearing shorts generally look like shit. I live near Boulder, CO, and even with our perpetual youthiness, it's true. Unless you can
squat (below parallel) your weight; or
do 30 miles on a bike in under 2 hours at this altitude; or
do sirsanana for more than 5 minutes or urdhva dhanurasana for more than 2; then
you need to cover up and stay covered, because the chances are overwhelming that you do, in fact, look like shit. Between the women in their yoga pants looking like a crate of ugli-fruit that got caught in a rocket-net wildlife capture using spandex, and the old men with spoonbill legs protruding from flag-like, depends-bulged shorts, a visit to our Safeway is dismal.
a visit to our Safeway is dismal.
You have my sympathies! After all, it must be brutal to have been born among us mere humans when obviously you are so much more!
What other kinds of degeneracy should be covered up? Perhaps if somebody reads the wrong authors, their books should be hidden on the subway with covers made from old paper bags?
What if somebody has the wrong politics? Should they be banned from voting?
Should each of us be juried before being allowed to reproduce?
We need to know these things! Please share!
My wife doesn't mind when I wear shorts. But she does mind when I wear shorts and cowboy boots.
" to which you now have an appropriately restricted view." Qu'elle bourgoisie! Let it all hang out, baybee! Down one leg or the other, but let it all hang out!
As for why I don't wear shorts, I burn like a lobster and my family pops melanoma like a movie theatre floor pops Raisinets.
eric: it's the baby oil that worries her. She saw that Burt Reynolds movie.
re: rehajm:
The secret is counterintuitive- light weight wools.
I must disagree -- many lightweight wools are woven quite tight. What you need, more than lightness, is permeability. Get a suit half-lined in fresco wool. It's actually heavier weight, but it's better than cloth, linen, or most "tropical" wools in hot weather.
This only really works if there's a slight breeze or the humidity is low enough that fanning oneself actually has an effect (for me, there is a point where it is so humid that a fan makes basically no difference at all -- there's minimal cooling from evaporation). If the air is stagnant and humidity is super-high, it doesn't make much difference at all what you wear.
Skeptical Voter: There are only two bulges a lot of wimmen looks for in a man's shorts. The first one is in his hip pocket.
"Oh, and also I have male pattern baldness of the legs ("anterolateral lower leg allopecia"), which apparently is a thing. And a weird-looking thing at that."
*stares* It's almost like it's trying to send a message...
Tim in Vermont: you can get the same effect as your trip to safeway by opening fridge and sitting in front of it as you watch The View...
Tim Maguire A hipster wearing a hat is a very different thing from a man wearing a hat. With the hipster the hat is most likely the most unique and interesting thing about him.
Shorts can be stylish. But the current trend of the half-pants, hat on backwards, over sized jersey shirt is really douchy.
Like this:
http://thumbnail.image.rakuten.co.jp/@0_mall/vari/cabinet/astra51/mo-hp-02-005.jpg
Sorry, grown men who wear those look like dorks. Young men who wear them look immature.
Re: SGT Ted:
Plus fours are the logical endpoint of that evolution. Still waiting though.
Re: Plus Fours.
Those are OK. Jodhpurs have style as well.
"...a lot of resentment from the year round folks in Florida..."
Off topic, of course, and not resentment, more' irritation' I think, at the lack of manners daily on display; perhaps a lack of respect for civility and slower pace here, said irritation linked in no way with the proliferation of pull-over shirts with the collars turned up, shorts paired with tasseled loafers, no socks, oft in tandem with those wonderful wide-brimmed adventure hats, little strings around the chin with bead tighteners, like we wore as kids, ala Roy Rogers. On safari, in the Beemer, back to the beach. Save the turtles. Etc.
I am starting a Tumblr that is "______ is/are for suckers."
One of the items will be shorts.
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