And I said:
There are 137 posts.
What if all of the fluid referred to in all of the 137 posts were contained in a single vessel? What would be the size of that vessel?
July 10, 2014
"I didn't realize Ann had tagged so many posts with 'bodily fluids.'"
Said John Borell in the comments to the 7:16 a.m. post "Once I made my husband take a photo of me lying on the bed with a snot-wet tissue squeezed in my fist, my eyes red as a rabbit’s."
And I said:
And I said:
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
20 comments:
Please do not address the hostess as anything other than Althouse. We are simply not on a first name basis. A.A. will also suffice. Thank you and good day.
What if all of the fluid referred to in all of the 137 posts were contained in a single vessel? What would be the size of that vessel?
You're gonna need a bigger blog.
Mentioned by name! I feel like I've been touched by blogging royalty. And not in a snarky way. Thanks Ann!
A. A.
U. U.
Get offa my cloud!
Sorry...couldn't resist!
What would be the size of that vessel?
It would be exactly ick inches tall and ewww inches wide, with a total volume gag.
Perhaps a Jeroboam of blog posts?
A Nebuchadnezzar?
The full Melchizedek? (gasp)
Creme brulee lava lamp.
Phoning-it-in Betamax says:
Rosie O'Donnell. Because everyone likes to make fun of Rosie O'Donnell. And by saying "Rosie O'Donnell" in this context I am saying she is a just a bag of bodily fluids, which is unflattering, and unflattering is humor phoning it in. So: Rosie O'Donnell.
Phoning-it-in Betamax says:
Also: bukkake. Because just saying 'bukkake' is almost like a joke in this context of bodily fluids. In fact, there probably could be a developed riff involving bukkake and perhaps Rosie O'Donnell but that would take some effort, and it is easier to just leave it at bukkake.
Phoning-it-in Betamax says:
The vessel could also look like testicles because testicles are almost always funny. And if Rosie O'Donnell possessed the testicles it could be seen as the punchline of a joke that really isn't worth the effort to write.
Phoning-it-in Betamax says:
If you auto-tuned the bodily fluids it might sound like Britney Spears. Because it is always almost a laugh to mention Britney Spears in an unflattering context. So: Bodily fluids = Britney Spears + auto-tune. Probably not worth the time to elaborate.
Phoning-it-in Betamax says:
Britney Spears and Rosie O'Donnell walk into a bar. Bukkake. Needs some work in the middle.
I don't mean to politicize this post, but I feel that ear wax is our most neglected and least fetishized effluvia. Splooge, of course, is the superstar of effluvia, but I'm sure that if presented in the proper context ear wax could gain some admirers.
Put all the bodily fluids in a container, and do a kickstart campaign for your selling it as a body moisturizer.
Alternatively, for $200, offer to drink it. Precedent, and all that.
Phoning-it-in Betamax says:
Britney Spears and Rosie O'Donnell are having sex. There is a bag of bodily fluids on the night-stand. The bag looks like testicles. Scarlett Johansson walks into the bedroom and sees this. Scarlett Johansson has nice breasts, and breasts are boobs, and boobs can often be used to stimulate humor. So: Britney Spears, Rosie O'Donnell and Scarlett Johansson's breasts. Maybe this could go somewhere. Maybe not.
Phoning-it-in Betamax says:
One could make a bodily fluids joke involving Whoopi Goldberg but you would want to make sure that the joke stands on its own and doesn't imply racial connotations. That's a lot of work just to make a Whoopi Goldberg bodily fluids joke.
Phoning-it-in Betamax says:
For instance: Whoopi Goldberg and Britney Spears having sex. How would you remove the penumbra of race from the scenario? Sometimes it is simpler to leave the needle unthreaded.
Phoning-it-in Betamax says:
Now: Scarlett Johansson and Britney Spears having sex. By that I mean the young Britney Spears, of course. Here comes the bodily fluids. Is a joke even necessary?
It would all fit into a vile.
Terry Pratchett's goblins in Snuff.
That's all I'm gonna say, figure it out for yourself.
Post a Comment