"Secretary of State John Kerry is in Paris after the White House apologized for not sending a high-ranking official to a massive unity rally after the terrorist attacks there," and he's using James Taylor to convey the message "You've Got a Friend."
I love James Taylor, so this is really difficult for me. But of all the douchebaggery in the history of the world... this takes the gateau!
AND: I felt compelled to write some parody lyrics, but then I heard Meade typing away. "Are you writing parody lyrics?" I ask. More typing. Meade: "First!" I see he's written:
I'll come runningIs parody even needed:
to appease you again
Close your eyes and think of me and soon I will be thereI'm overwhelmed by the absurdity of the idea that on one's darkest nights, it would help to visualize John Kerry.
to brighten up even your darkest nights.
Hey, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend?Indeed. Kerry was cold. Don't let him take your soul! Is that what our dear James was thinking as he sang those holy words with his honestly bald head so steadfastly bowed down?
People can be so cold.
They'll hurt you and desert you.
They'll take your soul if you let them,
Oh, but don't you let them.
ADDED: James Taylor has helped Obama before. There was this from October 2012:
Can't you just feel the moonshine?
Posts
161 comments:
I'll come running
to appease you again
Winter, spring, summer, or fall...
What about "a week late", and "only after it's obvious that it's necessary to save face"?
Gah.
I couldn't get through even half. Does Taylor always sing hunched over like that?
He kissed Hollande's hand! may be even licked it. Who knows.
What happened? Jerry Lewis couldn't make it?
Smart diplomacy.
Jake -
The microphone was for the guitar, his voice mic was not working. Thus all the running around to get him a voice mic and hold it for him.
Or he could be weighed down by the embarrassment of singing for his supper in front of Jean Fraude Kerrie.
"In my mind I'm drawing a red line-a."
I remember when Hillary sang "Sometimes When we Touch" to Putin. Effective foreign policy and not a dry eye in the house.
Want to know what Kerry whispered in his ear afterwards?
I've talked to the IRS. The Audit is off.
Kerry/Edwards. It's even worse in hindsight, and it was a joke then. He has exceedingly poor judgment and seems to lack instincts about what acts and decisions will be seen as foolish.
I pity the fools who voted for Kerry and even now keep him around in prominent positions to continue the embarrassment.
Halp us Jon Carry! We R stuk here in Irak!
I am not a robot, but John Kerry might be.
"Does Taylor always sing hunched over like that?"
Only when he's ashamed.
Dear Carly Simon
Can you please sing "Mockingbird" to Mr. Kerry? He needs it!
"Stupid Shit" foreign policy!
Glad I never voted for these dumb-asses!
Stephen Green - Vodkapundit - says it best:
I'm guessing Carole King was unavailable to perform "It's Too Late."
Next trip to Europe I am so wearing one of those Canadian flag lapel pins.
The US response?
“Fear masquerading as tolerance.”
Christopher Caldwell’s Reflections on the Revolution in Europe: Immigration, Islam and the West.
Great idea!
Let's get Cat Stevens to sing "Peace Train" to ISIS next.
Historians will tell you they can't ever quite identify the moment a great power finally begins it's decline, but I think we've identified it here. What in the blue hell does this song have to do with diplomacy or reconciliation or for that matter....anything? Thank goodness Kerry was never elected president or we'd have all the singers from the 60s and 70s holding ambassadorships at the Department of State. Sigh....we're done.
This is what he meant by "fundamentally transform America" back when he was making big, unbelievable promises.
Je suis Carly.
We didn't. Please tell me this is fake. Please tell me this didn't really happen.
I think we need to clean out the entire Department of State, right down to the mail room clerks, and start over again.
And to think this idiot was a senator and ran for president.
Let's get Cat Stevens to sing "Peace Train" to ISIS next.
That's Yusef Islam to you, infidel.
Kerry has always been worthless. He really is just a portable symbol, and a poor one. He can only function as someones puppet. He has no initiative, no leadership ability, no sense of responsibility even. The cliche of "an empty suit" fits him better than anyone in US politics. I was amazed and amused that he got nominated in 2004, it was obvious that he was merely a put up front for a cabal. His performance in Manila in 1986 should have put an end to his career, but ?
