... saying he owns the Pine River.
Tubers... Not the potato kind. The kind Spalding Gray wrote about in "Sex and Death to the Age 14": "The only problem with the river as I saw it was the tubers."
And, no, the King of America was not Spalding Gray. Gray died — in a river — a long time ago.
August 11, 2014
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Why did the arrest of one 70-year-old man require the participation of SWAT teams from several counties?
Wisconsin (river) Death Trip.
It appears the King thought he owned everything within his view. Darn tubers screwed up the aesthetics of his property.
Recall the Kennedy's fighting the wind farm off their coastal property. They thought owned the open water. The Kennedy's didn't need a shotgun, they brought in the government.
70 year old man yelling at clouds and tubers. Anyone hear from Curious George?
I have a cassette tape of Spalding Gray monologues including his buying of the cabin in the mountains with Renee which includes the "tubers" section you linked. I've never gotten tired of listening to it. He was brilliant.
I have no idea what the Wisconsin law of public ownership of streams may be, but as a lawyer and canoer, I have a pretty good idea of Texas law. But no matter what the law is, it's not wise to discuss it with a man with a shotgun. There's a song line that says, "You can't talk to a man with a shotgun in his hand. With a shotgun in his hand, he don't want to understand." It's good advice.
Riparian Rights are tough on old grouches
Feeding life with a few dried tubers
The King hasn't thought this through. 280 rounds of ammo isn't going to be nearly enough.
I miss Spalding Gray. I saw him live in Providence for two different shows in the same week. One was his normal spoken word piece,the other a sort of family reminiscence session with his older brother.
Mr. Gray was incredibly funny about his depression and alcoholism.
I believe this scene in "Drunks" was him ad libbing about his own drinking, http://youtu.be/7thlYs2oh_o
Tubing the art of going nowhere very slowly with little effort. Tubing is the essence of undergrad life in the South.
The best tubing in the world is on the French Broad River. The current is just just swift enough that insects are not a problem and the scenery goes by at just the right pace between appreciation and boredom. The depth is sufficiently shallow that you can walk out if need be, yet deep enough that you're unlikely to snag your ass on a sharp rock. The water is pleasantly cool -- your beer stays drinkable while your equipment stays workable. It's also remarkably clean.Though you shouldn't drink it, it look and smells like you could.
Correct tubing requires:
1) A river.
2) An even number of vans, outfitted hippie-style with most of the seats removed replaced by beanbag chairs, throw pillows, etc.
3) Cheap beer.
4) A 2:1 ratio of girls to guys. Trust me, it works better.
5) Tractor tire inner tubes. Used to be a cheap alternative to a whitewater raft. Now they're costly.
Most tubers today ride purpose-made tubes that can be rented from river outfitters. These do have the advantage of having the inflation stem on outside (i.e. within the positive curvature domain of the torus) rather than the inside where it can gouge you. Nevertheless a rented tube is cheating. You own the tube, you borrow the tube from a friend -- or you steal it from some farmer. No renting.
Kayaking, fun. Canoeing, fun. Sitting in a tube passively allowing the water to slowly draw you down a river, boring.
Talk about burying the lede.
"America's King Found!"
Freeman Hunt wrote: Kayaking, fun. Canoeing, fun. Sitting in a tube passively allowing the water to slowly draw you down a river, boring.
Think of it as Zen plus sex.
There have been a lot of royal loonies in America, most of them not inclined to shoot at people, thankfully.
One was His Imperial Majesty Norton I, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico. San Francisco's pet eccentric for nearly 21 years, Norton was treated with deference by the city. He issued regular proclamations and his own currency, which some Barbary Coast barkeeps would honor for a beer or two. Norton once issue a proclamation which officially divorced Abe Lincoln from Mary Todd, and wed the president to the widow Victoria, thus putting right that Yorktown unpleasantness.
Althouse said: "Tubers... Not the potato kind."
There is a difference?
Couch potato. Tube potato.
"Get off my river!"
- Grumpy King of America
@MadMan, you send in overwhelming force to convince the guy that fighting is a losing proposition no matter how nuts he is. Send in one or two cops and he might think he stands a chance.
When I was a youngster we lost a boy from my scout troop when a crazy guy shot at a group of kids on their way home from school who he thought were cutting across his property.
Quite possibly the most perfect day of my life was tubing with my husband and three children down the Platte River out onto a Lake Michigan beach. No beer, but water conditions exactly as Quaester describes with a cloudless blue sky and a perfect 80-degree air temperature.
@Rana, I was inclined to believe that you were a bit confused, since the Platte River I know of in Nebraska goes nowhere near Lake Michigan. But I did the research and there really is a Platte River that empties into Lake Michigan over in the state of Michigan. Learned something new today.
Will no one rid me of this tuberlent spud?
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