"Really?"
"Yeah. I'm dabbling in profundity."
UPDATE: The next thing I thought of saying out loud was: "I need to throw it to some wild zoo animals and have them tear it up, as if it was spiked with catnip, and see if I can get it to look more distressed."
The next thing I actually did say out loud was: "Okay, once you go meta, you've got to step away."
UPDATE 2: There. I've had 1000s of steps away, and I am back, renormalized, and searching once again for the basically bloggable.
July 30, 2014
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26 comments:
Did you know dabbling is what ducks do?
When you dabble do you dabble like a duck? Not all ducks are dabblers but dabbling ducks taste better broiled but not uncovered so if your ducks uncovered it's not broiled better. A fact that's neither new nor clear.
Seriously, seriousness is overrated so all seriousness aside, seeming silly is serious business.
A riposte to profundity is
a brief exercise in inanity.
I gave you a Dylan Sexbot at Two in the morning. I can only go so far in establishing a mood.
Or, to paraphrase:
"Okay, once you go Beta, you've got to step away."
It's probably time to throw yourself to the dogs, with the scent of treats to entice them. You might, paradoxically, come away less distressed.
Malthaus the Too-Serious Blogger says:
Animals feel pain and lash out at whatever is thrown to them. This also applies to humans; eyes may be lost. The descendants of slaves walk amongst us but generally not fully with us: we typically identify them by the color of their skin. We are terrorized by innocuous dolls; grandparents are now dead. Poetry may be gained, but only through suffering: it is the same with sincerity. The sincere die alongside the insincere, many of them drowning in the kind of pain only death can release. Somewhere a young girl wanted a pony, but did not get one: then her parents died. Click through to 14 pictures of suffering guaranteed to break your heart.
Oh. This hasn't been meta, since, like, 2004?
Oh.
I guess I've been reading your blog wrong.
Malthaus the Too-Serious Blogger says:
There are those amongst us who masturbate to pain, death and horror. The beautiful girl, beheaded in a car accident; the man trapped in the grinding machine. Perhaps this masturbation is only theoretical; perhaps it is more. We desire to make love to death, then wake again. The internet is full of broken bodies and broken spirits; someone really misses Miss Whiskers.
Probably more human flesh has gone down the throat of dogs than any other carnivore. So I wouldn't throw myself to them lightly. they'll take you up on it as soon as the dog chow runs out.
It's the cats that scare me though. they sit and watch, just waiting for you to fall where you can't get up.
Then they pounce.
Malthaus the Too-Serious Blogger says:
When you take a picture of a beautiful flower is there awareness that this flower will wither and die? Was it even worth it for the flower to be there, all too briefly? Does this make you think of lives you've known? Somewhere someone is getting ready for a day at work, not knowing that -- today -- they will be hit by a bus full of people going to work. Plus a homeless man. A homeless man with no shoes, just newspaper wrapped around his feet. And running sores. But he is inside the bus, not under it. This is the universe.
Malthaus the Too-Serious Blogger says:
That thing you did that you can never undo? You will never make peace with it. Best to click on the link to adorable dog photos: they may distract you for a brief respite.
Malthaus the Too-Serious Blogger says:
You will never truly know the exact number of the people that hate you. Rest assured: it is far more than you think. Take the 90s Quiz to see which Sitcom Character you most resemble.
Malthaus the Too-Serious Blogger says:
You have disappointed many, many people, most who will never speak of their disappointment to your face: it will just be a slight sadness to their expression when they speak with you, barely noticeable. You will try harder, which will only make it worse. Click to the right for celebrities in bikinis.
Malthaus the Too-Serious Blogger says:
The ones who understand you the best like you the least. Their number grows smaller. You are not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Perhaps you should click over to the humor site and see if any funny new lists are up.
Malthaus the Too-Serious Blogger says:
Are you the one who keeps checking out books on sexual auto-asphyxiation through my Amazon portal? Maybe you should put the belts away and click through to books of adorable kitty photos with funny captions. Just my suggestion.
"You wanna know how I got these scars? My father...was...a drinker, and a fiend. And one night, he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that. Not...one...BIT. So...me watching, he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. He turns to me...and he says..."WHY SO SERIOUS?". He comes at me with the knife..."WHY SO SERIOUS?!" Sticks the blade in my mouth..."LET'S PUT A SMILE ON THAT FACE!"...aaaand...why so serious?"
This thread is intentionally whack. So let me suggest that you wrap it in bacon and leave it out overnight. Lord knows what bite-marks you'll find.
Once you go meta...you ain't gettin' betta!
Could this Cirrus Blogging be caused by wind blowing cirrus clouds in the polar vortex.
SERIOUS.
Like I'm not "basically bloggable."
UPDATE: The next thing I thought of saying out loud was: "I need to throw it to some wild zoo animals and have them tear it up, as if it was spiked with catnip, and see if I can get it to look more distressed.
Isn't that what normally happens in the comments?
John Henry
What I want to know is, after all these years of having perfect skin, why do my undereye bags look like Louis Vuitton? And a big hoboey one. Pisses me off.
But, then there are hairballs to step in, so you know. It's a conundrum solo.
http://www.salon.com/2014/07/29/im_a_lesbian_marrying_a_man/
She's a lesbian currently married to the man she loves and pregnant with his child.
Go figure that one out.
The trouble with a nice quiet emergency generator (EU2000i) is that the guy ten doors down the street has the $120 noisemaking Home Depot special, which fills the air with so much generator noise that you can't hear your own.
Some things just aren't basically bloggable. These are subjects that are totally exhausted in the space of a few nouns and verbs. Among the list of unbloggables are:
Famous Jewish goalies of the NHL
Punk hits of Antonio Salieri
The Barack Obama Book-of-the-Month Club
The Islamic Enlightenment
Crack Emcee
No, once you've gone meta, you must go get feta ...
I wanted a point.
Thought it.
Had it perfected as far as I am capable.
Forgot it due to weed.
FUCK WEED.
Or fuck me. It's easier to fuck me. I've done it more than once.
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