A US Secretary of State should be a Kissinger, a Shultz, a Baker, not this nothing.
This White House has made being an American the global equivalent of farting loudly in a crowded elevator.
That was a nice touch having that fellow tie James Taylor's shoes for him.
Je suis embarrassed.
Yourself is lame?
Jon Lebowitz doesn't this so.
Kerry was the year ahead of me at Yale, and I've been wincing for pushing 50 years.
Kerry; locked in the 60's when people actually thought he had a brain and some ethics. We have learned that neither thought was correct and now we have confirmation that he has no taste, no common sense and no sense of what is appropriate.
St. Paul's School and Yale are seriously considering revoking his diplomas.
Wow. I've liked JT for a long time. He's been remarkably successful in keeping his voice in good shape as he aged. Until now, apparently. That was awful.
I don't think he made any of these decisions. I doubt this function was his idea, or that of anyone he supervises. This all probably came from the White House staff, which is of course incompetent at anything but running US election campaigns. He was merely told where to go and what to do.
I haven't felt this ashamed since The Captain and Tennille sang "Muskrat Love" for Queen Elizabeth at the Ford White House - complete with muskrat rutting sound effects.
Five or six years ago we saw Taylor and King at the Garden. A great evening of music. Five or six 18 (?) year old girls sat next to us and sang along. They knew every word. It was weird.
I'd rather remember that.
BarrySanders20 said...
He has exceedingly poor judgment and seems to lack instincts about what acts and decisions will be seen as foolish.
Painful. They could have pulled off the intended messaging after the official press event with JT playing in a small venue/cafe known for live music. The fact there might be fewer pictures would be a benefit. But no, ham-hand Kerry at the controls.
Poor JT. I'm sure Kerry prevailed upon his fellow Bay Stater that it was something he could do to help the French people when they're down. But as you saw, it dawned even on JT that this was a poorly planned PR stunt that turned into a silly hash.
Kerry has always thought musical celebrity would help make up for his own deficits in popularity. He's cultivated these relationships for years. He has no shame when it comes to glomming-on to celebrity. I watched Kerry lurking around waiting to corner Springsteen and enlist him early before he announced his 2004 presidential run.
If John Kerry had any moral decency he would off himself.
Oh, and fuck James Taylor.
Taylor and Carly Simon when she adored him.
Mexico was good, too.
The ones without real jobs tend to be leftists; just take the music that results and enjoy it.
Not watching it. I like that song. Not going to ruin it just to further prove Kerry has some kind of issue understanding normal human beings reactions.
What is wrong with John Kerry pretending to have hair? Let him be who he wants to be. Why you gotta judge? It's a gender thing for some men. Did the Prof vote for Kerry in 2004?
Truth is, this is the best Massholes can offer. Women and minorities like Marion Barry were and are correct to see the ludicrous nature of Kerry/Kennedy decades of power and corruption and demand their own spot at the government teat: That's what everyone does and it is who they are.
Men who complain about women being stupid soap opera wishcasters must acknowledge John Kerry was given power and prestige by men foremost, stupid silly little men.
They could have done this in a crowded small cafe, minimal stage elevation, people shoulder to shoulder holding drinks. Smoking even! After all, it's Paris.
This instead? On that stage? It really had the feel of "my dog will now do a trick for you".
@Curious, I don't think Kerry could do those two things in the order you wrote them.
I think you could argue that Kerry already f#cked James Taylor by orchestrating this ghastly thing.
The jerks who came up with the idea were so happy about it, mental orgasms abound, they couldn't, not a single one of them, bother to make sure the chair was a good height, the lighting was okay, and oh yeah, the damn microphones work.
They all still want adulation, puppy-like.
Couldn't do it. 3 seconds for the into, 5 seconds of singing. That was it.
Kerry lacks the imagination for an appropriate hashtag.
Edith Piaf was not amused.
Sayeth Big Mike: I think we need to clean out the entire Department of State, right down to the mail room clerks, and start over again.
In addition, I've been saying for some time now that State should declare a ten-year moratorium on hiring anybody who went to Harvard, Georgetown, American, Johns Hopkins, etc, or anyone who majored in political science or international studies (this really is a major in some schools).
