Althouse: "Maybe you should lay off this grieving widower because your need to reproduce with him before the 'other predatory females' get their claws in makes me shudder."

December 9, 2014

"Maybe you should lay off this grieving widower because your need to reproduce with him before the 'other predatory females' get their claws in makes me shudder."

"If you’re friends with this man, you send a condolence note. Put out of your mind that you’re about to make a move, and stay friends and stay in touch. If he’s interested that will become clear when he’s ready. If you really have respect for this man, you will respect his loss and his grief."

You will respect his loss and grief and hope like hell that he doesn't read the advice column in Slate. (Or that he has a strong and somewhat perverted sense of humor.... but that wasn't really what you loved about him, was it?)

29 comments:

tim in vermont said...: How could you have missed this one?

My daughter recently went hunting with her boyfriend. I was not thrilled about this, but since we frequently ate meat I didn’t really object. But then I saw a photo of her posing with her kill, which made me sick. I’m now a vegetarian. When I look at my daughter, I now see a psychopathic killer. How do I get past this?

OMG; 12/9/14, 10:27 AM
madAsHell said...: I really don't comment here for Dear Abby advice columns.
Although, it seems I just did.; 12/9/14, 10:28 AM
m stone said...: Reading Prudence can be torture, along with the designs some people (women) have on men.

Men are less subtle. Let's say blunt. Shouldn't the widower make the first move here?; 12/9/14, 10:29 AM
Dan in Philly said...: Bad advice. She should swoop in for the kill, otherwise some other woman will.

Of course I'm fairly sure he wouldn't be interested in a life with a woman who would invite a married man up to her hotel room anyway, so she's likely out of luck.; 12/9/14, 10:35 AM
rehajm said...: Kudos to Prudence for the response and for refraining from writing what every Slate reading woman would have wanted to write: We can all empathize; 12/9/14, 10:37 AM
RAH said...: Men generally remarry within 12 months. The woman who has her eye for him should keep in contact. The advice is not bad but the she never should have written in public forum her desire if she wants to succeed in the hunt.; 12/9/14, 10:37 AM
CatherineM said...: I love Prudie. If I haven't read her in months and then rediscover her, I can end up on that page for an hour.

Tim - don't you just love Prudie's response? "When you’re in a restaurant and you see everyone around you digging into their chops and ribs, do you see the face of Jeffrey Dahmer everywhere?"; 12/9/14, 10:40 AM
Laslo Spatula said...: A sincere sympathy blowjob will keep her place in line.

I am Laslo.; 12/9/14, 10:41 AM
Anonymous said...: Man, the rapist; woman, the predator...

No wonder America is not making babies.; 12/9/14, 10:43 AM
Shanna said...: When I look at my daughter, I now see a psychopathic killer. How do I get past this?

She needs to get out more.; 12/9/14, 10:45 AM
I Have Misplaced My Pants said...: Of course I'm fairly sure he wouldn't be interested in a life with a woman who would invite a married man up to her hotel room anyway, so she's likely out of luck.

Agree. She sounds scheming and trampy and if he's such a prince, he will likely not be interested. Inviting a married man to hotel room does not indicate class or good judgment, something that many men look for in a potential wife.; 12/9/14, 10:45 AM
I Have Misplaced My Pants said...: And I'm disturbed, as was Prudie, by how the LW objectifies the man. He's a human being who just lost his wife and with whom you supposedly wish to share deepest trust and intimacy---not the last discounted handbag at Saks.; 12/9/14, 10:48 AM
bleh said...: I don't have much use for Emily Yoffe, but her piece yesterday on the campus rape epidemic/hysteria was great.; 12/9/14, 10:48 AM
tim in vermont said...: Not sure why the fish wants a bicycle anyways.; 12/9/14, 10:49 AM
Laslo Spatula said...: "Inviting a married man to hotel room does not indicate class or good judgment, something that many men look for in a potential wife."

Something that many men look for in a potential FIRST wife. If the first wife was that amazing it would be a dishonor to her to try to find someone with the same qualities to replace her -- she was truly One Of a Kind. Hence: time for the tramps. Clock's ticking.

