July 24, 2014

The "50 Shades of Grey" trailer is ready to see you now.



I hope you find that suitably ludicrous. If not, if you got actual twinges of sexual feeling, you are not doing your part to prevent the downfall of civilization.

41 comments:

traditionalguy said...

It seemed more like a Monica Lewinski tale...all that power for her to submit to sexually.

The younger female's art of sexual submission to catch a powerful man remains the same no matter what age we living in.

And civilization will come later.

Bob Ellison said...

His nipples are pointy.

rhhardin said...

The glider was interesting, though it's not the experience she portrays it as. It's just an airplane.

The Crack Emcee said...

People are becoming very sad,...

surfed said...

A perfectly fine pastime ruined in one film trailer.

Mark O said...

To protect civilization, I will refuse even to view the trailer.

Greg said...

Yuck.

Freeman Hunt said...

LOL

I agree with rh. I did like the glider. It made me want to see a movie with a lot of similar gliders in it. Or maybe just a short documentary about gliders.

Related: One of my grandfathers was a glider pilot in World War II.

Edmund said...

The dialogue was really banal. But you don't go to pr0n movies for dialogue.

I also wonder if the (mostly female soccer mom) readers of the books will be disappointed. It's very difficult to translate what is at the heart of it a fantasy to the screen without it looking ... cheesy. When so much of the attraction of the book depends on projection of self onto the characters, it can be hard to make that a satisfying visual experience.

Scott M said...

I far prefer the story in it's original Gottfried.

tim maguire said...

With the book, I couldn't get past the description on the dust jacket--tired, formulaic piece of crap.

But the movie I'll judge by the 9 1/2 Weeks standard. If they're hot and there is a promise of much nudity, then I will probably pirate it.

LarryK said...

Weird Al needs to do a parody of this.

On second thought, maybe a parody isn't necessary.

rhhardin said...

I was able to figure out Bond's Casino Royale and Quantum of Solice by reading the plot summaries at imdb. Watching them twice didn't do it.

Bond has come a long way since he swam in with a duck on his snorkel.

Humor is out. Psychodrama is in.

I blame Judi Dench as M. "That isn't funny."

Guys just want to have fun.

Speaking of psychodrama.

Lonetown said...

Women have a lot of trouble with the submission/strong woman dichotomy. This is really about getting in synch with men's sexual desires and fragile egos.

rhhardin said...

Though it's not clear what the thing about forgiving Vesper was about.

There was a nice bit of dialogue, the she smarter than he is scene at the start of Casino Royale, when they're booked into the same hotel room

Vesper : Am I going to have a problem with you, Mr. Bond?

Bond : No, you're not my type.

Vesper : Smart?

Bond : No, single.

I've given you the highlight of the pair.

William said...

I didn't view the trailer. I'll wait for the porn version. I'm positive that it will be the better movie.

MadisonMan said...

Shouldn't there have been a trailer to announce the trailer?

Movies with this much advance hoopla generally suck. And not in a good way. That's my experience.

Julie C said...

As a fan of the show "Sons of Anarchy", I'm really glad Charlie Hunnam opted out of the lead in this movie. It looks really awful. I never read the books and have no plans to.

MadisonMan said...

The glider scene reminds me of the same scene -- what was the horrible song that went with it -- in the original Thomas Crowne Affair.

jono39 said...

The same Hollywood bullshit since 1906

Anonymous said...

50 Shades of Gray is a hugely popular book which is an example of what I call 'a book for people who don't read books'. A Da Vinci Code. This one is kind of porny, as I understand it, and it has been read mostly by females.
There is a popular CD by the same name, for which I give them credit for including Thomas Tallis's surpassing masterpiece Spem in Alium.

Barry Dauphin said...

In light of one of the previous posts, wouldn't the real S&M be if he made her pile food on her plate and then called her fat before they had sex.

SteveR said...

Clearly the trailer indicates that hearing Beyonce is more important than the dialogue.

lgv said...

Awesome!!!

Another, another awful movie based on an over-hyped book like The Da Vinci Code and The Firm.

Xmas said...

"Secretary" looks like a better version of the same story.

But, actually, my favorite part of that trailer:

"Music by Danny Elfman"

I hope it has a song like this:

http://youtu.be/iy9ha3qLU8Y?t=25s

Anthony said...

Just rent a couple of made-for-women bondage p0rn films. Probably done much better.

Eustace Chilke said...

Looks like a hundred other movies to me. Maybe there's some reason why this one is crappier than average but it's not obvious. The surprising thing to me is that the average is this low.

Mountain Maven said...

Can't remember the last time I went to a movie theater, won't even watch the trailers. TV series are much better than movies now. Longmire, Castle, Elementary. Fortunately there are still good books out there, but movies generally stink.

John Scott said...

Real men fly hang gliders :-)

R. Chatt said...

I only watch it for the hang gliders

I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

Nah, doesn't look sexy. Looks cheesy and awkward.

The pushy elevator kiss was OK, because I like pushy kisses and I like elevator kisses, but the sexiest elevator kiss in the history of ever is in the movie Drive. Find it on Youtube. The light falling on Ryan Gosling's angelic blond head, the protectiveness in his gesture as he pushes her into the corner and as he moves his body to get between her and the thug, the responsiveness in her shoulders as their kiss deepens, the reluctance to let go of each other---it's so beautiful. Especially with the shocking violence that follows.

sydney said...

Ugh.

Anonymous said...

Didn't read the book, but was rooting for Francois Arnaud (from The Borgias) to get the part anyway.

Not feeling it, 'cuz I'm not feeling the actors. For some reason the trailer reminds me of "Gossip Girl" with Blair and Chuck Bass playing CEO of Whatever Industries. In fact, I think they would have been better.

Tari said...

Mark O is right: not watching the trailer is the best thing for civilization --- and for me.

Lucien said...

Madison Man:
"Windmills of my mind" -- which, if you saw the second version, was being played by the band at the banquet a scene or two before that scene with the female lead dancing in that really tight dress.

But actually the trailer reminded me more of "9 1/2 Weeks", only without Kim Basinger or Mickey Rourke.

chillblaine said...

"Women have a lot of trouble with the submission/strong woman dichotomy."

There is no shame in wanting to be sexually humiliated, I would imagine.

BTW I liked "The Firm." Wilford Brimley and Holly Hunter just steal their scenes.

Aric said...

Something that must always be remembered: _50 Shades of Grey_ started life as _Twilight_ fan fiction. When it became popular, she pulled it from the site where she'd published it, changed the vampire to a rich guy, and sold it to a major publisher.

Todd Grimson said...

Hope it doesn't ruin Jamie Dornan's career. He was a Calvin Klein model, then was great in the BBC show "The Fall" with Gillian Anderson, in which he played a somewhat Ted Bundy-like serial killer. Very intense performance. I hope that show has a Season 2.

FleetUSA said...

Won't the LGBT and race hustlers be upset by this? It only seems to cover the white hetero bondage types.

southcentralpa said...

I refuse to watch. From your tone, tho', I gather part of the ritual humiliation involves forced shorts-wearing ...

CatherineM said...

Todd - The Fall season 2 has been done but they haven't set release date. Great show.