Recruiting might be a lot harder, but you might get some more competent people.
Fonzie put on his jacket, put on his skis, and then took one look at this idiocy and said "No way I can top this" and went home.
... Someone on Facebook mentioned this happened. I thought... I thought they'd been suckered by The Onion.
I... I need something real to hold on to, for the world? The world is now too surreal.
Artists don't have to be grounded in reality, in fact, it's best when they're not. They're supposed to be crazy dreamers.
So it doesn't trouble me that so many are liberal.
#BringBackOurDignity
It could have been worse -- JT could have lead the audience in singing na un-plugged La Marseillaise.
Jerry Brown is "Governor Moon Beam"
John Kerry is "Secretary Moon Beam"
Close your eyes and think of me
and soon I will be there...
to storm the grocery
and kill your captors
736 days.
How much more inane can this administration get....
It's too bad Casey Kasem is dead. Otherwise Kerry could have had him play this song as a Long Distance Dedication."
This gesture is beyond ridiculous and is, sadly, apropos for the Obama/Kerry foreign policy team.
Man, I really miss the days when adults used to run things in Washington!
Hey Baby Boomers! Did you know you have navels! Check 'em out! Seriously, you could just stare at them for hours and hours!
What? Barney wasn't available to sing "I Love You?" I suggest they correct that by having Barney on 24/7/365 standby for the next world terror attack.
"Oh my God" </Dean Wormer>
(Third try to get the formatting right)
Suppose you are France or a citizen thereof, and you really do need a geopolitical friend, and you get this! I would rather get Pajama Boy and hot chocolate.
Playing Devil's Advocate today:
looking at the French press, it's not such a big deal.
http://janetheactuary.blogspot.com/2015/01/youve-got-friend.html
A friend has a rare collector's item: an LP from the Sixties of a college rock band with JOHN KERRY in it (playing bass, I think).
This data point supports my theory that John Kerry has never gotten over his teenage ambition to be a big music star. No wonder that, facing a crisis in his "career," he turned to James Taylor to work the magic.
Was Taylor tentatively strumming some of "La Marseillaise" as a lead-in to "You've Got a Friend"? Disrespectful and lame!
I can't watch it. The worst thing in the history of douchebaggery may not be an exaggeration. I'm embarrassed for JT, but if I hadn't let go of that response years ago I couldn't enjoy his better moments at all.
One question I have is; can these ass-clowns bury the Democratic brand so deeply that even the Republicans can't rehabilitate it?
"MadisonMan said...
@Curious, I don't think Kerry could do those two things in the order you wrote them."
I didn't say Kerry should fuck James Taylor.
Does Mme. Marie Harf know who Sweet Baby James is? I can't wait.
I am also very anxious to hear from David Burge.
"Don't do stupid shit." That's the keystone of their foreign policy. God, the irony. It's kind of like having James Taylor sing "Il'll be there" to celebrate your absence. Well, not irony. More like a paradox. How can a vacuity be present. Taylor should have sang Buckle Down Winsocki,
#KeepJohnKerry
Neil Diamond at Fenway Park (after the Boston Marathon bombing) this is not.
Also trending #BuryJohnKerry
Dear Sixties,
Please end it. No kidding. Do whatever it takes. Blow your brains out. Snuff yourself with car exhaust. Take a nap on the railroad tracks. Anything, but make it quick and as clean as possible. We've had it up to here with your silly, stale, puerile, endless ballads and self-possessed sanctimonious manners.
Just look at yourself -- you're saggy, wrinkled, spotty, potbellied, and bald. And you're still wearing the same stupid clothes you bought at the co-op kiosk at Coachella! You look ridiculous. Just imagine your old, despised dad, the Forties, still parading around in his zoot suit; that's how ridiculous you look.
You said you'd never let this happen to you. Live fast, die young, leave a pretty corpse -- that was your motto. Don't deny it! We heard you say it a million times. When? How about that time at Costa Mesa? You were sitting in what you claimed was the lotus position on that shabby old madras bedspread you always brought, sucking on what you claimed was kick-ass Yucatan Blue (but was at least half oregano), and saying that come the Big Three-Oh you'd off it. You even had it planned. You said you'd steal that Nambu your dad picked up on Iwo, and you'd shoot yourself through the roof of the mouth Hitler-style. Costa Mesa. August '68. The Byrds. Steppenwolf. Tiny Tim... Remember now? You see? Besides being saggy, wrinkled, spotty, bald, etcetera, you've got fucking Alzheimers!