I am Laslo.; 12/9/14, 10:49 AM
Hagar said...: Men generally remarry within 12 months.

I do not know where this statistic came from, but it makes sense.
Their world has crumbled, and their defenses are down.; 12/9/14, 10:50 AM
Laslo Spatula said...: I see a thematic consistency between this woman and the 'potential-Lennon-groupie' in yesterday's post.

I am Laslo.; 12/9/14, 10:59 AM
Skeptical Voter said...: I recently attended a 90 year old friend's birthday party. He's now on either his fourth or fifth wife.

I see him occasionally. Twenty years or so ago, we were in England at a contest. His wife was not with him; he mentioned that she was sick.

Two months later I see him again, and asked how his wife was doing. The reply was, "Oh she died". Well I make the appropriate expressions of sympathy, that's too bad and such.

He thanked me and said that when he came home from his late wife's funeral, a woman was standing on the doorstep of his house. He said that he and his late wife had made reservations for a trip on a cruise ship, and it semed a shame to waste the tickets. So he took the "door step stander" on the cruise, and they were planning to be married in a month's time. I think that was his third wife---and 20 years later he was on his fourth or fifth.

He's not a particularly bucks up guy, and he's a bit of a scrawny little rooster in physique. I think it must be the rooster component that's kicking in here.; 12/9/14, 11:15 AM
Sam L. said...: Nobody swooped in when my wife died. What did I do wrong?; 12/9/14, 11:26 AM
Ann Althouse said...: I'm sorry to hear that your wife died, Sam.; 12/9/14, 11:32 AM
cubanbob said...: Hagar said...

Men generally remarry within 12 months.

I do not know where this statistic came from, but it makes sense.
Their world has crumbled, and their defenses are down.
12/9/14, 10:50 AM "

One year? Rather cold I would think. Several years at the minimum would be the decent interval.; 12/9/14, 11:46 AM
NotWhoIUsedtoBe said...: cubanbob-

I guess it depends how many years you think you have.

I wouldn't want my wife to wait overly long. Put me to rest and move on. We'll have time later.; 12/9/14, 12:49 PM
Krumhorn said...: I'm sorry to hear that your wife died, Sam.

Uh, Ann...you're already married by all reports. She wasn't talking to you. hahaha

- Krumhorn; 12/9/14, 1:31 PM
JAORE said...: "That was the only time I have ever given an opening like that to a straight guy who declined."

What is that, one out of five, fifty, or five hundred?; 12/9/14, 2:29 PM
Sam L. said...: Well, it was approaching 20 years ago. Some years back, neighbors set me up with a woman, and we later married.; 12/9/14, 4:31 PM
CatherineM said...: Remarriage after a spouse dies can depend on a lot of factors like age, if there are children.

I had a friend who would make snide comments about the neighbor widow re-marrying 2 years later. I thought who the hell are you judging?

I did judge a co-worker whose wife died and he was remarried within the year to a neighbor because his loss was devastating. However he had a 6 month old when his wife died and couldn't cope. She was a teacher who babysat/tutored/piano teacher in the cul-de-sac and lovely. I hope they are still very happy.; 12/9/14, 4:46 PM
Carnifex said...: You commented about hoping he didn't read the Salon advice column. No man that is worth having would ever, EVER, read Salon, let alone its advice column.; 12/9/14, 9:35 PM
Timotheus said...: When my 1st wife died, there were a few "vultures" circling around to move in on me. They got the cold shoulder pretty quickly.; 12/9/14, 9:42 PM
J said...: My father and I had a conversation the night before we buried my mother.She had just succumbed to a 8 month battle with cancer.He commented on how they had plans to do all of the things together but kept putting them off.I told him about a young couple I knew where the man died young without ever having the time to do much of anything.(I was in the Army at the time).
Just after one year later he got married.My sister was all full of doom and gloom about the second wife.They now been married for 21 years.The two take two cruises a year and travel when they want.Their second car is a Corvette.Both of them keep each other sane.I am really grateful that my father did not descend into the hell of bitterness recrimination and resentment.Both her and him are surviving spouses of cancer victims.They met at a survivor support group.Make of it what you will.; 12/10/14, 2:12 AM