Althouse: "A film adaptation of the classic ‘80s video game 'Tetris' will be falling into theaters sometime in the near future."

September 30, 2014

"A film adaptation of the classic ‘80s video game 'Tetris' will be falling into theaters sometime in the near future."

"'It’s a very big, epic sci-fi movie,' Threshold’s CEO Larry Kasanoff tells Speakeasy exclusively. 'This isn’t a movie with a bunch of lines running around the page. We’re not giving feet to the geometric shapes.... What you [will] see in Tetris is the teeny tip of an iceberg that has intergalactic significance.'"

Well, it is the biggest video game of all time. Who hasn't thrown hours of his or her precious life into manipulating the mystifyingly compelling, relentlessly falling blocks of Tetris?

25 comments:

Bad Lieutenant said...: Me; 9/30/14, 8:43 PM
Ann Althouse said...: Well, better get cracking.; 9/30/14, 9:01 PM
Ann Althouse said...: Those shapes aren't just going to rotate themselves.; 9/30/14, 9:01 PM
jr565 said...: And in other news Candy Crush saga the movie will be coming out soon.
This reminds me of the old bit on Mr. Show about a movie about coupons called Coupon The Movie about... Coupons.

http://youtu.be/LLnoLmCqT30; 9/30/14, 9:08 PM
William said...: Did you ever spend hours upon consecutive hours playing Tetris and then, when you finally rack up a huge score, realize how pathetic and pointless your efforts truly were? It was a scary kind of metaphor for the pursuit of money or an advanced degree in gender studies or whatever foolish thing you thought would validate your life. Tetris gave the serious player an insight, epiphany even, into the vanity of human ambitions.....I see the movie as a kind of multi generational epic with Jane Fonda playing the matriarch and Matt. Damon as a Chip off the old block. In the end, everything falls into place.; 9/30/14, 9:53 PM
Christopher said...: How about a Tetris themed history of the USSR?; 9/30/14, 9:56 PM
fivewheels said...: Producers are counting on long lines.; 9/30/14, 9:58 PM
David said...: "Who hasn't thrown hours of his or her precious life into manipulating the mystifyingly compelling, relentlessly falling blocks of Tetris? "

Me. Never played it.; 9/30/14, 10:06 PM
Jane the Actuary said...: How fitting that I was in the midst of playing tetris when I decided to check to see what was new here! And Tetris gets even more meaningless when it's freetetris.org, so you don't even save your high score.; 9/30/14, 10:14 PM
Jane the Actuary said...: (But I'm killing time before I check on my son again to see if he's making progress with his homework.); 9/30/14, 10:15 PM
SteveR said...: I've played it, out of sheer boredom in the early days of PC usage. Can't imagine a movie about it but I couldn't see Rambo 2 but somebody made it; 9/30/14, 10:16 PM
Birches said...: Hooray! A Tetris feed.

Tetris is the only video game that I've ever played and been addicted too. I start to see it even when I close my eyes.; 9/30/14, 10:56 PM
Amexpat said...: Film could be a block buster; 9/30/14, 11:19 PM
damikesc said...: And the creator didnt make anything off of it. Sad.; 10/1/14, 6:36 AM
CWJ said...: Althouse wrote -

"Well, better get cracking."

OK, black people are still dying in the street after 400 years of oppression, and THIS is how whites spend their time?; 10/1/14, 7:47 AM
The Crack Emcee said...: "Who hasn't thrown hours of his or her precious life into manipulating the mystifyingly compelling, relentlessly falling blocks of Tetris?"

Me - Jesus, y'all's weird,....; 10/1/14, 7:56 AM
Henry said...: The book was better.; 10/1/14, 7:57 AM
Brando said...: It's a great and addictive game, but where on earth does anyone get the idea that it would make a good movie?

The big studios aren't even pretending anymore--they're willing to throw crap on the screen and say "the foreign markets will love it!" Which is their right of course, but they can't win over American audiences if they go in this direction. Americans will be limited to independent features, while Hollywood caters to overseas audiences that just want to see explosions and boobs and are just happy to have an air conditioned seat to sit in for a couple hours.

I can imagine the plot to "Tetris--The Movie" right now:

An evil mastermind--let's say John Malkovich--builds the tallest building in the world, only to drop strangely shaped boxes on the public below, who were gathered on the plaza for Earth Day or some crap. The only one who can stop him is extreme sports enthusiast Johnny Tetris, who is grappling halfway up the building from cables, and tipping the falling boxes so that they stack up neatly with one another below. Can he stop the boxes from piling up and tipping over onto the people?

Throw in a love interest and a surly police chief who doesn't like how Johnny Tetris plays by his own rules. At the culminating moment, a new reporter asks why they are staking everything on Johnny Tetris' box shifting skills, rather than sending SEAL Team 6 to the top of the building to stop the bad guy from dropping the boxes.

The chief's reply: "Because he's just that damn good."; 10/1/14, 8:16 AM
Henry said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 10/1/14, 8:26 AM
Henry said...: They've actually already made this movie:

Joshua: Greetings, Professor Falken.
Stephen Falken: Hello, Joshua.
Joshua: A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of chess?

But given the zeitgeist, I expect more things that blow up to be incorporated into the original plot.

Alternatively, it will be a mashup of The Matrix, Rowdy Roddy Piper's They Live, Tron and the remake of Tron, and all six Transformers movies, including the 1986 animated version for kids.; 10/1/14, 8:26 AM
The Crack Emcee said...: Henry,

"It will be a mashup of The Matrix, Rowdy Roddy Piper's They Live, Tron and the remake of Tron, and all six Transformers movies, including the 1986 animated version for kids."

BINGO!

And they'll call it a "classic"....; 10/1/14, 9:34 AM
gerry said...: "Who hasn't thrown hours of his or her precious life into manipulating the mystifyingly compelling, relentlessly falling blocks of Tetris? "

I'll bet it predisposed one to vote for incompetent boobs, though.

Compellingly. Relentlessly.

I'm glad I never played it.; 10/1/14, 11:02 AM
Beldar said...: To be followed, no doubt, by "Tic-Tac-Toe: The Movie!"

Starring a trained chicken, Zac Efron, Kristen Stewart, and Betty White.; 10/1/14, 2:14 PM
T. A. Hansen said...: jr565-"Coupon-The Movie." Every citizen was court ordered to go. The look on the face of the male protagonist when he got his socks was a moment of epic filmmaking.; 10/2/14, 2:56 AM
damikesc said...: It's odd seeing all these people seemingly proud of having never played one of the most widely played games in history. Sales figures are insane.; 10/2/14, 7:02 AM