Well, the Big Three-Oh has come and gone, baby, twice! And you're still the same tedious, self-righteous blowhard you were in '68 except you're a hell of lot uglier. Please make room for the rest of us.
Sincerely,
The 21st Century
I drink your tears of shame, and they are delicious!
It's all in the nuance, baby.
Kerry always struck me as more of a Lady Gaga type of guy.
Somewhere Woody Guthrie ("this machine kills fascists") is weeping.
Ann - le wince!
I sympathize with your sentiments - this is self-parody. Because the bottom line surely is that we weren't there for the solidarity march.
I suppose it's slightly better than if Kerry had whipped it out and peed on the French prime minister, but not much better. The French press doesn't seem to be covering this part of the visit, thankfully.
James Taylor: Great talent, terrible judgment.
Kerry is no Tallyrand, who was the greatest of the French diplomats. And lest you think this is too high a standard for a fair comparison, remember that it was Tallyrand who agreed to sell the entire Louisiana Territory to the United States for $11.2 million. That was an even better deal than Manhattan for $24.
Now imagine Kerry performing and interpretive dance as Taylor sings.
That would have been transcendent.
And to think this idiot was a senator and ran for president.
I thought he was an excellent senator for Massachusetts. What, you would have preferred someone effective?
I love JT, but I have to say, if I was laying in a hospital bed, needles and whirring machines keeping me alive, and he came in and started singing that fucking song, I'd pull out the needles and disconnect the whirring machines myself. But, John Kerry in the same frame….my eyes…my eyes….
Alas, poor JT. I knew him well.
Now imagine Kerry performing and interpretive dance as Taylor sings.
You mean those aren't signature Kerry Dance Moves in the video?
Only when he's ashamed.
Best lol of the day so far, AA. Kudos.
Please tell me this isn't happening.
Artists don't have to be grounded in reality, in fact, it's best when they're not. They're supposed to be crazy dreamers.
Who the hell made up that rule? Take the time to study the careers of real artists, and you'll discover that very few were crazy dreamers ungrounded in reality.
Real artists produce real art, which takes a daunting amount of hard work and dedication. Watch Tim's Vermeer and you'll learn just what kind of hard practical thinking and tedious, numbing labor goes into real art.
I can't find the video, but this SNL version of You've Got a Friend is a better refection of our true sentiment.. Great Moments in Rock History
You just call out my name...CAROL!!!!
Remember a few days ago when ARM was ridiculing those who didn't vote for this moron?
Doesn't anybody ever just say "NO" when asked to do obviously stupid shit like this? JK should be impeached for this stunt.
That was an even better deal than Manhattan for $24.
I read that if those Indians had taken that $24 in value, deposited it in a secure interest-bearing location, such as a Dutch bank, and watched it compound for 400 years, it would be worth more than New York City is today.
I don't think it's too bad. Not a bad match given French culture and our relations.
This seems like about the right time for a great Robbie Fulks bit about James Taylor (along with a nice version of 'Carolina On My Mind'):
http://goo.gl/EJiVvC
OMG Mark, Now I've got the interpretive dance scene from Napoleon Dynamite stuck in my head.
Of course, the inspiration for the song is the suicide of his girlfriend in the psych ward. Which makes it even more cringeworthy!!
1960s Baby Boomer peacenik lyrics is not the theme music needed for the reawakened Franks fighting up close and personal with a deadly enemy guerilla infiltration of Muhammed's army.
They need and want an ally that fights. And La Marseillaise is better music too.
The great Iowahawk said the State department is being run by the Oberlin student council. I think he gave them too much credit.
Count your blessings. It could have been Taylor Swift instead of James Taylor.
Kerry is doing a Pink Panther tribute.
Oy vey!
James Taylor is a pussy.
And so, I agree with Althouse again.
Dear 21st Century,
While I sympathize with your sentiments, not all baby boomers are douchebag progressive twats. I put down my red book during the Carter years, thank you.
You might be surprised at how many people get conservative as they age, i.e., accumulate more worldly experience.
You know, maybe sending the ambassador really was the best available response they could have made.
Reason's reaction: "Terror experts are unsure how the French will retaliate." http://reason.com/blog/2015/01/16/john-kerry-has-james-taylor-sing-youve-g
I just.... No.
Hey, that wasn't that bad. Maybe I winced for 10 minutes before listening but it sounded sweet enough. A little more west twangy but then maybe the French like the authentic prarie sound? You can still get gold tickets to his Paris show in March for only 117E. Is Taylor popular in Europe? He's doing a big tour next month. So maybe it got attention and sent a message the US is feeling the pain. Maybe for the ornery icebound types he shoulda gone
You got a friend
You betcha
This is the best the United States can do?
Michael McClain said...
"This is the best the United States can do?"
Until you people get better at voting, yes.
The Vagina Monologues have ended. Statements From The Ass continues its run.
OTOH, John Kerry is in the Gigolo Hall of Fame.
French ambassador to the US:
"I love these self-proclaimed experts who speak about a imaginary country they call France. Fairy tales."
More here and here.
I love the hypocrisy of those who complained endlessly about the real support the US gave France to remove a known sponsor of terrorism in Libya. The cheese-eating surrender monkeys, not surprisingly, are somewhat skeptical about the motives of their new winger best friends.
Blogger David said...
Kerry is no Tallyrand, who was the greatest of the French diplomats.....
-------------------------
Napoleon described Talleyrand as "shit in a silk stocking".
I think Kerry is Talleyrand's equal in this respect.
Je suis.........................merde.
I can't wait for the Charlie Hebdo cartoon of Kerry's visit.
. . .experts are unsure how the French will retaliate.
The French already launched a pre-emptive strike with "Lemon Incest."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnKt84AdUHA
ARMeltdown: "I love the hypocrisy of those who complained endlessly about the real support the US gave France to remove a known sponsor of terrorism in Libya."
Since when has the left been in favor of removing known sponsors of terrorism?
The only reason the US went into Libya was to protect European (particularly) French oil contracts.
Blood for oil. For real. And the left was silent.
ARMeltdown: "The cheese-eating surrender monkeys, not surprisingly, are somewhat skeptical about the motives of their new winger best friends."
Obama and Kerry are wingers?
Since when?
You voted for this!
ARM had the balls to show up.
Good night, you haughty French ladies
Enjoy some sweet baby James
Diplomacy, not so smart, we can see
Everything we do just looks so lame
It’s come to this: sweet baby James.
John Kerry --> Walking Man
Moving in silent desperation, keeping an eye on the Holy Land.
A hypothetical destination, say, who is this walking man?
Well, the leaves have come to turning and the goose has gone to fly,
And bridges are for burning, so don't you let that yearning pass you by.
Walking man, walking man walks.
Any other man stops and talks but the walking man walks.
And the walking man walks. Doesn't know nothing at all.
Any other man stops and talks but the walking man walks on by, walk on by.
Most everybody's got seed to sow. It ain't always easy for a weed to grow, oh no.
So he don't hoe the row for no one, for sure he's always missing,
and something ain't never quite right.
Ah, but who would want to listen to you kissing his existence good night?
And, of course, the biggest reason our adorable French cheese eating surrender monkeys had to rely on the US for support in Libya is that the French themselves had long ago already surrendered the defense of their national interests abroad to the US.
It's a good thing the rest of NATO jumped in as well since our cheese eating surrender monkey French pals were able only to muster (in terms of combined firepower) the equivalent of about 1/2 of just 1 US Carrier Battle Group.
I thought this was a Saturday Night Live skit, like when Garrett Morris impersonated Anwar Sadat?
The 19th Century Men are convulsing in laughter.
Anyone one of us here could totally drop even vintage James Taylor with one punch. Total pussy.
whoa, is it pledge week on PBS again?
Here's how you express appreciation and friendship, Mr. Secretary.
Friend of mine on FB posted this. Priceless.
"Since Taylor was introduced by John Kerry, he should have sung this version of "You're so Vain."
You're So Vain
You waltzed into the country
Like you were buying a new yacht
Your face strategically toxed, your rigid smile
Your tie, it was apricot
You had one eye in the mirror as
You watched yourself go by
All the envoys dreamed that they'd get our money
They'd get our money, and
You're so vain
You probably think this country loves you
You're so vain,
I'll bet you think this country loves you
Don't you?
Don't you?
Well, I voted for you several years ago
And I am still quite naive
You said that you'd make such an awesome prez
Now you're just Secretary Sleaze
You've sold off everything we loved
And one of them was Peace
I see some dreams, they're Jihad in my future
Jihad in my future, and
You're so vain
You probably think this country loves you
You're so vain,
I'll bet you think this country loves you
Don't you?
Don't you?
Well I hear you went up to Paris, France
And the strong horse, naturally, won
Then you flew your Boeing into Tehran
To enjoy the total eclipse of fun
Well, you're where you should be all the time
And when you're not, you're with some holy war spook
Plotting the coup of a country,
Coup of a country, and
You're so vain
You probably think this country loves you
You're so vain,
I'll bet you think this country loves you
Don't you?
Don't you?"
The cheese-eating surrender monkeys, not surprisingly, are somewhat skeptical about the motives of their new winger best friends.
Were France our worst enemy we should still be embarrassed by the Obama Administration's response to what has happened there.
But thanks for the insult. A badge of honor when it comes from a source for whom "honor" is not a reasonable trait.
The guy at Legal Insurrection thinks Kerry should have had Barry McGuire singing "Eve of Destruction" instead.
Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall
All you have to do is just call
And call.....and call.....and call....
damn it, stop calling! He'll call you back when he finishes the 18th hole.
"Whenever I see your smilin' face, I want to throw up all over the place"
... and SOS John Kerry speaks fluent French with a Script. Hmm. Very funny illusion *Beta Rube*, of Hillary and Putin, "Sometimes When We Touch". Will Putin be replaced soon by a Petersburg Univ. Elitist ? I'd guess by the next Olympia.
I vote for Chef Mojo for Threadwinner.
Mark Steyn riffs on this one: here.
Why do flies suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
They must think
You really stink
Just like poo.
Where's Patti LaBelle when John Kerry needs her.
What's next? A mix tape?
You have all suffered enough.
It is time for the hurting to stop and for the healing to begin.
You have earned this, so CLICK HERE.
You're welcome.
#BringBackMyHairline
Agree with MathMom, although it's really a tough call.
For the first time in my life, I am ashamed to be an American.
Mr. Kerry, the 70s want their easy-listening music back.
The cheese-eating surrender monkeys, not surprisingly, are somewhat skeptical about the motives of their new winger best friends.
You laugh, but righties won the news cycle for a day all the fake concern!
Jumped the Shark.
Did he sing "Kumbaya?"
In case you didn't get the message, garage, the WH has admitted they screwed the pooch.
Michael McNeil said....
I read that if those Indians had taken that $24 in value, deposited it in a secure interest-bearing location, such as a Dutch bank, and watched it compound for 400 years, it would be worth more than New York City is today.
You indeed did read that, but the statistic is bullshit.
There has been no such secure source of interest over that period of time, especially not Dutch banks, which had numerous failures over the centuries.See http://oll.libertyfund.org/titles/2241
Plus someone would have taxed it to death. That you can be sure of.
...but righties won the news cycle for a day all the fake concern!
Garage, I'm just relieved that Cat Stevens wasn't available.
---Garage, I'm just relieved that Cat Stevens wasn't available.
Or Tiny Tim (sniff)
John Kerry made America look like bark chewing backwoods pecker heads.
Have you ever seen something that satirizes itself so completely that you can't make it any more satirical?
I would have loved to been sitting in on the meeting where they thought this was a good idea.
Taylor, was the perfect pick to inspire Kerry and the French. Remember, "he's seen rain and he's seen fire." Can't get any better than that, right?
Kerry wanted him to sing "You've Got a Friend" at Chris Stephens's memorial service but Hillary intervened ... said it didn't reflect our foreign policy.
Carole King offered to sing "I Feel the Earth Move Under my Feet," but Hillary rejected that one, too. Said the lyrics were too graphic.
I guess the White House must have been out of DVD's of Obama speeches...
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